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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 4 of 4. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by yesac on July 17, 2003, at 15:49:06
I can feel a downturn coming on. Today has been good at work - perfectly good, several interesting conversations. But I'm just feeling a little bit of that sense of dread about what to do tonight. I try thinking over my options, and it just seems like there's nothing. And I think, how am I going to get through it? This is a daily struggle for me. I can't believe this, but I'm afraid of starting Harry Potter (that Penny let me borrow)... I think I'm afraid that I won't even be able to read that. And I'm worried as always about the upcoming weekend. How odd - I mean, who worries about the weekend? What I really need to do is get some more volunteering going in my life, or maybe a cheesy part time job (I could use the money!). And exercise! And there's the whole trying to have fun bit, trying to do some interesting things with my time, but I don't feel that I have the motivation for that as much as I may want to.
I feel this thing of wanting to drink again tonight. I know it's not a good idea. And I might not just because I don't even feel that I have the money to spend on alcohol right now.
Oh my God! WHAT can I DO? There just doesn't seem to be anything that I want to do. Well, I guess I might clean my room and bathroom. That's something. It won't take that long though. Like, maybe an hour tops.
The other thing is that I just feel sort of like why do I bother posting every damn day? I bet you guys are bored of my ramblings. It's always the same, up and down, up and down.
I wish my shrink was here. Only a few more days. But even if he was here right now, I'm not real sure that I'd call him because what can he do? I can't afford to go seeing him all the time. I guess talking is good for support and reassurance and just knowing someone is aware of my pain and actually cares.
Posted by gabbix2 on July 17, 2003, at 18:29:34
In reply to Why do I bother?, posted by yesac on July 17, 2003, at 15:49:06
Yesac have you noticed on this board alone how many people have mentioned
"You guys are probably sick of hearing about this now"
I've been a "boarder" for a year now, and though I've often had that same worry I can honestly say I've never been sick of hearing about any one persons issues, and you are no exception, and I'm sure everyone else feels the same!!As for the thinking ahead dread, it sounds to me like your anti-depressant medication (I'm assuming you are on some, I'm sorry I can't remember) needs to be tweaked. Thats the state I reached when many Dr's thought I was "better" because I wasn't suicidal, I was 'functional'
but its not better.
A Psychopharmacologist made me a real cocktail, of about 6 meds, and I honestly thought he was a pillpusher but in a few weeks I no longer had that hyper awareness of what I was doing, and what I should be doing and a sense of dread of the future I just "was" I hadn't felt that way since I was a child.
That cure lasted about 7 years.
It might be time for a med reevaluation.
Now if this is already what you are well aware of I'm sorry, I'm a mess today. I'm pleading not guilty by reason of grief induced stupidity :)
Posted by Sabina on July 17, 2003, at 19:12:25
In reply to Why do I bother?, posted by yesac on July 17, 2003, at 15:49:06
I always look forward to reading your posts. If it keeps you from self medicating with alcohol, then do please post away. I plan to be checking in for at least 8 more hours. Ups, downs...that's all of us here. If you do succomb to a drink or two, then forgive yourself in advance. We're all doing the best we can. My thoughts are with you tonight, in particular.
Bina
Posted by yesac on July 18, 2003, at 11:04:39
In reply to Re: Why do I bother?, posted by Sabina on July 17, 2003, at 19:12:25
> I always look forward to reading your posts. If it keeps you from self medicating with alcohol, then do please post away. I plan to be checking in for at least 8 more hours. Ups, downs...that's all of us here. If you do succomb to a drink or two, then forgive yourself in advance. We're all doing the best we can. My thoughts are with you tonight, in particular.
You are right about everything that you said. And thank you for your thoughts.
This is the end of the thread.
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