Posted by lostsailor on July 12, 2003, at 20:30:44
Gabbs, if i may call you that,
Truth be told, I don't know.
The muse, not has not been taught so much as rekindled. Perhaps it's like Jung and others say of collective archetypes, consciousness’, ect.
I just "know" that the pc has become so much a means of friendship that I may be to scared to have in real life. Again I don't know, really. I do know that, although ill I still want to contribute, even if it is only to one person, one time right here.
To me, I want so little: world peace, a touch of sanity, which I know-sometimes- that I have but more than anything, to love and be loved again. Is that too much to ask for? Again, I don't know but I sure feel it is out of my reach.
For a while, in paranoia a bit, I thought I drove you and others away and/or off the bored. I thought I offended you somehow and that seemed reinforced, in my mind, when I came one night to “lurk” and see how my “friends” were and saw you posting again while I was not, so these couple of letters means more than I can ever say, because now I feel as though, if I did offend, somehow, it is forgiven.
So many here have such gifts that they don't recognize. Most have pure kindness to start with. Noa and Karra come to mind when I think of long flowing prose--I mean the stuff you find in an old diary or bookstore and treasure forever. I guess, in older tradition the gift of "letters."
In Shannon, j, I see the "mad" artist that kick started me not so much as to what I really was but as to feel “freeer” about trying to express it again.
Zen and I have been communicating on and off the board and line and I love her for "finding" me and helping me I am not a total lost cause even when I think I am.
Like I mentioned before, in you, I see much of the minority opinion--which in fact is the masses here. You write for the underdog it seems, much like Robert Kennedy did in (I cant think of the title for the life of me, but it took a look at what he saw in the US when on his presidential campaign) It may be called "The Other America"
Actually, I feel that you and I share much in common when it comes to this topic. I know little about you, obviously, but "see" much of my mind in your "mind's eye" when you write. Kinda like you say what I am afraid to say or admit to my-self and that may make no sense at all but it's the best I can sum it up. Ironic about the cigs because I have been doing a bit of the same lately and I quit a long time ago, too, but it just seems that I have ‘needed them” lately like Linus needs his blanket but was able to give up eventually.In Books, I have come to understand much more about "gay pride" and realized just how scared, I am of not my homophobia--which I don't have-- but some sort of "ism" that I harbor by feeling I must ask for forgiveness, in advance, for bringing up a tender/touchy subject and being scared of being marked a bigot ect.
In lil' Jimi, I don't know what I see, but gentle kindness especially thinking of one time when I was having major problems with the "loss" of my ex fiancé’s son and his time walking me thru it. (Jimi if you read this as I think of “all along the Watchtower” my friend.
In all, here at bob’s babble I just see so much and in times my-self in so many. Kinda like Piglet in "Winnie the Pooh" I have the chronic sense of being just a little lost animal who also, like Eyore can’t even find my tail though it is attached to me at all times.
Ugg so much for my poetic for in this but it was not my intent. I am just baffled by my own baffledness and want to thank you for being you.
In peace,
~tony with Aurora sitting near me waiting for dinner as usual.(((hugs)))
poster:lostsailor
thread:241311
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20030704/msgs/241311.html