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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 17 to 41 of 59. Go back in thread:
Posted by shar on May 10, 2003, at 14:31:39
In reply to Leave Beardy alone!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!, posted by fayeroe on May 10, 2003, at 14:03:33
Well, no names in this post.
A general question: is it so awful to ask about and after someone you've become fond of? Or, to express sadness about their absence? Or, to extend well-wishes? Or, to say one wants them to come back? Or, is there some undercurrent I am missing here?
Over time, there have been several posters that I "posted to" even though they were no longer here. Thinking that if they lurked, they might like being remembered, and I might be lucky enough to hear a word from them (like: I'm doing well.).
For all your good intentions in wanting to protect someone (I suppose that's what you're doing), it's really odd to me that fond expressions about missing someone or wanting to hear from someone long gone, generates so much hostility (as in the "Leave XXXXXXX alone!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" title of your post).
Even if someone posts something not so nice, as was done in this thread, others of us may still feel quite fond of the missing comrade.
However, if we do, in fact, sicken any poster, then I am glad he or she stays away, and thus will have a better chance of feeling good.
Shar
Posted by lostsailor on May 10, 2003, at 14:34:57
In reply to Re: Where's Beardy?, posted by Linguini on May 10, 2003, at 0:21:26
some of us cycle and stay away.
some cycle and read but not comment till we feel better.Some. like me, ban my-self so I am not negative or ranting on the board---but try to offer something when I can.
Everyone is different and I don't think anyone of us would bother to look for a statistical formula and emprical data for reasons not to worry about someone...or to worry that they were looking for attention or whatever you seem to be impling
In peace,
~tony
Posted by gabbix2 on May 10, 2003, at 14:55:51
In reply to Re: Leave Beardy alone!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! » fayeroe, posted by shar on May 10, 2003, at 14:31:39
Posted by noa on May 10, 2003, at 18:05:40
In reply to Same goes for me...., posted by whiterabbit on May 10, 2003, at 13:27:07
> I miss her, have always enjoyed reading her posts
> and wish she she would come back, but I understand that she needs to do what is best for her. I wish her peace and happiness-
> GracieMe too.
Posted by fayeroe on May 10, 2003, at 18:37:07
In reply to Re: Same goes for me...., posted by noa on May 10, 2003, at 18:05:40
> > I miss her, have always enjoyed reading her posts
> > and wish she she would come back, but I understand that she needs to do what is best for her. I wish her peace and happiness-
> > Gracie
>
> Me too.thank you, noa.......she's fine....and i know that she knows you care for her.
>
>
Posted by fayeroe on May 10, 2003, at 18:51:29
In reply to Re: Leave Beardy alone!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! » fayeroe, posted by shar on May 10, 2003, at 14:31:39
Okay~~~~I was asked by Beardy to tell people to leave her alone....four of her friends were asked to do this. I didn't mean to hit the exclamation point that many times but left it there because I was tired and didn't feel like re-doing it.
I didn't like the tone of Linguine's message and I believe it was posted in a sarcastic manner.
Others have posted and have wished her well.
Perhaps I'm being over-protective but she is a dear friend and I think she got a raw deal on here. And if she feels like staying away and is asking to be left out of posts then that is her choice. I thought her posts were always timely, wise and entertaining. And I know others have felt the same. Sorry that you feel whatever it is you feel. Fayeroe
Posted by ayuda on May 10, 2003, at 20:00:28
In reply to ALL: please stop posting about or to Beardy » Linguini, posted by ayuda on May 10, 2003, at 10:49:18
Gracie, Noa and Dinah (and anyone else to whom this applies):
I hope you didn't think that I meant you
chased her away -- people like shar and
linguine (sorry, I have to spell it
correctly) are the problem. In rereading
my post, I realized that I typed as I
thought, and spent too many years in
the South and use "you all" automatically.Like I said above, there are people who
are supportive and kind, and then there
are posters like shar and linguine and
others (we know who the usual suspects are)
who insist on making others feel put-down.
Posted by ayuda on May 10, 2003, at 20:01:14
In reply to Re: Leave Beardy alone!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! » shar, posted by fayeroe on May 10, 2003, at 18:51:29
Posted by ayuda on May 10, 2003, at 20:10:51
In reply to Re: Where's Beardy?, posted by lostsailor on May 6, 2003, at 5:26:57
Tony -
Please know that Beardy misses you, too,
and thank you for caring enough to start
this thread.She just made this request, and as I said in
my last post, it's nothing personal against
people she likes, there are just too many
people who are hurful here, and that can make
a person sick of even thinking about the place.
Posted by Dinah on May 10, 2003, at 20:18:32
In reply to Re: Where's Beardy?, posted by Linguini on May 10, 2003, at 0:21:26
> She usually makes grand exits, people miss her and then she comes back. look back in the archives.
> Please! So dramaticHi, Dinah here, acting as deputy for Dr. Bob.
Please don't jump to conclusions about others, or post anything that could lead others to feel accused or put down.
The civility guidelines can be found at
http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/faq.html#civil
Posted by Dinah on May 10, 2003, at 20:27:01
In reply to tx for the kindness but we need to end this thread, posted by ayuda on May 10, 2003, at 20:00:28
> Like I said above, there are people who
> are supportive and kind, and then there
> are posters like shar and linguine and
> others (we know who the usual suspects are)
> who insist on making others feel put-down.I'm sorry, Ayuda, especially after your kind words, but I'm going to have to ask you to please follow the civility guidelines at
Http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/faq.html#civil
In part they read:
Please respect the views of others even if you think they're wrong. Please be sensitive to their feelings even if yours are hurt.
I realize that you were trying to be supportive of Beardy, but please don't do so in a way that could lead others to feel accused or put down.
Posted by BekkaH on May 10, 2003, at 20:31:41
In reply to Re: Please be civil » ayuda, posted by Dinah on May 10, 2003, at 20:27:01
I started this thread, and I'm sorry it has taken a wrong turn. I began it because I miss Beardy's posts, and I never anticipated the thread would end up like this. Let's just stop it now. Beardy, I wish you well.
Posted by Dinah on May 10, 2003, at 20:47:45
In reply to Re: Leave Beardy alone!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! » shar, posted by fayeroe on May 10, 2003, at 18:51:29
> I didn't like the tone of Linguine's message and I believe it was posted in a sarcastic manner.
>Hi,
I realize that you are trying to be supportive of Beardy, but please try to be careful not to do so in a way that could lead others to feel accused or put down.
PS: Follow-ups regarding posting policies, and complaints about posts, should be redirected to Psycho-Babble Administration; otherwise, they may be deleted
Posted by fayeroe on May 10, 2003, at 20:48:06
In reply to Let's stop this thread now., posted by BekkaH on May 10, 2003, at 20:31:41
Posted by Greg on May 11, 2003, at 2:11:53
In reply to tx for the kindness but we need to end this thread, posted by ayuda on May 10, 2003, at 20:00:28
Ayuda,
First, I hope that you’re doing well and life is treating you OK.I don’t know what the motive was behind Linguini’s post, I could assume something, but we’re not supposed to make others feel put down here, so I won’t. I think you’re off-base as to Shar’s intent in her post however. I have known Shar for a long time, she is one of my dearest friends. She is a kind, caring, loving woman, and I count my blessings everyday to have her as a friend. She is an honest person and does shoot straight from the hip, but I have never known her to be openly hostile toward anyone unless she was being attacked by another poster, and even then she has a tendancy to take the high road in a confrontation. I believe the only questionable post was the one from Linguini, and Shar, like myself and maybe a few others are confused because it seems that you don’t want us to post to her at all.
I think Shar’s question is a legitimate one; Why is it a bad thing to ask about someone who is, or has been a valued member of this community? Or to ask someone who is in touch with that person to say hi to them for you and send along your best wishes? I miss Beardy a lot, I think she’s charming, very intelligent, and speaks honestly and from the heart. I wish she was still here and hope someday will find it in her heart to return. But if she doesn’t, I hope she is happy and is taking very good care of herself.
I guess what I’m saying is that there are many here that care about Beardy and miss her presence here. Her input, honesty, sense of humor, the free grammar lessons :). And from time to time, even if she doesn’t respond, we’re still going to ask after her. Because we care.
Beardy, if you read this, you are missed. Please take good care of yourself, okay?Much love,
Greg
> Gracie, Noa and Dinah (and anyone else to whom this applies):
> I hope you didn't think that I meant you
> chased her away -- people like shar and
> linguine (sorry, I have to spell it
> correctly) are the problem. In rereading
> my post, I realized that I typed as I
> thought, and spent too many years in
> the South and use "you all" automatically.
>
> Like I said above, there are people who
> are supportive and kind, and then there
> are posters like shar and linguine and
> others (we know who the usual suspects are)
> who insist on making others feel put-down.
Posted by lostsailor on May 11, 2003, at 7:16:53
In reply to Oh, Tony, I hope you're not insulted » lostsailor, posted by ayuda on May 10, 2003, at 20:10:51
Not at all!!!
I just didn't like the "light" she was being cast in. What I meant is that we all do our own things and that I did not really like the way one person, I assume you can tell who, was referring to her. That's all.
Say hi for me. If she +'s mom tell her I said have a great day and as I am pretty sure you are not from other posts, do something nice for the one who was...
in peace,
~tony
Posted by ayuda on May 11, 2003, at 10:50:10
In reply to Re: tx for the kindness but we need to end this thread » ayuda, posted by Greg on May 11, 2003, at 2:11:53
Greg - I hope you are doing well, also, haven't chatted in a while.
I understand all of what you are saying, however the issue is one of personal agency. If Beardy says, I want no one to talk about me behind my back, and PB is "behind my back" because I refuse to go there anymore, and she has asked her friends who do "go there" to post that, then thost are her wishes, to be questioned by no one.
At Beardy's request, you all will have to withhold your curiosity. This isn't my decision, and I don't know how to control others, but I was asked as a friend to post it, and then Beardy expects that her will be done. If that is what she wants, then why question it? I kind of think it's rude to question someone's decision when it is such a touchy topic with them. In her estimation, your curiosity, even if it is well-intentioned, is not as important as her peace of mind.
I understand you all care and are curious about her -- but to her, that isn't the point. I equate how she feels about this with the idea of some strange psycho-guy fantasizing about being with me. Can I stop him from thinking about me? No. Does it make my skin crawl to think what he's thinking about me? Yes. The only thing I can do is ask him to stop it, but I have no control over it. So it is with Beardy. She just wants it all to stop.
I'm not trying to be insensitive -- all I am saying is that is her request, and if people really like her and care about her, then please honor her request. Maybe someday she'll get over the problems she has with this board and come back, but she needs to feel cleansed right now. Please don't question that, she (not me, I am just doing this -- and taking the heat for it -- for her at her request) is begging that of all you. I just really hope you all understand, this is really bothering her.
Posted by ayuda on May 11, 2003, at 10:55:15
In reply to Re: Oh, Tony, I hope you're not insulted---ayuda, posted by lostsailor on May 11, 2003, at 7:16:53
Thank you! I hope you have a special day, too.
This year, I was able to get my mom something special she's never had (I like bragging about this, it's rare that I get to do these kinds of things for my family, I'm usually so strapped for cash). She loves jewelry, so I had custom made a mother's ring, with the birthstones of her three children and three grandchildren. It is set in yellow gold with diamond accents, and didn't break the bank! I ordered it and had it sent directly to her a couple of weeks ago, so I've never seen it.
I will pass along your Mother's Day wishes to Beardy.
Posted by fayeroe on May 11, 2003, at 12:34:56
In reply to Re: tx for the kindness but we need to end this thread » Greg, posted by ayuda on May 11, 2003, at 10:50:10
I've been asked, as I've told you, to ask people to quit posting about Beardy and just let her be. Whatever her reasons are, it's her choice. It's for her well-being and that is what is paramount. So, with this posting, could this thread stop? I feel as though Ayuda and I have explained it in depth and surely everyone can respect her wishes and drop it. I will pass your well-wishes along to Beardy. Just please quit posting and stop the thread. Thanks a lot, Fayeroe
Posted by Dinah on May 11, 2003, at 12:39:18
In reply to Re: tx for the kindness but we need to end this thread » Greg, posted by ayuda on May 11, 2003, at 10:50:10
To process our reactions to be compared to an icky, skin crawling causing, cyber stalker?
Posted by gabbix2 on May 11, 2003, at 14:11:57
In reply to Re; Ok, but can we start a new thread?, posted by Dinah on May 11, 2003, at 12:39:18
Geez
Posted by Dinah on May 11, 2003, at 14:28:30
In reply to I'll think twice before I askwhere Ted is again !, posted by gabbix2 on May 11, 2003, at 14:11:57
Posted by gabbix2 on May 11, 2003, at 14:32:55
In reply to Re: Was that this thread? Ah, the twists and turns (nm) » gabbix2, posted by Dinah on May 11, 2003, at 14:28:30
Its just that this all started with someone asking where Beardy was, boy you just never know do you?
Posted by shar on May 11, 2003, at 14:51:15
In reply to tx for the kindness but we need to end this thread, posted by ayuda on May 10, 2003, at 20:00:28
>people like shar and
> linguine are the problem.> ...and then there
> are posters like shar and linguine and
> others (we know who the usual suspects are)
> who insist on making others feel put-down.Wow, I find this so offensive; primarily because I'm being accused via hearsay that I ran somebody off (somebody I'm fond of), and being included in "the usual suspects" who everyone knows (except me, I guess, because I didn't realize I was so obnoxious).
[If I could have made this another thread I would have, so as to honor the wishes of the kind people looking out for the person who is the subject of this thread; however, I don't know how to make a response within a thread into a new thread.]
I am truly surprised, and honestly don't know what I did to the person who evidently I ran off.
However, since this is an international board, and the justice system rules of the U.S. don't apply (being able to confront one's accuser), plus it is a private board so the only rules that apply are Dr. Bob's...I will assume it is just some sort of horrible misunderstanding.
Still, this all makes me wistful for directness and honesty from others (well, let me qualify that...directly from the others involved, if accusations are involved).
Shar
Posted by shar on May 11, 2003, at 14:53:00
In reply to shar, please don't ever post to me or about me (nm) » fayeroe, posted by ayuda on May 10, 2003, at 20:01:14
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