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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 16 of 16. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by partlycloudy on January 24, 2005, at 8:01:24
Huge progress in the last year and a bit. I'm on Cymbalta and my anxiety has all but vanished. Panic attacks occur rarely. My new therapist and I are "working" on my self esteem and confidence, whatever that means.
But, I'm still depressed. Not always bawl your eyes out depressed like it was, but there is a pall cast over my world, apparently perpetually. Every day is a struggle to smile and play nice. I get home and collapse with the effort. I can take some pleasure in parts of my life, but most activities just don't seem worth trying. I feel flat, like someone took the peaks and valleys in my heart and ironed them out so they look nice and smooth and aren't bumpy any more.
I can handle bad days - I do it every week. But I sure could handle some good days much easier. All the weight I lost through exercise while on sick leave reappeared when I stopped taking Wellbutrin. Guess what was supressing my appetite? So I'm a flubbery, roly poly indifferent lump. Who is no longer anxious or panicky.
Posted by saw on January 24, 2005, at 8:14:47
In reply to Lingering depression, posted by partlycloudy on January 24, 2005, at 8:01:24
As we keep on saying, there is just no easy way. When we get one thing right, the next rears its mean head.
I agree about the lingering depression. I am so flat and when things should make me happy I just give a small dutiful smile. I have not yet shaken my panicky anxiety.
Why did you go off Wellbutrin? Couldn't you go back on? Are you managing to excercise now that you are back at work?
We are speaking the same language!
Sabrina
Posted by partlycloudy on January 24, 2005, at 8:34:17
In reply to Re: Lingering depression » partlycloudy, posted by saw on January 24, 2005, at 8:14:47
We're trying to simplify my drug regime so when I stopped the Effexor to start Cymbalta, we stopped the Wellbutrin too. It has made me jumpy from day One. Now I'm tired all the time. When I increased the dosage of Cymbalta to 90mg a week ago, the crushing headache came back temporarily. Today is my first day without it. It feels like somewhere between a sinus headache and a migraine, but only 800mg of ibuprofen even touched the pain. Unfortunately, that cure also rotted out my tummy at the same time. I haven't felt well enough for the gym for about a week. Today I have no headache but I want to crawl back under the covers and clutch my cat.
I have my exercise gear with me but have already thought of a thousand excuses so I *can't* go after work.
Posted by anastasia56 on January 24, 2005, at 9:54:00
In reply to Re: Lingering depression, posted by partlycloudy on January 24, 2005, at 8:34:17
same here. the cymbalta seems to have ironed out the big stuff but there is still this underlying sadness and lack of will to do much.
'it's always something' as rosanne rosanna danna used to say on saturday night live.
i keep trying to convince myself that i should be happy to at least not have the super lows. seeing my shrinky dink tomorrow to discuss taking the cymbalta to 90mg.
sorry to hear you two (pc and sabrina) are feeling the same on cymbalta.
anastasia
Posted by antigua on January 24, 2005, at 10:01:43
In reply to Lingering depression, posted by partlycloudy on January 24, 2005, at 8:01:24
I'm sorry you feel this way. I feel like this a lot of the time, as in the old Peggy Lee song "Is That all There Is? I expected to feel much better and to be excited about things, but I guess life just goes on. I felt this way after I quit drinking, too, until my new routines really kicked in.
Hope you feel better soon. I can't exercise now because of another injury and that's sure playing havoc w/my equilibrium too.
Take care,
antigua
Posted by partlycloudy on January 24, 2005, at 10:38:28
In reply to Re: Lingering depression, posted by antigua on January 24, 2005, at 10:01:43
...makes me cry every time I hear it. She had such a way of phrasing the words, they strike so true. Mind you, hearing many different people's songs make me cry right now
John Lennon
George Harrison
to name but 2. Hope you heal quickly - thanks for the thoughts.
Posted by partlycloudy on January 24, 2005, at 10:40:17
In reply to Re: Lingering depression, posted by anastasia56 on January 24, 2005, at 9:54:00
I wish there was a new Wellbutrin to pick me up without shaking me around so much.
I miss Roseanne Rosannadanna!!! She was so wise.
Posted by jujube on January 24, 2005, at 11:22:57
In reply to Re: Lingering depression » anastasia56, posted by partlycloudy on January 24, 2005, at 10:40:17
Maybe you could talk to your pdoc about augmenting with Provigil. My pdoc finally relented to let me try it. It is a drug that for narcolepsy, but is being used more and more I think to augment ADs to deal with fatigue, lack of motivation and apathy. It would seem that some people even find it calming and find that it does not aggravate anxiety. I am going through what you and the others in this thread are going through. I don't recognize myself anymore, and its scaring the crap out of me. I used to be able to find pleasure in even the smallest things, and now everything seems so meaningless and bleak and I feel so weepy and lethargic. It's like the "on" switch doesn't work anymore, and I don't know if I have the emotional strength to fix it. But, I will not give up hope (that's a little note to myself - sorry). Things have to get better. They just have to.
Sorry for the rant.
> I wish there was a new Wellbutrin to pick me up without shaking me around so much.
> I miss Roseanne Rosannadanna!!! She was so wise.
Posted by Tabitha on January 24, 2005, at 11:40:30
In reply to Lingering depression, posted by partlycloudy on January 24, 2005, at 8:01:24
Keep looking for a solution, PC. Something still isn't right with your chemistry. I got a huge boost from adding Cytomel, after years of thinking "this is as good as it gets". Suddenly I actually want to exercise, and I want to start craft projects again-- two things I'd just quit doing years ago.
Posted by partlycloudy on January 24, 2005, at 12:58:08
In reply to Re: Lingering depression » partlycloudy, posted by Tabitha on January 24, 2005, at 11:40:30
I am going to keep trying until I get this figured out. It feels so much better hearing that others still struggle finding that "happy" medium between agitation and apathy. You know what it's like - you have several poopy days in a row and you think it's your own fault.
The single identifiable concept I have come to grasp in the past year is perserverance.
Posted by Dinah on January 24, 2005, at 13:56:52
In reply to Lingering depression, posted by partlycloudy on January 24, 2005, at 8:01:24
I was left that way for a while after my bout of major depression lifted. It eventually went away. I would definitely try meds tweaking. As well as giving some thought to passions.
Hmmm... Maybe not. I hurtle from "enthusiasm" to "enthusiasm" and while it makes me feel good short term, long term it bankrupts me.
Posted by partlycloudy on January 24, 2005, at 14:57:40
In reply to Re: Lingering depression » partlycloudy, posted by Dinah on January 24, 2005, at 13:56:52
I think I've had too many hobbies to get my head around these past few months. This weekend I hauled out my jewellery making supplies and sat and wept as I couldn't even make a loop out of a piece of wire. I could have looked it up in my instruction book, but instead I rolled around on the living room floor, moaning. All the materials are still sitting there. It's something I want to be able to do, but I can't say that it's brought me any joy, yet. It feels like an unsurmountable chore.
Same with dance class - I dropped out because I don't care for the instructor. I've got costumes, music - and no desire to dance right now.
Same with book club - the "smart, engaging" group of women (to quote from one of the members) require greater committment from me to attend meetings regularly.
Don't ask about all the plants I've killed in my garden.
I still like to cook, and my growing size attests to that. Something just doesn't feel Right.
Posted by partlycloudy on January 26, 2005, at 18:13:29
In reply to Passions » Dinah, posted by partlycloudy on January 24, 2005, at 14:57:40
I can't stay at 90mgs of Cymbalta. I noticed that whenever I'd bend over I'd hear a whooshing sound in my ears as the blood rushed thru them. (OK so don't bend over.) My BP was 150 over 100. Same problem as Effexor. I get to the right dosage for the depression and my body says, Oh No You Don't. I'm going back to 60mgs tonight and wonder how I'll feel in a week. This is getting very old.
Well, for today, I'm not as depressed. Still completely unmotivated - well, I get motivated at 3pm for 4 and a half minutes, but it's gone before I realize what it is. Then I forget what it was. Man I really miss my brain cells. They took a hike a couple of months ago. Today I was spelling out someone's email address for someone else, and I forgot whose name it was halfway thru. That was a first. It was a multi-syllabic name, so I recovered OK when I sounded it out loud....
Yes, it is always *something*.
Posted by saw on January 27, 2005, at 6:25:57
In reply to Sigh - followup, posted by partlycloudy on January 26, 2005, at 18:13:29
Oh sigh! Yes it is always *something*. And you had only been on the higher dosage a week. I remember the feeling of absolute "I give up" when I broke out in that skin rash a couple of days ago. Fortunately, it was an allergic reaction to goodness knows what because it would still have been there if it was the med.
Your statement "this is getting very old" says it perfectly. Why can't it just be like a headache pill or a flu tab.
My brain cells are slooowwwly returning but I know the feeling. Forgetfulness, memory loss and just looking (and sounding) plain dense. I could never get used to that side effect.
And I'm with you on the motivation score. I wonder if mine will ever, ever, ever return.
Yes PC, I agree, it is always *something*, or *most things* or *anything*
Sabrina
Posted by anastasia56 on January 27, 2005, at 17:57:44
In reply to Sigh - followup, posted by partlycloudy on January 26, 2005, at 18:13:29
oh crud pc. i was hoping 90mg would work for you. of course you don't want to drop dead of a heart attack or whatever it is high blood pressure causes. kinda defeats the purpose.
as i recall aren't you taking something with the cymbalta to augment it? otherwise i'd suggest that. i take lamictal with mine.
anastasia
Posted by partlycloudy on January 28, 2005, at 4:26:29
In reply to Re: Sigh - followup » partlycloudy, posted by anastasia56 on January 27, 2005, at 17:57:44
No, I take nothing to augment the Cymbalta. I take Ambien to sleep and xanax for anxiety. I see the p-doc next week, so I'll see how I am by then.
This is the end of the thread.
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