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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 10 of 10. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by fallsfall on November 3, 2005, at 18:09:47
I went back to 10 hours a week at work this week. So things are different/changing. I hate it when things change. I love being in a rut.
So I've started napping a lot this week. I think it is because I'm afraid to do what I should be doing next - cleaning my house and getting my life organized. Why does that scare me? Because what happens after that? What do people DO when their lives are organized and they don't have a list 16 miles long of things that should have been done last month?
The class I'm taking will be over in a month, and new classes don't start until the end of January. This is probably enough time for me to actually get things in order here.
But then what?
I hate change.
Posted by daisym on November 3, 2005, at 19:17:46
In reply to Afraid to clean my house, posted by fallsfall on November 3, 2005, at 18:09:47
I hate change too. Unless it is a big, drastic, over-in-one-fell-swoop, change.
I suspect the days will fill themselves. Holiday shopping, baking, decorating...all those things that come up between Thanksgiving and Christmas. Hopefully your kids will be home to visit. And that should be incentive to clean stuff up.
I think it is OK to take advantage of a break and just read, or nap or whatever. Allow yourself the luxury before school starts up again.
Don't be afraid of getting it all together. It might feel really good to be ahead of stuff.
Then you'd have time to come and clean mine. :)
Posted by fallsfall on November 3, 2005, at 20:05:24
In reply to Re: Afraid to clean my house » fallsfall, posted by daisym on November 3, 2005, at 19:17:46
Getting it "all together" is what I'm afraid of.
I'll come clean your house anytime.
Posted by TamaraJ on November 3, 2005, at 20:15:59
In reply to Afraid to clean my house, posted by fallsfall on November 3, 2005, at 18:09:47
> I went back to 10 hours a week at work this week. So things are different/changing. I hate it when things change. I love being in a rut.
>
-- Yeah, change can be intimidating and unnervering, but not all change is bad. When our routines or "ruts" are disrupted, it throws us off and I guess we get scared or something that we won't know what to do with ourselves. Maybe I'm off base there. That's how I feel sometimes - when all of a sudden my days are not laid out from morning till night with the "usual" things to do and places to be. It's like - what now?> So I've started napping a lot this week. I think it is because I'm afraid to do what I should be doing next - cleaning my house and getting my life organized. Why does that scare me? Because what happens after that? What do people DO when their lives are organized and they don't have a list 16 miles long of things that should have been done last month?
>
-- I think you answered your own question - what happens after that? That's what's scary. Perhaps when our days aren't full, we get scared that we will retreat. I think that is probably an even scarier prospect for those of us who have struggled with depression. It's like - if I stop now, what if I can't get going again? What if I go back to that place that I have fought so hard to get out of? But, it doesn't have to be that way. Having some time to yourself, to do things at your leisure, without pressure, to pamper yourself, etc., doesn't have to be scary.> The class I'm taking will be over in a month, and new classes don't start until the end of January. This is probably enough time for me to actually get things in order here.
>
> But then what?
>
-- There are probably all kinds of things you can do to keep yourself and your mind active between now and the end of January. The holidays are coming, there's volunteer work that could fill some of the time, if you are crafty or whatever, you could even make some of your Christmas gifts. I bet you will find all kinds of fun and interesting things to do to occupy your time.> I hate change.
-- Yeah, I do to at times :-(
Take care, fallsfall. I hope the scary feelings pass.
Tamara
Posted by fallsfall on November 3, 2005, at 20:22:46
In reply to Re: Afraid to clean my house » fallsfall, posted by TamaraJ on November 3, 2005, at 20:15:59
Thanks, Tamara. You are understanding my issue.
>Having some time to yourself, to do things at your leisure, without pressure, to pamper yourself, etc., doesn't have to be scary.
I don't think I've EVER done this. And I think I'm afraid that if there aren't things that I NEED to be doing that I will be useless - unnecessary. I don't know how to deal with that.
I guess I'll have to figure it out. This is something I need to learn.
Posted by TamaraJ on November 3, 2005, at 21:41:03
In reply to Re: Afraid to clean my house » TamaraJ, posted by fallsfall on November 3, 2005, at 20:22:46
> I don't think I've EVER done this. And I think I'm afraid that if there aren't things that I NEED to be doing that I will be useless - unnecessary. I don't know how to deal with that.
>
-- I have a real hard time with it myself, but I think it does get easier, although I am relatively new at it and still struggle. I know what you mean about "if there aren't things that I need to be doing that I will be useless and unnecessary". I wrestle with this myself, and it is a hard mindset to change. I guess what it boils down to, I think, is that having some time to ourselves and doing things that we "choose" to do, does not mean we are useless and unnecessary. It can actually mean that we value ourselves enough to be good to ourselves so that we can continue to be useful and necessary, so that we can continue to be there for those who are important to us and so that we can continue to make the best contribution we can to whatever it is we chose to do personally and professionally. It's true enough, though, that putting ourselves first and not feeling guilty or unworthy when we do what we want, at our own pace and on our own schedule, can be really hard and scary.
> I guess I'll have to figure it out. This is something I need to learn.-- You will, you will.
All the best to you, fallsfall. Take good care of you.
Tamara
Posted by sal0805 on November 5, 2005, at 6:38:17
In reply to Re: Afraid to clean my house » fallsfall, posted by TamaraJ on November 3, 2005, at 21:41:03
I clean my house WAY TOO much because of the feeling of 'not being useful', or 'worthy'. And then get upset when it isn't noticed. Uneccesary I know, but something I need to work at.
Thank you for this thread
Sabrina
Posted by fallsfall on November 5, 2005, at 8:15:19
In reply to Re: Afraid to clean my house, posted by sal0805 on November 5, 2005, at 6:38:17
It is hard to untangle all of the motivations around having a clean house.
My mother's house was fairly clean, but I hated it when she asked me to help (which she almost never did).
My room was always a mess.
I feel better when the house is picked up (which it never is).
My teenage daughter rebels by leaving things all over the place - I'm hesitant to remove this avenue for rebellion, it seems like a pretty safe one.
I hate to clean, but want it done, but don't want it to BE done because then I won't have anything to do (which I don't want to do anyway).
My daughter can create a new mess in less time than it takes me to clean it up.
I'm confused (and sitting at my computer rather than cleaning my house)
Posted by gardenergirl on November 5, 2005, at 16:51:50
In reply to Re: Afraid to clean my house » sal0805, posted by fallsfall on November 5, 2005, at 8:15:19
It sure does sound confusing. This is a good example of what I am finding frustrating lately. I really wish that things could just be simple and straightforward. You know, cleaning is cleaning, right? Nothing more and nothing less. But it's not that simple, and that is starting to bug the heck out of me. (in me...not you! lol)
And I was thinking that it must be hard for you right now...you'd been so busy, and that can help with dealing with depression and such at times. Is there anything you've always wanted to do? Learn a new craft/hobby? Take a class? Go visit somewhere nearby? Taste every flavor of ice cream in your lifetime? :)
Take care,
gg
Posted by fallsfall on November 5, 2005, at 17:42:21
In reply to Re: Afraid to clean my house » fallsfall, posted by gardenergirl on November 5, 2005, at 16:51:50
What I really WANT to do is to get my life organized. That is why this all doesn't make sense. I want to sort through my papers, do some filing, remove the tumbleweeds of doghair. But all these unconscious things keep getting in the way. Life was simpler a year ago when I didn't have an unconscious!!!!!
But, I must admit, tasting all of the ice cream flavors has a certain appeal...
This is the end of the thread.
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