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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 18 of 18. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Penny on October 22, 2003, at 8:48:00
After therapy I went and got something to eat and then went to get a few things to take to the little ones I used to nanny (I'm seeing them this weekend). After leaving the store, when I was getting back in my car, a man approached me asking if I had jumper cables, and I do, but I automatically told him "No." I don't know why.
Anyway, he proceeded to tell me that his car battery had died and he had called the police but they said they couldn't help him, and he didn't have the money to call a wrecker to jump start his car, and he'd been asking around, but no one had been able to help him. And then he asked me if I knew where a certain hospital was, which I did, and how far was it, b/c his wife was there giving birth to his first daughter (he has four sons) and he was going to miss it, and he would walk if he had to. I told him it would be quite a walk.
So, for some ungodly reason, I offered to take him to the hospital. I don't know why, and I know it was STUPID of me to offer to take this stranger ANYWHERE, but I just felt like he needed some help. He seemed taken aback but accepted, but then asked if I could take him somewhere a shorter distance, a place where he was supposed to be going to meet his boss, but he had gone to the wrong place (thought he was supposed to meet his boss at Office Max and it was instead Office Depot, down the road), and then his car died. I drove him to Office Depot, but he was 30 minutes late and the man had already left. So he asked if I would take him back to where we had come from, where his car was. I did, and that was that.
How absolutely stupid was I? I have NEVER EVER done anything like that before - I am usually so cautious! He didn't really seem like a threat, but I know enough to know that just b/c he didn't seem that way didn't mean he wasn't.
On one hand, I wish I could have helped him more. On the other hand, I can't believe I tried to help him by actually driving him somewhere.
Jeez.
P
Posted by Poet on October 22, 2003, at 9:35:13
In reply to Did something stupid last night..., posted by Penny on October 22, 2003, at 8:48:00
Hi Penny,
Don't beat yourself up over giving him the ride, but if this situation happens again remember to just offer jumper cables, okay?
What bothers me is that he said he was on the way to the hospital to see his daughter being born, but asked you to drive to Office Depot first? Very odd priorities. But he didn't try anything with you, and I believe in gut instinct, and yours obviously said he wasn't a threat.
Poet
Posted by Penny on October 22, 2003, at 9:45:59
In reply to Re: Did something stupid last night... » Penny, posted by Poet on October 22, 2003, at 9:35:13
> Hi Penny,
>
> Don't beat yourself up over giving him the ride, but if this situation happens again remember to just offer jumper cables, okay?Will do.
> What bothers me is that he said he was on the way to the hospital to see his daughter being born, but asked you to drive to Office Depot first? Very odd priorities. But he didn't try anything with you, and I believe in gut instinct, and yours obviously said he wasn't a threat.
>
> PoetApparently he thought his boss, who he was supposed to meet, could help him get his car started so he could go on to the hospital. After I took him to office depot and the boss wasn't there, he said that he didn't want to go to the hospital with no car, so he was going to try some more to get someone to help him get his car started.
P
Posted by Susan J on October 22, 2003, at 10:00:06
In reply to Did something stupid last night..., posted by Penny on October 22, 2003, at 8:48:00
Hiya, Penny,
Please don't be too harsh on yourself for that. Afterall, everything turned out just fine. :-) And I think it's great you have an innate desire to help people! I've passed people before, dying to help them out because if it were me, I'd want some help! But then I'm always afraid I'll get killed or something. That's why I love my car phone so much. I just call the cops and tell them about whomever is broken down on the side of the road.
But I digress. When I worked in Baltimore, it was a very common scheme for someone to come up to you with a story about his/her car breaking down, or losing all their money and not having enough to take the MARC train back to DC, or whatever. It's usually a fairly involved story so it *sounds* more believable. He might have been trying to hit you up for some money, but wasn't very good at it. Might be why he was surprised, and probably didn't know what to do, when you offered him a ride.
I agree with the other poster, I don't *get* why he cared so much about having his car at the hospital. If I were his wife, he'd hear about *that* later after he missed the birth of our child. I don't care *what* number kid it was or how many times he's been through it. :-)
Susan
Posted by Alexs on October 22, 2003, at 12:13:12
In reply to Did something stupid last night..., posted by Penny on October 22, 2003, at 8:48:00
My advise to a woman in this situation is not to stop, keep driving. If you see someone that is obviously having car trouble and not injured, unless your in the middle of desert somewhere and there is little chance of anyone driving by anytime soon, let that strange man wait for a male driver to stop and help. The psychos out there know that most people are good natured and are willing to help a stranded motorist out. In the world we live in today a woman should never let a total stranger in her car. There are other things you could do, cell phone/payphone ect.
Posted by Nansun58 on October 22, 2003, at 13:49:01
In reply to Did something stupid last night..., posted by Penny on October 22, 2003, at 8:48:00
You took an awful chance being so nice to a stranger. Perhaps you had an angle with you.
Posted by deirdrehbrt on October 22, 2003, at 22:48:01
In reply to Did something stupid last night..., posted by Penny on October 22, 2003, at 8:48:00
Penny,
I admire your desire to help a strainger. It would be nice to live in a world where doing that wouldn't also involve the danger of being robbed or wors.
I used to pick up hitchhikers. On one instance, my car broke down. I tried to get it working, and the couple whom I had picked up told me they would get out and find another ride. Later, I found that a number of my valuables had been stolen.
Another time, the person whom I had picked up turned out to be quite frightening. I no longer pick up hitchhikers. If I am feeling in a mood where I want to do something nice for someone else, whom I don't know, I'll donate blood, I'll pay for the car behind me at the toll booth, or do some other random thing. It makes someone else happy, and being random it gives them a chance to see something good in their lives. It also keeps me out of danger.
Be well,
Dee.
Posted by Dinah on October 22, 2003, at 23:17:45
In reply to Did something stupid last night..., posted by Penny on October 22, 2003, at 8:48:00
Posted by Penny on October 23, 2003, at 9:27:21
In reply to Re: Did something stupid last night..., posted by Nansun58 on October 22, 2003, at 13:49:01
> You took an awful chance being so nice to a stranger. Perhaps you had an angle with you.
What do you mean? Like a deathwish?
P
Posted by Dinah on October 23, 2003, at 9:28:41
In reply to Re: Did something stupid last night... » Nansun58, posted by Penny on October 23, 2003, at 9:27:21
Posted by Penny on October 23, 2003, at 9:50:33
In reply to Re: Glad you're ok. That's what matters. (nm) » Penny, posted by Dinah on October 22, 2003, at 23:17:45
I feel soooo stupid. Just plain stupid and naive. It occurs to me that this will go down in my memory as one of those things that I won't let myself get over, in line with stupid things I did as a kid. And I can't even bring it up in therapy b/c it was so stupid.
I hate this. I'm so angry with myself for being so naive. I'm angry too that I have to be so cautious. Even though nothing bad happened.
I am SO angry with myself. And when I feel like this, I want to hurt myself. I want to cause myself more pain, physical pain. Or I just want to die. I'll hold it all in, as I'm at work, and my mood will probably continue to sink, and then I'll go to therapy and I won't even be able to talk about it.
P
Posted by Penny on October 23, 2003, at 9:51:16
In reply to Re: Angel :) (nm) » Penny, posted by Dinah on October 23, 2003, at 9:28:41
Oh...
thanks.
kg
Posted by Dinah on October 23, 2003, at 10:26:01
In reply to Re: so stupid..., posted by Penny on October 23, 2003, at 9:50:33
I know you wouldn't judge someone else that harshly. It's not something I'd do again, but no harm came from it, you tried to help someone, and your motives were good. It's a darn shame that the world is the way it is. If you want to get mad, get mad at society.
Be as kind to yourself as you would be to others.
Posted by Penny on October 23, 2003, at 13:21:57
In reply to Re: so rough on yourself.... » Penny, posted by Dinah on October 23, 2003, at 10:26:01
> I know you wouldn't judge someone else that harshly. It's not something I'd do again, but no harm came from it, you tried to help someone, and your motives were good. It's a darn shame that the world is the way it is. If you want to get mad, get mad at society.
>
> Be as kind to yourself as you would be to others.Thank you, Dinah. I am mad at society, but it's much easier to turn the anger inward than outward for me. You know, I even took self defense in college and I've always been wary of strangers who need help, but at the same time, even though the thought crossed my mind (what am I doing?), the larger part of me just bought into what he was saying. And I don't know why.
You're right, I wouldn't be so hard on someone else about the same thing, but I'm me, not someone else, and I feel like I should know better by now. And it's funny that I misunderstood Nansun's post above regarding 'angels' b/c when I read 'angle' I thought it meant a way of putting myself in a bad position on purpose, though perhaps subconsciously. And maybe that is the case. Maybe I'm inviting something bad to happen to me.
When I was about 7 or 8, my older cousin and I were walking from Kmart to my grandparents' car - my grandparents were still in the store - and this man, who *appeared* deaf and mute and was in a wheelchair, stopped us and handed us American flag stickers. We both took them, then he held up a sign that said something about 'wounded veteran, $1 donations please' and I immediately went for my little purse to get a dollar bill to pay him. I felt obligated. My cousin, on the other hand, handed him the sticker back. Then, when we got to the car, she said, "I think you were just taken advantage of - I don't think he was deaf and mute, I think he just wanted handouts." I felt so ridiculously stupid at that point. For the longest time I couldn't throw the sticker away but I couldn't look at it either. And, yes, nearly 20 years later, that STILL sticks in my mind. Why was I so dumb? I was only 7 or 8 at the time, but why was I so stupid? I SHOULD have known better.
I have other stories like that one, and they stick in my head and are replayed over and over, along with episodes of my dad's anger outbursts and verbal abuse. It just feeds into my core belief about myself, I suppose, which is that I must be the dumbest human being on the planet and I really don't even deserve to live. My T would say that's a major example of skewed, irrational thinking, but even though I can *sort of* see that, and even though I could definitely see it if it were someone else, I still really believe it.
I can't believe how much I hate myself. It's a shame, I know, but I really really do. I hate my looks, I hate myself for not being happy with my career, I hate myself for being lazy and not being ambitious. I even hate myself for sitting here right now, at a little after 2 p.m. on a Thursday, and posting on PSB about all of this, b/c I SHOULD be getting some major work done. Instead, I'm wasting time.
On another note, I told my T in our last session that I'd been feeling pretty down about my grandfather and the events surrounding his suicide (the 2 year anniversary is in early Nov), and I told her that one of the things I find myself angry about is his imposing the reality of suicide on me and my family, and, by doing so, 'taking away', so to speak, my choice about that. What I mean is that now that I've experienced suicide first hand as a survivor of a family member who killed himself, I can no longer ponder suicide with the same, "Well, they would be better off without me," attitude. So, effectively, even though I still think about it, sometimes a lot, and even though it remains an option for me in my mind, I know what it does to a family, and that just adds guilt, which makes me have second thoughts.
Anyway, I apologize for rambling on and on, and if you made it this far, I'm really sorry!
P
Posted by Nansun58 on October 23, 2003, at 14:16:40
In reply to Re: Did something stupid last night... » Nansun58, posted by Penny on October 23, 2003, at 9:27:21
> > You took an awful chance being so nice to a stranger. Perhaps you had an angle with you.
>
> What do you mean? Like a deathwish?
>
> P
No I didn't mean a death wish. I ment that you were taking a chance on a stranger who could have acted any way. Thanks God he acted fine. Pherhas you are confused by my poor spelling. The angle is really angel.
Posted by Dinah on October 23, 2003, at 14:33:09
In reply to Re: thank you, but... » Dinah, posted by Penny on October 23, 2003, at 13:21:57
I have a few of those things that hang in my mind ready to ambush me with shame. Fortunately my memory is going and I'm forgetting more and more of it.
But I'm really sorry you feel that way about yourself. I wish you could see yourself the way others see you. A warm, kind, funny, and intelligent person who deserves every happiness.
(Of course, there are times I feel that way about myself too, so I understand it's not as easy as understanding intellectually what's going on.)
(((Penny)))
At least let this one drop. And the one with the dollar. Kindness is never something to be ashamed of.
Posted by Penny on October 23, 2003, at 14:33:45
In reply to Re: Did something stupid last night..., posted by Nansun58 on October 23, 2003, at 14:16:40
Yes, I misunderstood - Dinah pointed it out in another message above.
I'm going to try to learn from this...though right now I'm just feeling like an idiot...and it's hard to learn anything when you're an idiot...
Thanks.
P
Posted by deirdrehbrt on October 23, 2003, at 20:34:18
In reply to Re: Did something stupid last night... » Nansun58, posted by Penny on October 23, 2003, at 14:33:45
((((((((((Penny))))))))))
I'm sorry that you feel that way about yourself. It's sad, but I can completely understand it because I often do the same thing. I'll beat myself up over something completely irrational. I expect that everyone I talk to is angry or disappointed with me. I look back at my past and feel that I've done so many very stupid things.
I'll hurt myself for things I've done, and then feel stupid for both. So I have an injury, something stupid that I had done, and feeling stupid for hurting myself.
I'm learning in therapy how to start changing these things, but it is taking time and work. It can be done though.
Please don't beat yourself up over this. It's really not your fault. If my worst faults were trust and kindness, I would feel quite pleased. Please treat yourself with the kindness with which you treat others.
(((((Penny)))))Dee.
This is the end of the thread.
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