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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 19 of 19. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by AdaGrace on October 7, 2005, at 19:53:15
At what point do you just give up and say "f" it. I can only clean so much every day and they will swoop in and mess it up again. I seriously dispise my filthy rotten family.
I have gone from a workaholic to a cleanaholic and it's not pretty.
My overalls are fitting a tad too snug and some of that is NOT from my added girth. Some is from the cleaning tools I have stuffed in every nook and cranny.
This is NOT normal. I am NOT a Suzy Homemaker.
Posted by ClearSkies on October 7, 2005, at 20:09:12
In reply to At the End of the Cleaning Cycle, posted by AdaGrace on October 7, 2005, at 19:53:15
I think you might need to get out of the house for a bit, AG.
Posted by alexandra_k on October 7, 2005, at 20:31:47
In reply to At the End of the Cleaning Cycle, posted by AdaGrace on October 7, 2005, at 19:53:15
> At what point do you just give up and say "f" it. I can only clean so much every day and they will swoop in and mess it up again. I seriously dispise my filthy rotten family.
hmm...
i seem to remember you saying something about this before...
how old are they????
i seem to remember... them being old enough to clean up after themselves...you don't do them any favours from being their slave you know...
they will only expect it from others later in life...
(boys will expect their wives to do it)
(girls will believe they *should* do it or feel plagued by guilt)there are some good feelings of self-sufficiency and independence and ability to look after oneself that comes from looking after oneself...
and you are indispensible to them in numerous other ways...
you really really are
you don't need to be their slave adagrace:-)
Posted by Phillipa on October 7, 2005, at 22:30:11
In reply to Re: At the End of the Cleaning Cycle » AdaGrace, posted by alexandra_k on October 7, 2005, at 20:31:47
Alex is right. I taught my children to make their own beds from the time they were in first grade. And they made their own beds, own laundry too. And today they're all in their 30's and one 40 and very successful too. Fondly, Phillipa
Posted by sal0805 on October 8, 2005, at 3:07:38
In reply to At the End of the Cleaning Cycle, posted by AdaGrace on October 7, 2005, at 19:53:15
I don't think there is ever an end to a cleaning cycle. I know what you are going through!! I have spoilt my family. They are not total slobs but it is a part of me to get up and clean after them all the time. I don't even think they see my anymore. And I love them to bits.
My six month old Mexican Chihuahua is more likely to put her toys in her toy basket when she is finished with them than my family packing something away.
Be that as it may, are my family all that messy or are my standards just too darn high?
Sabrina
Posted by AdaGrace on October 9, 2005, at 8:06:43
In reply to Re: At the End of the Cleaning Cycle, posted by ClearSkies on October 7, 2005, at 20:09:12
I think I need to be kidnapped by some dark exotic looking man with a name like Armando.....
He can wisk me away to his remote island.
No worries of being found, all rescue missions will be thwarted due to frequent Wal-Mart trips for various school supplies and personal necessities that the children think up everyday.
Posted by ClearSkies on October 9, 2005, at 8:18:37
In reply to Re: Yes, yes indeed » ClearSkies, posted by AdaGrace on October 9, 2005, at 8:06:43
I've been thinking (dangerous I know) and really - getting away for a bit might help you feel better. Right now you sound so trapped - trapped by chores, by being unemployed, by unhappiness. A timely escape might give your mind a rest and let you feel better all around.
Do you have a girlfriend who you could visit and camp out at for a couple of days? Just walk away from the household for a break, remove yourself from your environment, and let yourself heal a bit.
I did this when I lived up north with a friend I had worked with. We walked, window shopped, listened to music, watched movies, cooked a little. It was such a reprieve that I felt recharged to go back home.You are welcome to come down here to do this, AG. It's a hike, but the offer stands. Getting away can be so restoring for the soul.
love
CS
Posted by AdaGrace on October 9, 2005, at 8:28:45
In reply to Re: At the End of the Cleaning Cycle » AdaGrace, posted by alexandra_k on October 7, 2005, at 20:31:47
> i seem to remember you saying something about this before...
> how old are they????
> i seem to remember... them being old enough to clean up after themselves...11, 13, & 15
Yes they are, and yes they can
> you don't do them any favours from being their slave you know...
> they will only expect it from others later in life...
> (boys will expect their wives to do it)
> (girls will believe they *should* do it or feel plagued by guilt)
I am perfectly aware that I am not doing them any favors. I know the problem, I know the consequences, and I try to resolve it. However, I guess the point of my post, is how frustrating this battle is.This is not a concious effort on my part to be their slave. I am not running around picking up after them with high heels, pearls, and a smile on my face. I do voice my desire for them to be something other than piglets. I do try to enforce these desires by withholding pleasures such as jaunts to sporting events, electronic devises at their own personal fingertips, and even monetary gain.
The thing is, it's not that easy. It's a full time job just trying to make sure they did what they were supposed to do, and all this MUST happen before Mr. Man arrives and engages them in "Daddy fun" or wisks them away to some other exotic fun spot, or better yet, has them do some work for him. Ha Ha, that one is great, I love it when that happens.
> there are some good feelings of self-sufficiency and independence and ability to look after oneself that comes from looking after oneself...
Ahhh, yes... that is true. And in a perfect world Wally and the Beve have loads of respect for June and lots of time and want to to follow her expectations.
>
> and you are indispensible to them in numerous other ways...
> you really really are
> you don't need to be their slave adagrace
Let me put this to you in a nut shell.I made this bed when I was 21, and after a few months found crumbs in it. But I laid in it anyway.
I realized that if I was ever going to get new sheets (this is a metaphor, hope you are following) I would have to work, because Mr. Man was poor. Dirt farmer poor.
I had three children in 5 years. Went nowhere but work, had no friends, and became the recluse I am still today.
I have always worked full time. Often 50 to 60 hours a week. Weekends were for cleaning, not playing.
My Mother-in-Law always kept my kids while I worked. She has never had a full time job outside of the home. She also has a messy house sometimes.
In the two or three hours after I got home from work and before the kids went to bed, I did my best to teach them to pick up after themselves with no help from my husband. Weekends, when I could corner the kids away from ballgames, sleepovers, etc.. They were to clean their rooms and help me clean the rest of the house.
7 years ago, my mother died. The responsibility of caring for my father fell partially to me. I was gone even more.
While I was gone,
Things got broke.
Things got messed up.
The children spent more time away from home.No amount of yelling and punishing is going to fully bring them out of that lifestyle, especially when their father has a totally different mindset than me.
Hopeless? Not entirely, but I am going to gripe about it every once in a while. And yes, I am still going to try to change things.
Posted by AdaGrace on October 9, 2005, at 10:19:30
In reply to Re: Yes, yes indeed » AdaGrace, posted by ClearSkies on October 9, 2005, at 8:18:37
Would love to visit you. However, my suspicious husband wouldn't understand me going to visit someone I met on the internet, no matter how innocent and harmless I would try to explain it.
Having said that. I have a birthday trip to Vegas the first of December planned. (Agreed upon and purchased before the final demise of my job) Hubby is going along, but I will have three of my close friends along and their respective spouses can entertain Mr. Man.
Just not sure I can make it until then. I would seriously like to go somewhere for the weekend. Maybe with or without a good close friend. Money, that is the key. Time is not an issue, but of course husband approval would be needed as well. Not that I need to ask him permission, but it is so terribly hard to explain just how bad it gets when he doesn't like something I do or say. It's just easier to conform to his way of thinking sometimes. Call it self preservation.
Thank you for the offer though. It would be great. And if there is ever a time when I feel like it would be accepted without much grief towards me, I would do it in a heartbeat.
Posted by AdaGrace on October 9, 2005, at 10:20:34
In reply to Re: At the End of the Cleaning Cycle, posted by AdaGrace on October 9, 2005, at 8:28:45
Posted by AdaGrace on October 9, 2005, at 10:22:04
In reply to Re: At the End of the Cleaning Cycle, posted by Phillipa on October 7, 2005, at 22:30:11
You must have had support from your husband in your parenting endeavors. I however, do not.
Posted by AdaGrace on October 9, 2005, at 10:23:41
In reply to Re: At the End of the Cleaning Cycle » AdaGrace, posted by sal0805 on October 8, 2005, at 3:07:38
> My six month old Mexican Chihuahua is more likely to put her toys in her toy basket when she is finished with them than my family packing something away.Can you train her to pick up their stuff and put it away???
> Be that as it may, are my family all that messy or are my standards just too darn high?
I ask myself that as well.
Posted by ClearSkies on October 9, 2005, at 13:46:57
In reply to Re: Yes, yes indeed » ClearSkies, posted by AdaGrace on October 9, 2005, at 10:19:30
LOL! Well, if your husband needs a reference check for me, you can contact NikkiT2, Racer, justyourlaugh, Dinah, rainbowbrite, Toph, Dr Bob, Poet, AllDone, fallfall, AuntieMel, gardenergirl... all these Babblers have met me face to face and lived to tell the tale.
I'm safe. And the activities I mentioned in my post were no-cost ones. I had *no* money when I needed to get away so badly, so my friend and I did freebie stuff only.
Just keep it in mind - even visiting someone a couple of miles from home would be a break for you.
CS
Posted by Phillipa on October 9, 2005, at 18:04:52
In reply to Re: At the End of the Cleaning Cycle » Phillipa, posted by AdaGrace on October 9, 2005, at 10:22:04
AdaGrac, absolutely no help from my ex-husband. He worked til after 9pm each night and Saturdays as well. It just seems as if kids were easier back them. And there was not as much ADD then either. I think some of it is the chemicals we eat, and hormones fed to fatten animals up. Even kids are taller these days. And I've spoken with Clear Skies on the telephone. And she is very real. Fondly, Phillipa
Posted by AdaGrace on October 9, 2005, at 18:54:32
In reply to Re: At the End of the Cleaning Cycle » AdaGrace, posted by Phillipa on October 9, 2005, at 18:04:52
I get no help and undermined, rarely ever backed up. Which only creates an image of the "big bad mommy"
Posted by ClearSkies on October 9, 2005, at 19:42:12
In reply to Re: Maybe I should clarify then » Phillipa, posted by AdaGrace on October 9, 2005, at 18:54:32
My dad was not around at all when I was a kid except to change clothes, I think. My mom was the "bad guy", definitely. Although even when I was a child I realized that she was having to play both roles. Whenever my dad would come home from a business trip he'd be very loving, but just not THERE. He couldn't be relied upon for any kind of emotional support at all.
I think my mom did it for as long as she could before she finally walked away from the marriage (26 years). I was a teenager, and felt so hurt by it and yet so proud of her... still feel the same way.
Posted by alexandra_k on October 9, 2005, at 20:59:27
In reply to Re: At the End of the Cleaning Cycle, posted by AdaGrace on October 9, 2005, at 8:28:45
(((((Adagrace)))))
:-(
i'm sorry
Posted by AdaGrace on October 10, 2005, at 23:24:26
In reply to Re: At the End of the Cleaning Cycle » AdaGrace, posted by alexandra_k on October 9, 2005, at 20:59:27
I think I was being a b*tch to you in this thread. I am sorry.
Posted by alexandra_k on October 10, 2005, at 23:46:34
In reply to Re: At the End of the Cleaning Cycle » alexandra_k, posted by AdaGrace on October 10, 2005, at 23:24:26
tis okay gracie, i understand.
i think... it may have sounded a bit like i was being a bitch to you... i'm sorry. you would think that if anyone would understand the need to vent it would be me.you hang in there.
This is the end of the thread.
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