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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 3 to 27 of 27. Go back in thread:
Posted by jujube on February 15, 2005, at 13:31:09
In reply to And so the fireworks shall begin on Friday eve, posted by sunny10 on February 15, 2005, at 13:00:06
Sunny,
FWIW, I think you have done the right thing. Times like this are, in my mind at least, about closure, healing and starting to and learning to forgive. It's hard to be on what seems like the *wrong side* of any situation, particularly such an emotionally-charged one that involves family and loved ones. But, in the time ahead, you can look back knowing that you did what you felt was right in your heart. Other members of the family may be angry, but they have to realize (IMHO) that is not all about them, and turning on each other does not lend itself to helping those (and themselves) who are hurting and trying reconcile their emotions, deal with their pain, heal and move on. It's sad but true - humans can be selfish at times, especially when they are hurting (and particularly when anger, resentment and regret may be clouding more productive emotions).
Hang in there and take care Sunny. And, don't forget about Sunny in all this. Try to build some time for yourself into the days ahead so you don't explode or implode. May you draw strength and comfort from those around you who love, care about and respect you.
My thoughts are with you.
Tamara
Posted by sunny10 on February 15, 2005, at 14:11:26
In reply to Re: And so the fireworks shall begin on Friday eve, posted by Angielala on February 15, 2005, at 13:24:01
on Saturday... that's when I'll take her to the hospital and the fireworks *might* begin.
We will, of course, make up a story for the step-family about WHY she is in town... She can speak for herself to Dad and take what ever fallout comes if she chooses to speak unwisely. And vice versa. I cannot do this part for them.
I know that both of them have been damaged in different ways from their non-communication all of these years. And after death is too late to change not speaking at all.
No one "loses"... maybe no winners, but the most I can hope for is no losers....
Posted by sunny10 on February 15, 2005, at 14:19:08
In reply to Re: And so the fireworks shall begin on Friday eve » sunny10, posted by jujube on February 15, 2005, at 13:31:09
I realize that I responded to both of you only showing Lala's name- I am sorry...
I am not myself...
But I am trying to do what's right for me (and them) in the long run...
It is just extremely stressful in the meantime... this is a sister whose very existence has rarely even been acknowledged over the last eight years or so. She has done unspeakable things; put herself in unspeakable positions (self-sabotaguing; we all know the drills). If I could "cure" her, I would, but we all know we have to do these things for ourselves.... sigh.
thanks to both of you for your support!
Posted by Angielala on February 15, 2005, at 14:25:59
In reply to Re: send me some happy thoughts » Angielala, posted by sunny10 on February 15, 2005, at 14:11:26
Ahh- the dance, the stories... I'm so used to those things. It's times like those that I thank goodness that I have Xanax.
This is just an idea... could you set something up for yourself that you would really love for the following weekend? Liek a ski trip, or a spa trip, or a trip away somewhere you just would love to go to? I try and trick my mind into looking forward to something so that if anything gets hazy and hard- I sort of jsut detach for a minute or too, think about what I'm going to be doing next weekend, and then go back to the moment. Like I said, just a thought.
If not, concentrate on the vibes- beacuse I'll be sending you SO many on Saturday- haha. No really, I will... if you start laughing for no reason at all on Saturday, it's me :)
Posted by sunny10 on February 15, 2005, at 14:43:36
In reply to Re: send me some happy thoughts, posted by Angielala on February 15, 2005, at 14:25:59
I am going to French Quarter Festival in April... that is my current light at the end of the tunnel, so to speak...
Posted by Angielala on February 15, 2005, at 16:07:27
In reply to Re: made me giggle already !, posted by sunny10 on February 15, 2005, at 14:43:36
The French Quarter Fest- I love that!! That and the Jazz Fest give me reason to want to move there...
Good stuff!
Posted by Susan47 on February 15, 2005, at 23:10:51
In reply to Re: made me giggle already !, posted by sunny10 on February 15, 2005, at 14:43:36
Hi Sunny.
When I read your original post on the thread, my first thought was that you and your sister have a lot in common and you're in a place to really help her a lot, and then as I continued reading I feel that you're really doing that, from a beautiful place in your heart, but not admitting it to yourself.
Smile. Hope I wasn't off base.
Posted by sunny10 on February 16, 2005, at 8:35:58
In reply to Re: made me giggle already ! » sunny10, posted by Susan47 on February 15, 2005, at 23:10:51
the only difference that I can see is that in my particular depression and confusion, I only ever hurt myself.
My sister has hurt everyone who has ever gotten close to her (including her daughter); but she is the one who is hurting the most inside because she has never gotten any help at all.
Posted by Susan47 on February 16, 2005, at 11:46:29
In reply to Re: dead on, Susan47, posted by sunny10 on February 16, 2005, at 8:35:58
As long as she's breathing she has a chance. :)
Posted by Susan47 on February 16, 2005, at 11:47:19
In reply to Re: dead on, Susan47, posted by sunny10 on February 16, 2005, at 8:35:58
Posted by sunny10 on February 16, 2005, at 12:40:34
In reply to Re: dead on, Susan47, posted by Susan47 on February 16, 2005, at 11:46:29
she won't stay here, though, for the help.
And I am more ashamed than I can verbalize at the relief that fact brings me. I know that I can't "cure her", but the fact is that I don't know if I could even bear to be supportive of her if she did decide to do it for herself. I have "worked" on my family for so long (to even be any part of it is emotionally exhausting!) that I just wouldn't have enough energy to help her. Especially since we reacted so differently to the same parents (and as different aged siblings, our respective relationships with those parents were different). For instance, the only time she was physically harmed by my father is when he struck out to punch me in the face and I ducked. The punch struck my sister in the shoulder as she was washing the dishes. She just scowled and said to him, "watch it- you hurt me!" and went right back to washing the dishes. The fact that he did it often to ME just was never discussed at all.
So, yeah, there's a lot of strange stuff that is zooming through my head right now- not all of it "goodness and light", believe me!
Posted by Susan47 on February 16, 2005, at 14:32:26
In reply to Re: Patience, posted by sunny10 on February 16, 2005, at 12:40:34
You don't have to cure her, it's not your responsibility to do anything for her at all, Sunny. Patience means step back and let things take their course, stay out of it as much as you can and just do what you need to do to keep your integrity. Sometimes that means you have to reach out, as you're doing. But don't overstep the reaching. Because as soon as you start to compromise yourself, you're no longer in control of anything, your emotions most of all. Lecture over, right or wrong, I gave it.
Posted by sunny10 on February 16, 2005, at 14:47:45
In reply to Re: Patience, posted by Susan47 on February 16, 2005, at 14:32:26
thanks, as usual, for helping me name the demons and keep an eye on taming them...we know they can't be domesticated, but repeating the Serenity Prayer usually helps me to stay on the right track for me and I guess I'd forgotten to say it the last couple of days. (ooooh, another sunny-worthy run on sentence... practically the only kind I know how to write!)
this too shall pass, this too shall pass, this too shall pass.... repeat as many times as you need to believe it.
Talking to myself is another sunnyism, I'm afraid! Nine times out of ten people don't understand my logic- as least when I talk to myself it makes sense... (sort of...)
sugar high has denigrated to complete thought process shutdown, I'm afraid. I guess my brain has been over-taxed with all of this stress for the last two weeks- it is threatening mutiny...
Posted by AuntieMel on February 17, 2005, at 10:30:51
In reply to Re: needed to hear it » Susan47, posted by sunny10 on February 16, 2005, at 14:47:45
I think you can help her most by example. How many times do people avoid treatment because they don't think it will do any good?
I avoided it for years because I needed to keep it as a backup plan. As long as I hadn't looked for help I could convince myself it wasn't hopeless, but I was afraid that if I got help and it didn't work then I really *would* feel hopeless.
Posted by sunny10 on February 17, 2005, at 12:12:04
In reply to Re: helping » sunny10, posted by AuntieMel on February 17, 2005, at 10:30:51
what you mean by did or "didn't work" ???
Okay, you probably don't know, but I mean that faceticiously...
I can't say I'm "cured", now can I?!?
But, really, thanks for the vote of confidence, but my sister wasn't around to ever see me go through my depression, hospital stays, or therapies. She can't know whether or not "it worked"- she has no frame of reference...
Posted by AuntieMel on February 17, 2005, at 15:19:50
In reply to Re: hmmm, could you tell me, posted by sunny10 on February 17, 2005, at 12:12:04
I have fairly low expectations right now. When I finally went for treatment I was at the point shere I would consider it working if I:
Wanted to wake up tomorrow
Could function at some level
Could remember at topic long enough to finish a sentence.
Showered every day
Smiled once in a whileWorking - pretty much becomming part of the human race again.
But the definition of "working" changes from time to time and from person to person. Maybe it just means improving?
Posted by sunny10 on February 18, 2005, at 10:10:24
In reply to Re: hmmm, could you tell me - sure » sunny10, posted by AuntieMel on February 17, 2005, at 15:19:50
I really don't think that she understand how screwed up her life IS...
She gets jealous of (and steals/attempts to steal) other people's possesions and boyfriends, but I don't think she thinks of how her life could be better (other than winning a lawsuit)it doesn't seem to be a matter of "depression" with her, exactly.
I don't know how to describe her..... it's more like she is completely out of touch with reality.
Posted by Susan47 on February 18, 2005, at 11:09:28
In reply to Re: - sure, posted by sunny10 on February 18, 2005, at 10:10:24
And full of rage and being vindictive and not seeing that. Perhaps?
Posted by sunny10 on February 18, 2005, at 11:56:05
In reply to Re: - sure, posted by Susan47 on February 18, 2005, at 11:09:28
I dunno... maybe that's what she hides with the drugs and alcohol.... I've never seen it; that's all....
Posted by sunny10 on February 18, 2005, at 12:00:04
In reply to Re: - sure, posted by Susan47 on February 18, 2005, at 11:09:28
I have such an acidic stomach that I'm not sure whether I will throw up or develop an ulcer...
Warring sides of my brains are arguing
a) did she even get on the train with the ticket I paid for?
b) will I be MORE angry or relieved if I sit and wait at the station and she never got on...
c) if she does get here, what the heck am I supposed to do with her for an entire long weekend?
d) my SO will be REALLY angry if she steals something from him/us...will she or won't she repeat history in that regard?AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
Posted by AuntieMel on February 18, 2005, at 14:35:24
In reply to Re: - sure, posted by sunny10 on February 18, 2005, at 10:10:24
But don't people behave that way because they believe something is missing from their life?
I've got my fingers and toes crossed for you this weekend.
Posted by Angielala on February 18, 2005, at 21:35:03
In reply to Re: And now that it's Friday, posted by sunny10 on February 18, 2005, at 12:00:04
I'm sending you my vibes...
Please update us on how you are doing and how things went...
Posted by TamaraJ on February 19, 2005, at 12:33:55
In reply to Re: And now that it's Friday, posted by sunny10 on February 18, 2005, at 12:00:04
My thoughts are with you. I'll say what someone I know used to say to me - Don't let the buggers grind you down - .
Take good care of you.
Tamara
Posted by Susan47 on February 20, 2005, at 12:45:17
In reply to Re: - sure, posted by sunny10 on February 18, 2005, at 11:56:05
You've disappeared, where are you? What happened? Is there another thread I'm missing? What's with your dad, your sister, everybody????
Posted by sunny10 on February 21, 2005, at 11:47:44
In reply to SUNNY10, posted by Susan47 on February 20, 2005, at 12:45:17
don't have time to chat today- will get back to you tomorrow afternoon.
kisses.....
This is the end of the thread.
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