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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 11 of 11. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by socialdeviantjeff on March 27, 2004, at 0:04:15
Sorry I haven't been on more posts, but I've been going through some stuff.
The backstory is, I thought I was getting better. The thing about work is that I'm always dysphoric. Every person that comes through the door is a potential problem. I know these feelings are absurd but I can't help it. Then tonight at work this seething rage that has been accumulating poured over on to this 18 year old. He tried to buy a lighter, the store policy is 19 and up. What a crock. Anyway he got a little indignant and I flew off the handle. I yelled at him. If he had not left I swear I would have gone over the counter at him. I flipped him off, in retrospect I'm glad he didn't see it. I don't think anyone but the camera saw it. Now I'll probably lose my job.
Needless to say, now all I feel (and have felt since the incident) is this combo of rage, anxiety, remorse, and depression. All I want is for these feelings to stop and I'm willing to do almost anything for it.
I'm not looking for support. What I did was plain stupid nad I know it. I just had to get it off my chest and I'm essentially alone.
Posted by justyourlaugh on March 27, 2004, at 7:31:34
In reply to Unsolicited rage-I can't believe myself, posted by socialdeviantjeff on March 27, 2004, at 0:04:15
jeff,
i understand how you feel and your behaviour.
i am running out of stores i can walk into..
everyone in this samll town thinks i am bonkers..
i cant offer anything intelligent.
just know that "rage" can be softened.
be good jeff:)
jyl
Posted by Susan J on March 27, 2004, at 9:57:39
In reply to Unsolicited rage-I can't believe myself, posted by socialdeviantjeff on March 27, 2004, at 0:04:15
> The backstory is, I thought I was getting better.
<<Heya, it may sound hollow, but just because something went a bit wrong does *not* mean you aren't getting better.... hang in there. :-)>>I just had to get it off my chest and I'm essentially alone.
<<We're here with you. I wish I could be of more help. I know *exactly* how you feel. I didn't know how to help myself then, so I don't have any good advice for you now. Just keep venting here, though, OK? :-)S.
Posted by Ilene on March 27, 2004, at 14:50:58
In reply to Unsolicited rage-I can't believe myself, posted by socialdeviantjeff on March 27, 2004, at 0:04:15
> The backstory is, I thought I was getting better. The thing about work is that I'm always dysphoric. Every person that comes through the door is a potential problem. I know these feelings are absurd but I can't help it. Then tonight at work this seething rage that has been accumulating poured over on to this 18 year old. He tried to buy a lighter, the store policy is 19 and up. What a crock. Anyway he got a little indignant and I flew off the handle. I yelled at him. If he had not left I swear I would have gone over the counter at him. I flipped him off, in retrospect I'm glad he didn't see it. I don't think anyone but the camera saw it. Now I'll probably lose my job.
>
> Needless to say, now all I feel (and have felt since the incident) is this combo of rage, anxiety, remorse, and depression. All I want is for these feelings to stop and I'm willing to do almost anything for it.
>
> I'm not looking for support. What I did was plain stupid nad I know it. I just had to get it off my chest and I'm essentially alone.
>
>
I disagree! What you did was not "plain stupid". It happened because of your illness--your "chemical imbalance" if you want to oversimplify. You said you want for these feelings to stop (you and me both, but my feelings are along the depression/suicidal ideation plane). You didn't choose to be this way.Maybe you can find some self-help books in the library. I think you were going to do that anyway. Right now I'm interested in DBT because it addresses emotion dysregulation in a way that CBT doesn't. DBT seems less formalized than CBT, though, which makes it harder to do yourself. The exercises seem less straightforward, too.
I'm glad you posted, anyway, because I've been thinking about you.
Posted by socialdeviantjeff on March 27, 2004, at 22:59:18
In reply to Unsolicited rage-I can't believe myself, posted by socialdeviantjeff on March 27, 2004, at 0:04:15
Thanks, JYL, Susan and Ilene. I honestly wasn't expecting replies. I still haven't come down from it all the way, but what you said helps.
So do any of you or anyone else have any anger management advice? Or any advice for the qoute below?
"The thing about work is that I'm always dysphoric. Every person that comes through the door is a potential problem. I know these feelings are absurd but I can't help it."
Thanks again to all of you and all in Babbleland.
Posted by fallsfall on March 29, 2004, at 7:33:03
In reply to Re: Unsolicited rage-now how can I control it?, posted by socialdeviantjeff on March 27, 2004, at 22:59:18
Can you try to reframe it to something like:
My job is to help people and that makes them happy. Some people are grumpy, but that means that I have more of a challenge - can I be polite and cheerful with even the grumpy ones? Can I cheer them up at all? That is my goal, to make every person a little happier when they walk out. They come in looking for something, I'll sell them what they want and give them a little extra cheer when they walk out.
Now. I have worked retail. I managed a tobacco store (back in the days when lots of people still smoked). You don't have to smile and be happy when there are no customers in the store. But if you see that part of your job is to make them happy (and want to come back), then they become more of a "challenge" and less of a "problem". You won't always succeed - some people (like your 18 year old) are looking for a fight. The best you can do with them is to stand firm on your rules and be civil (just keep repeating the rule "I'm sorry, but our store policy says that I can't sell lighters to anyone under 19. I see your birthday is in 4 1/2 months, so I would be happy to sell you a lighter then. I'm sorry, I can't sell you a lighter because you are under 19. That is the store policy, and I have to follow it. How about a candy bar? Or we have some lovely pens over here. Have you seen this section of our store? We have something for everyone. No, I can't sell you the lighter, but I would be happy to sell you a pen.") Eventually, you will be so obnoxious trying to sell him other stuff that he will leave, but you will still be smiling and civil. And when he leaves, you will know that you won.
Good luck. Retail is really tough sometimes.
Posted by Ilene on March 29, 2004, at 9:08:11
In reply to Re: Unsolicited rage-now how can I control it?, posted by socialdeviantjeff on March 27, 2004, at 22:59:18
> Thanks, JYL, Susan and Ilene. I honestly wasn't expecting replies. I still haven't come down from it all the way, but what you said helps.
>
> So do any of you or anyone else have any anger management advice? Or any advice for the qoute below?
>
> "The thing about work is that I'm always dysphoric. Every person that comes through the door is a potential problem. I know these feelings are absurd but I can't help it."
>I certainly feel dsyphoric most of the time, and most events are potential problems. Risperdal helps with my irritability, but I never had a problem with rage. Dysphoria just comes and goes.
I fall into the same trap of thinking my feelings are absurd. I would prefer to feel differently about certain things, but telling myself that my feelings are absurd only leads to feelings of guilt over my "absurd" feelings, which in turn sets up a vicious cycle.
I got a certain amount of help from "Feeling Good" when I read it years and years ago. For me it clarified the "absurdity" of my expectations of other people. IMO it's most useful for people who are only mildly depressed, but it can be a good "reality check". I'm sure you can get it from the library. However, AFAIK CBT (including Feeling Good and similar books) doesn't address the emotion dysregulation common to people with BPD (and some other conditions). I don't think it does well with GAD either. Identifying what is causing my anxiety, and the consequences of doing whatever it is that I'm afraid of, does nothing to quell the anxiety.
In a previous post I mentioned DBT (dialectical behavior therapy), which was developed by Marsha Linehan. Look up her "Skills Training Manual for Treating Borderline Personality Disorder" on Amazon and look at what "Customers who bought this book also bought". Some of those books might be more self-help oriented, and you can probably badger your local library into getting them thru inter-library loan, as Fallsfall pointed out.
(Libraries don't really like ILL, but they are supposed to do it. Also, if there is a state college or university in your area you should be able to use the library, even if you can't check out books.)
Oskarsmom mentioned the Depression and Bipolar Support Alliance:
http://www.dbsalliance.org/
They have support groups around the country.
There's also DRADA--the Depression and Related Affective Disorders Association--which I think does the same:
http://www.drada.org/Good luck, Mr. Psychobabble Utah, and keep us posted.
I.
Posted by Ilene on March 29, 2004, at 9:09:52
In reply to Re: Unsolicited rage-now how can I control it? » socialdeviantjeff, posted by Ilene on March 29, 2004, at 9:08:11
The link to "Feeling Good" should have been to "Feeling Good: The New Mood Therapy". I thought I checked the right box and everything...
Posted by fallsfall on March 30, 2004, at 17:37:41
In reply to Re: Unsolicited rage-now how can I control it? » socialdeviantjeff, posted by Ilene on March 29, 2004, at 9:08:11
(Libraries don't really like ILL, but they are supposed to do it. Also, if there is a state college or university in your area you should be able to use the library, even if you can't check out books.)
Ilene,
I work in a library. We do interlibrary loan. I don't personally do the work to find the books (well, I do sometimes), but *I* certainly think that it is a valuable service that we provide. We are a small library, and so there are lots and lots of books that we don't have. Our job is to provide information for people, so if we don't have it then we find someone who does. I *like* helping people, and I find them generally very grateful. If your local library doesn't have a particular book, ask them to ILL it for you. If a nearby University has the book, they will get the book from the University and you can take it home to read it. The only thing that I know that we don't like about ILL is when the book is returned late to us, because that means that we are returning it late to the lending library - but if you return it on time, I (for one) am happy that I could help you.
Posted by rainyday on March 30, 2004, at 18:17:56
In reply to Re: Unsolicited rage-now how can I control it?, posted by socialdeviantjeff on March 27, 2004, at 22:59:18
I started going to a therapist because I thought I needed anger management. Now I find it hard to work up to anger, just a general p-d off-ness.
Are you feeling better - has the young person come back to the shop.
BTW my question mark is not working. I am not really this flat. Hence all the CAPITALS.
rainyday
Posted by Ilene on March 30, 2004, at 19:59:39
In reply to Re: Unsolicited rage-now how can I control it? » Ilene, posted by fallsfall on March 30, 2004, at 17:37:41
> (Libraries don't really like ILL, but they are supposed to do it. Also, if there is a state college or university in your area you should be able to use the library, even if you can't check out books.)
>
> Ilene,
>
> I work in a library. We do interlibrary loan. I don't personally do the work to find the books (well, I do sometimes), but *I* certainly think that it is a valuable service that we provide. We are a small library, and so there are lots and lots of books that we don't have. Our job is to provide information for people, so if we don't have it then we find someone who does. I *like* helping people, and I find them generally very grateful. If your local library doesn't have a particular book, ask them to ILL it for you. If a nearby University has the book, they will get the book from the University and you can take it home to read it. The only thing that I know that we don't like about ILL is when the book is returned late to us, because that means that we are returning it late to the lending library - but if you return it on time, I (for one) am happy that I could help you.Of course, individuals working in the library should be interested in helping patrons, but ILL is not in the *institutional* interest of the library that owns the item. (I had a rude awakening about the interests of libraries when I did an internship in one.) In some libraries, ILL can be slow, so SDJ might have to "remind" them if he puts in a request. That's all I meant.
This is the end of the thread.
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