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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 94 to 118 of 120. Go back in thread:
Posted by JenStar on August 31, 2004, at 10:05:34
In reply to Re: BABBLE FROM A BUNCH OF FUCKING PSYCHOS » ron1953, posted by Atticus on August 31, 2004, at 9:40:56
here's my armchair [read: complete layperson with a hint of bias] analysis of the kind of person who would post such things.
he's (she's?) probably a person with a rage issue, poor self-esteem, and lack of friends. Anger at the inability to manage life causes him/her to lash out here just because he/she wants to share the anger and pain he's feeling. It a cowardly way to act out, because the web offers anonymity and it's easy to run from the mess once it's made. This person might not be as willing to act this way in RL!Or, he/she could just be a troubled teen with too much time on their hands, wanting to cause a little ruckus to prove to themself that they have an effect on the world. (Look ma, I poke them, and they bleed! Wow! Let's do it again!)
In the end, although I feel irritation at this person, I also feel really sad for them. We should probably all just ignore their posts (if they ever decide to come back!)
Anyway,
hope you're all well and that the old blood pressure is not thru the roof (mine went there but has since come back down.)
JenStar
Posted by Larry Hoover on August 31, 2004, at 10:35:57
In reply to Re: BABBLE FROM A BUNCH OF FUCKING PSYCHOS » ron1953, posted by Atticus on August 31, 2004, at 9:40:56
> Ron,
> Just what is it that you're trying to accomplish here? What is the purpose of all your relentlessly hostile posts? What do you think you're proving? I'm just throwing these questions out for your consideration, but I don't want a direct answer from you. Please do not post to me under any circumstances. Ever. All your posts only seem to have one purpose: to cause hurt to the people here. I can't fathom why someone would put so much effort into doing that. Before (and if) you return to Babble, please give my questions some thought. Atticus"All your posts only seem to have one purpose: to cause hurt to the people here. "
This is the sort of thing that often arises from a controversy. As Bob would say, two wrongs don't make a right. You can still say the same thing, in so many words, if you said, for example: "After I read each of your posts, I feel hurt and angry." You don't directly measure his intent, as you cannot possible know that. You describe your personal reaction, instead.
Lar
Posted by Larry Hoover on August 31, 2004, at 10:38:36
In reply to my thoughts...Worth a penny? You decide! :) » Atticus, posted by JenStar on August 31, 2004, at 10:05:34
> here's my armchair [read: complete layperson with a hint of bias] analysis of the kind of person who would post such things.
Characterizing the poster is quite a different thing than characterizing your own feelings. I hope you reconsider your comments.
If I speculate about the age of the poster, I would take the 1953 as a year of birth. I don't see a teen being born back then. ;-)
> In the end, although I feel irritation at this person, I also feel really sad for them. We should probably all just ignore their posts (if they ever decide to come back!)
>
> Anyway,
> hope you're all well and that the old blood pressure is not thru the roof (mine went there but has since come back down.)
> JenStarLar
Posted by Atticus on August 31, 2004, at 10:38:42
In reply to my thoughts...Worth a penny? You decide! :) » Atticus, posted by JenStar on August 31, 2004, at 10:05:34
Your thoughts are alway worth at least a nickel (just kidding! ;) ). One of your scenarios is probably correct. Granted, I've only been a Babbler for less than six weeks, but I've never seen anything like this particular string of posts from anyone before. Yow! They didn't communicate a sense of pain to me as much as a sense of unbridled fury at the whole world. Maybe he/she's been on other message boards where this kind of flaming people is the norm. Impossible to say. But the thread sure made for some eye-popping reading while it ran on unchecked. :) Atticus
Posted by JenStar on August 31, 2004, at 10:53:32
In reply to Re: my thoughts...Worth a penny? You decide! :) » JenStar, posted by Larry Hoover on August 31, 2004, at 10:38:36
Lar, you're right that a person can't know exactly what someone else is thinking...can only make assumptions.
But sometimes I think we are too politically correct and too 'gentle' to people who act out and deliberately cause trouble.
Also, we have to make SOME assumptions just to get by in the world, even if they are just a starting point and we continually revise from there. Not all assumptions are wrong, even if they are unpleasant in nature.
And sometimes it's OK to let people know where our personal limits are, and that they are not allowed to step on them. An "I" statement is now always the best way to do this.
Of course I recognize that babble is goverened by a specific set of rules which don't necessarily allow for that!
I'm a huge believer in "I" statements....IF the person you're talking with is a person capable of reasoning in the same way, and a person who feels bound by the same rules of behavior.
For example, at work we are hugely into constructive confrontation, and are all over the "I" statements. Part of the reason it works so effectively is that the corporate culture enforces it, and people who work there buy into that interaction philosophy. You know that if you start an "I" statement, the other person will know what you are doing, will recognize it, and will get into rhythm with you to solve the problem.
I think there are times when dealing with an irrational person that "I" statements are completely ineffective.
What do you think?
JenStar
Posted by JenStar on August 31, 2004, at 10:57:02
In reply to Re: my thoughts...Worth a penny? You decide! :) » JenStar, posted by Larry Hoover on August 31, 2004, at 10:38:36
Agree with you about the teen thing -- I read a few more posts (after I made the comments) and decided that the verbiage and way of writing was not teen-style. Also picked up on the date.
JS
Posted by Larry Hoover on August 31, 2004, at 11:12:54
In reply to Re: my thoughts...Worth a penny? You decide! :) » Larry Hoover, posted by JenStar on August 31, 2004, at 10:53:32
> And sometimes it's OK to let people know where our personal limits are, and that they are not allowed to step on them. An "I" statement is now always the best way to do this.
Actually, I think a boundary statement is the ultimate I statement.
> Of course I recognize that babble is goverened by a specific set of rules which don't necessarily allow for that!
Which is what I was addressing. This is Babble. Out there is out there.
> I think there are times when dealing with an irrational person that "I" statements are completely ineffective.Yes, but there are many options other than confrontation and labelling the behaviour, too. I don't want to see nice people getting blocked because they got swept up in a flood of emotion.
The concept of "feeding the troll" comes to mind. Ignoring a troll is truly the best tactic, although it might feel better to confront them.
> What do you think?
>
> JenStarI've learned something while I'm here, I think. Learned the hard way, too. Feel free to follow in my footsteps. ;-)
Lar
Posted by AuntieMel on August 31, 2004, at 11:52:13
In reply to Re: my thoughts...Worth a penny? You decide! :) » JenStar, posted by Larry Hoover on August 31, 2004, at 11:12:54
Actually, I think Jen might have let herself off the hook from the beginning.
"here's my armchair [read: complete layperson with a hint of bias] analysis of the kind of person who would post such things."
By saying "kind of person" she (in my twisted opinion) was not actually accusing this poster. At least she wasn't if you strictly follow the letter of BabbleLaw.
And the post mentioned irritation *and* sadness, so I didn't read any accusations there either.
How mysterious are the ways of Babble.
Posted by Miss Honeychurch on August 31, 2004, at 12:09:46
In reply to It all started........, posted by ron1953 on August 30, 2004, at 22:55:02
Ron, how is my name "dubious?" And how did I overreact to your post? I never even posted back to you.
Posted by Miss Honeychurch on August 31, 2004, at 12:12:13
In reply to Re: And over-sensitivity is a curse » gardenergirl, posted by ron1953 on August 30, 2004, at 23:13:23
Again, what was my response???? I never responded to your initial post when you expressed concern for my apparent overreaction.
For the record, I'm just having fun.
Posted by Miss Honeychurch on August 31, 2004, at 12:26:17
In reply to Re: And over-sensitivity is a curse, posted by Miss Honeychurch on August 31, 2004, at 12:12:13
Again, another thread of mine gone bad. All I wanted to do was have some fun talking about commas and vica versa and why the apostrophe is so misunderstood. I wanted us all to have some good old fashioned langauge fun!
It sickens me that this has happened.
Posted by Larry Hoover on August 31, 2004, at 12:28:59
In reply to Sorry all, posted by Miss Honeychurch on August 31, 2004, at 12:26:17
> Again, another thread of mine gone bad. All I wanted to do was have some fun talking about commas and vica versa and why the apostrophe is so misunderstood. I wanted us all to have some good old fashioned langauge fun!
>
> It sickens me that this has happened.What happened wasn't your doing, Ms. H. I had fun with it, too, before somebody took offense with our offense.
Lar
Posted by partlycloudy on August 31, 2004, at 12:32:26
In reply to Sorry all, posted by Miss Honeychurch on August 31, 2004, at 12:26:17
I had a good thread go bad on me, too, over on the Psych board. It's not your doing at all!! Don't even give it another thought. It's already in the past and will be archived before we know it.
pc
Posted by JenStar on August 31, 2004, at 13:21:51
In reply to Sorry all, posted by Miss Honeychurch on August 31, 2004, at 12:26:17
Miss Honeychurch,
I loved your post and the subsequent follow-up thread and thought it was great fun. Please don't stop posting fun stuff! :)Of course I also like a good scrap (bad me) and naturally I had to get into the fray once the angry poster got into it.
But seriously, this was not your fault. Your post was innocuous and cool and interesting. I look forward to future posts from you!
JenStar
Posted by Dr. Bob on August 31, 2004, at 13:40:50
In reply to my thoughts...Worth a penny? You decide! :) » Atticus, posted by JenStar on August 31, 2004, at 10:05:34
> all your relentlessly hostile posts
> All your posts only seem to have one purpose: to cause hurt to the people here.
>
> Atticus> he's (she's?) probably a person with a rage issue, poor self-esteem, and lack of friends...
>
> JenStarLarry already commented on the above, but for the record, please don't jump to conclusions about others, post anything that could lead them to feel accused or put down, or use language that could offend others (even in a subject line carried over from a someone else's post).
If you or anyone else has questions about this or about posting policies in general, or is interested in alternative ways of expressing oneself, please see the FAQ:
http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/faq.html#civil
Also, follow-ups regarding these issues should be redirected to Psycho-Babble Administration.
Thanks,
Bob
Posted by AuntieMel on August 31, 2004, at 15:39:36
In reply to Sorry all, posted by Miss Honeychurch on August 31, 2004, at 12:26:17
That something that was so deliciously fun had to be messed up.
A good argument for putting anyone we think might be ruining the party on 'ignore.'
Posted by AuntieMel on August 31, 2004, at 15:43:09
In reply to Re: my thoughts...Worth a penny? You decide! :) » JenStar, posted by Larry Hoover on August 31, 2004, at 11:12:54
<<<<<The concept of "feeding the troll" comes to mind. Ignoring a troll is truly the best tactic, although it might feel better to confront them.
Did you ever play adventure?
Posted by Dinah on August 31, 2004, at 16:04:41
In reply to Sorry all, posted by Miss Honeychurch on August 31, 2004, at 12:26:17
I use deplorable grammar on this board, and I know it. I tend to write things out as I think them or would speak them, and I frequently use deplorable grammar in speaking. :)
For the most part I am aware of my decision and I accept it. But one area that I would like to improve is ending sentences with prepositions. (I almost typed propositions. Freudian slip or am I still sleep deprived?) It's something that bugs me about my own writing, but I'm usually unable to think of an alternative that doesn't sound cumbersome so I let it go.
Are there any tricks to thinking of alternatives to ending sentences with of, in, for, etc?
Posted by Miss Honeychurch on September 1, 2004, at 9:54:16
In reply to No need to apologize at all and a grammar question » Miss Honeychurch, posted by Dinah on August 31, 2004, at 16:04:41
Dinah,
I know of no tricks to get around the ending with a preposition thing. Personally, I have different standards regarding this rule between spoken and written english. Speaking, I think it's perfectly fine to end in prepositions (except using AT, as in Where are you at?). Writing something formal however, you just have to use the old "in which, for which, etc."
Posted by AuntieMel on September 2, 2004, at 11:41:37
In reply to Sorry all, posted by Miss Honeychurch on August 31, 2004, at 12:26:17
There is actually an orginization dedicated to this:
http://www.apostrophe.fsnet.co.uk/
enjoy!
Posted by Miss Honeychurch on September 2, 2004, at 12:31:39
In reply to Back to the apostrophe » Miss Honeychurch, posted by AuntieMel on September 2, 2004, at 11:41:37
auntie, thanks for that link!!!! How fabulous!
Posted by AuntieMel on September 2, 2004, at 13:30:59
In reply to Re: Back to the apostrophe, posted by Miss Honeychurch on September 2, 2004, at 12:31:39
No problem.
The Apostrophe Preservation Society was mentioned in "Eats, Shoots, and Leaves"
Posted by AuntieMel on September 3, 2004, at 21:25:06
In reply to No need to apologize at all and a grammar question » Miss Honeychurch, posted by Dinah on August 31, 2004, at 16:04:41
I've heard this one all my life:
Churchill's secretary once ended a sentence with a preposition in a piece she was typing. When Winston saw it he explained the problem and then said: "This is something up with which I will not put".
Posted by Dinah on September 3, 2004, at 23:19:43
In reply to Re: prepositions » Dinah, posted by AuntieMel on September 3, 2004, at 21:25:06
Posted by Poet on September 4, 2004, at 15:02:10
In reply to Re: Back to Apostrophe Abuse (nm), posted by Poet on September 4, 2004, at 14:56:04
Miss Honeychurch,
I don't think it's extreme to have concerns over interviewing someone who has mistakes on his/her resume.
Can the job be done by telecommuting? If so, I will submit my resume immediately.
Poet
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