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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 10 of 10. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Tootercat on June 25, 2004, at 10:01:57
Hello all, I have been rather absent from this place both in body and spirit. I am wrapped in a cocoon right now in my brain.
I have called in sick all this week and don't know if I will hear a "lecture" when I get back and frankly I don't care.
I am so tired of loss. And this time, even though my T says and my friends and family say, it wasn't my "fault" I caused my own pain. My darling little birdy Skyler is gone. He brought so much joy into my days. I took him with me to see my sweetheart and although I had taken him before I guess I hadn't really gotten a safety pattern set up. He was on my finger and Terry was going out to move the sprinkler....In disbelief I watched as he flew to Terry and out the door. I miraculously found him 15 hours later in a tree 2 streets away....but he wouldn't come to me...all the bonding for the past 2-1/2 years seemed non-existent as he flew away once again. I have put ad in the big paper up there ( I live 80 miles away) and we put posters up and I have called Animal Care places and SPCA to see if anyone has brought him in.
I am sick. I can't eat again. I am walking around in circles and don't feel safe. I need to clean my house and go to the store and am afraid to feel joy at anything. I went to the place where I got Skyler and have a baby birdy so that I don't go completely insane...he (or she - I won't know for 6 months which) is adorable and very affectionate and I am giving him lots of love. It is bittersweet. I can't stop wondering how my other baby is. The thought of being responsible for him being scared or in danger torments me. I have visions of him being cold and hungry. I realize that he could be just fine too...but my brain keeps focusing on the negative. I feel guilty having any joy right now and don't know how to stop punishing myself. Some have told me to equate his leaving with having a child leaving home to go out on their own....that's fine except if it had been a child I could have at least warned him about the dangers and he could call to tell me he's fine....I don't have any human children; they are all furred or feathered but they are my beloved children nonetheless. I feel so lost and unsafe right now.....and so very very sad.
I intellectually know that things will get "better" and the pain will lessen over time and the human ability to have hope will return but right now I have little faith...which is why I am afraid to leave my house for any period of time - again.
I feel very needy and selfish.
I want to feel safe again....
Posted by karen_kay on June 25, 2004, at 10:30:05
In reply to Just when you think it's safe, posted by Tootercat on June 25, 2004, at 10:01:57
perhaps it's a sign that someone else needed him in their life right now, to feel joy again. and you can know in your heart that someone right now is very happy because a beautiful birdie was dropped from heaven onto them, jsut when they needed him the most...
i know that doesn't help you much. but, now it's time for you to feel safe again mommy. it's time for you to remember all the fun and love you have for him, and know that someone else who needs that love is getting it from him right now. and now, you have another child to raise, one who will grow up to be as warm and caring as your last one.
(((momma))) i'm sorry for your loss dear. but, perhaps you can instead look at is as a gain (while also mourning) for someone else who realy needed that sunshine right now. and it shows what a wonderful job you did of raising him, so wonderful that he has to spread his joy everywhere....
i'm thinking of you, and spoil that new child you have!
Posted by Tootercat on June 25, 2004, at 10:58:27
In reply to ((((momma))))))), posted by karen_kay on June 25, 2004, at 10:30:05
KK sometimes I wonder who the "momma" really is in our relationship....you have so much love and insight for everyone.....and have been such wonderful support for me.....you are so very special sweetie. I think I could live with him being a joy for someone else....what I can't live with is the thought that I may have caused him great pain and suffering....I can't seem to find the glass half full it keeps coming up half empty....why does my faith fall so short....where I embrace the negative and reject the positive????
I feel like such a fake. I can encourage others to do what I can't seem to do for myself... (btw have you considered being a therapist love?)Momma? or Your kid?
Posted by karen_kay on June 25, 2004, at 11:31:27
In reply to Re: ((((momma))))))) » karen_kay, posted by Tootercat on June 25, 2004, at 10:58:27
you didn't cause him anything but to learn about love, and helping others dear. honestly, you are such a great mom to him, adn i'm sure that trait will carry on to the next owner. see, you raised him right and now it's his turn to show his appreciation by helping someone else who needs it now too. i'm quite certain the reason he didn't return to you from the tree is becuase he had somewhere else to be. he had to spread that joy you taught him all around dear. he learned that from you, to be loving and nurturing and so gosh darned sweet. see, and now you have a chance to do it all over again, with a new baby. and your gift continues through him, onto others!
momma, you are still the momma dear. remember, i'm still a child? how could you forget that? but, i'm learning from you every day dear. tell me more aobut my new daddy. how's he doing? do i get that bike yet or not? :(
and about being a therapist: certainly not! i'm very intrigued by the whole idea (and i think cancer's make wonderful therapists, jsut look at daisy's) but they are somehow 'superhuman' to me! like superman or something, with mind reading capabilities! egads, i couldn't do that, as i often feel i say the wrong thing at the wrong time. not to mention i'd get attached. plus, i'd be waaaay too tempted to romp in my office. that's bad math dear and we all know it!
momma, have a great day!
your second favorite child,
kk
Posted by AuntieMel on June 25, 2004, at 12:09:46
In reply to Just when you think it's safe, posted by Tootercat on June 25, 2004, at 10:01:57
I don't know if it helps, but I once found a bird that someone else had lost. He was hungry and a bit scared, but he knew he wanted the adventure to be over. I put my hand up to him and he jumped right on and sat on my shoulder the whole time home.
I never could find his rightful parents, and have been sad about that. They would probably be happy to know he was safe.
Posted by Scott in Vermont on June 25, 2004, at 12:11:56
In reply to Just when you think it's safe, posted by Tootercat on June 25, 2004, at 10:01:57
"I want to feel safe again...."
Tooter, I'm very sorry about your loss. I hope something brings Skyler back. I never had a bird, but I have had other pets and I loved them as much (or sometimes more than) the "people" in my life.
Yes, I agree... just when you (we) think it is safe, something kicks you (us) in the teeth. We all need a break.
-Scott
Posted by zenhussy on June 25, 2004, at 13:01:26
In reply to Just when you think it's safe, posted by Tootercat on June 25, 2004, at 10:01:57
Tooter,
I've grown up with friends that have always had African Grays or other similarly sized birds. They have lost a couple over the twenty five years I've known them. In fact the place where we grew up there is a flock of escaped exotic birds that 'migrate' around the wetlands of the bay. Her brother saw their huge green parrot one time with that flock so he knew that J was okay as he was with other birds of his kind.
The good news is that escaped birds can be found!
Here is a gentleman who has his number on his site to call for any info about what to do.
Good luck and my prayers are for a safe return.
--zhhttp://www.fosterparrots.com/escaped.html
****The one thing to remember here is DON'T GIVE UP! So far this year, Foster Parrots has recaptured 18 of the 18 "lost birds" reported to us and most were returned after someone saw a flyer.****
Posted by Tootercat on June 25, 2004, at 16:13:17
In reply to Re: Just when you think it's safe » Tootercat, posted by zenhussy on June 25, 2004, at 13:01:26
Thank you so much for the info! I went to the website and it has more great ideas.
Hugs,
tooter
Posted by lucy stone on June 25, 2004, at 16:30:05
In reply to Re: Just when you think it's safe » Tootercat, posted by AuntieMel on June 25, 2004, at 12:09:46
We also have a bird that someone lost. My daughter found him sitting in the grass, hungry and tired. We put up signs and tried to find his real owner but could not. He still has a good home with us. I am sure that Skyler did not come to you when he was lost because he was scared and confused. I would bet that when he calmed down he went to a friendly person and has a new home.
Posted by All Done on June 27, 2004, at 10:14:53
In reply to Just when you think it's safe, posted by Tootercat on June 25, 2004, at 10:01:57
(((((Mama))))),
I'm so very sorry about Skyler. I know how painful it is to lose a beloved pet and I'm sorry for the hurt you're suffering right now.
If there's anything I can do to help, please let me know.
Take care,
Laurie
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