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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 15 of 15. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Deneb on September 29, 2005, at 18:11:47
keep posting what I think of him and how I keep thinking about him?
Do you think maybe he wants me to stop? Why doesn't he tell to stop? I don't know if I can stop. Do you think that my always posting about my thinking of him scares him? Do you think that he will be afraid of me when I see him in person? What do you think he thinks when I post about thinking what he thinks and so forth?
Why do I think so much about Dr. Bob? Anyone have any theories?
Deneb
Posted by crazy teresa on September 29, 2005, at 19:06:49
In reply to Do you think Dr. Bob minds that I..., posted by Deneb on September 29, 2005, at 18:11:47
The bobster is a big boy. He can handle your posts. I'm sure he's not afraid of you.
I'm not sure why you're so concerned. It doesn't matter what he thinks. It doesn't matter what I think. It only matters what you think. What do you think?
Posted by spriggy on September 29, 2005, at 19:10:01
In reply to you and the bobster » Deneb, posted by crazy teresa on September 29, 2005, at 19:06:49
I don't know if your scaring him, but you're scaring me.
Posted by Deneb on September 29, 2005, at 19:11:55
In reply to Re: you and the bobster, posted by spriggy on September 29, 2005, at 19:10:01
How am I scaring you Spriggy?
Posted by Phillipa on September 29, 2005, at 20:42:57
In reply to Re: you and the bobster » spriggy, posted by Deneb on September 29, 2005, at 19:11:55
Deneb, focus your thoughts on studying. Fondly, Phillipa
Posted by Deneb on September 29, 2005, at 23:23:20
In reply to you and the bobster » Deneb, posted by crazy teresa on September 29, 2005, at 19:06:49
I wish Dr. Bob would talk to us (Babblers) more. I wish he would be our friend here. He used to "talk" more often back in the day...now he doesn't. Sometimes I think it might be because of me...'cause I'm scaring him away.
Why doesn't Dr. Bob talk with us? Doesn't he want to be our friend? Doesn't he like us? I bet if he talked more I wouldn't be as obsessed with him. I'm not obsessed with DocJohn, probably 'cause he chats with his posters. There is not nearly as much projection and stuff.
I keep seeing meaning in actions and in-actions from Dr. Bob. Since he doesn't talk, my suspicions never get disproved and I start thinking all sorts of crazy stuff. I must admit though that a lot of the time I enjoy my projections. Most of the time I see Dr. Bob as a friendly guy with likes to have fun. I like to imagine that Dr. Bob jests with me and we have some funny times. These thoughts comfort me like a plush toy or my Hamster does, and I "love" Dr. Bob just like how I "love" my soft furry friends.
Oh dear, I think I'm a freak. Surely I scared Dr. Bob away now... Don't be afraid, I would never harm anyone here on purpose.
Deneb
Posted by sleepygirl on September 30, 2005, at 0:16:48
In reply to Re: you and the bobster, posted by Deneb on September 29, 2005, at 23:23:20
Hey Deneb,
Dr. Bob functions as an administrator here. It's not really his role to participate in our boards/discussions. What our perceptions are of the 'blank slate' that is Dr. Bob are largely created by ourselves. He's not involved with us. It's not a good or bad thing, it just is. It's OK right? Enjoying school? I hope so.
-sleepygirl
Posted by JenStar on September 30, 2005, at 0:38:11
In reply to Re: you and the bobster, posted by Deneb on September 29, 2005, at 23:23:20
Deneb,
Possibly you're only interested because he doesn't participate. You see that as a challenge (maybe) or as a mystery - do you agree?I don't think you're that influential to drive Dr. Bob's interactions here on the board. I believe that kind of expansive thinking is indicate of your dx, no? Maybe also part of the paranoia you sometimes suffer from?
In any case, Dr. Bob has chosen to limit his role here to purely administrative with maybe just a few teeny dips into sort-of-interaction from time to time. That is his choise and how he prefers it. DocJohn may have a very different role on his boards, which is his choice too.
Deneb, it's kind of frustrating to read your posts about thinking someone wants to hurt you all the time (Dr. Bob, your pdoc). You seem to obsess about this over and over. It's frustrating because I want you to be well, and when I read posts like that, it makes me think you're NOT well, since you're so disturbed by these intrusive thoughts.
Do you recognize on some level that these thoughts are "bogus" and are your mind playing tricks on you? Or do you really believe that people want to hurt you - I mean, REALLY believe it?
Have you been honest with your pdoc about these thoughts?
Sometimes it seems that you don't want to get well. You say things that imply you're going to hold info back from doctors to stay out of hospital. Or you imply that you'll just stop taking meds, or stop seeing someone. Those don't seem like the responsible actions of someone who truly is involved in their own health & trying to get better. At least IMO. Now I don't know if this is true, and i hope it's not. But when I read your posts, that how it comes across to me. You'll have to tell me (if you want to) if I made the wrong assumption.
Is the risperdal supposed to help with obsessive and paranoid thoughts? Do you think it's helping yet?
take care.
JenStar
Posted by Deneb on September 30, 2005, at 0:45:58
In reply to Re: you and the bobster, posted by sleepygirl on September 30, 2005, at 0:16:48
> Hey Deneb,
> Dr. Bob functions as an administrator here. It's not really his role to participate in our boards/discussions.I know, but I bet he still thinks stuff about us. I keep thinking of what he thinks. Sometimes he jokes around. I can tell he has a sense of humour.
>What our perceptions are of the 'blank slate' that is Dr. Bob are largely created by ourselves.
Are you sure? I think I gather evidence of what Dr. Bob is like and make inferences about what he would think. Is it really all just in my head?! Wow, that's pretty crazy if that is the case. I think Dr. Bob is probably how I imagine him to be, but I know that the "conversations" I have with him are not real...I'm not *that* crazy. lol They do feel real though and sometimes I act like they are real. Is this a problem?
>He's not involved with us. It's not a good or bad thing, it just is. It's OK right?
I just wish...I wish he would talk with us and be our friend. He talked a lot more in the past. *Sigh* I feel like I love Dr. Bob (not in a romantic way, more like how I love my hamster). I think to myself, "Ahh, I love Dr. Bob" and then I feel comforted.
Wow, I should go to bed soon, it's getting late. I think I'm preoccupied with this place.
Deneb
Posted by Deneb on September 30, 2005, at 1:17:33
In reply to Re: you and the bobster » Deneb, posted by JenStar on September 30, 2005, at 0:38:11
> Deneb,
> Possibly you're only interested because he doesn't participate. You see that as a challenge (maybe) or as a mystery - do you agree?Maybe. I think also, I tend to attach strongly to things/people that/who don't interact in normal ways. I think it's because I don't know how to interact in normal relationships so I find comfort in one sided relationships.
> I don't think you're that influential to drive Dr. Bob's interactions here on the board.
Other people have told me this too. It might be true. It's just difficult to imagine for me.
> I believe that kind of expansive thinking is indicate of your dx, no? Maybe also part of the paranoia you sometimes suffer from?
I have no idea where my kind of thinking comes from.
> Deneb, it's kind of frustrating to read your posts about thinking someone wants to hurt you all the time (Dr. Bob, your pdoc). You seem to obsess about this over and over.
I know. :-(
I don't know how to get rid of them.> Do you recognize on some level that these thoughts are "bogus" and are your mind playing tricks on you? Or do you really believe that people want to hurt you - I mean, REALLY believe it?
I think that a lot of the time I realize that my thoughts aren't true, but then I suddenly get frightened and I think they are true...like today, I suddenly really thought my p-doc is harming me with the Risperdal because he doesn't know me and my thoughts aren't disordered. I just don't know anymore. I'm just horribly confused at this point. I have to remember to gather evidence for my thoughts. There is just this problem of not enough evidence. Right now I don't really have evidence that this new p-doc guy really "gets" me. If he doesn't "get" me, then maybe he is harming me with meds.
I'm so glad that Dr. Bob wrote to me once about ODs being a bad idea and to not do it, because I really need that post as evidence that he doesn't want me dead. Without that post I think I will start thinking he wants me dead. Now I just think that he doesn't like me sometimes, but at least he doesn't want me dead.
> Have you been honest with your pdoc about these thoughts?
To tell you the truth, I don't really remember what the heck I said to the guy. I think I was all over the place, I was pretty anxious.
> Sometimes it seems that you don't want to get well. You say things that imply you're going to hold info back from doctors to stay out of hospital.
I just don't want to get locked up again like I did last time I OD'd. I wasn't even suicidal and they locked me up.
>Or you imply that you'll just stop taking meds, or stop seeing someone.
The meds might be harming me because I might now have anything wrong with me and this new p-doc doesn't realize it yet.
The counselling centre won't see me so I guess I'll just have to see this guy for now.
>Those don't seem like the responsible actions of someone who truly is involved in their own health & trying to get better.
I want to get better, I'm just not sure that meds are the answer for me. I think I need some counselling or something but right now I don't know where to get it. I will be compliant with the meds thing for now because I'm afraid that if I don't take them no one will want to see me, I don't want to be left alone without any help.
> Is the risperdal supposed to help with obsessive and paranoid thoughts? Do you think it's helping yet?
I don't know...maybe? Maybe it wears off? I have no idea. Maybe I don't really have any problems so that is why there is no big effect?
Thanks JenStar, I know you are trying to help. I'm just confused right now.
Deneb
Posted by sunny10 on September 30, 2005, at 7:43:02
In reply to Re: you and the bobster » JenStar, posted by Deneb on September 30, 2005, at 1:17:33
give the meds a chance, at least. They won't harm you if they aren't right for you.
It'll take a good few weeks of steady use to get the total effect (feel better). After that you can start thinking about whether it's helping or not.
And Dr. Bob is just happy to be able to provide us with a place to be ourselves.
I think that he doesn't spend as much time here for a few different reasons. One, he's been travelling, as evidenced by the pictures... Two, his study is over (the one he started this site for). He leaves it up and open for US at this point. He is doing us a tremendous favor.
He doesn't dislike any of us. He doesn't judge us; simply expects us to respect others by following the rules of conduct.
rest easy, Deneb.
We like you!
Posted by Deneb on September 30, 2005, at 13:32:49
In reply to Re: you and the bobster, posted by sunny10 on September 30, 2005, at 7:43:02
I'm sad Dr. Bob doesn't post as much now. :-(
He used to say what was on his mind much more, now he basically says nothing. He used to actually get into discussions, now he just mirrors back questions...I can't stand it, but there is nothing for me to do...nothing, I can't do anything about this.
I don't know why I'm upset with this. This is getting out of hand, I have to study. Why am I so obsessed with this? I think I'm losing my mind.
Deneb
Posted by Deneb on September 30, 2005, at 14:00:39
In reply to Re: you and the bobster, posted by Deneb on September 30, 2005, at 13:32:49
Aaaah! I'm losing my mind! I'm losing my mind! I can't stop obsessing and I have to study! I have to study! What am I going to do? What am I going to do? I'm losing my mind!
There's something wrong with me. I think I need a break from this place. I think I'm losing my mind.
Deneb
Posted by rainbowbrite on September 30, 2005, at 15:34:45
In reply to Re: you and the bobster, posted by Deneb on September 30, 2005, at 14:00:39
> Aaaah! I'm losing my mind! I'm losing my mind! I can't stop obsessing and I have to study! I have to study! What am I going to do? What am I going to do? I'm losing my mind!
>
> There's something wrong with me. I think I need a break from this place. I think I'm losing my mind.
>
> DenebI think you may be right that you may need a break from this place. If it is interferring with school try to back off a little. You appear to becoming unusally preoccupied with Dr Bob. How about telling your pdoc about the obsession? It will benifit you greatly if you could find someone IRL who you can trust. People are not generally out to hurt others- Especially doctors.
Posted by Tamar on October 2, 2005, at 19:26:44
In reply to Re: me and the bobster » sleepygirl, posted by Deneb on September 30, 2005, at 0:45:58
> I just wish...I wish he would talk with us and be our friend. He talked a lot more in the past. *Sigh* I feel like I love Dr. Bob (not in a romantic way, more like how I love my hamster). I think to myself, "Ahh, I love Dr. Bob" and then I feel comforted.
I think it’s good that you love Dr Bob. And that it brings you comfort. I guess the really hard thing is that he’s not as forthcoming as you’d like.
Do you think perhaps this ties in with the questions you had about transference? Perhaps Dr Bob is a positive male influence in your life and your love for him is a very important love for a man who cares about you. I got the impression that you don’t know a lot of men and aren’t very interested in men, and yet I think it’s healthy to feel love for some men sometimes…
But probably therapy is the best way to explore this kind of stuff. Can your p-doc recommend someone for therapy?
Tamar
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