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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 18 of 18. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Toph on December 6, 2004, at 22:07:18
Some here have seasonal disorder, which of course has more to do with sunlight than the season of Christmas. I have a seasonal disorder of a different sort. Christmas is depressing. As a child the intensity of expectations and even the message at church so excited me that I could hardly stand it. Every year we used to wait for the Sears catalogue which contained the latest toys. My mom used to love this holiday - she wasn't very social being obese and all, so she lived vicariously through her five kids. She spoiled us with gifts dispite my father's disapproval. We always had a big tree that was decorated with ornaments that we mostly made ourselves. I was in the church choir most of my childhood, and of all the times that church made sense to me it was Christmas. By some devine intervention the music is almost universally the most beautifully there is. Maybe I identified somehow with the message of hope because if there was ever a kid who counted on hope it was me. I had my first suicidal thoughts at age seven. Prayer, I'm convinced, got me through first and second grades where bullies reigned supreme and girls had this peculiar way of showing interest by making fun of you. Advance to adolescence when no doubt the devil's hormonal potion poisons adolescents with narcissitic needs to feel superior to their lame parents and to abandon the sentimentality of the holiday. One event as an adult almost revived my interest in the season. I purchased the nicest ring I could afford and proposed to my wife. I remember staying up late and practicing my proposal as the diamond sparkled in the tree lights. I tried to make Christmas special for my kids but repeated hospitalizations kind of put a damper on having planning things when life was so unpredictable. The killer of course was leaving home after discovering her affair. Christmas from then on was a season of disappointment and pain. Sometimes I think it is a cruel hoax to play on kids to let them believe that there is hope and love and a possibility for peace in a world driven by wealth, power and self-satisfaction. But see the wonder in the eyes of a child transfixed by the lights of the season. Why must the magic fade with age? Where is the hope promised in the story? For a time of rebirth why am I filled with regret? Why do I feel so depressed? Blame it on Christmas.
-Toph
Posted by AdaGrace on December 6, 2004, at 22:13:00
In reply to Blame it on Christmas, posted by Toph on December 6, 2004, at 22:07:18
My problem is and has always been the let down after the huge anticipation of wonderful things I thought would come with each holiday, special event, or even birthday. I worked myself up so much to the event, I couldn't live up to my own expectations. It's not just special events......it happens every weekend. I look forward to them with a passion, and every Sunday night I am deeply depressed. I didn't do enough. I didn't accomplish enough. I didn't have enough rest, fun, whatever and here it is Sunday night and i have to go to work, and the panic sets in. Do we as adults set ourselves up to fail so we can tell ourselves....."I told you so, you see, you are a failure"
Posted by just plain jane on December 7, 2004, at 0:37:11
In reply to Re: Blame it on Christmas » Toph, posted by AdaGrace on December 6, 2004, at 22:13:00
that'd be an affirmative, ma'am.Just stamp "Brunswick" on our foreheads. (the makers of bowling machinery)
just plain waitin for the dang dog to pee and come in jane
Posted by alexandra_k on December 7, 2004, at 3:03:00
In reply to ahhh... » AdaGrace, posted by just plain jane on December 7, 2004, at 0:37:11
Christmas was never very special to me. My Mother had the notion that we shouldn't LIE to children and so that resulted in my always knowing the truth about Santa, the Easter Bunny, the Tooth Fairy and so forth. I guess I never had that magic that many children feel. Thats the magic that makes it special really.
I hate christmas. For me it is a 'family duty' day. It used to be a birthday, christmas, wedding, funeral sort of family day but we have given up on birthdays now...
The best christmas I had was last year when I was out of the country. Everyone there was upset (missing their families mostly). I was just as upset as I usually am on christmas and it was nice (kinda soothing) for me to be around other people who had all decided to just get blind drunk and forget all about it as best we could.
Shame about this year.
It is summer here.
So its not just a winter depression kinda thing.
It is christmas, christmas indeed.Yeech.
Wake me up when its all over.
Or beam me up now and get me the hell away from here.
Posted by saw on December 7, 2004, at 4:10:06
In reply to i hate christmas, posted by alexandra_k on December 7, 2004, at 3:03:00
My son turns 7 in two weeks and still believes in santa. I will shoot a whole in the foot of the person who breaks that fantasy for him. He is a highly intelligent child yet still believes. It has made Christmas special for us. Each year we "talk" to the dogs so they won't bite or eat him. We don't have a chimney so we leave windows open. We leave cookies and milk. No beer please, make's santa drunk.
Other than that, I am not religious so find Christmas to be highly overrated and stupidly expensive. And that, of course, is a huge stress.I am quite content spending Christmas with my husband and son instead of the whole family where one kid gets one more present than the other and all hell breaks loose.
Sabrina
Posted by alexandra_k on December 7, 2004, at 4:20:26
In reply to Re: i hate christmas » alexandra_k, posted by saw on December 7, 2004, at 4:10:06
> I will shoot a whole in the foot of the person who breaks that fantasy for him.
Oh Jeepers, I remember being sent home from my friends house when I was around 6 for telling him that Santa wasn't real....
But then his mum used to tell him that the fairies were watching him all the time and told her everything that he did...
He lived in fear of the fairies.
Posted by partlycloudy on December 7, 2004, at 6:04:05
In reply to Blame it on Christmas, posted by Toph on December 6, 2004, at 22:07:18
Christmas was a pivotal holiday for me, too. There were years when my dad just didn't come home, off on a drunk for a couple of days. There was one year when I was a teenager when, during the family tradition of reading bible passages on Christmas eve, I refused to do so, saying it was all a lie.
The worst was the Christmas when my mom moved out, leaving dad - oh, and me, too - at home in a house emptied of furniture and any joy the season might have held. My siblings had already fledged as quickly as they could, back to university, girlfriends, skiing trips. I got to watch dad cry into his rum and coke for breakfast.So, now: I own more Christmas music CDs than anyone else I know (22 at last count). I am married to a man raised in the Jewish faith. He takes great care and happiness in selecting gifts for his 3 grown children. I decorate my tree. This year I am sending cards again (didn't bother last year). I do feel like I am dragging myself through this season, going through the motions. I can't remember the last time I was "home" for Christmas; at least 15 years now.
Listening to Christmas music makes me cry with the hopes and sentiments of the songs. I love to sing Handel's "Messiah", even though it's Easter music. I sing alto although I've pinch-hitted the tenor parts.
I celebrate Christmas because of the love and hope the holiday still represents to me. I do negotiate carefully through the abundance of booze associated with it, and that is getting easier. I like my Christmas tears now, where I never used to.
This year I'll be attending my sister's holiday party (she lives on the west coast) for the first time. She's been holding the party every Christmas for 9 years. Every year she invites me. Every year I don't go - no vacation time left, no money for a flight, no interest. I'll still be on sick leave from work, and I'm going to my sister's house for part of my cure. To rejoin the rest of the world in celebration. I don't want to expect too much from this trip; my sister and I get along very well with an entire continent between us. But she has steadfastly supported me this past difficult year, and I hope my present to her will be my smiling face without a twitch in my eye or a wringing of my hands.
Posted by Toph on December 7, 2004, at 7:08:32
In reply to Re: Blame it on Christmas » Toph, posted by partlycloudy on December 7, 2004, at 6:04:05
I'm glad you've regained the spirit of the season, PC. I envy you. To quote Handel, "allelua."
-Toph
Posted by saw on December 7, 2004, at 8:24:07
In reply to Re: Blame it on Christmas » Toph, posted by partlycloudy on December 7, 2004, at 6:04:05
Your post made my eyes twitch!
Posted by Toph on December 7, 2004, at 8:48:11
In reply to Re: Blame it on Christmas » partlycloudy, posted by saw on December 7, 2004, at 8:24:07
That little boy must have been one special gift 7 years ago, Sabrina.
Posted by saw on December 7, 2004, at 8:57:24
In reply to on Christmas » saw, posted by Toph on December 7, 2004, at 8:48:11
Oh yes Toph, he was. He was but 3 weeks old at Christmas. And to think he came early. He was only meant to be born in January.
He is my very own Christmas present every year.
I couldn't think of anything to contribute to the Time for a 10 thread, but I'm going to now - check it out.
Sabrina
Posted by Shortelise on December 7, 2004, at 14:06:46
In reply to Blame it on Christmas, posted by Toph on December 6, 2004, at 22:07:18
I hate Christmas. I would just as soon let it pass without a nod, even, but my husband loves it, he wants decorations, a tree, friends and family, etc. So we do it most of the time, we celebrate, and there is a part of me that feels a certain warmth around it, the pretty lights, the smells, the foods.
The seasons come and go, the seasons of the year, the seasons of our lives. I like to think that in my life, one season does lead to another, through each there is change, growth, and evolution of a sort.
So far, it seems to be true. There have been bad season, tempestuous, painful times. And there have been others that have brought calm, warm, happy times.
What I do have to believe is that the seasons change. They always have, they always will, and I trust that when things are bad they will get better, with a little hep from me.
Still, we're going home to my parents' this year, a long trip, and one that frightens me. It has been a few years and a couple hundred hours of therapy since I was last there, and I hope, how I hope, I have changed enough that it won't hurt so much this time.
But back to you - Toph, I am really sorry. I can't say anything that will magically change how you feel about things, and I wish I could. A practical idea could be to spend some time doing volunteer work with kids or in an old people's home - something that might make you feel good about yourself. I find that making myself feel good about me is a good way to counteract some of the sadness.
Hugs
ShortE
Posted by Toph on December 7, 2004, at 14:27:18
In reply to Re: Blame it on Christmas » Toph, posted by Shortelise on December 7, 2004, at 14:06:46
I appreciate your comments ShortE. You seem to have a healthy balance between what you expect of yourself and what you've been able to achieve, and between what others expect of you and what you can give them. The rest is just the ups and downs of life.
Your advice is good for all here. I work with the elderly and every Christmas I take my daughters with me to visit my clients in their homes or in various placement settings. Only a few generations ago kids were familiar with older adults as families either cared for their own or lived near them. Now it is more common for young people to not have any exposure to frail elderly folks many of whom have treasures to share with anyone interested in listening. Anyway, I hope you have a nice holiday.
Posted by alesta on December 8, 2004, at 13:49:35
In reply to Blame it on Christmas, posted by Toph on December 6, 2004, at 22:07:18
i'm just ignoring christmas. it doesn't exist for me, and therefore doesn't bother me. (maybe it will, hasn't yet.)maybe i'll celebrate christmas by going to a bar and getting laid.
ok, so i said that just for shock value. that would definitely not be a good idea.
i might get into the season by watching "bad santa". there. i'm making an effort. :-)
ami
Posted by alexandra_k on December 8, 2004, at 20:54:38
In reply to christmas? what's that?, posted by alesta on December 8, 2004, at 13:49:35
>
> i'm just ignoring christmas. it doesn't exist for me, and therefore doesn't bother me. (maybe it will, hasn't yet.)
>
> maybe i'll celebrate christmas by going to a bar and getting laid.
>
> ok, so i said that just for shock value. that would definitely not be a good idea.
>
> i might get into the season by watching "bad santa". there. i'm making an effort. :-)
>
> amiOh, I wish I could just ignore christmas. But you can't go to the supermarket without that d*mn christmas carol music, and the shops are all packed out anyway. Even the ad's on tv. It really is unavoidable... But yeah, ignore as much as possible... thats the spirit :-)
Posted by Atticus on December 9, 2004, at 7:54:20
In reply to Re: christmas? what's that? » alesta, posted by alexandra_k on December 8, 2004, at 20:54:38
I saw a report on how the purely commercial version of X-Mas is invading Japan a few years back on the CBS television newsmagazine "60 Minutes." The crew went into a large department store in Tokyo and found one display that consisted of a life-size plastic model of Santa Claus, grinning away, crucified on a cross. Honest to God. So just remember that Santa died for your right to shop with total abandon, young lady. MasterCard bless us, everyone! ;) Atticus
Posted by alesta on December 10, 2004, at 11:41:59
In reply to Re: christmas? what's that? » alesta, posted by alexandra_k on December 8, 2004, at 20:54:38
> Oh, I wish I could just ignore christmas. But you can't go to the supermarket without that d*mn christmas carol music, and the shops are all packed out anyway. Even the ad's on tv. It really is unavoidable... But yeah, ignore as much as possible... thats the spirit :-)
>
hi alex,
i hear you. i've been basically housebound lately (except for walks), so ignoring the season hasn't been a problem for me. :)ami
Posted by Angel Girl on December 15, 2004, at 4:36:43
In reply to Re: christmas? what's that? » alexandra_k, posted by alesta on December 10, 2004, at 11:41:59
I'm trying to ignore Christmas too. It's a real depressing time for me. I have no money to buy gifts for anybody and I feel embarrassed, ashamed, worthless when I'm given gifts. :( I wish I could stay home alone but my family is highly pressuring me into joining them. It doesn't help that I'm not getting along with my 27 year old son right now either.
I'd like to just stay home alone, get into bed, pull the covers up and cuddle with my 2 cats and stay there until the new year rolls in.
Bah Humbug!!!
AG
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