Posted by Ilene on March 27, 2004, at 14:50:58
In reply to Unsolicited rage-I can't believe myself, posted by socialdeviantjeff on March 27, 2004, at 0:04:15
> The backstory is, I thought I was getting better. The thing about work is that I'm always dysphoric. Every person that comes through the door is a potential problem. I know these feelings are absurd but I can't help it. Then tonight at work this seething rage that has been accumulating poured over on to this 18 year old. He tried to buy a lighter, the store policy is 19 and up. What a crock. Anyway he got a little indignant and I flew off the handle. I yelled at him. If he had not left I swear I would have gone over the counter at him. I flipped him off, in retrospect I'm glad he didn't see it. I don't think anyone but the camera saw it. Now I'll probably lose my job.
>
> Needless to say, now all I feel (and have felt since the incident) is this combo of rage, anxiety, remorse, and depression. All I want is for these feelings to stop and I'm willing to do almost anything for it.
>
> I'm not looking for support. What I did was plain stupid nad I know it. I just had to get it off my chest and I'm essentially alone.
>
>
I disagree! What you did was not "plain stupid". It happened because of your illness--your "chemical imbalance" if you want to oversimplify. You said you want for these feelings to stop (you and me both, but my feelings are along the depression/suicidal ideation plane). You didn't choose to be this way.Maybe you can find some self-help books in the library. I think you were going to do that anyway. Right now I'm interested in DBT because it addresses emotion dysregulation in a way that CBT doesn't. DBT seems less formalized than CBT, though, which makes it harder to do yourself. The exercises seem less straightforward, too.
I'm glad you posted, anyway, because I've been thinking about you.
poster:Ilene
thread:328941
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20040324/msgs/329126.html