![[dr. bob]](/dr-bob-sm.gif)
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 25 of 54. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Deneb on March 5, 2006, at 23:04:00
I think I'm lonely...and forums like PsychoBabble just isn't cutting it for me anymore.
I was feeling a little sad and I just realized that it is because I'm feeling lonely. And I just realized that I'm feeling lonely because I want to talk to people. I feel like socializing!!! I just realized this. (Wow, I actually *want* to socialize! Something must be kicking in! LOL)
I want to get a coffee with friends. I want to meet new people! Is there anyone here from Ottawa who would like to have some coffee with me?
I'm thinking of posting on Craigslist to find someone to have coffee with. Is that a little desperate? Is that risky?
Deneb*
Posted by Tanzanite on March 5, 2006, at 23:16:56
In reply to I think I'm lonely, posted by Deneb on March 5, 2006, at 23:04:00
I think it is great that you are wanting to socialize. Being lonely is awful. I know because I am always lonely lately, even in my own house with my own husband. Posting on Craigslist isn't necessarily a bad idea so long as you meet in a safe place. Best of luck to you Deneb and Peace
Tanzanite
Posted by Deneb on March 6, 2006, at 0:07:09
In reply to Re: I think I'm lonely, posted by Tanzanite on March 5, 2006, at 23:16:56
I did it, I posted on craigslist. Here is what I posted:
Anyone for Coffee?
I don't go out much at all and I have friends whom I see very rarely. I'm a shy person and socializing doesn't come naturally to me.
I just realized I'm getting lonely. I'm not into anything sexual. I just want to have coffee. It might be awkward because I'm not used to socializing. Please be understanding of my weirdness.
I don't care how old you are or if you're a guy or a girl, it's just coffee after all. I just need you to be understanding of my weirdness. We can have coffee together for about 30 mins.
-------I wonder if I've scared people away before even meeting them?
I wish I could meet with Babblers, who understand my weirdness.
Deneb*
Posted by 838 on March 6, 2006, at 0:18:46
In reply to Re: I think I'm lonely, posted by Deneb on March 6, 2006, at 0:07:09
((((((deneb)))))))
thats a cool message
make sure you meet someplace public
and things should be cool
:-)
Posted by Tanzanite on March 6, 2006, at 1:59:03
In reply to Re: I think I'm lonely, posted by Deneb on March 6, 2006, at 0:07:09
Nice, simple, and very explanative at the same time. You go DENEB (((HUGS))). I hope you meet some nice interesting people, just stay safe.
Peace
Tanzanite
Posted by Emily Elizabeth on March 6, 2006, at 8:49:57
In reply to I think I'm lonely, posted by Deneb on March 5, 2006, at 23:04:00
You are at a university, which can be very helpful in meeting people. Lots of clubs, events, etc. And, actually, probably a lot of people struggling with the same sort of lonliness issues. Do they have a club for volunteer work or something? It's great way to interact w/ others in a structured way (often easier IMHO) and to be appreciated.
Also, you might check to see if there are support groups at your university counseling ctr. Pdoc would probably know about them. I think such a group could help you realize that many of the things you experience are also experienced by others.
Okay, sweetie, I've just got to say it one more time: Are you getting psychotherapy? I know you hesitate to see someone in addition to pdoc, but unless you are seeing her consistently for 50 minutes EVERY week, I suspect that it won't be enough. We can help you w/ problem-solving things (like this thread) but we can't heal the bigger pain in your life. I suspect that therapy could help you feel more comfortable with yourself and therefore more comfortable reaching out to socialize.
If you want to use pdoc for therapy, you should ask if that is what she wants to do and if she could see you for an hr every week.
I haven't said it for a while, but I wanted to give you another gentle push toward therapy.
Best,
EE
Posted by Deneb on March 6, 2006, at 10:17:13
In reply to Re: I think I'm lonely, posted by 838 on March 6, 2006, at 0:18:46
> ((((((deneb)))))))
> thats a cool message
> make sure you meet someplace public
> and things should be cool
> :-)Thanks for the hug 838. :-)
(((((((838))))))))
I hope you're well.
Deneb*
Posted by JenStar on March 6, 2006, at 10:22:28
In reply to I think I'm lonely, posted by Deneb on March 5, 2006, at 23:04:00
hi Deneb,
if I was in Canada (I'm not) I would have coffee with you. :)I have heard that craig's list is a safe place to post, as long as you act with caution and meet potential new friends in a public place.
They have a "platonic friends" section (at least here in the US) that seems pretty good. I've not used it, but I have posted business-type ads and gotten safe, "normal" people responding to me.
How about your high-school friends that you go out with sometimes? What if you organized some kind of get-together for everyone? You seem really energetic and organized - I bet you could plan something fun. :)
JenStar
Posted by Gee on March 6, 2006, at 13:16:32
In reply to Re: I think I'm lonely » Deneb, posted by JenStar on March 6, 2006, at 10:22:28
Have you tried your IVCF club? It's the inter varsity christian something or other. It sounds kinda intimidating, and I was scared to join it at first, but they have tons of activities and it's an awesome way to meet new people. Here they are so accepting of everyone and anyone.
You could also try the international students club. They put on some cool events, and they are all looking for friends as they are far away from home!
Posted by jonquiljo on March 6, 2006, at 14:37:28
In reply to Re: I think I'm lonely, posted by Gee on March 6, 2006, at 13:16:32
I'm very lonely too. Very very lonely. I'm in San Francisco --- but I'd at least like to say "hi" and tell you that you're not alone.
You're young and have all to look forward to. Please get out and meet some wonderful people. You really do deserve it.
Jon
Posted by ghost on March 6, 2006, at 16:09:48
In reply to I think I'm lonely, posted by Deneb on March 5, 2006, at 23:04:00
deneb,
i know how you feel. i know exactly how you feel, actually. i started to feel that way too. i had to start getting out. in case you (or anyone) noticed, i'm not online hardly at all. i check the RSS feeds, but i don't really keep up much these days.
anyhow, i started volunteering with the local animal rescue and that got me out, although i never really felt like i "fit in." my first day of training, someone brought in a box of kittens whose mother had been hit by a car and they hadnt eaten in like 24 hours. (they weren't more than a couple weeks old.) so we each bottlefed a little tiny kitten. it was wonderful. i felt connected with those babies, but not really the people i was with. which is sort of amusing, in a sad way. it's always like that for me.
anyhow, i've also gotten involved a little bit in other ways and found some social groups from online who meet irl with common interests so i get out for dinner once every couple weeks with them and one saturday a month. meeting a group from the net in a public place i think is pretty safe, and i'd probably avoid get-togethers at houses and whatnot until i felt more comfortable. (i used to do stupid stuff like that before, but now i'm much safer.)
so i think it's a cool idea, and the internet is an easyway to find groups of people who meet and hang out. yahoo groups kind of sucks, but people DO use it and that's how i found this most recent group of folks.
i'd have coffee with you if i were in ottawa :)
good luck,
ghost
Posted by Phillipa on March 6, 2006, at 18:43:56
In reply to Re: I think I'm lonely » Deneb, posted by ghost on March 6, 2006, at 16:09:48
Did you ever hang on out in Barnes and Noble? A lot of people go to read and they have coffee there too. So who knows? Fondly, Phillipa
Posted by Deneb on March 6, 2006, at 21:20:40
In reply to Re: I think I'm lonely » Deneb, posted by Emily Elizabeth on March 6, 2006, at 8:49:57
> You are at a university, which can be very helpful in meeting people. Lots of clubs, events, etc. ... Do they have a club for volunteer work or something?
Yes, they have a lot of clubs. Maybe I'll check them out. Maybe I'm no longer afraid of people and I just don't know yet because I don't go out.
> Also, you might check to see if there are support groups at your university counseling ctr. Pdoc would probably know about them. I think such a group could help you realize that many of the things you experience are also experienced by others.
I think that might be a little too scary for me.
>
> Okay, sweetie, I've just got to say it one more time: Are you getting psychotherapy?My pdoc gives me psychotherapy. She's great. :-) Right now I don't have enough money or time for therapy every week. First and foremost I have to concentrate on my studies. I'm paying my tutor $15/hr and I don't have any money left over.
> I suspect that therapy could help you feel more comfortable with yourself and therefore more comfortable reaching out to socialize.
Maybe...I hope so.
> I haven't said it for a while, but I wanted to give you another gentle push toward therapy.
You guys really do make a difference. Thanks for the "encouragement" :-) I have a feeling it's going to work. You guys got me to see Pdoc2. You guys have more influence than you know.
Deneb*
Posted by Deneb on March 6, 2006, at 21:23:54
In reply to Re: I think I'm lonely » Deneb, posted by JenStar on March 6, 2006, at 10:22:28
> hi Deneb,
> if I was in Canada (I'm not) I would have coffee with you. :)Thanks JenStar! That means a lot to me that you would say that. :-) I would have coffee with you too.
> They have a "platonic friends" section (at least here in the US) that seems pretty good. I've not used it, but I have posted business-type ads and gotten safe, "normal" people responding to me.Yeah, I posted in the "platonic friends" section.
> How about your high-school friends that you go out with sometimes? What if you organized some kind of get-together for everyone? You seem really energetic and organized - I bet you could plan something fun. :)
You know, I think I'll do that! Now I just gotta find some time!
Deneb*
Posted by Deneb on March 6, 2006, at 21:27:55
In reply to Re: I think I'm lonely, posted by Gee on March 6, 2006, at 13:16:32
> Have you tried your IVCF club? It's the inter varsity christian something or other. It sounds kinda intimidating, and I was scared to join it at first, but they have tons of activities and it's an awesome way to meet new people. Here they are so accepting of everyone and anyone.
There's a Christian club but I'm afraid to join something like that because I'm not a Christian. I used to have a friend in that club, but he graduated.
> You could also try the international students club. They put on some cool events, and they are all looking for friends as they are far away from home!
Clubs still sound really intimidating to me. I'll try to find out more info about them.
thanks for the suggestions!
Deneb*
Posted by Deneb on March 6, 2006, at 21:29:33
In reply to Re: I think I'm lonely, posted by jonquiljo on March 6, 2006, at 14:37:28
> I'm very lonely too. Very very lonely. I'm in San Francisco --- but I'd at least like to say "hi" and tell you that you're not alone.
Sorry you're feeling lonely. I used to live near San Francisco. I wish I could be there to have coffee with you. :-)
Deneb*
Posted by Deneb on March 6, 2006, at 21:34:20
In reply to Re: I think I'm lonely » Deneb, posted by ghost on March 6, 2006, at 16:09:48
> anyhow, i started volunteering with the local animal rescue and that got me out
Wow, that's really great. It sounds like a rewarding experience. Volunteering sounds like a great idea. I'll check that out. I could also go for the experience of volunteering.
> anyhow, i've also gotten involved a little bit in other ways and found some social groups from online who meet irl with common interests so i get out for dinner once every couple weeks with them and one saturday a month.
That sounds fun. I hope I can have as much luck. :-)
> i'd have coffee with you if i were in ottawa :)
Me too. :-)
Deneb*
Posted by Deneb on March 6, 2006, at 21:36:05
In reply to Re: I think I'm lonely, posted by Phillipa on March 6, 2006, at 18:43:56
> Did you ever hang on out in Barnes and Noble? A lot of people go to read and they have coffee there too. So who knows? Fondly, Phillipa
No, but there's a Chapters book store close by. I'll keep that in mind next time I go in. thanks Phillipa
:-)
Deneb*
Posted by Deneb on March 7, 2006, at 0:02:05
In reply to Re: I think I'm lonely, posted by Deneb on March 6, 2006, at 0:07:09
I got 5 replies to my request for coffee! Four sound genuine. One sounds creepy. The subject line was: Ottawa Lawyer. The sender didn't give me any info on him/herself (I suspect him), but asked about me. Also asked me for a picture and said, "We could definitely get together for coffee sometime."
IDK, I'm a bit weary of that one so I didn't reply.
Deneb*
Posted by James K on March 7, 2006, at 0:20:24
In reply to My craigslist replies, posted by Deneb on March 7, 2006, at 0:02:05
Sorry, I can't help this. I hope it doesn't bother you.
"Yeah baby, I'm an attorney and I got all the coffee you need. I like my coffee Hot. And black, or creamy (please send photo). Sugar of course, stir it up, but Careful, you might get burned."
maybe a bailbondsman with a bad hair piece.
James K
Posted by jonquiljo on March 7, 2006, at 1:09:52
In reply to My craigslist replies, posted by Deneb on March 7, 2006, at 0:02:05
Deneb,
Please be careful with strangers from CL! Perhaps I'm just a paranoid middle-aged man who has seen too much, but I'd hate to see you in a bad spot. Good luck.
Jon
Posted by Tanzanite on March 7, 2006, at 1:54:41
In reply to My craigslist replies, posted by Deneb on March 7, 2006, at 0:02:05
Stay away from the creepy ones. But, I think it is cool you got some replies already. Just stay safe Deneb. My one friend met some nice and some not so nice people from online. But, hey that is like that in real life too. I really hope you have some good coffee meetups. Peace
Tanzanite
Posted by Deneb on March 7, 2006, at 6:25:34
In reply to Re: My craigslist replies » Deneb, posted by Tanzanite on March 7, 2006, at 1:54:41
I'm going to meet a person from craigslist today at 12:00. Then I'm going to study and meet up with my tutor. I'll report back afterwards!
Deneb*
Posted by NikkiT2 on March 7, 2006, at 11:34:46
In reply to Re: My craigslist replies, posted by Deneb on March 7, 2006, at 6:25:34
1) meet in a very public place. Do not go somewhere private with them, how ever comofrtable you feel.
2) Let someone know where you are going
3) Have a check in time when you call a friend to let them know you are OK.
4) have a time for your friend to call YOU, so you have an easy get away excuse if needs be.
5) call your friend once your meet up is over
I've met *loads* of people who I met online (inlcuding my husband), and though I haven't always followed the rules, please keep yourself safe
Nikki
Posted by Racer on March 7, 2006, at 12:54:18
In reply to Rules of meeting someone from online » Deneb, posted by NikkiT2 on March 7, 2006, at 11:34:46
Go forward in thread:
Psycho-Babble Social | Extras | FAQ
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.org
Script revised: February 4, 2008
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/cgi-bin/pb/mget.pl
Copyright 2006-17 Robert Hsiung.
Owned and operated by Dr. Bob LLC and not the University of Chicago.