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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 15 of 15. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by jay on January 25, 2005, at 9:16:53
Ok...so I finally got this one gal who lives nearby talking to me. We talked on InstantMessanger for awhile, and the words flowed very nice. We seemed to hit it off well. Not just once, or twice, or three times...but all the time. So, now she gave me her phone number to call her.
The first night we chat is good, like usual, we seem to be on the same wavelength from everything from intellectual to wants/needs levels. But, a few 'glitches' have appeared, and are turning me a bit cold already.
One, she often talks in our phone conversations about how she was talking to "so and so" male from the same date website that day, and "..he started asking some sexual questions." Ok..fine...but then she tells me the next day, then the next, then the next, etc, similar stories about one or two guys! She say's she is not looking for a 'fling', yet she is IM'ing, talking by phone, etc, all of these guys who she say's she is 'not interested in'.(Not even as friends.)
Then, for the past few nights, she told me to call her at a certain time, which I did, and her phone line is busy. So I take a hunch...and have a peek and see that she *is* live on the dating website again...all night without regards to my phone calls! This happened a number of times. I told her if you are going to be on there, just tell me not to call. She just brushed it off, and even before we meet, I am not trusting her motives. I told her what I was looking for...she initially said the same. I honestly don't want to end up dating some lying bed-jumper. Last night when I did get a chance to talk to her, man, I had chilled quite a bit, and felt a bit nauseated about the situation.
Yes, I know I haven't "met" her, and haven't talked long, but when somebody starts making you think of more questions than answers, and is acting in a rather rude and unattractive way, maybe I should just be *outta there*.
Jay
Posted by Angel Girl on January 25, 2005, at 9:29:00
In reply to Pls help..more of Jay's on-line dating adventures., posted by jay on January 25, 2005, at 9:16:53
jay
I'm sorry things are not going as well as you would like. I think honesty is the most important thing in a relationship, at least for me anyway.
I think you're right, it's time to move on. I know I wouldn't want to try to strike up a relationship with someone who continually talked about others she is meeting online. It's like listening to someone talk about their old relationships. I think it's very rude.
I don't think it was anything you did, it sounds like her to me. Don't get down on yourself. Keep trying. The right girl will come along when the timing is right. Hugs.
AG
Posted by Miss Honeychurch on January 25, 2005, at 10:16:10
In reply to Pls help..more of Jay's on-line dating adventures., posted by jay on January 25, 2005, at 9:16:53
When someone tells you to call at a certain time and then blatantly disregards this by keeping the line busy is plain RUDE. This is a red flag. No need to waste any more time on her.
Posted by Snoozin on January 25, 2005, at 13:05:52
In reply to Pls help..more of Jay's on-line dating adventures., posted by jay on January 25, 2005, at 9:16:53
Hi, Jay,
Yeah, I think it's time to blow her off. I'm sorry. Phone busy on *one* night you said you'd call? Maybe just a freak thing. But *several* nights?
When I was internet dating, I would carry on e-mail and phone conversations with several men at once, because I didn't know if *any* of them might lead somewhere or not....I was perfectly honest about this with the guys, though. This really isn't my nature, but I had allowed myself to get a little *goo goo* over a guy here or there, and so excluded even e-mailing any other guys, only to have that *cool* guy end up acting like a jerk.
But this woman is being disrespectful to you, and how a relationship starts, that's generally how it continues. So if her not answering the phone when you guys have a *phone date* bothers you, it will continue to do so.....
Stop calling. Look elsewhere. Her loss. :-)
Susan
Posted by Angela2 on January 25, 2005, at 13:37:53
In reply to Pls help..more of Jay's on-line dating adventures., posted by jay on January 25, 2005, at 9:16:53
I would follow my intuition. If you are getting the feeling that she is lying to you and that she is a player by the way that she acts, you are probably right.
Posted by alesta on January 25, 2005, at 15:04:51
In reply to Pls help..more of Jay's on-line dating adventures., posted by jay on January 25, 2005, at 9:16:53
> Ok...so I finally got this one gal who lives nearby talking to me. We talked on InstantMessanger for awhile, and the words flowed very nice. We seemed to hit it off well. Not just once, or twice, or three times...but all the time. So, now she gave me her phone number to call her.
>
> The first night we chat is good, like usual, we seem to be on the same wavelength from everything from intellectual to wants/needs levels. But, a few 'glitches' have appeared, and are turning me a bit cold already.
>
> One, she often talks in our phone conversations about how she was talking to "so and so" male from the same date website that day, and "..he started asking some sexual questions." Ok..fine...but then she tells me the next day, then the next, then the next, etc, similar stories about one or two guys! She say's she is not looking for a 'fling', yet she is IM'ing, talking by phone, etc, all of these guys who she say's she is 'not interested in'.(Not even as friends.)
>
> Then, for the past few nights, she told me to call her at a certain time, which I did, and her phone line is busy. So I take a hunch...and have a peek and see that she *is* live on the dating website again...all night without regards to my phone calls! This happened a number of times. I told her if you are going to be on there, just tell me not to call. She just brushed it off, and even before we meet, I am not trusting her motives. I told her what I was looking for...she initially said the same. I honestly don't want to end up dating some lying bed-jumper. Last night when I did get a chance to talk to her, man, I had chilled quite a bit, and felt a bit nauseated about the situation.
>
> Yes, I know I haven't "met" her, and haven't talked long, but when somebody starts making you think of more questions than answers, and is acting in a rather rude and unattractive way, maybe I should just be *outta there*.
>
> Jayhi jay,:)
good advice from the others..nip this in the bud now..you deserve better. best of luck.:) be *patient* for ms. right...don't settle for the attitudes...look for someone who's kind and caring and makes you feel good about yourself.
amy:)
Posted by jay on January 25, 2005, at 15:43:16
In reply to Re: Pls help..more of Jay's on-line dating adventures. » jay, posted by Angel Girl on January 25, 2005, at 9:29:00
> jay
>
> I'm sorry things are not going as well as you would like. I think honesty is the most important thing in a relationship, at least for me anyway.
>
> I think you're right, it's time to move on. I know I wouldn't want to try to strike up a relationship with someone who continually talked about others she is meeting online. It's like listening to someone talk about their old relationships. I think it's very rude.
>
> I don't think it was anything you did, it sounds like her to me. Don't get down on yourself. Keep trying. The right girl will come along when the timing is right. Hugs.
>
> AG
Thank you AG..ya I know, but as the song say's (by your excellent mentioned singer above!) "It's hard at the end of the day..". Me, I've always been a "one woman man". Even if I have the inkling that I may like somebody, it's just one at a time for me. But, seems many want "their cake and eat it too."Please take care of yourself...and thanks...
Jay
Posted by jay on January 25, 2005, at 15:46:25
In reply to Re: Pls help..more of Jay's on-line dating adventures., posted by Miss Honeychurch on January 25, 2005, at 10:16:10
> When someone tells you to call at a certain time and then blatantly disregards this by keeping the line busy is plain RUDE. This is a red flag. No need to waste any more time on her.
>Yes, thank you...I think I really need to be told that now. If I let myself continually be walked over like a carpet, that is just plain stupid.
Take care,
Jay
Posted by jay on January 25, 2005, at 15:54:24
In reply to Re: Pls help..more of Jay's on-line dating adventures. » jay, posted by Snoozin on January 25, 2005, at 13:05:52
> Hi, Jay,
>
> Yeah, I think it's time to blow her off. I'm sorry. Phone busy on *one* night you said you'd call? Maybe just a freak thing. But *several* nights?
>
> When I was internet dating, I would carry on e-mail and phone conversations with several men at once, because I didn't know if *any* of them might lead somewhere or not....I was perfectly honest about this with the guys, though. This really isn't my nature, but I had allowed myself to get a little *goo goo* over a guy here or there, and so excluded even e-mailing any other guys, only to have that *cool* guy end up acting like a jerk.
>
> But this woman is being disrespectful to you, and how a relationship starts, that's generally how it continues. So if her not answering the phone when you guys have a *phone date* bothers you, it will continue to do so.....
>
> Stop calling. Look elsewhere. Her loss. :-)
>
> Susan
>
>Thanks Susan :-) You are right, it will just become a cycle and I will get stuck in it. No need for me to do that! I also am very, very good with my instincts about people, and it seems like she is possibly beating around the bush in a few areas. "So and so did this and that and I did this and that.." and some of these stories just go on. With me, it's pretty plain and simple (as it is with most people's lives) when it comes to life stories...not some carried-out major melodramas with very weird unanswered questions. So...time to move on..yes...
Thank you :)
Jay
Posted by jay on January 25, 2005, at 15:58:50
In reply to Re: Pls help..more of Jay's on-line dating adventures. » jay, posted by Angela2 on January 25, 2005, at 13:37:53
> I would follow my intuition. If you are getting the feeling that she is lying to you and that she is a player by the way that she acts, you are probably right.
>
>Ya, my gut feeling is often quite right, and you know, they actually do say people with depression are more likely to be correct about many things then those without! That's because we don't have the rose-coloured glasses on, and have bulls*it detectors cranked right up..lol.
Thanks,
Jay
Posted by alexandra_k on January 25, 2005, at 17:38:54
In reply to Re: Pls help..more of Jay's on-line dating adventures. » Angela2, posted by jay on January 25, 2005, at 15:58:50
Yeah Jay, I am pleased about the advice that has been offered and your response to it.
You deserve much much much better than that!
I know you really want to meet someone
But you really want to meet someone who will give you the same respect you give them in return.You gave her chances, you aren't being hasty.
She is history!
Good on you for showing some self respect!
Posted by Angel Girl on January 25, 2005, at 18:51:20
In reply to Re: Pls help..more of Jay's on-line dating adventures. » Angel Girl, posted by jay on January 25, 2005, at 15:43:16
Posted by alesta on January 26, 2005, at 14:46:50
In reply to Pls help..more of Jay's on-line dating adventures., posted by jay on January 25, 2005, at 9:16:53
hey jay,:)i hope my response didn't sound to 'clinical' or something..i reread it and it didn't sound very friendly. sorry!! my alter-ego must've taken over..my response could've been a little more amiable..the darn internet clouds my intentions sometimes..i was *really* trying to help. i am interested to see how this turns out..keep us updated, darling. i do wish you the best of luck, dear!
take care,:)
amy
Posted by jay on January 26, 2005, at 19:46:36
In reply to Re: Pls help..more of Jay's on-line dating adventures. » jay, posted by alesta on January 26, 2005, at 14:46:50
>
> hey jay,:)
>
> i hope my response didn't sound to 'clinical' or something..i reread it and it didn't sound very friendly. sorry!! my alter-ego must've taken over..my response could've been a little more amiable..the darn internet clouds my intentions sometimes..i was *really* trying to help. i am interested to see how this turns out..keep us updated, darling. i do wish you the best of luck, dear!
>
> take care,:)
> amy
>
>No, why would you think that at all Amy? It was a great boost for me...you have been great...you've all been really kind and supportive. Thanks. :)
Jay
Posted by jay on January 26, 2005, at 19:48:24
In reply to Re: Pls help..more of Jay's on-line dating adventures. » jay, posted by alexandra_k on January 25, 2005, at 17:38:54
> Yeah Jay, I am pleased about the advice that has been offered and your response to it.
>
> You deserve much much much better than that!
>
> I know you really want to meet someone
> But you really want to meet someone who will give you the same respect you give them in return.
>
> You gave her chances, you aren't being hasty.
>
> She is history!
> Good on you for showing some self respect!Thank you...thank you....I hope all this doesn't go to my head..lol! :)
Best,
Jay
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