![[dr. bob]](/dr-bob-sm.gif)
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 12 of 12. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Dinah on March 31, 2005, at 21:13:30
Does anyone else detest it as much as I do? I rarely am on the receiving end of it, because I rarely shake hands, and certainly not in "moving along handshake" situations but I have received one once or twice and I've seen them given, and I just hate them.
They're very gracious and all. It's not that. But there are so many unpleasant assumptions built into them. That you will try to monopolize the person giving it being the most obvious. That your words aren't worth paying attention to is another.
I *guess* I understand their purpose. I'm sure that on occasion the moving along handshake is a necessity. But I don't think it should be assumed on first hand to hand contact. :(
So now I don't shake hands of my own free will at all. I'll return them, but I rarely if ever initiate them. All because I once received a moving along handshake.
Maybe I'm a bit too sensitive?
Posted by justyourlaugh on March 31, 2005, at 22:14:01
In reply to The moving along handshake, posted by Dinah on March 31, 2005, at 21:13:30
dinah..
handshakes..
what do you do when they shake and go in for the kiss!
id rather nod..clutch my drink..dart my eyes for a place to escape...please do not touch me..please do not hug me...please do not kiss me!..
buy me a drink first!
j
Posted by rainbowbrite on April 1, 2005, at 9:14:52
In reply to Re: The moving along handshake » Dinah, posted by justyourlaugh on March 31, 2005, at 22:14:01
ugh...Im a hand shaker and I do the kiss thing but not to everyone just when it seems appropriate...but I have had some really awkward responses. How can you tell if someone dosn't want to shake your hand or who would be bothered by a kiss? I dont want to be a space invader lol
I think the moving along handshake is necessary. it is just a polite social thing. Like an acknowledgement, but I know what you mean.
For me I really dont like finger tip handshakes :-)..... Unless of course it seems appropriate within the given situation.
Posted by sunny10 on April 1, 2005, at 9:46:14
In reply to fingertip handshakes........, posted by rainbowbrite on April 1, 2005, at 9:14:52
I'm afraid I was raised by a pack of wolves and don't like the idea of hand shakes at all.
If I really have a close relationship with a person whom I would like to touch at all as a gesture of comraderie, I would hug that person, or pat their shoulder or something intimate like that.
Non-intimate touching is entirely fake in my opinion.
I can honestly say that my reaction to a handshake is never taken well by the person who initiated it- and I am pretty sure that I am prohibiting career advancement by not initiating handshake when I am introduced to higher-ups- but what can I say?
I'm a bumbling fool? Naw, I prefer to admit to having no manners at all. It's not like I mean a lack of respect for PEOPLE, just for useless gestures!
I'm quite sure that jyl gets lots more respect than I do- I just can't help being myself!
Posted by Dinah on April 1, 2005, at 9:55:39
In reply to Re: The moving along handshake » Dinah, posted by justyourlaugh on March 31, 2005, at 22:14:01
:)
In my part of the world, the kiss is so common that you're lucky to avoid it in work situations (and don't always).
I am horrendously awkward at it. I try to avoid the entire thing by staying a good distance away, nodding, and then looking away at the appropriate juncture. If I can't avoid it, it's always awkward.
It's hard enough to know where to put everything in an intimate kiss - nearly impossible in a social one. :(
Posted by Dinah on April 1, 2005, at 10:03:07
In reply to fingertip handshakes........, posted by rainbowbrite on April 1, 2005, at 9:14:52
The moving along handshake I got was from my pastor when I very uncharacteristically thanked him for a fabulous Palm Sunday sermon. I imagine pastors have to get pretty adept at the moving along handshake, but I felt well and thoroughly dismissed since it began before I had a chance to open my mouth, and certainly before he had a chance to see that I was going to give a brief well done and move on myself. I don't care how good his sermons are now. If I'm moved to speak, it's from a distance too far away for a move along handshake.
But once I experienced it once, I had a reference point for vague feelings at other times. Now I percieve the move along handshake in contexts where no physical contact is even made, since the moving along handshake is as much a mindset as the actual physical steering. Once I get one from someone, I rarely come back for more. (I accuse my therapist of it from time to time, rightly I think - although of course no handshake is involved, but I do come back for more.)
As to when to avoid the kiss, watch the eyes. If they dart away before the kiss, they're hoping you suddenly get an itch and interrupt the kiss process. :)
(From a really good kiss dodger. Only the most determined kissers make it through my impenetrable physical contact barriers. Same is true for handshakes unless it's business related.)
Posted by Dinah on April 1, 2005, at 10:06:14
In reply to Re: fingertip handshakes........, posted by sunny10 on April 1, 2005, at 9:46:14
I'm with you. I've forced myself in business situations to be careful to watch for times when a handshake is urgently desired. But fortunately, there is still an ingrained social thing that leaches into business. The woman needs to make the first gesture for handshake. Unless I see someone looking unsure at my hands, I just skip that part. And if it's a woman, I let her decide.
Posted by rainbowbrite on April 1, 2005, at 12:34:59
In reply to Re: fingertip handshakes........ » rainbowbrite, posted by Dinah on April 1, 2005, at 10:03:07
> The moving along handshake I got was from my pastor when I very uncharacteristically thanked him for a fabulous Palm Sunday sermon. I imagine pastors have to get pretty adept at the moving along handshake, but I felt well and thoroughly dismissed since it began before I had a chance to open my mouth, and certainly before he had a chance to see that I was going to give a brief well done and move on myself. I don't care how good his sermons are now. If I'm moved to speak, it's from a distance too far away for a move along handshake.
>
> But once I experienced it once, I had a reference point for vague feelings at other times. Now I percieve the move along handshake in contexts where no physical contact is even made, since the moving along handshake is as much a mindset as the actual physical steering. Once I get one from someone, I rarely come back for more. (I accuse my therapist of it from time to time, rightly I think - although of course no handshake is involved, but I do come back for more.)Ok I understand that, I would feel very insulted! I thought you were referring to more impersonal experiences. That seems very rude.
> As to when to avoid the kiss, watch the eyes. If they dart away before the kiss, they're hoping you suddenly get an itch and interrupt the kiss process. :)
>
> (From a really good kiss dodger. Only the most determined kissers make it through my impenetrable physical contact barriers. Same is true for handshakes unless it's business related.)i hope you were meaning to be funny because I will feel really insensitive if you didn't but I laughed my butt off when I read this! -) I will wathc for the signs from now on, I have definatley come in to close to someone who didnt want my face in their face...and I felt really bad about it.
:-)
Posted by rainbowbrite on April 1, 2005, at 12:51:53
In reply to Re: fingertip handshakes........, posted by sunny10 on April 1, 2005, at 9:46:14
> Non-intimate touching is entirely fake in my opinion.
Its sad to say this but I think I have become way too comfortable with superficial life. I never hug, ever. I rarely get hugs...and I mean a real hug. I get and give the hugs that people often wonder why they happened becasue they were so quick and there was hardly any physical contact between the person (hand taps the shoulder) but thats it. I realized a few years ago that we live in a plastic, and fake society and now I often dont question it, I have my moments but....I dont like it, I prefer real, but I cant find it...anywhere> I'm a bumbling fool? Naw, I prefer to admit to having no manners at all. It's not like I mean a lack of respect for PEOPLE, just for useless gestures!
well I dont think it is always necesary to conform to socieity's rituals, if it works for soemone then there is no reason to. Although i am more a manners freak...but I am also recently learning that the more proper you are, the more fake you are, the more people feel uncomfortable around you to a certain degree. so you can never win in my eyes ....ever!
> I'm quite sure that jyl gets lots more respect than I do- I just can't help being myself!
There is nothing wrong with being yourself! I wish people were more like themselves. :-)
Posted by sunny10 on April 1, 2005, at 13:10:47
In reply to Re: fingertip handshakes........ » sunny10, posted by rainbowbrite on April 1, 2005, at 12:51:53
gosh, you are GOOD with polite, aren't you?!?!?
I admit to being a manner-less animal and you still tell me that's okay!!
Did I tell you today that I love you!?!?!?!?!
I am just giggling away over here... my co-workers will think I've lost it....
We just had "Harassment Training" here yesterday... apparently it is not politically correct to touch anyone at anytime in a work environment (much less ask them how their weekend was...)!!! Funny how they didn't go into the subject of handshakes... Must be one of those grey areas!
Well, I'm going to wish you a nice weekend, anyway, Rainbowbrite- even if it is un-pc to suggest that you may have a personal life. Just 'cause I don't use my manners doesn't mean I'm a cold you-know-what !
(Boy, I am just going off on all tangents today, hunh?!?)
Posted by rainbowbrite on April 1, 2005, at 13:21:01
In reply to Re: fingertip handshakes........ » rainbowbrite, posted by sunny10 on April 1, 2005, at 13:10:47
> gosh, you are GOOD with polite, aren't you?!?!?
>
> I admit to being a manner-less animal and you still tell me that's okay!!I just PIMP LOL....but no offence Sunny....I know you aren't. I am good and reading between the posts lol And Im eating without a plate dropping crumbs all over right now (gasp!) that just violated section 3.3 in the rules of politeness book. LOL
> Did I tell you today that I love you!?!?!?!?!aww... I love you too.....and thats a whole other thread, "i love you" I think thats the first time Ive heard that in a long time. Its too personal IRL I guess
Thanks Sunny!> I am just giggling away over here... my co-workers will think I've lost it....
Meeee tooo LOL craking up!
> We just had "Harassment Training" here yesterday... apparently it is not politically correct to touch anyone at anytime in a work environment (much less ask them how their weekend was...)!!! Funny how they didn't go into the subject of handshakes... Must be one of those grey areas!
Thats weird, it must be pewter??
> Well, I'm going to wish you a nice weekend, anyway, Rainbowbrite- even if it is un-pc to suggest that you may have a personal life. Just 'cause I don't use my manners doesn't mean I'm a cold you-know-what !
LMAO You have a nice weekend as well....as long as we all use our silver ware when we are at restaurants we are all right....dont ya think? LoL
> (Boy, I am just going off on all tangents today, hunh?!?)
Yeah me too....its just that we are a little weird, thats all :-P
Posted by rainbowbrite on April 1, 2005, at 13:22:16
In reply to Re: fingertip handshakes........, posted by rainbowbrite on April 1, 2005, at 13:21:01
This is the end of the thread.
Psycho-Babble Social | Extras | FAQ
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.org
Script revised: February 4, 2008
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/cgi-bin/pb/mget.pl
Copyright 2006-17 Robert Hsiung.
Owned and operated by Dr. Bob LLC and not the University of Chicago.