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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
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Posted by fallsfall on February 19, 2004, at 10:00:13
In reply to Re: Teenager late (AGAIN) for school » Karen_kay, posted by fallsfall on February 19, 2004, at 9:54:42
She was ready to leave only 2 minutes after I wanted to leave. She would have been on time this morning!!!!!
But...
As we were driving out of the neighborhood, there was a girl on the side of the road trying to put her backpack together. My daughter said that she goes to the high school - she had seen her talking to another kid my daughter knows. So we stopped and offered her a ride. Daughter mentioned the mutual friend (so she wouldn't think she was being picked up by complete strangers...). Turns out she just moved into the neighborhood and was very grateful for the ride to school.
So they were 2 minutes late for school today. I thought that was fine.
(and I did tell her a couple of times (trying to be subtle) that I was pleased with how she got ready today. And then I probably blew it because I reminded her that she needs to get a report from the school on the number of absences/tardies she has so we know exactly where she stands. Sigh)
Posted by Angielala on February 19, 2004, at 12:33:54
In reply to Re: Teenager late (AGAIN) for school » Angielala, posted by fallsfall on February 19, 2004, at 8:36:58
Girls at that age who have more anxiety than normal (normal being all those crazy hormones running around in her) makes life really confusing... you don't know why you feel the way you do, and you really never want to tell anyone because it just sounds crazy, like an excuse. I know if I had math first period, I would have had a lot more anxiety (but that's because I'm a mathtard)
I really hope she pulls threw- you are having just as much anxiety as her and I hope you both can relax a bit more and hopefully she'll start to see the (morning) light :)
> Angielala,
>
> You bring up a couple of good points.
>
> Anxiety. She has always been a kid who threw up a LOT. (Every other week whether she needed to or not). I drive her to school because she gets "bus sick". We've decided that if she only throws up once, that it is "normal" for her - and she can go on with her day. If she throws up more than once, she has a bug. She dropped out of Nursery School when she was 3 because she couldn't let her parent (either one) leave her. She did fine when she was 4 (same school). She doesn't *talk* a lot about anxiety, but I could ask...
>
> Sometimes she has had insomnia problems. She's not talking about that now, but (again) I should probably ask.
>
> She was supposed to have general bloodwork done last year, but she doesn't like needles and I didn't press it. Sounds like we should do it right away. I hadn't thought of Thyroid, but that certainly could be a factor (and is treatable, too!).
>
> Sometimes I feel like she is "trying" to get out of bed. Sometimes I feel like she is too tired from the rest of her life and it's hard for her to get up. Sometimes I feel like she's doing it just to aggravate me.
>
> Thanks for the ideas!
Posted by Racer on February 19, 2004, at 14:18:41
In reply to Re: Sounds like me, too, so here's my story » Racer, posted by fallsfall on February 19, 2004, at 9:36:39
Right now, I've just crash landed and am feeling unsure about my ability to survive, so I don't have the energy to go into it until later. I've got a lot to say, am totally unsure any of it will be useful to you, and am also unsure that I want to post it all here. If you're interested in a private rant about it, you're welcome to email me at babbler39 at excite dot com, otherwise I'll post it here later.
Right now, I'm going to nap. If I'm lucky, I will wake up around dinner time, so that I can eat and go to bed.
Naw, it's just temporary, but it's still rough. THanks for your concern, and I know it can get better than this. Type atcha later.
Posted by Racer on February 19, 2004, at 19:13:51
In reply to Re: Sounds like me, too, so here's my story » Racer, posted by fallsfall on February 19, 2004, at 9:36:39
After a pretty good marathon of a nap, here are a few things I thought of regarding your daughter.
First of all, this is all coming just from my memories of my own problems, so take it for what it's worth. Did I know I needed help? Yes, and no. I certainly knew I needed something, but I couldn't express what -- not even to myself, so it wasn't conscious deception on my part. On the other hand, it had been drilled into me so well that it was dangerous to express any need of any kind, that it made it difficult to accept any offers of help, let alone ask for help. Does that make sense? I was taught so well that I had to be able to have all the answers for myself, without any help, that it felt like punishment to fail in that. Accepting offered help was failure, so it would have been a very tough sell.
Now, on the hopeful side, there were two ways to get inside me then: I was perfectly willing to talk to just about anyone, unless it got "too scary," and I was in a great deal of pain, so it wasn't that hard for me to try to find comfort from others. The too scary part is why you need a really good therapist for an adolescent, because if anyone had approached me more directly, I would have drawn back. The one good counselor I saw in those days was gentle in her probing, and while I knew she was often frustrated with me, she kept trying by talking about more neutral topics in between her little digging expeditions. Looking back, she almost got to it with me, which is a little heartbreaking now.
Now for some of your questions:
My mother believed in therapy, so when the school "strongly recommended" that she hie me off to a counselor, she was receptive. These days, Child Protective Services would almost certainly have been involved in all this, by the way. In fact, my "symptoms" were a classical textbook example of sexual abuse that I'm pretty sure someone would have reported it as more than a diffuse problem. Anyway, the problem with therapy for me was the setting in which it took place. I may as well tell you about that, since it explains a bit more about what happened.
Langely Porter Psychiatric Institute, in San Francisco, had family counseling service in those days that saw each family member once per week, then all together once per week. Same therapist for all, and that therapist changed every three months. Do I need to go on? (I'll only say that the end of any hope of help there came with a very traditional East Indian counselor whose only "therapy" for me was to tell me that I was "wicked" for continuing to disobey my mother and cause her so much pain.)
Now, based only on myself, here are a couple of suggestions focussed on something other than ancient history.
First, have you tried approaching the issue of therapy from a "not about her depression" angle? Something like, "You know, dear, I'm feeling as if you're taking the brunt of my depression, and as if, since I can't give you your full share of attention and support, I should get you involved in a support network, for help with things you may not be learning in school, like Time Management, Study Skills, etc. It would make me feel a lot better, and relieve some of my anxiety about you if you'd consider it." Some way of saying, "Look, Kiddo, you're not me, and you're not like me, but the you-who-isn't-like-me might need some kind of support you're not getting right now. Whaddaya say?" Or, depending on your daughter and your relationship with her, you could just say, "Look, I know that you and your father think that my therapy caused the separation, but it didn't. I want you to experience therapy, just to prove that to you. Will you try it for, say, two months?"
Second, after watching you go through depression -- which is a Serious Mental Illness and therefore sensitive enough to begin with -- that word itself is probably so loaded she can't hear anything said afterwards. Try talking in terms of symptoms, not dx. Things like, "Hey, Sunshine, you look a little upset today. Is there anything you'd like to talk about?" Focus on the behavior -- how she experiences it, not on any sort of why -- and let her find her own way to the dx.
Kids is hard. My ex-bf's son suffers from depression, and he went through a really, really rough time a few years ago. (Shortly after I left his father and moved four hours from the community where we lived.) He came down to stay with me, over a Thanksgiving weekend, and we ended up spending much of Thanksgiving Day sitting on a sofa stored in my mother's garage, with the garage door open on a busy street, because he was sitting there helping me find something else stored in that garage when the dam finally burst. He was in his late teens by then, and just fell into my lap crying his little heart out, just the way he used to curl up in my lap when he was little. It was the first time he'd talked to anyone at all about any of it, and it all came out at once.
If your daughter isn't receptive when you talk to her, by the way, don't overlook the possibility that there's another adult out there whom she will listen to. It is not unfair for you to go to a teacher she trusts, a sports coach, a librarian, whoever it is, and say, "Please, help my daughter." That's not deception, it is good parenting. My Sonshine wouldn't have been with me that weekend and I wouldn't have known to look for signs of impending communications if his father hadn't called and asked me to give it a try. (Then again, that young man carries a big piece of my heart with him every moment of his life, and I think he knows it. I like to think that I'd have seen through his mask, and been aware of his pain anyway. Sorry, fallsfall, he is The Best Kid Ever In The Entire World. %-D )
Best luck with your kidlet, and if there's anything I can tell you that might help, ask it. I'll tell you this: today I'm barely functional at all, and I've made myself type all this in hopes it can help you and your daughter. Anything at all I can offer you to help, is yours. Children are too precious to risk not trying, and I hope this works out well for you and yours.
Posted by fallsfall on February 19, 2004, at 19:46:16
In reply to OK, here's a short start for you » fallsfall, posted by Racer on February 19, 2004, at 19:13:51
Racer,
Thank you SOOOO much for being so thoughtful in your response. I think you have some really good points.
First:
> Langely Porter Psychiatric Institute, in San Francisco, had family counseling service in those days that saw each family member once per week, then all together once per week. Same therapist for all, and that therapist changed every three months. Do I need to go on? (I'll only say that the end of any hope of help there came with a very traditional East Indian counselor whose only "therapy" for me was to tell me that I was "wicked" for continuing to disobey my mother and cause her so much pain.)
>
I am trying to envision a worse set up than this, but I am really having a hard time doing that. First, your only therapist had no committment to YOU - only to the family. That had to be really hard for trust. Second, THREE MONTHS? Give me a break! I stayed with my first therapist 8 1/2 years. I can't imagine starting over and over and over. Third, the end of your hope - All that I can say is that this hits a nerve with me, and I am so, so sorry that you had to go through that.> First, have you tried approaching the issue of therapy from a "not about her depression" angle? Something like, "You know, dear, I'm feeling as if you're taking the brunt of my depression, and as if, since I can't give you your full share of attention and support, I should get you involved in a support network, for help with things you may not be learning in school, like Time Management, Study Skills, etc. It would make me feel a lot better, and relieve some of my anxiety about you if you'd consider it." Some way of saying, "Look, Kiddo, you're not me, and you're not like me, but the you-who-isn't-like-me might need some kind of support you're not getting right now. Whaddaya say?"
This is a really promising angle. Everytime I make a decision she doesn't like she blames it on my depression (what she doesn't understand, is that the more depressed I am, the more lenient I am, the more she LIKES it...). She just might (accurately) buy that she deserves some help because I'm causing her problems. Let me think how to work this in.
>Or, depending on your daughter and your relationship with her, you could just say, "Look, I know that you and your father think that my therapy caused the separation, but it didn't. I want you to experience therapy, just to prove that to you. Will you try it for, say, two months?"
This one will not fly. She did a 4 session evaluation when she was in 4th grade. The therapist started to get a little closer to some uncomfortable stuff and then decided that it would be more harmful for her to be in therapy at that time than helpful. I thought that therapist (who has moved, of course) was exceptionally wonderful. My daughter didn't want to keep going. I don't know if SHE blames my old therapist for the separation. She will NOT "try" therapy for me, or for her doctor - she made that pretty plain.
>
> Second, after watching you go through depression -- which is a Serious Mental Illness and therefore sensitive enough to begin with -- that word itself is probably so loaded she can't hear anything said afterwards. Try talking in terms of symptoms, not dx. Things like, "Hey, Sunshine, you look a little upset today. Is there anything you'd like to talk about?" Focus on the behavior -- how she experiences it, not on any sort of why -- and let her find her own way to the dx.The only thing I've said about depression since her doctor's appointment of denial was the next time she saw that doctor I confirmed to him (in front of her) that I wasn't concerned about her having depression any longer. That things seemed OK in that regard. But this IS a good point. Whatever issues she might have need to be clearly different from my issues.
>
> Kids is hard. My ex-bf's son suffers from depression, and he went through a really, really rough time a few years ago. (Shortly after I left his father and moved four hours from the community where we lived.) He came down to stay with me, over a Thanksgiving weekend, and we ended up spending much of Thanksgiving Day sitting on a sofa stored in my mother's garage, with the garage door open on a busy street, because he was sitting there helping me find something else stored in that garage when the dam finally burst. He was in his late teens by then, and just fell into my lap crying his little heart out, just the way he used to curl up in my lap when he was little. It was the first time he'd talked to anyone at all about any of it, and it all came out at once.What a wonderful Step-mom. What a lucky kid.
>
> If your daughter isn't receptive when you talk to her, by the way, don't overlook the possibility that there's another adult out there whom she will listen to. It is not unfair for you to go to a teacher she trusts, a sports coach, a librarian, whoever it is, and say, "Please, help my daughter." That's not deception, it is good parenting. My Sonshine wouldn't have been with me that weekend and I wouldn't have known to look for signs of impending communications if his father hadn't called and asked me to give it a try. (Then again, that young man carries a big piece of my heart with him every moment of his life, and I think he knows it. I like to think that I'd have seen through his mask, and been aware of his pain anyway. Sorry, fallsfall, he is The Best Kid Ever In The Entire World. %-D )Good reminder. When I was worried about the depression thing I did go talk to the guidance counselor at her school (who was also concerned about her). I don't hesitate to do end runs. Her adult supports are a little different now than they were then. I'm now quite sure what I would say to them, though. That I will need to think about.
>
> Best luck with your kidlet, and if there's anything I can tell you that might help, ask it. I'll tell you this: today I'm barely functional at all, and I've made myself type all this in hopes it can help you and your daughter. Anything at all I can offer you to help, is yours. Children are too precious to risk not trying, and I hope this works out well for you and yours.You are so sweet, Racer. Thank you again for your wisdom and insight - particularly on such a hard day. My email is babble fallsfall (a hotmail account).
I'll have to think about this a little to find the best approach. Thanks for all the ideas.
Posted by Ilene on February 21, 2004, at 9:40:59
In reply to Re: Teenager late (AGAIN) for school » Angielala, posted by fallsfall on February 19, 2004, at 8:36:58
> She was supposed to have general bloodwork done last year, but she doesn't like needles and I didn't press it. Sounds like we should do it right away. I hadn't thought of Thyroid, but that certainly could be a factor (and is treatable, too!).
>I have bad veins and avoided bloodwork for years unless I was very sick. Then I discovered butterfly needles. Ask the phlebotomist for one. They are very thin, so it can take a long time to get enough blood, but they *don't hurt*. (They hurt a little bit, but it's probably what a normal person feels.) I used to feel like such a wuss for avoiding blood tests, but now it's not a problem.
I.
Posted by fallsfall on February 22, 2004, at 12:01:47
In reply to Hint for blood work » fallsfall, posted by Ilene on February 21, 2004, at 9:40:59
Thanks for the tip - They use butterfly needles on me every time, and you are right, it makes a big difference.
My veins are so small that the Red Cross told me not to bother coming in to give blood. They have to use the big needles (the little ones chop up the platelets?). They either can't get it in my vein, or I clot halfway through, or it takes so long that they give up (and throw away the 1/2 pint that I gave!).
Posted by Racer on February 22, 2004, at 15:15:01
In reply to Re: Hint for blood work » Ilene, posted by fallsfall on February 22, 2004, at 12:01:47
Butterflies don't work all that well for blood donation, but they are great for normal blood draws.
As for the donation side, if you're really interested in pursuing it, you might want to see if your blood bank has an RN or a really well qualified phlegbotomist to assess your veins. I can give regular blood draws from either arm, but on my left arm -- the one they always want to use -- I can't donate blood. (This also means they have to use the one-arm machine for apheresis, of course.) It's not clotting that stops the blood, though: it's a valve in the vein that flops over the end of the needle if it's put in at the usual spot. The valves in your veins keep the blood from moving backwards in the vein, sort of like a series of canals or locks on waterways. After too many donations, or some other sort of trauma to the circulatory system in an area, the valves can get a little flaccid. Changing the location of the needle site can make all the difference in the world. My little valvular problem is probably a combination of lots of blood donations and a cut-down IV when I was little. The valve in question is right where the cut-down was done.
Doh! The reason I say a really good RN can assess your veins is that you can feel the valve through the skin if there are any problems. Not everyone is experienced or sensitive enough to feel it, but a good RN can usually figure out where the problem is, an alternate site to insert the needle, or whether your veins really aren't suitable for donation.
Donating blood is literally giving life to someone else. It's the most supportive thing you can ever do in your life to save a stranger's life. Whether you ever know it or not, you're making life possible for someone, making the world a better place, saving doctors some of the stress they face in their lives, and really and truly making a difference -- all for nothing more than a half hour of your time. If you can donate, I encourage it strongly.
(Not that I've got any opinions about it, you see.)
Posted by Dinah on February 22, 2004, at 15:36:52
In reply to As a former blood and platelet donor..., posted by Racer on February 22, 2004, at 15:15:01
The first time I gave blood my blood pressure was so low that it was borderline as to whether they would accept me. I was happily giving blood, almost to the end. In fact they were able to use my donation. Then the nurse started looking concerned and asked if I was ok. I chirped "Sure" then passed right out. My blood pressure didn't get high enough for them to let me go for *hours*. They told me never to come back.
Fifteen or so years later, much heavier and with it blood pressure that's in the normal range, I try again. They did that little clotting test and thought my blood was a bit thick or clotted too much or something, but they gave it a try. Sure enough, they couldn't keep the blood going. And my veins look fine, and they never have trouble sticking me. :( I'm going to try again in a while and see if I finally have any luck. Oh, and my doctor wants me to start taking baby aspirin. So something useful came out of it, I guess.
Posted by fallsfall on February 22, 2004, at 15:55:11
In reply to As a former blood and platelet donor..., posted by Racer on February 22, 2004, at 15:15:01
I couldn't agree with you more. The last 3 or 4 times I tried to donate I told them that I was difficult and that I needed someone who was experienced. Even the experienced ones had trouble. I talked with the last two about whether I should continue to come, and they said that I should not. I even learned to drink lots of water starting the day before, but that didn't help enough either. I started donating blood when I was 17, then took some years off when I was pregnant/nursing. I really wish I could!
You are right about the valves - I knew that something was keeping the blood from getting down the needles...
Anyone out there who CAN donate blood really should! It is a great way to give back to the world, and they even give you stuff to eat and drink while you are there!
Posted by Ilene on February 22, 2004, at 18:48:43
In reply to Donating blood is a wonderful thing » Racer, posted by fallsfall on February 22, 2004, at 15:55:11
I never thought my hint would veer off to start its own little thread.
My husband used to donate quite a bit, even though he has a terror of needles. He's O neg. The Red Cross wouldn't let him donate after I tested positive for hepatitis C, and he never started again when the test turned out to be wrong. I think they took his word for the positive test, but they wanted "a note from the doctor" to verify the false positive.
I don't think they accept people like me who have medically unexplained diseases (chronic fatigue syndrome).
When I was nursing I froze my breast milk and donated it.
I.
Posted by Dinah on February 22, 2004, at 18:56:52
In reply to Donating blood, posted by Ilene on February 22, 2004, at 18:48:43
>
> When I was nursing I froze my breast milk and donated it.
>
> I.Wow! I didn't know you could do that! I had more than enough milk, and would have loved to donate.
Posted by Karen_kay on February 22, 2004, at 19:12:41
In reply to Donating blood is a wonderful thing » Racer, posted by fallsfall on February 22, 2004, at 15:55:11
YES IT IS!!! I do it often, but had to take a break while I had a fresh tatoo.... Oh, the horros of the tatoos I got. BUt, I don't want to discuss that. I'm impulsive and had extra cash at the time.. They're awful, I hate them...
Back to the subject at hand. I try to talk everyone into donating blood. My friends, boyfriend, people in my class. I even offer to give them rides home, ect...
I've had one occassion when I passed out and once my iron was too low to donate. I almost cried. Being turned down hurt. And my heartrate is almost always too high, so I have to take a second and let them check my pulse after doing some breathing exercises...
They sent me a thank you card once and I cried when I got it. Maybe I was having a moment, maybe I just really appreciated it. I sent them a thank you card back... I know I'm funny.
Posted by fallsfall on February 27, 2004, at 18:55:44
In reply to Re: Donating blood is a wonderful thing » fallsfall, posted by Karen_kay on February 22, 2004, at 19:12:41
Well, my needle-phobic daughter finally had her blood test done today. But it was just Lipids, I don't know if that does TSH also? Maybe not. Sigh.
She said that NO WAY was she having blood drawn. I told her that she was and this is vacation week - what a great time to do it. She waited until the last day, of course. I had offered to find the most experienced Plebotomist and she wanted me to do that.
I called the lab place and asked who was the best phlebotomist to go to if you are phobic. They gave me the name of a woman, and which office she was in. She was WONDERFUL. I swear she had the needle in my daughter's arm and my daughter didn't even know it. It's worth finding the good ones if you have small veins and don't like needles! And the lab was really nice about giving me her name.
So that's a bit of progress. She went from NO WAY to Gee, that was a lot better than the last time...
Posted by Ilene on February 27, 2004, at 20:05:03
In reply to Daughter had blood test today!!!, posted by fallsfall on February 27, 2004, at 18:55:44
Lipids and TSH are two different things. You usually have to ask before they draw the blood.
I.
Posted by Racer on February 27, 2004, at 21:26:52
In reply to Daughter had blood test today!!!, posted by fallsfall on February 27, 2004, at 18:55:44
Excellent! Rah rah sis boom bah!
Best wishes on the results, and what a wonderful mother you are to take that step for her! She's a fortunate young lady.
I also had blood drawn this week, and can now tell you that butterflies can still be painful. The right phlebotomist is such a find, keep that name handy! (Oh, and they couldn't get enough blood for all the tests they wanted to do, either. Oh, well, they got a bunch...)
Posted by fallsfall on March 2, 2004, at 7:58:35
In reply to Woohoo! » fallsfall, posted by Racer on February 27, 2004, at 21:26:52
My daughter slept at her dad's house last night. I was just as glad, because I'm not doing well, and I didn't want to have to be sociable and I didn't want to drive her to school - I wanted to sleep. Last night she asked if I would drive her because she feels sick when she takes the bus. I told her that she had valid reasons for wanting a ride, but that I really needed her to take the bus. For once she didn't argue. This morning, she walked into my house when we should have been driving out of the driveway (the bus drove by 20 minutes before that). I was still in bed asleep. I threw clothes on and drove her to school. I didn't say a word (I was still asleep). She got out and didn't even say thankyou.
Posted by All Done on March 2, 2004, at 12:33:15
In reply to Teenager late (AGAIN) for school, posted by fallsfall on March 2, 2004, at 7:58:35
Sorry you had a rough morning, falls. I hope the rest of your day is going better and that you're taking care of yourself.
I've missed seeing you around here lately, but I know how it goes. I hope you're feeling better soon.
(((falls)))
Posted by Dinah on March 2, 2004, at 17:06:00
In reply to Teenager late (AGAIN) for school, posted by fallsfall on March 2, 2004, at 7:58:35
When my son was in preschool we had a running battle over his dawdling. I tried getting him to think of possible solutions. He drew a nice little no dawdling sign. We changed where he dressed. We turned off the TV. No change, and I didn't like being angry with him. I don't like being angry, period.
So I told him the next time he was late, we were getting in the car whether or not he was dressed, and we did. No fighting, no anger. I even expressed regret. I didn't actually bring him into preschool that way, although I had gotten his teacher's permission (in his earshot). I let him change in the car. But he chose to be ready on time pretty consistently after that. Because he knew it was his responsibility, and that he would pay the price if he didn't. Mom wasn't going to fuss anymore. Because Mom didn't have to go to school in her jammies.
What would be the natural consequences of her having to walk to school or having to miss it entirely because she's late for the bus?
Posted by mair on March 3, 2004, at 7:38:52
In reply to Teenager late (AGAIN) for school, posted by fallsfall on March 2, 2004, at 7:58:35
This morning I drove my daughter and a neighbor's son to school. The drive takes about 20 minutes. Aside from a few monosyllabic responses from my neighbor's son in answer to a couple of questions, not a word was spoken by anyone but me. I pretty much hate my job, but today it was a relief to get to work.
Mair
Posted by fallsfall on March 3, 2004, at 11:37:19
In reply to Re: Teenager late (AGAIN) for school » fallsfall, posted by mair on March 3, 2004, at 7:38:52
Charming, aren't they?
Posted by fallsfall on March 3, 2004, at 11:43:29
In reply to Re: Teenager late (AGAIN) for school » mair, posted by fallsfall on March 3, 2004, at 11:37:19
I had an extra (and badly needed) therapy session scheduled for 8:15. That meant that I needed to leave at 7:30. I usually drop her off at 7:32. I explained last night that I wanted to drop her off at 7:30 so I wouldn't be late. I reminded her when she went to bed. I told her twice this morning while she was not getting out of bed.
She got into the car at ... 7:30. (it takes 7 minutes to drive to school)
I started driving out of the neighborhood and told her to get her cell phone out and call her dad (He is a school bus driver). He was at the high school, needed to go to the middle school, but could pick her up and take her to school. So I dropped her by the side of the road where she needed to go one direction and I needed to go the other direction, and told her to walk down to where he would pick her up.
This felt moderately satisfying (and I was in time to be able to settle down before my session).
The session went much better, by the way. I think we are (finally) past the crisis and now we'll spend the next couple of months analyzing what happened.
Posted by mair on March 3, 2004, at 12:51:33
In reply to Re: And THIS morning..., posted by fallsfall on March 3, 2004, at 11:43:29
When my kids were younger and in need of a little more supervision in the morning, my husband and I decided that I would start going into work early and that he'd get the kids off to school. This was so I could leave earlier in the afternoon. This schedule probably worked for only about 4 days before my husband announced that we couldn't keep following this schedule because it meant that he arrived at work too stressed out. I guess by process of elimination it was ok if I had to bear all that morning stress.
I got a little tense just reading your post, wondering whether you were going to make it to therapy on time or not. All the more power to you that you could make it a successful session given what you had to go through just to get there.
Mair
Posted by fallsfall on March 3, 2004, at 20:16:24
In reply to Natural consequences? » fallsfall, posted by Dinah on March 2, 2004, at 17:06:00
We tried natural consequences last year (see the first post in this thread). I couldn't handle having the Vice Principal complain to my husband.
But, now that the weather is getting better and the snow piles aren't so high on the side of the road, maybe it's time to make her walk again. She happens to have English first period. It isn't her favorite subject, but she needs 4 years of English to graduate. So if she was absent/tardy too many times for English, she wouldn't get credit for it and she would have to take ANOTHER English class. She's having a hard time finding enough English classes that she wants to take anyway.
Hmmm. I'll have to see if I dare.
By the way, she was so angry at me because SHE was late for school. What gave me the right to make HER late for school? (Answer: I was ready to leave on time so she could be on time for school. She was the one who was late) She still thinks it is my fault.
Posted by fallsfall on March 10, 2004, at 9:50:53
In reply to Re: Natural consequences? » Dinah, posted by fallsfall on March 3, 2004, at 20:16:24
Just thought you would all like an update on my late-to-school daughter.
Sunday she had a big day - out with her dancing friends from 1PM to 8PM. Monday she went to see Clay Aiken in concert (This *was* the thrill of her life) - 1 1/2 hours away. So she didn't get home until midnight. Her friend stayed over and they made the bus at her dad's house.
Yesterday, she IM'd me and said that she was going to try to get into bed early (she had bad cramps yesterday), so I was surprised when she showed up at my house at 9:30PM (her bedtime is 10). She still had to type something she had written for homework. She didn't finish typing until 10:45. I was angry. She was still walking around upstairs at 11:20!!! She came down to take some Aleve at 11:30 and said she was still up because she had to wait until she could take the Aleve (for her cramps). I told her she WAS going to be on time - and by golly, she was!!! She brushed her hair in the car.
I thanked her for being on time (but didn't go overboard). It was really quite pleasant. So, it IS possible!!!!!
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