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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 5 to 29 of 29. Go back in thread:
Posted by Deneb on June 22, 2005, at 22:34:36
In reply to I don't feel connected anymore :-(, posted by Deneb on June 22, 2005, at 21:35:45
I'm sad. Can someone e-mail me to say "Hi"?
I want a friend. Can someone teach me how to get a friend?
I'm lonely. I don't *get* it. I don't know how to be a normal person.
Posted by rainbowbrite on June 22, 2005, at 22:38:58
In reply to Re: I don't feel connected anymore :-(, posted by Deneb on June 22, 2005, at 22:34:36
honestly I think the less you *try* the better it is. Friends just happen, or at least thats how Ive experienced it IRL and here. Just be you
Posted by justyourlaugh on June 22, 2005, at 23:02:44
In reply to Re: I don't feel connected anymore :-( » Deneb, posted by rainbowbrite on June 22, 2005, at 22:38:58
i have been myself for over 20 years..
nothing happened!
Posted by Deneb on June 22, 2005, at 23:12:50
In reply to Re: I don't feel connected anymore :-( » Deneb, posted by rainbowbrite on June 22, 2005, at 22:38:58
> honestly I think the less you *try* the better it is. Friends just happen, or at least thats how Ive experienced it IRL and here. Just be you
Being me hasn't been working for me. I need to learn to *not* be who I am right now. There is something wrong with my personality. My p-doc said I have a borderline personality. I think that is why I don't have friends.
I just know that right now at this moment I need friends, lots of friends. I feel lonely. I need lots and lots of attention right now I think...but it is selfish to ask for it. I just don't know what to do with myself...I'm restless inside, I need something. I feel like people wouldn't care if I died and that writing about this is selfish. I just don't know what to do. I feel evil for being jealous of all the attention other people get. I don't think anyone will care if I disappeared. I wouldn't do that though, because it is a horrible thing to do even if one person thinks I'm dead and I'm really just not responding...but I feel like I need to know that others care about me.
Oh, it's just a horrible situation. :-(
I can't explain myself well.Deneb
Posted by rainbowbrite on June 22, 2005, at 23:15:07
In reply to for true?, posted by justyourlaugh on June 22, 2005, at 23:02:44
no friends you mean
Posted by rainbowbrite on June 22, 2005, at 23:19:11
In reply to Re: I don't feel connected anymore :-(, posted by Deneb on June 22, 2005, at 23:12:50
>Oh, it's just a horrible situation. :-(
I can't explain myself well.hey sorry I didnt mean to trivialize it.. which it sounds like I may have. but I just was trying to say that the more we try with something the less guenuine it becomes and then its not real...you know?
I suck at explaining myself as well when I feel crappy...maybe ill stop trying for now...Im sorry you feel bad.
take care
Posted by justyourlaugh on June 22, 2005, at 23:39:12
In reply to Re: for true?, posted by rainbowbrite on June 22, 2005, at 23:15:07
none...
selfish me married my sole mate..my best buddy..
he is always working.
j
Posted by alexandra_k on June 23, 2005, at 5:52:58
In reply to I don't feel connected anymore :-(, posted by Deneb on June 22, 2005, at 21:35:45
I don't have many friends IRL.
Just people who are closer or more distant acquaintances. I know that sounds strange...I can talk to different people about different things. My office mate is good to talk to about philosophy stuff. And about ethical issues. About computers. A little bit about problems I'm having - but not very much really.
Other friends I can rave to a bit more when I'm feeling upset. But then they can be fairly hopeless if I'm in a quandry and don't know what to do. They can listen and get mad with me - but thats cause they go around being mad themselves much of the time.
Other friends I talk about music to or whatever.
Thats why I like Babble, I guess. Because there are lots of people here. When you start a thread mostly you don't have any particular poster in mind. So it isn't like you are catering what you say to someone in particular. Sometimes things just work out that you talk to a couple people a lot. And then sometimes you find yourself talking to a couple different people for a while. Then sometimes you start talking to the first people again and round and round it goes. I don't think people forget you. It is just that different people are in different places and are involved in different conversations so there is a movement closer and further away and closer and further away... And sometimes people move on, that is true. But then new people come into our lives as well...
And whether other people feel too close or too far away can vary as your needs / moods change too.
I guess when I don't feel connected I reach out for a connection - like you did.
Starting a thread is an invitation.
So is responding to someone elses.I care about you.
I'd certainly notice if you were gone and I'd miss you.:-)
Posted by Jazzed on June 23, 2005, at 17:45:15
In reply to I don't feel connected anymore :-(, posted by Deneb on June 22, 2005, at 21:35:45
> Not having a lot of time means that I cannot read many posts. The few people who I converse with sometimes are gone.
>
> I've never been good at making and keeping friends, perhaps it is the same here. I'm not too sure how to be a good friend and have others connect with me.
>
> I'm not sure if I really had friends here. I think I get a little caught up in things sometimes. I forget that MY world is not everyone else's world, and for that I'm sorry.
>
> Am I thinking straight here? Do people mean what they say here? How do I connect with others? I don't think I really have friends....only acquaintances.
>
> Deneb
>
\Hi Deneb,
I've felt a definite connection with you, and have felt really bad for you about the work situation. I wish you had more hope, more happiness, and wish you could walk away from the family business. It just doesn't seem right to me. Could part of the lack of feeling with other babblers be that your situation seems pretty bleak to you right now? I sure don't blame you for that!
I hope you'll continue to post, and try to feel the connections.
Jazzy
Posted by Jazzed on June 23, 2005, at 17:49:29
In reply to for true?, posted by justyourlaugh on June 22, 2005, at 23:02:44
I love my husband and my family too. My hubby doesn't work all the time, but I feel lonely sometimes, even with him here.
I know that if I want friends, I have to put myself out there, and get connected in some way, but this is very hard for me, and sounds like it is for you and Deneb too. Maybe we care too much about what others think? I do have friends, but not a lot.
I'm hoping that over time, and with the help of my p-doc and T that I will get better at this. I hope it does for both of you too.
Jazzy
Posted by justyourlaugh on June 23, 2005, at 21:47:03
In reply to Re: for true? » justyourlaugh, posted by Jazzed on June 23, 2005, at 17:49:29
i hate everyone!
i long to be social and have grace..
hate them before they hate you!
jk..still climbing up that mountain..
j
Posted by Jazzed on June 23, 2005, at 21:49:40
In reply to jazz, posted by justyourlaugh on June 23, 2005, at 21:47:03
> i hate everyone!
> i long to be social and have grace..
> hate them before they hate you!
> jk..still climbing up that mountain..
> j
>
>
HUH?!
Posted by Jazzed on June 23, 2005, at 21:50:21
In reply to jazz, posted by justyourlaugh on June 23, 2005, at 21:47:03
> i hate everyone!
> i long to be social and have grace..
> hate them before they hate you!
> jk..still climbing up that mountain..
> j
>
>
HUH?! Was this intended for me?
Posted by rainbowbrite on June 23, 2005, at 21:51:44
In reply to Re: jazz » justyourlaugh, posted by Jazzed on June 23, 2005, at 21:50:21
Posted by Deneb on June 23, 2005, at 22:01:36
In reply to Re: I don't feel connected anymore :-( » Deneb, posted by alexandra_k on June 23, 2005, at 5:52:58
Thank-you for explaining things to me. It makes sense. It feels a little unsettling though...to have people come and go all the time. Instability is not a good thing for me.
Thanks for saying you will miss me. :-)
I miss you a lot when you're gone.
Posted by justyourlaugh on June 23, 2005, at 22:02:13
In reply to Re: jazz » justyourlaugh, posted by Jazzed on June 23, 2005, at 21:50:21
i was pointing out reasonings..yet the mind keeps avoiding the obvious..
"climbing"=working..
"up that mountain"=on difficult issues..
= i hear what you are saying
j
Posted by rainbowbrite on June 23, 2005, at 22:11:17
In reply to intended for jazz.., posted by justyourlaugh on June 23, 2005, at 22:02:13
was I correct about jk?
Posted by justyourlaugh on June 23, 2005, at 22:17:14
In reply to JYL, posted by rainbowbrite on June 23, 2005, at 22:11:17
sarcasim has no place on the net!
silly me.
Posted by rainbowbrite on June 23, 2005, at 22:37:41
In reply to yes yes... » rainbowbrite, posted by justyourlaugh on June 23, 2005, at 22:17:14
:-) just felt like I was hanging in uncertainty lol thanks for clarifying
Posted by alexandra_k on June 23, 2005, at 22:43:29
In reply to Re: I don't feel connected anymore :-( » alexandra_k, posted by Deneb on June 23, 2005, at 22:01:36
Hey. I'm just explaining my take. It is hard though. And it does feel unsettling sometimes especially when people come and go all the time, as you say.
> Thanks for saying you will miss me. :-)
Thats okay. It really is true you know. I bet a lot of people from here would miss you.
I think the name of the game is to have a few different people who you are more acquained / friends with. That way if something does happen with one person then you aren't left completely shattered because you haven't put all your eggs into one basket. Different people can connect with you in different ways and I think the only way to feel connected in all respects is to have a variety of different friends who are able to connect with you in different ways.
And yourself too.
Don't forget about you.
You can be a good friend to yourself by being kind to yourself and not giving yourself a hard time.Sometimes thats the hardest connection of all...
But that is one that is capable of being there most constantly with you.
Posted by Jazzed on June 23, 2005, at 23:26:16
In reply to yes yes... » rainbowbrite, posted by justyourlaugh on June 23, 2005, at 22:17:14
> sarcasim has no place on the net!
> silly me.Nope, I'm just thick! Things FLY over my head.
After my dad died, and his wife took all of his stuff, even stuff there was no way she wanted, and we know her kids will just toss in the junk heap when she kicks, stuff she just didn't want us to have, my brother emailed me and told me that he was SURE she'd really want me to have something of his. I was SO excited thinking I'd have something that was my dads! But, my brother was being totally sarcastic. I didn't get it, he had to explain, which ruined his attempt at humor. Oh well.......Jazzy
Posted by Deneb on June 23, 2005, at 23:35:17
In reply to Re: I don't feel connected anymore :-( » Deneb, posted by alexandra_k on June 23, 2005, at 22:43:29
> Hey. I'm just explaining my take. It is hard though. And it does feel unsettling sometimes especially when people come and go all the time, as you say.
For me it also has to do with a sense of time I think...
I quickly forget the presence of someone when they go away for a short period of time. It is almost like they don't exist anymore. Sometimes it is very hard for me to think how others are thinking.> ...I think the only way to feel connected in all respects is to have a variety of different friends who are able to connect with you in different ways.
That will be hard for me. I'm very bad at keeping track of these things. When I need something I often expect everyone to reply...it is difficult to realize that people can still care but not reply.
> You can be a good friend to yourself by being kind to yourself and not giving yourself a hard time.
That would be very handy...to be able to comfort myself when I need it.
I gotta go to bed now. I'm tired. Tomorrow should be a busy day at work...being Friday.
Posted by Jazzed on June 24, 2005, at 8:39:48
In reply to Re: I don't feel connected anymore :-( » alexandra_k, posted by Deneb on June 23, 2005, at 23:35:17
> > Hey. I'm just explaining my take. It is hard though. And it does feel unsettling sometimes especially when people come and go all the time, as you say.
>
> For me it also has to do with a sense of time I think...
> I quickly forget the presence of someone when they go away for a short period of time. It is almost like they don't exist anymore.Hmmmm....that does sound difficult. I don't think I've ever experienced that.
>
>
> That will be hard for me. I'm very bad at keeping track of these things. When I need something I often expect everyone to reply...it is difficult to realize that people can still care but not reply.Yep, I know how that is. It's easy to feel hurt when ppl don't reply. Esp. when we aren't feeling so good about things, then it feels more personal.
>
> That would be very handy...to be able to comfort myself when I need it.
>
> I gotta go to bed now. I'm tired. Tomorrow should be a busy day at work...being Friday.
>
I hope today is good for you. Hope you have a day off this weekend, so you can get some rest.
Jazzy
Posted by alexandra_k on June 24, 2005, at 9:13:11
In reply to Re: I don't feel connected anymore :-( » alexandra_k, posted by Deneb on June 23, 2005, at 23:35:17
> For me it also has to do with a sense of time I think...
> I quickly forget the presence of someone when they go away for a short period of time. It is almost like they don't exist anymore. Sometimes it is very hard for me to think how others are thinking.
Yeah. Thats part of object constancy. When we are little there is a time when we think that objects vanish when they are hidden behind something or taken out of our sight. When we get a little older we realise that even though it is out of sight it still exists and we will look for it. There is object constancy for people too. The thought is that we can learn to internalise other people to kind of have part of them inside us even when they are gone. Sometimes people do this with their t's when they talk to them imagining what they would say. We are particularly good at internalising all those negative signals and messages too. And coming to have a concept of a person that is based over how we have observed them over time. I have a hard time when someone is angry with me. I have a hard time seeing that they are angry with me at that moment but that that moment won't last forever and that they won't be angry with me always. Or if someone lets me down once then to think that they aren't unreliable just because of that - especially if I have known them for a while and they haven't done that before.I am quite state dependent. When I'm in one mood I have trouble remembering times or information or whatever that pertain to my being in a different mood.
Its hard...
> That will be hard for me. I'm very bad at keeping track of these things.
Yeah, me too :-)
But you have made a few friends on Babble. Babble can be hard... It can be hard to get the people behind the posting names straight because there are a lot of people. But you have gotten to know a few different people. And you will get to know more over time. And in life too. In life too.>When I need something I often expect everyone to reply...it is difficult to realize that people can still care but not reply.
Yeah. Other people have their stuff going on too. Sometimes people don't have time to reply because they have to go to work or something. Sometimes people miss threads.
> That would be very handy...to be able to comfort myself when I need it.Absolutely :-)
It is a great skill.
I'm not so very good at it.
One of my t's used to say 'be kind to yourself'.
I try to be kind to me like she was kind to me.
I don't think I really knew what kindness was until I met her. Or maybe I just never observed it properly. Not sure.
> I gotta go to bed now. I'm tired. Tomorrow should be a busy day at work...being Friday.Goodnight.
I hope you have a good day tomorrow.
Hang in there.
Posted by Jen Star on June 25, 2005, at 17:49:10
In reply to I don't feel connected anymore :-(, posted by Deneb on June 22, 2005, at 21:35:45
hi Deneb,
how are you doing? I'm back after my block! And now I'm really going to stay away from admin...I consider you a babble friend, and I hope you feel the same. :) I know it's not the same at "real world" but it's still nice! I felt really sad when I was blocked for a week. It sucked! I actually missed talking to you & other people here.
I hope you're having a good weekend.
jenStar
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