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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 18 to 42 of 42. Go back in thread:
Posted by fairywings on March 8, 2006, at 15:36:02
In reply to Re: Hi all, update » AuntieMel, posted by James K on March 7, 2006, at 14:43:41
Sorry things were so miserably flubbed up James, I hope all goes well, and you get everything you need out of your stay.
fw
btw, i'm not much of one for rules, i probly would have gone straight to the director when the woman didn't call back - esp. since he welcomed you back anytime.
Posted by James K on March 8, 2006, at 15:45:05
In reply to Re: Hi all, nagging » James K, posted by AuntieMel on March 8, 2006, at 11:03:05
> I know you well enough to know that you are good at procrastinating.
> grin.
> But - you will go when you are ready. Just please be ready soon, ok?---We got full confirmation of my admission, they faxed packing list to wife. They just aren't the kind of place where you can show up on the door step. I've got 4 days, 2 with my wife at home, to relearn how to us an electric razor, reposition and repot and give away some potted plants for ease of watering and care. Clear weeds and prune behind condo so I don't create jungle while I'm gone. Watch all the Daily shows and Colbert reports on the dvr. Put my records and cds away. shop for items. stay sober enough that these are good days for us, not bad. Fix my stomach and cfs the best I can so I'm not physically sick as much as possible.
That's not really that big of a list, I know, but even little things seem huge to me lately.
James K
Posted by AuntieMel on March 8, 2006, at 16:55:13
In reply to Monday morning, done deal » AuntieMel, posted by James K on March 8, 2006, at 15:45:05
We'll see <she says tauntingly>
I've got your number if you don't. And don't think I won't use it!
Posted by Gee on March 8, 2006, at 18:10:59
In reply to Monday morning, done deal » AuntieMel, posted by James K on March 8, 2006, at 15:45:05
You can do it. Good luck with everything. I'm sure it will be okay. You are so much braver than I ever could be
Posted by sleepygirl on March 8, 2006, at 18:51:07
In reply to Monday morning, done deal » AuntieMel, posted by James K on March 8, 2006, at 15:45:05
good for you James. I'm hoping all the best for you. I hope it goes smoothly for you, and that you work hard and get lots out of it. Take good care of yourself. You know we will be thinking of you a lot here, and we'll want to know how it goes.
Be well,
sleepygirl
PS never forget to be an "artist" in some form
Posted by Jai Narayan on March 8, 2006, at 19:53:42
In reply to Re: Hi all, update » milly, posted by James K on March 8, 2006, at 10:08:21
> > Go for it James (any chance of reconnecting with your creative self whilst there? art therapy?)
> > milly
>
> ---good point milly, thanks for that. If I'm going to start being the me I'm capable of, I need to let go of the angry childish oath I took to not be an artist anymore when I left college.
>
> I let you all know more when the next definite piece is known by me. thanks all for the support.
>
> and Hi, Jai.
>
> James K
hey, I love that artist...he's really good.
my best to you, dear James K and your wonderful wife.I am holding you both in the light.
Ja*
Posted by milly on March 9, 2006, at 8:28:27
In reply to Monday morning, done deal » AuntieMel, posted by James K on March 8, 2006, at 15:45:05
That was quite a big list to me (don't beat yourself up if it doesn't get done you've got enough to cope with)So pleased it is working out and chuck some paint around if you get the chance.
I'll be thinking of you on Monday, how long do you think you'll be away?
milly
Posted by James K on March 12, 2006, at 13:28:48
In reply to Re: Monday morning, done deal » James K, posted by milly on March 9, 2006, at 8:28:27
I thought about going off the boards and pretending I went, just to avoid posting about this. I've told too many people and accepted their support and encouragement to just walk away without explanation like that.
Thursday, after I thought things were all straightened out with admissions, after we went over admin lady's head, I got a phone message from admin lady. I freaked a little. After someone f*cks you over, and you complain to her boss, you shouldn't have to go back to working with her. The bottom line is, to go into this facility, I have to talk to her some more, and probably do paperwork some more with her, and I am more likely to commit violence than be in the same room with this person.
The stories and examples on their website are such b*llshit, I can't stand it. I left her a message calling her a condescending liar and a bitch and telling her whatever happens now is on her head. Then I e-mailed the director of the program who I know, and told her that because of her coworker in the office, I won't be coming in. She lied to me, my wife, her supervisor, and she's about to lie to you. Congratulations, I get to keep my life savings and you get to keep a bad employee. I will not crawl or beg. ever. for anything. So I'm not mature or mentally healthy enough to go into their mental hospital.
I've been trying to come to grips with this and think it through all weekend, and I don't have any answers right now. I haven't hit anything, and that took a lot of effort when I figured it all out. I'm now about 2 and a half weeks off meds and feeling sick. I took a day and a half completely without alcohol just to see if I could do it. I'd let things go, knowing I was about to get help. Now I'm back to on my own. I'm so tired of this. I want a job. If I can get healthy this week, I'm going to go sack groceries or something. Anything.
I don't know what to say to those of you who have followed my stories as they've come along. Things have never worked out like this in my life before, and I don't get it. I'm no more angry or stubborn now then I was 10 years ago. I guess the world changed. I'll figure something out.
I'm tired
James K
Posted by muffled on March 12, 2006, at 15:20:39
In reply to It's all ruined., posted by James K on March 12, 2006, at 13:28:48
Posted by Jai Narayan on March 12, 2006, at 20:49:33
In reply to It's all ruined., posted by James K on March 12, 2006, at 13:28:48
> I thought about going off the boards and pretending I went, just to avoid posting about this. I've told too many people and accepted their support and encouragement to just walk away without explanation like that.
>
> Thursday, after I thought things were all straightened out with admissions, after we went over admin lady's head, I got a phone message from admin lady. I freaked a little. After someone f*cks you over, and you complain to her boss, you shouldn't have to go back to working with her. The bottom line is, to go into this facility, I have to talk to her some more, and probably do paperwork some more with her, and I am more likely to commit violence than be in the same room with this person.
>
> The stories and examples on their website are such b*llshit, I can't stand it. I left her a message calling her a condescending liar and a bitch and telling her whatever happens now is on her head. Then I e-mailed the director of the program who I know, and told her that because of her coworker in the office, I won't be coming in. She lied to me, my wife, her supervisor, and she's about to lie to you. Congratulations, I get to keep my life savings and you get to keep a bad employee. I will not crawl or beg. ever. for anything. So I'm not mature or mentally healthy enough to go into their mental hospital.
>
> I've been trying to come to grips with this and think it through all weekend, and I don't have any answers right now. I haven't hit anything, and that took a lot of effort when I figured it all out. I'm now about 2 and a half weeks off meds and feeling sick. I took a day and a half completely without alcohol just to see if I could do it. I'd let things go, knowing I was about to get help. Now I'm back to on my own. I'm so tired of this. I want a job. If I can get healthy this week, I'm going to go sack groceries or something. Anything.
>
> I don't know what to say to those of you who have followed my stories as they've come along. Things have never worked out like this in my life before, and I don't get it. I'm no more angry or stubborn now then I was 10 years ago. I guess the world changed. I'll figure something out.
>
> I'm tired
> James KOh James, you did your best.
You know we are heading toward a full moon on Tuesday and this whole month is mercury retrograde...
so some times the best of plans change.
Please keep yourself safe, breath and know we care about you.
My best to you and your wife
Jai
Posted by milly on March 14, 2006, at 3:30:59
In reply to It's all ruined., posted by James K on March 12, 2006, at 13:28:48
I'm so sorry for you
milly
Posted by AuntieMel on March 14, 2006, at 13:17:07
In reply to It's all ruined., posted by James K on March 12, 2006, at 13:28:48
This place isn't the only one in town, you know. If you want this, don't let anything stop you.
Put any stubborn streak you have to good use.
Posted by James K on March 14, 2006, at 14:15:42
In reply to Re: Find another place » James K, posted by AuntieMel on March 14, 2006, at 13:17:07
I'm just off the phone trying to straighten out the billing and coverage. I'm owed 500$ for 2 years where they charged me deductible for in network outpatient day psych program, and the coverage explicitly states day program is exactly the same as inpatient for benefits and limitations. But payed at half the negotiated price.
1000 dollars off of what I owe would make getting more help this year easier on my mind and my wallet. So, yeah I'm stubborn.
I'm going to have to do something - dry out, hook up with a pdoc who will see me after hospitalization, etc.
I know. This isn't working. I'm averaging around 10 to 14 drinks a night. Suicidal thoughts are beginning to lurk. I walked out the house in the middle of the night last night to see who was making noise. I haven't done that in a month or two. (not paranoia, shut up time)
Great minds think alike, and after a few days of wallowing, I am moving into the next phase. Maybe if they will lock the door, then do the paperwork. (I don't know if that's supposed to be funny or not).
James K
Posted by Jai Narayan on March 15, 2006, at 18:57:51
In reply to Re: Find another place » AuntieMel, posted by James K on March 14, 2006, at 14:15:42
> I know. This isn't working. I'm averaging around 10 to 14 drinks a night. Suicidal thoughts are beginning to lurk. I walked out the house in the middle of the night last night to see who was making noise. I haven't done that in a month or two. (not paranoia, shut up time)
>
okay, James this is sounding very serious.what kind of drinks?
hard liquor?
have you ever attempted suicide?sorry, you don't have to answer these questions because I asked. I am just getting worried.
if you have talked about this in another thread just direct me to the other thread.
my best to you James K.
Posted by Jai Narayan on March 15, 2006, at 21:29:16
In reply to Re: Find another place, posted by Jai Narayan on March 15, 2006, at 18:57:51
Posted by James K on March 16, 2006, at 22:38:45
In reply to Re: Find another place, posted by Jai Narayan on March 15, 2006, at 18:57:51
sorry i've beeen away, I broke the screen off of my laptop and didn't have any working computer. I found out it will take too much money to fix the laptop, and another donated computer we had can't handles high speed internet even with max add ons, so I've rigged up an old moniter to the broken notebook. It may dangerous, because the plastic is all cracked etc. But I didn't want to disappear.
To your questions, as I remember, yes, yes, yes.
I'm okay right now, I only had 4 beers yesterday, and none today. but the night before yesterday, I drank a whole lot, and after I accidently broke further my computer, I slammed it down completely and ruined it and then took several pills.
Menninger won't take me at all right now because I am too much in crisis. The head of the Methodist program hasn't gotten back to us. I don't want to go to Intracare anymore. I hate everyplace in Houston, and seem to know and be known by the heads of all of them.
It's day by day while I figure this out, hope my computer holds.
James K
Posted by AuntieMel on March 17, 2006, at 12:18:34
In reply to Re: Find another place » Jai Narayan, posted by James K on March 16, 2006, at 22:38:45
How about the place I told you about? It's not luxury, by any means (really) but they do handle dual disorder patients.
The inpatient program is also mainly detox so after that you could go to Menninger.
Please do something quick while you still can.
Posted by AuntieMel on March 17, 2006, at 12:19:53
In reply to Re: Find another place » Jai Narayan, posted by James K on March 16, 2006, at 22:38:45
Do you want me to come over there and pick you up and drive you??
I can be quite persuasive.
Posted by James K on March 17, 2006, at 13:36:20
In reply to Re: Find another place - STAT » James K, posted by AuntieMel on March 17, 2006, at 12:18:34
Can you imagine what it must be like to live with me? Well, my wife has decided to take all the contradictory drunken instructions and decisions I make, and just go by the ones that make sense. So she didn't tell me last night, because I was busy not drinking, but she talked to the head of the major med center teaching hospital that has been my pdoc twice before, and he works with the major national place that doesn't take currently crazy abusive detoxers, because they affiliated with the other major med center teaching hospital that hasn't completely split off yet. (makes sense?)
If I come in his small ugly little upstairs hallway for detox and stabilization, he can get me into the nice big place on a transfer. I like this guy a lot. He's one of the few pdocs I've had that can get past the exterior to see the intelligence behind. So, the on again and off again saga is back on.
I know I need help. I can't go to work like this, I doubt I can stay sober throught the weekend. Just bad business all around without this real last attempt to get straight and medicated and deal with the fact that my past is my past but doesn't have to rule my future.
Whether you, AuntieMel, or the others realize it, you aren't wasting your time pushing me. I need the voices in my ear telling me what is best. What I know and want change daily. I guess that's a symptom. (of something)
James K
Posted by AuntieMel on March 17, 2006, at 15:22:17
In reply to Re: Find another place - STAT » AuntieMel, posted by James K on March 17, 2006, at 13:36:20
So, when are you going?
Posted by James K on March 17, 2006, at 15:39:52
In reply to Re: Good news » James K, posted by AuntieMel on March 17, 2006, at 15:22:17
> So, when are you going?
---Ha! good question. Since I only found out about it when I called my wife so I could respond to you, I've allowed her to call him back and say yes, and all I can say is the Rachman v. Toney fight is on HBO tomorrow night, so I guess whenever he thinks after that. I want it arranged ahead of time, because when you go there, you intake through the emergency room, and they take all your clothes and post a guard. I've spent 12 hours waiting there before. Then just as all the other inmates are getting up for breakfast, I'm sitting there in a gown. Or getting searched or whatever. So maybe if they know I'm coming, they can shorten the time period.
It's hard to get to be friends with old schizophric rich women when they met you mostly naked.
James K
Posted by gardenergirl on March 17, 2006, at 17:34:49
In reply to Re: Good news » AuntieMel, posted by James K on March 17, 2006, at 15:39:52
Can the fight be taped or Tivo'd? Is it really that important to see it in the grand scheme of your life?
gg
Posted by James K on March 17, 2006, at 18:10:40
In reply to Re: Good news » James K, posted by gardenergirl on March 17, 2006, at 17:34:49
> Can the fight be taped or Tivo'd? Is it really that important to see it in the grand scheme of your life?
>
> gg---I understand what you are saying. The doc called back and said whenever as long as a bed is open, barring a safey issue on my part. uh, for whatever it's worth, I'm already drinking tonight. Guinness, mixed with Bass, so I don't know if that's like wearing green and orange at the same time.
It is probably James Toney's last fight and it is for the (in my mind) legitimate Heavyweight Championship of the World. He is one of my personal heroes. I can't face going there tonight, I want to buzz my hair again and do all the grooming they don't allow there. Clean shave, nose, eyebrow plucking, facial, I don't know. Damn. Good meal. If things get ugly tonight or tomorrow night, we can be there in 10 minutes.
Once I'm in, I'm probably not going to be home for a long time. I've got plants and house stuff to take care of. I don't think I'm just putting it off. It feels real this time. Cats to pet.
When I'm in, and post a last message before I shut off this computer for good, you'll know I'm not full of crap (no one said I was, I feel like I'm presenting that way)
volunetary (sp) commitments that don't involve ambulances and stuff like that are a hard thing to do.
James K
Posted by Phillipa on March 17, 2006, at 19:27:04
In reply to Re: Good news » gardenergirl, posted by James K on March 17, 2006, at 18:10:40
James you are putting it off making excuses this not an accusation but a fact I think you admit to. Now go get ready and now. It's now or never. I want you well. Love Phillipa
Posted by James K on March 18, 2006, at 1:28:11
In reply to Re: Good news » James K, posted by Phillipa on March 17, 2006, at 19:27:04
> James you are putting it off making excuses this not an accusation but a fact I think you admit to. Now go get ready and now. It's now or never. I want you well. Love Phillipa
--- I know , I know. I'm just putting off the inevitable. I'm on beer 14 and counting, and I acted like an *ss getting out of the store parking lot. I should be there right now. You know how hard that is, on a holiday weekend with a big fight on the schedule. I will change the water in the fish tanks, prune the tank plants, clean up my mess some,
excuses. dang,
Love,
james k
This is the end of the thread.
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