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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 6 of 6. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Lucia Francisca on January 26, 2006, at 0:54:58
Hi. I really need some help.
i am a ph.d. student in english who is writing her dissertation. i also teach 1 university literature class MWF from 9-10am. my problem is, that since the semester started about 3 weeks ago, i've been feeling depressed as well as anxious. there are a lot of factors i feel that might be contributing to this.
the medical slant is that i've been taking seroquel for about 3 months now. at first it worked really well. my pdoc said in nov. when he started me on it that i was having a hypomanic episode cuz i couldn't sleep for like 3 nights and just had racing, negative thoughts all day. the seroquel really helped me sleep, although it made me somewhat drowsy in the morning. before seroquel, i took celexa for a few years and then switched to lexapro when i started getting depressed, anxious, and had some insomnia on the celexa. oh, yeah my dx has shifted between major depression and bipolar II since i started seeing a pdoc and therapist about 6 years ago.
this new semester i feel just like i have so much empty time in the day that i don't know how to feel. i teach those 3 days a week, which gets me going, but the rest of MWF is still a whole day and i can't seem to figure out what to do with myself. ditto for T and TH, although sunday, tuesday, and thursday night i'm usually frantic cuz i don't prepare my lesson plan until the last minute and then am scrambling to get it together. for the last week, i've been having a lot of anxiety about teaching, fearing students think what i'm saying is uninteresting and obvious; i've been having problems, finding it challenging teaching this new book. i guess i'm still getting used to the new semester and the class and new students. but in short, i seem to stress out about every little thing about the class.
my other issues are that i do have a lot of extra time, but i can't seem to get myself going on writing my dissertation. it's so hard to set goals and make myself stick to them. so i have an empty day and i feel like i should be writing but i'm not so i feel bad. sigh.... i'm also supposed to be applying for research fellowships and full-time teaching jobs for next year. but i can't bring myself to do that either cuz i'm not certain i can hack this academic work right now so i'm afraid to apply for anything next year.
any advice? i'm thinking of doing some volunteer work just to fill the time. i try to exercise almost every day. i moved to this new city about a year and a half ago and don't have a lot of friends and no family around.
i have an appt. with my therapist tomorrow. i'm looking forward to it. i will see my pdoc next week.
can someone help me try to figure out what's wrong or proactive ways to deal with this? i just feel so lonely and anxious and lack of hope a lot of the time, lack of things to look forward to in the future.
thank you.
Posted by Lucia Francisca on January 26, 2006, at 0:54:59
Hi. i just wanted to mention that i feel better on weekends. my husband is off friday-sunday and i always feel better when we're hanging out together. i guess having intimate company is really great. maybe i'm just too isolated and it's taking me time to make new friends here. maybe i should have a baby and then have someone else and something else to do. :)
but then i get worried that i'm too dependent on my husband. that he may get sick of me and leave me if i'm too dependent on him or we're together too much. is this a fear of abandonment? i'm not sure.
i guess we moved halfway across the country for his new full-time job. i was writing my dissertation and trying to do that full-time last year, but got pretty isolated. maybe i should just chuck it and get a full time job? but i really don't know what to do about my future. i'm scared and uncertain.
please, some of you are really wise. can you give me suggestions on what's best to do in my predicament?
Posted by sleepygirl on January 26, 2006, at 0:54:59
In reply to Lack of structure, isolation, lack of purpose, posted by Lucia Francisca on January 25, 2006, at 11:39:33
>
> this new semester i feel just like i have so much empty time in the day that i don't know how to feel. i teach those 3 days a week, which gets me going, but the rest of MWF is still a whole day and i can't seem to figure out what to do with myself. ditto for T and TH, although sunday, tuesday, and thursday night i'm usually frantic cuz i don't prepare my lesson plan until the last minute and then am scrambling to get it together. for the last week, i've been having a lot of anxiety about teaching, fearing students think what i'm saying is uninteresting and obvious; i've been having problems, finding it challenging teaching this new book. i guess i'm still getting used to the new semester and the class and new students. but in short, i seem to stress out about every little thing about the class.Hi there. Well, I don't know what to say, and of course you can take it or leave it, but I think you've got a lot of pressure on yourself and a lot of uncertainties. The problem with procrastinating about things is that it only pushes off the anxiety into a tremendous mountain at the end that one feels they can't possibly climb.
This may sound simplistic, but have you considered making a schedule for yourself to follow, so you can eliminate some big choices for yourself and just surrender to a little routine? I don't mean an all work and no play (makes Lucia a dull girl) type of schedule. There is the tiredness factor there, and after all we are only human right? but this sounds really important to you.
I'm just thinking that when you fear that you can't do something you might psych yourself out enough to start REALLY believing you can't, and thus you don't. I can't say writing a dissertation sounds like a lot of fun (to me). I hope though you can find something you really like within it.
It'd be nice if you could enjoy your days, and then have a little hope in the future. We sort of get lost sometimes in our obligations/goals, and then they aren't fun anymore. There's got to be more than that I'd guess, but then there's a lot of anxiety along the way, so the question might become "is it worth it?"
just some thoughts......be well
-all the best,
sleepygirl
Posted by Lucia Francisca on January 26, 2006, at 0:54:59
In reply to Re: Lack of structure, isolation, lack of purpose » Lucia Francisca, posted by sleepygirl on January 25, 2006, at 12:42:35
thanks, sleepygirl. i think those are wise and reasonable words. thank you.
> >
> > this new semester i feel just like i have so much empty time in the day that i don't know how to feel. i teach those 3 days a week, which gets me going, but the rest of MWF is still a whole day and i can't seem to figure out what to do with myself. ditto for T and TH, although sunday, tuesday, and thursday night i'm usually frantic cuz i don't prepare my lesson plan until the last minute and then am scrambling to get it together. for the last week, i've been having a lot of anxiety about teaching, fearing students think what i'm saying is uninteresting and obvious; i've been having problems, finding it challenging teaching this new book. i guess i'm still getting used to the new semester and the class and new students. but in short, i seem to stress out about every little thing about the class.
>
> Hi there. Well, I don't know what to say, and of course you can take it or leave it, but I think you've got a lot of pressure on yourself and a lot of uncertainties. The problem with procrastinating about things is that it only pushes off the anxiety into a tremendous mountain at the end that one feels they can't possibly climb.
>
> This may sound simplistic, but have you considered making a schedule for yourself to follow, so you can eliminate some big choices for yourself and just surrender to a little routine? I don't mean an all work and no play (makes Lucia a dull girl) type of schedule. There is the tiredness factor there, and after all we are only human right? but this sounds really important to you.
>
> I'm just thinking that when you fear that you can't do something you might psych yourself out enough to start REALLY believing you can't, and thus you don't. I can't say writing a dissertation sounds like a lot of fun (to me). I hope though you can find something you really like within it.
> It'd be nice if you could enjoy your days, and then have a little hope in the future. We sort of get lost sometimes in our obligations/goals, and then they aren't fun anymore. There's got to be more than that I'd guess, but then there's a lot of anxiety along the way, so the question might become "is it worth it?"
> just some thoughts......be well
> -all the best,
> sleepygirl
>
Posted by James K on January 26, 2006, at 11:23:38
In reply to Lack of structure, isolation, lack of purpose, posted by Lucia Francisca on January 25, 2006, at 11:39:33
Some random thoughts
The seroquel is going to hurt some areas while it helps some others. I think awareness of this can combat itKeep up the exercise.
Volunteer work on a limited basis sounds like a great idea. You'll be interacting with likeminded people and gaining inspiration during this in-between feeling time.
I think we get married for the kind of things you described. Abandonment may happen, but unless signs are there it is nothing to fear. Codependence among married people who are both working and autonomous (sp) seems like a bunk concept to me.
You've got so much going for you. Getting stuck would be terrible. Maybe your expectations for yourself are higher than they need to be. I'm not knocking ambition and success but it sounds like you're not doing too bad.
Many writers treat their writing like a job. Stephen King may be the most famous. He goes to an office in the morning and works for a set amount of time. Horror fiction and dissertations must be similiar.
I hope some of these presumptuous suggestions are useful.
James K
Posted by caraher on January 26, 2006, at 14:07:08
In reply to Lack of structure, isolation, lack of purpose, posted by Lucia Francisca on January 25, 2006, at 11:39:33
I'll leave it to you to determine the value of advice from someone who just received his diploma 10 years after entering a PhD program...
The unstructured time and isolation are two of the biggest occupational hazards of grad school regardless of pre-existing conditions. I used volunteer work as a means of prying my posterior from bed at a decent hour and to create some structure.
There's a support site for people working on dissertations, http://www.PhinisheD.org, that you might want to look at. People there make contracts with one another to provide some social support (and mild pressure) to write certain amounts each day, in addition to sharing advice on how to get finished.
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