Posted by Deneb on September 30, 2005, at 1:17:33
In reply to Re: you and the bobster » Deneb, posted by JenStar on September 30, 2005, at 0:38:11
> Deneb,
> Possibly you're only interested because he doesn't participate. You see that as a challenge (maybe) or as a mystery - do you agree?Maybe. I think also, I tend to attach strongly to things/people that/who don't interact in normal ways. I think it's because I don't know how to interact in normal relationships so I find comfort in one sided relationships.
> I don't think you're that influential to drive Dr. Bob's interactions here on the board.
Other people have told me this too. It might be true. It's just difficult to imagine for me.
> I believe that kind of expansive thinking is indicate of your dx, no? Maybe also part of the paranoia you sometimes suffer from?
I have no idea where my kind of thinking comes from.
> Deneb, it's kind of frustrating to read your posts about thinking someone wants to hurt you all the time (Dr. Bob, your pdoc). You seem to obsess about this over and over.
I know. :-(
I don't know how to get rid of them.> Do you recognize on some level that these thoughts are "bogus" and are your mind playing tricks on you? Or do you really believe that people want to hurt you - I mean, REALLY believe it?
I think that a lot of the time I realize that my thoughts aren't true, but then I suddenly get frightened and I think they are true...like today, I suddenly really thought my p-doc is harming me with the Risperdal because he doesn't know me and my thoughts aren't disordered. I just don't know anymore. I'm just horribly confused at this point. I have to remember to gather evidence for my thoughts. There is just this problem of not enough evidence. Right now I don't really have evidence that this new p-doc guy really "gets" me. If he doesn't "get" me, then maybe he is harming me with meds.
I'm so glad that Dr. Bob wrote to me once about ODs being a bad idea and to not do it, because I really need that post as evidence that he doesn't want me dead. Without that post I think I will start thinking he wants me dead. Now I just think that he doesn't like me sometimes, but at least he doesn't want me dead.
> Have you been honest with your pdoc about these thoughts?
To tell you the truth, I don't really remember what the heck I said to the guy. I think I was all over the place, I was pretty anxious.
> Sometimes it seems that you don't want to get well. You say things that imply you're going to hold info back from doctors to stay out of hospital.
I just don't want to get locked up again like I did last time I OD'd. I wasn't even suicidal and they locked me up.
>Or you imply that you'll just stop taking meds, or stop seeing someone.
The meds might be harming me because I might now have anything wrong with me and this new p-doc doesn't realize it yet.
The counselling centre won't see me so I guess I'll just have to see this guy for now.
>Those don't seem like the responsible actions of someone who truly is involved in their own health & trying to get better.
I want to get better, I'm just not sure that meds are the answer for me. I think I need some counselling or something but right now I don't know where to get it. I will be compliant with the meds thing for now because I'm afraid that if I don't take them no one will want to see me, I don't want to be left alone without any help.
> Is the risperdal supposed to help with obsessive and paranoid thoughts? Do you think it's helping yet?
I don't know...maybe? Maybe it wears off? I have no idea. Maybe I don't really have any problems so that is why there is no big effect?
Thanks JenStar, I know you are trying to help. I'm just confused right now.
Deneb
poster:Deneb
thread:561051
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20050929/msgs/561179.html