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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 15 of 15. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by PhoenixGirl on February 19, 2005, at 19:20:39
I've been experiencing people who are really mean to me about my depression. It's either "You're f-ed up and crazy" or "There's noting really wrong with you, you're just trying to get attention." Most of these people are on a message board I belonged to, since I don't know many people at all except for online. That message board was created for people in their 20's who are having a hard time adjusting to life and figuring out what they want to do.
But when I'd be in the depths of despair, I'd post on the site. I'd express when I was fantasizing about suicide or when I was afraid that I'm becoming an alcoholic. Then I would get responses like the ones above. When I said that wasn't fair, they would gang up on me even more. Yesterday I posted on the site that I'm just not coming back and said goodbye. After I left, a bunch of people posted remarks like "I'm glad she's gone. She was so annoying" and "What an attention whore. I didn't believe a thing she said."
Why are so many people like this? Have other people here encountered these kinds of attitudes?
Posted by alexandra_k on February 19, 2005, at 19:30:53
In reply to Mean people, posted by PhoenixGirl on February 19, 2005, at 19:20:39
I can't say I have ever got that sort of reception. But I also have to say that I have never posted to that site and probably never will. I find that the older, ahem, I mean the *more mature* people are the more they *typically* tend to be fairly understanding and a whole heap less likely to bitch behind your back. That is the issue I have around a fair few people my age (I am 26). Not saying everyone does, but a fair few people tend to grow out of that. (Thank god, eh??)
I am sorry you had to go through that :-(
I do wonder just a little about what, if anything might have prompted them to start up like that (not saying that it was justified at all). I guess that what I am getting at is what sorts of posts you typically post when you aren't feeling too flash.
Every now and then people have a really bad day or whatever, and sometimes people post about that. But another thing you can do (something I am trying to do myself) is to post brief supportive posts to others when I am pretty bad myself. Or at least to post 3 or 4 or 5 of those *before* I have a bit of a rave. Because it is part of life that if people are down a lot then it is draining for others to be around that a lot. The beauty of writing is that people can't see the tears streaming down your face, or the numbness. They can't see that you are *not* okay. You can support others.
And the more you to that for others the more likely they are to read your posts and give you that support back.
Once again, I don't think their response was very nice and I would hate to go through that. I hope you are okay? Does it seem better here?
Posted by PhoenixGirl on February 19, 2005, at 19:49:30
In reply to Re: Mean people » PhoenixGirl, posted by alexandra_k on February 19, 2005, at 19:30:53
I wrote supportive posts all the time. The majority of my posts weren't even negative. I posted funny stuff sometimes, and a lot of people liked that. When I felt horrible and posted about it, many people would write very supportive things to me. But there was this group of about 10 "regulars" on the site who seemed to gang up on me. Ironically, they seemed to be the ones who had more emotional problems than other members in general. Sometimes I wonder if they projected judgements about themselves onto me.
That site was a lot different than this site. There was no one like Dr. Bob. The people who "ran" the site were several of the members themselves! They were called "moderators". And they enforced the site's loose rules about civility unevenly. The moderator's friends were allowed to say what they wanted to, and would openly say that. The moderators would get emotionally mixed up with other members also. It was a pretty unhealthy way to run a site intended for people having problems in their lives.
Posted by alexandra_k on February 19, 2005, at 20:56:37
In reply to Re: Mean people, posted by PhoenixGirl on February 19, 2005, at 19:49:30
Ah. Yeah, best avoided by the sounds of it.
Sorry you went through that.
Posted by KaraS on February 19, 2005, at 20:57:29
In reply to Mean people, posted by PhoenixGirl on February 19, 2005, at 19:20:39
> I've been experiencing people who are really mean to me about my depression. It's either "You're f-ed up and crazy" or "There's noting really wrong with you, you're just trying to get attention." Most of these people are on a message board I belonged to, since I don't know many people at all except for online. That message board was created for people in their 20's who are having a hard time adjusting to life and figuring out what they want to do.
> But when I'd be in the depths of despair, I'd post on the site. I'd express when I was fantasizing about suicide or when I was afraid that I'm becoming an alcoholic. Then I would get responses like the ones above. When I said that wasn't fair, they would gang up on me even more. Yesterday I posted on the site that I'm just not coming back and said goodbye. After I left, a bunch of people posted remarks like "I'm glad she's gone. She was so annoying" and "What an attention whore. I didn't believe a thing she said."
> Why are so many people like this? Have other people here encountered these kinds of attitudes?
That sounds really horrible. I'm sorry you had to experience that. Shame on them. If they have problems themselves, then they should know better. I can't even begin to understand what they would get out of treating you like that. I agree with Alexandra that their young age probably played into this. I think you'll find more support here. People are generally more mature and understanding and there's a lot less scapegoating.K
Posted by alexandra_k on February 19, 2005, at 21:18:06
In reply to Re: Mean people » PhoenixGirl, posted by KaraS on February 19, 2005, at 20:57:29
And I dare say there aren't any *in groups*. When people post they are typically really happy to get responses regardless of who they are from. And they tend to go by the content of *what* you have to say rather than going by *who* is saying it, if you get what I mean.
I have only had one experience of a consumer run support site. I was lucky - it was a good site. But the whole thing went under when the main moderator encountered *personal crisis*. I have been a bit wary of consumer run sites since then. Have heard a lot of horrid stories and not very many nice ones.
I hope you like it here.
Posted by KaraS on February 20, 2005, at 2:25:27
In reply to Re: Mean people - PhoenixGirl » KaraS, posted by alexandra_k on February 19, 2005, at 21:18:06
> And I dare say there aren't any *in groups*. When people post they are typically really happy to get responses regardless of who they are from. And they tend to go by the content of *what* you have to say rather than going by *who* is saying it, if you get what I mean.
>
> I have only had one experience of a consumer run support site. I was lucky - it was a good site. But the whole thing went under when the main moderator encountered *personal crisis*. I have been a bit wary of consumer run sites since then. Have heard a lot of horrid stories and not very many nice ones.
>
> I hope you like it here.
I agree there is a need for a moderator. I haven't posted on any board that was consumer run. I can just imagine the kinds of problems you could run into. I've been here on this board for a while now - mostly posting on the Alternative or the Main boards. I do like it though I don't always agree with or understand the moderator's decisions.
Posted by gardenergirl on February 20, 2005, at 7:26:07
In reply to Re: Mean people - PhoenixGirl » alexandra_k, posted by KaraS on February 20, 2005, at 2:25:27
That sounds like just a horrible experience. I'm sorry that happened to you. I'd be crushed if it were me. I'm glad it doesn't keep you from posting here. I don't think you will find anything like that here.
And I hope you can think of that group as having their own issues, not to mention poor or missing manners.
Very glad you are here,
gg
Posted by Damos on February 20, 2005, at 15:29:19
In reply to Re: Mean people - PhoenixGirl, posted by gardenergirl on February 20, 2005, at 7:26:07
I'm really sorry to hear what you went through PhoenixGirl - sounds awfull. Hope you feel safe and welcome here. I'd never posted anywhere before this site (a few weeks ago now) and have found nothing but friendship, support and laughter. Honestly don't know how well I would have coped with all the caziness associated with Effexor withdrawal without the people here.
Take care.
Posted by PhoenixGirl on February 20, 2005, at 15:37:18
In reply to Re: Mean people - PhoenixGirl, posted by Damos on February 20, 2005, at 15:29:19
Thanks everybody. I've actually posted on this site a lot and started several years ago. I posted here less frequently and had started using that other site. I've never had a problem here, it's 180 degrees different.
Posted by jay on February 20, 2005, at 21:21:14
In reply to Mean people, posted by PhoenixGirl on February 19, 2005, at 19:20:39
Ohhhh yes..indeed..there are very mean, mean people out there in web-land. You could a)just forget about posting there, or for your own closure b)tell them all to F*CK OFF and then leave. Anyhow, I feel for you, and no matter what anybody says, it is NOT your problem.
Best,
Jay
Posted by rainbowbrite on February 22, 2005, at 0:04:26
In reply to Mean people, posted by PhoenixGirl on February 19, 2005, at 19:20:39
Ewww that would feel horrible. Just remember that all those people from the sounds of it have 'problems', as hard as it is try not to take it personally. Did they post about the same things as you? That seems so incredibly insensitive im sorry you had to go through that.
rain
Posted by 10derHeart on February 25, 2005, at 16:23:33
In reply to Mean people, posted by PhoenixGirl on February 19, 2005, at 19:20:39
I can't add much to what everyone's already said. I am also sorry you had to endure that. I'm surprised you stayed after even one mean post. There's really no "value added" to a supposedly supportive board for any group of people, by the posts of those who think it's okay to be rude, arrogant and nasty. Glad you left.
Age may well play into it, makes sense. But I'll tell you something, some of the most sensitive, mature, smart and even wise regular (at least over on PSP)posters here are in their 20's, young enough for me to be their mom, and they are wonderful. (I'd be honored to *adopt* every one of them, if need be.) I learn and get support from younger posters all the time. I get this from posters of every age, sex and background, really. Babble is quite extraordinary that way, IMO.
Just goes to show folks in their 20's can also *not* need years more time to grow into empathy and compassion - they just come here that way! :-)
Hope you form bonds with some folks around your age here, and others as well. Certainly you won't find any lack of understanding about depression. Hope you feel free to post, no matter WHAT the feelings are. Goodness knows I have! - 10derheart
Posted by PhoenixGirl on February 25, 2005, at 19:27:44
In reply to Re: Mean people » PhoenixGirl, posted by 10derHeart on February 25, 2005, at 16:23:33
I think one *huge* difference between this board and the other one is that almost all of the people here have had extensive experience with serious mental illness. That's why they come here. The people on the other board were more representative of society in general, where a lot of people don't understand mental illness.
> I can't add much to what everyone's already said. I am also sorry you had to endure that. I'm surprised you stayed after even one mean post. There's really no "value added" to a supposedly supportive board for any group of people, by the posts of those who think it's okay to be rude, arrogant and nasty. Glad you left.
>
> Age may well play into it, makes sense. But I'll tell you something, some of the most sensitive, mature, smart and even wise regular (at least over on PSP)posters here are in their 20's, young enough for me to be their mom, and they are wonderful. (I'd be honored to *adopt* every one of them, if need be.) I learn and get support from younger posters all the time. I get this from posters of every age, sex and background, really. Babble is quite extraordinary that way, IMO.
>
> Just goes to show folks in their 20's can also *not* need years more time to grow into empathy and compassion - they just come here that way! :-)
>
> Hope you form bonds with some folks around your age here, and others as well. Certainly you won't find any lack of understanding about depression. Hope you feel free to post, no matter WHAT the feelings are. Goodness knows I have! - 10derheart
Posted by 10derHeart on February 28, 2005, at 13:01:33
In reply to Re: Mean people, posted by PhoenixGirl on February 25, 2005, at 19:27:44
Yeah, I'm sure you're right there. Every time lately I think I see a glimmer of hope society is learning, I seem to see another way in which they're not. <sigh> Have to keep trying to educate them, one by one, but it gets old sometimes. And there is often additional pain for the educators (us) in the process.
This is the end of the thread.
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