![[dr. bob]](/dr-bob-sm.gif)
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 12 of 12. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by PM80 on March 21, 2005, at 16:14:02
Hi all. I'm new to this, so I'm not sure if I'm posting this in the right place, but this seems to be a catch-all of sorts. So anyway, here goes. I live alone and it seems that there is almost always too much empty space. Sometimes, I want to scream and shout, but no one would hear anyway. I often feel lonely and really hopeless. I don't even bother to go out very often (ie to the bookstore or the mall) except on weekends because it seems like a lot of effort and I realize it would only be to cover up the emptiness. I moved to this city less than a year ago for a job and did not know anyone when I moved here. Sometimes, I am kinda numb. Sometimes things seem surreal and I drink to feel (often this makes me more depressed and puts me in a dark place). Though I often prefer this painful feeling to the nothingness around. I have been diagnosed as cyclothymic, am in therapy, and am on some meds (mood stabilizers). I was wondering if anyone can relate and what other people do to help themselves.
Posted by partlycloudy on March 22, 2005, at 6:59:32
In reply to So alone! -- what to do?, posted by PM80 on March 21, 2005, at 16:14:02
Hello, I'm partlycloudy and I don't know anyone either! Between moving too many times and relocating after divorce, I am far removed from my family and am at a loss as to just who I might call if I had the nerve to pick up the phone.
How do I cope? I have a very supportive husband, but I hate to use him like a crutch and to define who I am. When he is out of town (which is often) for business, that's when I really ruminate on how very alone I am, and it can easily get me down - especially on myself. I used to refer to myself as a LOSER because of this.
But I'm not a loser. I'm winning, every day I get to wake up. I try to fill those empty times with hobbies and activities just for me (instead of filling them with chores, which leave me in a cleaner home and full of resentment). If I had the nerve, I would try to volunteer at a local charity, or get a part time job.
As it is I do work full time, so I'm not completely isolated. I interact (apparently normally) with people all day every day. I don't socialize with my coworkers outside of work as our interests are at opposite ends of the pole.
Mostly, I use this place as my chance to connect with others. I have made many dear friends here. I've hade the opportunity to meet with a few of them - fantastic! Babble has allowed me to see how my depression and anxiety has contributed to my isolation, so I work hard with my therapist and p-doc to keep getting better.
Sorry for such a ramble, but I truly know how you feel, and want you to know that you're among friends here.
pc
Posted by PM80 on March 22, 2005, at 10:57:38
In reply to Re: So alone! -- what to do? » PM80, posted by partlycloudy on March 22, 2005, at 6:59:32
Thanks, it's nice to know that I am not the only one! I work full-time too, but a lot of my job does not require any social interaction. I really do like my job though; it's only when I so often am alone in my free time that I go a little crazy. It just sucks, huh.
Posted by partlycloudy on March 22, 2005, at 11:01:03
In reply to Re: So alone! -- what to do?, posted by PM80 on March 22, 2005, at 10:57:38
Yes, it does suck. I have tried taking jewellery lessons - the beads flew out of my hands, they were sweating so much!; dance lessons, after which I couldn't walk properly for 3 weeks; and a book club, but they tossed me out because I wouldn't commit to being able to show up once a month.
Hmmm.... it DOES kind of sound like I'm a loser... but I know I'm not. Really.
Nice to meet you :)
Posted by PM80 on March 22, 2005, at 11:42:32
In reply to Re: So alone! -- what to do? » PM80, posted by partlycloudy on March 22, 2005, at 11:01:03
Nice to meet you too. You don't sound like a loser at all. I decided a few weeks ago to try something new so I'm going to be coaching a local community girls soccer team (8-10yr olds). I think I'm the only non-parent that is in the league! It should be interesting. It is weird though that all the alone-time I have makes me question the meaning of my not-alone-time. Does that make any sense? It kinda makes me feel like everything is meaningless and there is no hope. I guess that is what is depression is defined as, but it seems that the facts or logic of my situation comes first and causes my depression rather than the opposite.
Posted by partlycloudy on March 22, 2005, at 12:02:09
In reply to Re: So alone! -- what to do?, posted by PM80 on March 22, 2005, at 11:42:32
It's definitely the depression talking. I would spend hours ruminating over my non-life, why, how, thinking of things that would get me out of the house and into the rest of humanity... and when my depression lifted, so did my worries about being alone. I am perfectly fine sitting at home and reading. I am fine doing chores - if I chose. I was very surprised that something that consumed me for so long just evaporated when my depression finally went into remission.
Have fun being a soccer non-parent!
Posted by sunny10 on March 22, 2005, at 12:46:36
In reply to Re: So alone! -- what to do? » PM80, posted by partlycloudy on March 22, 2005, at 12:02:09
you are both one up on me... My biggest problem is that I'm lazy !!!
Many people have told me to get out and "do" something entirely outside of myself and depression- many espouse charity work or volunteerism of some kind.
I usually find that I am tired after working all day to do that at night- or from working all week to do this on the weekends.
But it is very much true that when the depression starts to lift, being alone doesn't have to mean being lonely. Viva la diference!
Posted by PM80 on March 22, 2005, at 13:58:07
In reply to Re: So alone! -- what to do?, posted by sunny10 on March 22, 2005, at 12:46:36
I definitely am lazy sometimes too, but it is probably more depression-induced than anything. What the hell is the point kind of thing. I find it frustratingly difficult to break free of feeling down. Anyway, if you work full-time and can enjoy your downtime then all the more power to you! I am looking foward to letting myself feel that way.
Posted by Susan47 on March 22, 2005, at 14:22:03
In reply to So alone! -- what to do?, posted by PM80 on March 21, 2005, at 16:14:02
You sound like me thirty years ago. And sometimes days like yesterday. I hope you're young. You get more time to change things if you are. You get time to get involved in living, time to seek out good therapy, time to get your meds to change your mind. So you can fully live, and love, and involve.
Have you thought about Hospice volunteering?
Posted by PM80 on March 22, 2005, at 15:45:33
In reply to Re: So alone! -- what to do? » PM80, posted by Susan47 on March 22, 2005, at 14:22:03
I am still young - in my early-mid twenties - although sometimes my childhood seems so far away that it hardly feels like it was ever real. I haven't had someone I could really rely on for a long time. I haven't thought of other volunteer activities. I kinda want to see how my little league soccer coaching goes. I oscillate between being excited about it and wondering what the hell I was thinking when I signed up. Anyway, it sounds like things can get better, get easier, as I get older and grow. Cool.
Hey, just fyi, thanks for all of your responses.
Posted by annierose on March 22, 2005, at 16:16:29
In reply to Re: So alone! -- what to do?, posted by PM80 on March 22, 2005, at 15:45:33
I think it is wonderful that you are coaching soccer. As a soccer mom, I think you will meet a lot of nice parents. And these parents may know lots of people to help you build connections ... if you want them (i.e. blind dates, book groups, etc.).
I find if you stick yourself out there, most people are kind. Of course, there are mean spirited people too, but just ignore those ignorant folk. Good Luck with the coaching. Make sure all the girls play regardless of their ability. They'll just think the world of you!!
Welcome to Babble - Annierose
Posted by sunny10 on March 23, 2005, at 8:40:25
In reply to Re: So alone! -- what to do? » PM80, posted by annierose on March 22, 2005, at 16:16:29
anyone who is twenty-something and reaching out to help others and to help themselves is a pretty well-adjusted person in my book.
I think the depression is not letting you see how truly wonderful you are!
Mull that over a few times a day... I think CBT calls them affirmations. If you keep telling yourself that you're wonderful, you'll start to believe it like I do!
This is the end of the thread.
Psycho-Babble Social | Extras | FAQ
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.org
Script revised: February 4, 2008
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/cgi-bin/pb/mget.pl
Copyright 2006-17 Robert Hsiung.
Owned and operated by Dr. Bob LLC and not the University of Chicago.