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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 6 of 6. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by asmita on January 24, 2006, at 17:59:46
hi everyone... i'm new here and i hope someone can help me make sense of this, i would really appreciate it.
i've been in therapy for the past few months for severe depression which led me to attempt suicide in july last year. i like my therapist, i have a lot of respect for him and his views, he seems to always have something wise to say. the problems are:
1. i am really hopelessly attracted to him, maybe more so than i have ever been to anyone else. i read a couple of things online saying this is normal and nothing to worry about, but i've been feeling this way for a while now and can't seem to be able to just ignore it. it's a sexual attraction, but also a deep sort of affection and respect i have for him, and all in all i feel really strongly about him. he's quite a bit older than me but it doesn't seem to matter, i've wondered a few times if i see him as a father-figure, i don't know. i'm terrified of losing control one day...i feel close to it sometimes.
2. because i'm so attracted to him i find it hard to concentrate during the sessions and i feel really uncomfortable. i alternate between worrying that he doesn't like me and finds me unattractive, and thinking that he's attracted to me as well. he's given me reasons to think both things...he'll tell me he likes me, comment on the way i look, and everytime, i feel a really strong chemistry in the room (might just be me though). other times i leave the sessions thinking he doesn't want me to come back, has no idea what to do with me and thinks i'm just wasting his time. i'm really sensitive to him saying anything about stopping therapy (he tends to ask me about what i want or expect to get out of it)...i feel really silly about feeling so strongly about him, just because he tries to help me and may say a few nice things...i'm really embarrassed.
3. i find it really hard to trust him. i know it hasn't been a long time, but i can't say therapy has helped me too much yet. i guess partly because i like him so much, i think everything over a few times before i say it, because i want him to like me. i tend to sit quietly, because i feel so shy and nervous around him (though i'm shy and nervous in general). i'm really pushing myself to talk though, and i think i'll get better with time. i have my doubts about him though, a lot of the time i find myself thinking "he doesn't care anyway, he's just waiting for the session to end so he can go home"...i don't know how i can get past those thoughts.
i feel like i'm failing even at therapy...which is at the moment kind of my only hope. i hope someone can give me some advice or support or something. thanks for reading.
Posted by crazy teresa on January 24, 2006, at 19:21:53
In reply to attraction to therapist, trust....please help, posted by asmita on January 24, 2006, at 17:59:46
I've not experienced this (my T was a woman), so I can't really comment on your situation.
But I will say you are NOT a failure at this! It's hard. It sucks. It takes a long time. BUT, you CAN do this.
Honesty goes a long way in any relationship, even when its painful and/or embarassing, so perhaps consider bringing this out into the open so it can be addressed and you're able to move forward.
Hang in there!
Posted by sleepygirl on January 24, 2006, at 19:25:17
In reply to attraction to therapist, trust....please help, posted by asmita on January 24, 2006, at 17:59:46
Hey there,
goodness that's a lot to deal with, but fear not! many here have dealt with such strong, anxiety provoking feelings
There's a book referred to on this site "In Session" that supposedly talks about just this thing. The author was on here for a little while months ago answering questions and such.Sounds like "transference" to me - know in psychodynamic theory as the thing that is both the obstacle as well as the means to progress in therapy - little comfort for those however who must feel the feelings. I haven't even teased out all this stuff for myself yet with my therapist, but that supersensitivity to the possibility of rejection/abandonment - holy crap! that was HUGE for me - (after all I was rejected/abandoned by my father)
A good therapist (and thank goodness for mine) can help you explore these feelings, but it does take a significant amount of courage sometimes to bring them up. I myself had to write down a lot of stuff to be able to talk about it - it can seem so overwhelming. You might even want to print your post and give it to him, or whatever part of it you can - it was quite clear and honest about your struggle.
This sounds like many have said here like the "elephant in the room" - and sometimes it feels like nothing is being spoken about, because the biggest thing in the room is not being spoken about. Maybe you could start with something like......
I have some feelings I feel really embarrassed about and I'm afraid of how you might react........
YIKES! that's scary right?
Oh my dear, these relationships are tough - similar to the ones in the rest of our life ;-(, now doesn't that suck?
Keep posting -
there is hope :-)all the best,
sleepygirl
Posted by Phillipa on January 24, 2006, at 21:24:59
In reply to Re: attraction to therapist, trust....please help » asmita, posted by sleepygirl on January 24, 2006, at 19:25:17
Do you think switching to a female would help out? And maybe you should post this on psychology. There are others going through exactly what you are. Fondly, Phillipa
Posted by sleepygirl on January 25, 2006, at 9:38:01
In reply to attraction to therapist, trust....please help, posted by asmita on January 24, 2006, at 17:59:46
Posted by Dr. Bob on January 26, 2006, at 1:51:47
In reply to attraction to therapist, trust....please help, posted by asmita on January 24, 2006, at 17:59:46
> hi everyone... i'm new here and i hope someone can help me make sense of this, i would really appreciate it.
Welcome! To consolidate replies, I'd like to redirect this thread to Psycho-Babble Psychology. Here's a link:
http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20060121/msgs/602432.html
Thanks,
Bob
This is the end of the thread.
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