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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 10 of 10. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Dr. Bob on May 6, 2003, at 8:36:44
In reply to Crying in the bathroom, posted by Eddie Sylvano on May 5, 2003, at 14:26:41
> Why do things get to me so deeply? I can be happy as a clam, and a single argument or criticism levels me. All I can think is "This person suddenly hates me. Why else would they be doing this?"
> Then my whole day's ruined.
> Repeat.
Posted by Dinah on May 6, 2003, at 9:10:45
In reply to Crying in the bathroom « Eddie Sylvano, posted by Dr. Bob on May 6, 2003, at 8:36:44
I'm sorry, Eddie. I've done my share of crying at work, mostly right in front of my bosses. :(
I wish I had an answer for you. I've got to learn how to salvage my day after an emotional upset.
Dinah
Posted by Emme on May 7, 2003, at 6:24:24
In reply to Crying in the bathroom « Eddie Sylvano, posted by Dr. Bob on May 6, 2003, at 8:36:44
Aw Eddie, I'm sorry you are feeling bad. You're not alone in this matter. I've felt what you describe. Does it help when you talk about the particular situation with someone? Sometimes I've found out that the deliverer of the criticism has something bad going on, or is obnoxious to other people too. It doesn't always work, but I try to remind myself that sometimes the argument or criticism has more to do with the other person than with me.
take care,
Emme> > Why do things get to me so deeply? I can be happy as a clam, and a single argument or criticism levels me. All I can think is "This person suddenly hates me. Why else would they be doing this?"
> > Then my whole day's ruined.
> > Repeat.
Posted by Eddie Sylvano on May 7, 2003, at 9:49:44
In reply to Re: Crying in the bathroom « Eddie Sylvano, posted by Emme on May 7, 2003, at 6:24:24
Thanks for the sympathy, guys. A good nap at home helped to reset my mind.
Posted by Dinah on May 7, 2003, at 10:10:23
In reply to Re: Crying in the bathroom « Eddie Sylvano, posted by Eddie Sylvano on May 7, 2003, at 9:49:44
Do you take "forgetting" naps, too?
I wish I could do it to order. I wouldn't need medications.
Posted by Eddie Sylvano on May 7, 2003, at 10:44:45
In reply to Re: Crying in the bathroom « Eddie Sylvano » Eddie Sylvano, posted by Dinah on May 7, 2003, at 10:10:23
> Do you take "forgetting" naps, too?
>
> I wish I could do it to order. I wouldn't need medications.
---------------I've found that once I get into a bad mood, a good way to get out of it is to sleep. Usually, this means that I have to wait until bedtime. The loss of conciousness seems to reset things, like swallowing sugar to stop hiccoughs, and I awake on a more even level.
Similaraly, I used to get constant sleep paralysis with hypnopompic hallucinations, and the best way to stop them was to do something to alter my brain state, such as reading a magazine and smoking a cigarette.
The things we do for normalacy.
Posted by WorryGirl on May 12, 2003, at 9:12:45
In reply to Crying in the bathroom « Eddie Sylvano, posted by Dr. Bob on May 6, 2003, at 8:36:44
> > Why do things get to me so deeply? I can be happy as a clam, and a single argument or criticism levels me. All I can think is "This person suddenly hates me. Why else would they be doing this?"
> > Then my whole day's ruined.
> > Repeat.Eddie,
I understand completely; I am the same way. I think what separates us from many is that they don't seem to care if someone hates them. Some people even seem to thrive on it. Not me!
I have this unrealistic idea that if everyone were nice to everyone else we would all feel fulfilled and happy. Do you think that would happen? Would we be bored out of our minds? What if we could talk to anyone about anything and not be made to feel like a freak or loser?
Is this what heaven will be like? I hope so (hee hee).
Posted by WorryGirl on May 12, 2003, at 9:14:18
In reply to Re: Crying in the bathroom « Eddie Sylvano » Dr. Bob, posted by WorryGirl on May 12, 2003, at 9:12:45
Posted by Eddie Sylvano on May 12, 2003, at 10:12:24
In reply to Re: Crying in the bathroom « Eddie Sylvano » Dr. Bob, posted by WorryGirl on May 12, 2003, at 9:12:45
> I understand completely; I am the same way. I think what separates us from many is that they don't seem to care if someone hates them. Some people even seem to thrive on it. Not me!
------------I've always had a problem with wanting people to like me, and assuming they don't. I guess it's as simple as other people not liking me=proof that no one does. I present the same face to everyone, so if 10% of the people dislike me, the other 90% are just being nice?
> I have this unrealistic idea that if everyone were nice to everyone else we would all feel fulfilled and happy. Do you think that would happen? Would we be bored out of our minds?
--------------I think you're on to something. I posess no spirituality at all, but I firmly believe that everybody should ask the equivalent of WWJD in a given scenario. Sure, there are frankly evil people in the world, but most folks are just average, trying to get through the day, harried and insecure. Too often, when something upsets us we don't express the hurt it causes, but turn to anger instead. This does nothing to help the hurt, and only causes anger in return. Soon everybody's angry, when what we really all feel is pain. If we could only resist the reflexive lashing back and see the person in front of us as a victim of this snowball of protective defenses, maybe we could do something to make them happy instead. It's hard to be the "bigger" person in a situation and see past the immediacy of the current emotion to the deeper issues. There's some unoffical rule that seems to favor *power* and action over vulnerability, and that's the root of the problem. We don't see each other as vulnerable and feeling individuals, but as soldiers in a big power struggle (lay on the horn, snap at the fast food guy, shrug off the hobo). Maybe if someone just cried a little bit that next time the person in line behind them said something cross, the deeper truths of our feelings would have to be addressed, and the power struggle would seem petty and wrong.
>What if we could talk to anyone about anything and not be made to feel like a freak or loser?
> Is this what heaven will be like? I hope so (hee hee).
---------------Well, maybe. We could all certainly be nicer about how we deal with each other. It would be kind of weird to have everybody trying to chat with you about their personal issues. Maybe everybody who wanted to talk could wear smiley face buttons or something, and they could all approach each other knowing that they both want to chat. Maybe everybody just needs to be drugged enough to drop their social guard. I don't think we'll ever get that far.
Posted by noa on May 12, 2003, at 18:13:09
In reply to Re: Crying in the bathroom « Eddie Sylvano » WorryGirl, posted by Eddie Sylvano on May 12, 2003, at 10:12:24
Would it help if I welcomed you to the "Flaming Amygdala Gang"?
By which I am refering to the quick-triggered hypersensitivity factor in our brains. I know it is much more complex that this, but it helps me, personally, to visualize my hypersensitive and highly reactive amygdala going into full alarm stage when encountering certain cues. Including those "someone's mad at me" cues that I feel my amygdala picks up even before I'm aware of it consciously.
I started visualizing this after reading "Mapping the Mind" by Rita Carter because she explains so well how the amygdala, a more primitive part of the brain that helps us survive by signaling danger, gets the environmental signals before the cortical part of the brain, our more advanced, logical part, that can put it into context and think through problem solving, etc. etc. But because the amygdala sends us into emergency action mode (anxiety/fear reactions and all the feelings that follow them), it can inhibit the thinking brain from ever really getting into gear to interpret and/or respond to the cue.
Well, if it helps, welcome. Meet my amygdala. It is my constant companion. Sigh.
This is the end of the thread.
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