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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 5 to 29 of 55. Go back in thread:
Posted by NikkiT2 on October 7, 2003, at 10:02:56
In reply to Zen, JyL, NickiT2, posted by gabbix2 on October 7, 2003, at 9:48:48
You know what.. I've totally had it with this place. Totally and utterly had. There are some truly wonderful people here who I care about very much.
But there is NO WAY I am going to stand for the utter utter **** that is going on right now.
I am so so tempted to post what was written to me by this person (though I am sure either I would get banned for posting such dsgusting language, or no one owuld know what I was talking baout as there would be so many **'s in it)... one small example was telling me that my mother should have aborted me, and desribed "me" running down her legs and into a bucket.
Can anyone now see why I am having problems with this?? I said my peice on PBA, and was happy to walk away from it. But Krissy seems to want to keep bringing it up again and again, and accusing me of attacking her!! She says I threatened to hack her.. the hting is, I do know a hacker, and so I know the theory behind hacking, but its not something I have the knowlegde or intelligence to do, so its not something I could possibly threaten something with!!
I hope the people of this board know me well enough to know I wouldn't do such things.. but, it seems, Krissy wants them to think that about me. So, its got to the point, its me or her. So I guess I'm off to pastures new!! Its been a fab 4 years.. but I don;t know if I can take this. I hate the feeling that I am being pushed away from this site from someone who has hurt so many people.. but I don't see any other solution.
Nikki
Posted by Dinah on October 7, 2003, at 10:14:16
In reply to Re: Zen, JyL, NickiT2 » gabbix2, posted by NikkiT2 on October 7, 2003, at 10:02:56
Everyone knows that you aren't a hacker. No one believes you behaved the way described.
Please don't leave because of someone else's actions. And now that I know just some of what was said, I see my ethical stance much more clearly. I'm sorry that pain had to be relived for you.
Please don't leave. I think most people have clarity on what happened. You don't need to think that anyone feels badly towards you.
Posted by Dinah on October 7, 2003, at 10:16:54
In reply to Re: Zen, JyL, NickiT2 » gabbix2, posted by NikkiT2 on October 7, 2003, at 10:02:56
I do see where you might be angry with Dr. Bob though. I am myself. I feel like his stance puts me in the position of looking like a complete and total idiot. Sure, Dr. Bob knew everything. But we didn't. I'm still pretty angry with him myself.
Posted by gabbix2 on October 7, 2003, at 10:20:41
In reply to Re: Zen, JyL, NickiT2 » gabbix2, posted by NikkiT2 on October 7, 2003, at 10:02:56
No Me Too Nicki, When It started making me physically ill, I knew it was time I had to make a break. I do understand. And that was BEFORE
The frustration.
How the word. Ass can be considered wrong under the pretense of caring about our feelings-- but someone can be allowed to slither back in and cause nothing but havoc and pain at our expense.When there are plenty of other venues to become a new person if thats truly the goal.
What if you two had become friends under this new personna, What if you started e-mailing and
the whole thing started over again.
Yes its going to happen on the internet.
But in this case it could have been prevented.I can't even begin to articulate how sickened I am by everything. The priorities are so skewed
if it wasn't making people sick it would almost be funny. Its a bloody parody of itself.And its really sad when you end up being the person who feels you have to leave.
I'm sorry. I hope it helps a little to know that there is someone who's just as about angry and fed up for you as you are for yourself.
Its not like we don't have enough to deal with.Take care.
G
Posted by NikkiT2 on October 7, 2003, at 10:44:22
In reply to Re: Zen, JyL, NickiT2 » NikkiT2, posted by gabbix2 on October 7, 2003, at 10:20:41
I'm just not feeling my most.. reasonable at the moment. I'm in a bad place, I was before all this. I'm not suicidal, I'm not in a "crisis", but I am very very depressed. And as such I'm not being particularly.. oh poo, whats the word.. balanced will do I guess.
It will pass. I have a nice little box of reoxetine to see if they will help. So hopefully there is light at the end of my tunnel.
I just hate seeing myself talked about on here.. I htink that has upset me as much as anything else. And I'd been doing so well with my shutting up and letting it pass until I started getting accused of stuff.
Ho hum.. and thanks you two for caring. It really means alot to be at the moment!
(Oh, and Gabbi, if you see this.. I learnt a LONG time ago not to hand out my email address on here.. I've done so very very few times.. and very few people from here have it!)
Nikki xx
Posted by Chicklet on October 7, 2003, at 10:54:16
In reply to Thanks you two.., posted by NikkiT2 on October 7, 2003, at 10:44:22
HOW could you??
>>but I am very very depressed.
I'm sorry that you've been subject to this. Then AND now.
I'm glad you can see the little light at the end of the tunnel. Sometimes just a flicker from a votive can get you through, you know?>>well with my shutting up and letting it pass until I started getting accused of stuff.
I think you needed to say what you did, and considering your depression, damn you did a really good job. I am sickened by what happened to you, really Nikki.
What does it take to start a Yahoo group?
I mean it...
karen
Posted by gabbix2 on October 7, 2003, at 11:00:50
In reply to ZenHussy, posted by galkeepinon on October 7, 2003, at 3:45:52
When you know damn well she can't come on here and defend herself. Nice going. Your'e losing more credibility as you go along. yeah, Nicki's a hacker and Zen harasses people over the net.
NOT TRUE: I know from personal experience.
Posted by NikkiT2 on October 7, 2003, at 11:04:47
In reply to ZenHussy, posted by galkeepinon on October 7, 2003, at 3:45:52
Your attacks against Zenhussy are totally wrong.. You can still READ here when banned. She emailed you (like you asked people to remember), that does not show she is posting here under ANY other names.
Back track again *smiles sweetly*
Nikki
Posted by Penny on October 7, 2003, at 11:05:43
In reply to Why would you feel reasonable? » NikkiT2, posted by Chicklet on October 7, 2003, at 10:54:16
> What does it take to start a Yahoo group?
> I mean it...
> karenTakes nothing more than a few minutes...
It seems to me that a friend of mine has a yahoo group that only allows folks via membership, but I may be quite mistaken. Not sure if these groups are open to everyone or not as I didn't read too much about them.
But creating a group is easy. As is creating a false email address using totally false information that you can give to folks here so they can then email you and you can give your *real* email address, etc. etc. etc.
Just a few thoughts, for those of you who would like to stay in touch with each other.
P
Posted by NikkiT2 on October 7, 2003, at 11:08:36
In reply to Why would you feel reasonable? » NikkiT2, posted by Chicklet on October 7, 2003, at 10:54:16
Go too http://groups.yahoo.com and there should be instructions there *g* They're dead easy to use!
Nikki xxx
Posted by Penny on October 7, 2003, at 12:29:01
In reply to Re: Why would you feel reasonable? » Chicklet, posted by Penny on October 7, 2003, at 11:05:43
Yes - apparently you can set the group up so that people can only join/post with the leader's approval. Just FYI.
P
Posted by Susan J on October 7, 2003, at 12:29:33
In reply to ZenHussy, posted by galkeepinon on October 7, 2003, at 3:45:52
Gal,
You know, I had nothing to do with all this, so if everyone here discounts what I say, I totally understand.
But I wrote you a really long post on the admin board about seeking forgiveness and all that. I don't know if you read it or not. It's so long it'd bore everybody.
Anyway, I'm just looking at all this pain that's coming up and it's really sad. That's not something I saw coming, but probably because I'm clueless about the situation. Maybe my advice sucked and seeking forgiveness even if others don't forgive you isn't the wisest thing.
I know it's in *your* best interests to seek forgiveness, it really is, but if it's causing this much pain in others, I don't know if it's worth it. Can't better yourself at the expense of others and all that...
Dinah's post (somewhere on here) was a good thought -- take these posts to your therapist and see what s/he thinks. I *do* admire your strength in coming clean, I really do. That's a tough thing to do.
But maybe finding the self-healing you need *can't* be done here this way, since others are in so much pain and anger from your admission and reappearance. It's not fair to keep causing pain and anger, even if you *truly* don't want to and are trying to make things right.
Be strong for yourself and continue on your journey to self-improvement. But also be kind enough to stop any behavior, no matter how noble it seems to you, that's hurting others. That make any sense?
Wow. The whole situation is tough. I'm sure it was bad a few month ago but to see the repercussions it's having now just brings it home to me how hard we should all struggle to be as kind and as honest as possible.
Susan
Posted by bobby on October 7, 2003, at 12:33:46
In reply to Re: Why would you feel reasonable? » Chicklet, posted by NikkiT2 on October 7, 2003, at 11:08:36
Don't pay any attention to those who may get on your nerves or want you to leave. Get the ultimate revenge----STAY!
Posted by Susan J on October 7, 2003, at 12:39:16
In reply to ZenHussy, posted by galkeepinon on October 7, 2003, at 3:45:52
Gabbi it's nice to see you back, even though these are pretty bad circumstances.
And Nikki, I *barely* know you from your posts, but I always liked them. I hated seeing Gabbi leave. I'd hate to see you leave, too.
Some of the things that make me like this board so much are the posters who add wit, compassion, humor, and some great advice. I really mean it. There are some gems here. And I think the compassion I've seen here and knowing I'm not alone in this really bizarre struggle have truly helped me feel a lot better in these past 2 months.
If the good people who add so much leave, then what's left? I won't be. There'll be no reason to read....
S.
Posted by bobby on October 7, 2003, at 12:46:33
In reply to Stick around Nikki » NikkiT2, posted by bobby on October 7, 2003, at 12:33:46
Posted by gabbix2 on October 7, 2003, at 18:07:49
In reply to P.S. Glad to see you're still---somewhere ---Gabbi (nm), posted by bobby on October 7, 2003, at 12:46:33
Posted by HannahW on October 7, 2003, at 18:53:08
In reply to Pain » galkeepinon, posted by Susan J on October 7, 2003, at 12:29:33
I've been following these threads, and reading the archives. I wasn't around when these things happened, so I didn't feel I had any right to make any posts. Besides, I didn't really know what I thought. On the one hand, the crimes were terrible. On another hand, she's trying to make amends. On a third hand, it's hard to believe someone's sincerity when you've been betrayed by that person before. And on a fourth hand (I'm halfway to being an octopus!) this is a mental health issue on a mental health board, and we all have our issues of varying degrees.
But I think Susan's words were very wise, gal. You came clean, you did your best, but only you can know for certain what your true intentions are. It seems like your presence, no matter how well intentioned, is causing a lot of pain to a lot of people--even those of us who are relatively new. It's very upsetting to see people so bitterly angry at each other, and I feel like the board has lost much of its sensitive soul lately. I, personally, feel a loss that the board doesn't feel as safe anymore. I feel a loss that, because I'm new, people are suspicious of me, when all I want is to connect and feel included. I feel a loss that when I could always count on reading posts that were unbelievably supportive, regardless of the topic, which gave me hope that I might be accepted with all of my inadequacies too, that now I'm reading posts (in each direction) that are so mean and dripping with sarcasm.
So gal, I think you've been brave, but I think you're causing more harm than good, even though you may not mean to. I don't believe you're helping anyone, including yourself, by continuing to post here.
I'm not in any position to make any judgements, and there are very few people who have ALL the facts. (Actually, no one does.) But if your intent is to help people heal, then perhaps the best way you can do that is by making a sacrifice and letting go of this board "for the good of the order." It just seems like the right thing to do, because you're hurting a lot of people, including people like me, whether or not they were part of the original issue.
Posted by Sabina on October 7, 2003, at 21:23:11
In reply to Re: Pain, posted by HannahW on October 7, 2003, at 18:53:08
Posted by Larry Hoover on October 8, 2003, at 13:25:54
In reply to Pain » galkeepinon, posted by Susan J on October 7, 2003, at 12:29:33
> I know it's in *your* best interests to seek forgiveness, it really is, but if it's causing this much pain in others, I don't know if it's worth it. Can't better yourself at the expense of others and all that...I'd have to agree with Susan, here. The 9th step of AA reads: "Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others."
Making amends should only be attempted after much reflection, to ensure that you're not rubbing salt in a wound.
As Susan so well expressed in the Admin posting, people don't owe each other forgiveness....and the seeking of forgiveness should never be undertaken for selfish reasons. If that is the case, then what is being sought is not forgiveness at all. It's a desire to have the incident forgotten....which can be seen to be very disrespectful.
Lar
Posted by lil' jimi on October 8, 2003, at 14:04:49
In reply to Re: Zen, JyL, NickiT2 » gabbix2, posted by NikkiT2 on October 7, 2003, at 10:02:56
hi Nikki
i need you ... ... i can't imagine if you can recall how deeply involved i got ... ... but we share many sentiments here .... .... we need each other ... ... i got a bunch of demented nasty notes too ... ... i feel greater issues with someone's enablers ... ... why are the civil concerns for the easily imaginable impacts on our well-being not the obvious consideration here ... ... .... aren't i a big selfish dog ? ... huh? ... i'm just all ME ME ME !! ... ... i hate that about me ...
hang in there ... i'm on your side, although i'm slow sometimes ... .... but you are NOT alone, at all!
peace,
~ jim
Posted by lil' jimi on October 8, 2003, at 14:26:54
In reply to Stick around Nikki » NikkiT2, posted by bobby on October 7, 2003, at 12:33:46
> Don't pay any attention to those who may get on your nerves or want you to leave. Get the ultimate revenge----STAY! >
EXCELLENT ADVICE !!!!
(and it may contribute to those who are complicit ... realizing their "witless protection program" is counter-cost effective and morally bad policy ... by making this fallout more complcated for them ... plus now we have allies and compatriots ... a Cause! .... ... .... sorry you're feeling so bad (even before the fact) ... well, i was okay ... ... but i think if we can pull together here we might be able to turn this into a positive ... though i'm way open to ideas on approaches ...
carry on,
~ jim)
Posted by lil' jimi on October 8, 2003, at 14:51:12
In reply to Re: Pain, posted by HannahW on October 7, 2003, at 18:53:08
... never heard that one before, huh? ... ... HA!
i want to be your's (and Ms Susan J's too) friend, Please? ... pretty Please?
i like you and your posts and you fit in great and all of your inadequacies are great with me tooo ... want to tell me about them? ... ..
... watch out or you'll get me started on mine ! . ... like my spelling .... HA!.... so you're new, huh? ... i've been here seven months now .... .... i like new people ... and old people ...
... hey, let's you and me and susan (and any other trusted friends who'd like to come along, new or old!) and go and just PUSH ourselves (and all of our inadequacires too!) on La Kara Kara Lynne and her HighPrietess Fallsfall .. !!
do you know kara kara? ... she's sweeeet! ... ... i promoted her pal La Fallsfall to HighPriestess ... ... more sweetness there i tell you ...
... i'm going to anyway ... love for you, Hannah-Banana (!) to come along!
let's play,
~ jimp.s. i'm depressed, 52 1/2 , i have a wife and 4 yr old son ...
... i take 10 mg of lexapro a day ... and i need a haircut ...
... and everytime i make the ... "HA!" ... sound, it's me laughing at me ... HA!
~ j
Posted by lil' jimi on October 8, 2003, at 15:09:52
In reply to Re: Pain » Susan J, posted by Larry Hoover on October 8, 2003, at 13:25:54
from http://www.merriam-webster.com/cgi-bin/dictionary
Main Entry: amends
Pronunciation: &-'men(d)z
Function: noun plural but singular or plural in construction
Etymology: Middle English amendes, from Middle French, plural of amende reparation, from amender
Date: 14th century
: compensation for a loss or injury : RECOMPENSE <make amends>© 2003 by Merriam-Webster, Incorporated
... ... looks like this mechanism's broke
... ...
.... ... the lights are on
.... ... but nobody's home... ... maybe if i'd post the entry for "honor"
... thanks Lar and (my brand new friend!) Susan ...
Lar, i recall with great feeling, you trying to come to my rescue when i was panicked by another's threat of self-destruction .... .... you are are much appreciated in my heart ... and i have counted you as friend from that dark day ... thanks... and soon as i can write them all down, i'm going to post my list of vitamins i take over at Alt ... and ask you to take your very valuable gander ... i live in awe of your value as a resource here ... ... way way more thanks there ...
bliss with a vengeance,
~ jim
Posted by NikkiT2 on October 8, 2003, at 15:12:24
In reply to amends, posted by lil' jimi on October 8, 2003, at 15:09:52
I just need some time to get my head some kind of decent space at the moment.
I might post here and there.. but I'm not really up to posting if truth be known..
So I'm just having some time out.. not leaving for good *s*
Nikki
Posted by slinky on October 8, 2003, at 15:31:22
In reply to It's OK.., posted by NikkiT2 on October 8, 2003, at 15:12:24
i Found it horrible--the imagery that thing someone said.
I did a horrible thing today--i feel so ashamed.
Wishing you well Nikki fellow UK'r..Lets try and not let the donkey's get us down:-)
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