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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 6 of 6. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by lostsailor on July 12, 2003, at 20:30:44
Gabbs, if i may call you that,
Truth be told, I don't know.
The muse, not has not been taught so much as rekindled. Perhaps it's like Jung and others say of collective archetypes, consciousness’, ect.
I just "know" that the pc has become so much a means of friendship that I may be to scared to have in real life. Again I don't know, really. I do know that, although ill I still want to contribute, even if it is only to one person, one time right here.
To me, I want so little: world peace, a touch of sanity, which I know-sometimes- that I have but more than anything, to love and be loved again. Is that too much to ask for? Again, I don't know but I sure feel it is out of my reach.
For a while, in paranoia a bit, I thought I drove you and others away and/or off the bored. I thought I offended you somehow and that seemed reinforced, in my mind, when I came one night to “lurk” and see how my “friends” were and saw you posting again while I was not, so these couple of letters means more than I can ever say, because now I feel as though, if I did offend, somehow, it is forgiven.
So many here have such gifts that they don't recognize. Most have pure kindness to start with. Noa and Karra come to mind when I think of long flowing prose--I mean the stuff you find in an old diary or bookstore and treasure forever. I guess, in older tradition the gift of "letters."
In Shannon, j, I see the "mad" artist that kick started me not so much as to what I really was but as to feel “freeer” about trying to express it again.
Zen and I have been communicating on and off the board and line and I love her for "finding" me and helping me I am not a total lost cause even when I think I am.
Like I mentioned before, in you, I see much of the minority opinion--which in fact is the masses here. You write for the underdog it seems, much like Robert Kennedy did in (I cant think of the title for the life of me, but it took a look at what he saw in the US when on his presidential campaign) It may be called "The Other America"
Actually, I feel that you and I share much in common when it comes to this topic. I know little about you, obviously, but "see" much of my mind in your "mind's eye" when you write. Kinda like you say what I am afraid to say or admit to my-self and that may make no sense at all but it's the best I can sum it up. Ironic about the cigs because I have been doing a bit of the same lately and I quit a long time ago, too, but it just seems that I have ‘needed them” lately like Linus needs his blanket but was able to give up eventually.In Books, I have come to understand much more about "gay pride" and realized just how scared, I am of not my homophobia--which I don't have-- but some sort of "ism" that I harbor by feeling I must ask for forgiveness, in advance, for bringing up a tender/touchy subject and being scared of being marked a bigot ect.
In lil' Jimi, I don't know what I see, but gentle kindness especially thinking of one time when I was having major problems with the "loss" of my ex fiancé’s son and his time walking me thru it. (Jimi if you read this as I think of “all along the Watchtower” my friend.
In all, here at bob’s babble I just see so much and in times my-self in so many. Kinda like Piglet in "Winnie the Pooh" I have the chronic sense of being just a little lost animal who also, like Eyore can’t even find my tail though it is attached to me at all times.
Ugg so much for my poetic for in this but it was not my intent. I am just baffled by my own baffledness and want to thank you for being you.
In peace,
~tony with Aurora sitting near me waiting for dinner as usual.(((hugs)))
Posted by gabbix2 on July 13, 2003, at 13:26:22
In reply to to gabbix2, posted by lostsailor on July 12, 2003, at 20:30:44
Oh winnie the pooh, Piglet. You know he's mine too. Really. If you don't believe me its mentioned in a few of my archived posts.
"I just needed to be sure of you pooh"
And of course the burst Balloon. At first he thought the world had blown up, and then he thought only a part of it had and perhaps he'd landed in the moon or something, and then he thought "Well even if I am in the moon I suppose I needn't be face down in it all the time"My apologies to AA Milne, I don't have the book at hand, so my quotes probably a bit off.
I have so much to say to what you've written,
and more than anything appreciate that you wrote it now more than ever.
My mind is so tired right now I'm kind of in hell,
not mind-you as badly off as I've been before
But I guess the love thing is too much to ask I just don't seem to clue in fast enough.I lost out again, and this guy, even past my girlfriend test, who Is my harshest boyfriend critic actually she was the won who said "If you don't marry him you're crazy god he adores you. I thought finally, someone who'd seen the worst of my illness and accepted it.
I've seen it happen with other people, though Like you said never felt in my heart it would happen to me.
But he's vanished, its so strange, and I'm too tired to even get into it, but I have to assume
he's just 'poof' gone. And I just wish I would settle for half a life instead of dipping my toe into hell by trying again.Oh God! I've really gone on, I just can't think in a straight line. I have more direct comments about what you said. I'll have to try again
with my brain later.
But thank-you Tony I really needed to hear those things your timing was amazing.
Posted by gabbix2 on July 13, 2003, at 15:38:12
In reply to Tony, posted by gabbix2 on July 13, 2003, at 13:26:22
I have no muse. I have a hack who comes in when she takes her break, and all she does is chain smoke and play bingo :(
Oh, yes, I wanted to say also, it was never you who put me off posting for a while though I was put off. And again, I see where I should have said something.
No, it was combined energy, and began months ago
with veiled digs between people that you were not even remotely involved in, I poked my head in again, and there was the outrageous thread about asking after bearded lady, so I ducked out again,
When I came back I saw what I percieved to be the cliquey little jabs still happening, but realized it was a misperception I mean it ALL could have been a misperception on my part, but you know,
*as I saw it* is a given..
It had nothing to do with poetry, or cryptic posts unless they were cryptic because they were
making someone feel bad, and that was a long time ago.
I mean Whose to say how someone should socialize?
Posted by zenhussy on July 15, 2003, at 13:13:02
In reply to Tony, Part deux we are not A- mused, posted by gabbix2 on July 13, 2003, at 15:38:12
>>> I mean who's to say how someone should socialize?
Gabbix2,
That in a nutshell is the crux of this site. Doc Bob would like for civility to rule and the golden rule is a nice guideline but for those of us with mental illnesses it is hard enough just breathing in and breathing out, let alone communicating in one form using a set of allowable words and punctuation.
You've written a very profound insight there.
Blown away,
zenhussy
Posted by gabbix2 on July 15, 2003, at 16:17:55
In reply to Re: Tony, Part deux we are not A- mused » gabbix2, posted by zenhussy on July 15, 2003, at 13:13:02
Yup, so true, and its really really hard (for me anyway)to have to use cutesy euphemisms like fudge when you've been through hell and back and back again thanks to this disease and some of the Dr's who are supposed to help you through it.
Take care,
Breathe IN
Breathe OUT
Posted by lostsailor on July 15, 2003, at 19:10:06
In reply to Re: Tony, Part deux we are not A- mused » zenhussy, posted by gabbix2 on July 15, 2003, at 16:17:55
Thanks guys.
I mean that and you are both so right.
Gabbi, I am glad I hepled ya' a bit...
Zen, deep breaths should be enclosed in ""...lolonly you , here, know, at times I can barley communicate even verbally...lmao
(((bothofyas)))
~t
This is the end of the thread.
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