![[dr. bob]](/dr-bob-sm.gif)
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 25 of 49. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by kid a on January 10, 2003, at 19:52:27
whoopdee f'n doo!
Posted by bluedog on January 10, 2003, at 23:29:20
In reply to HEY I thought id make another cam thread woooooooh, posted by kid a on January 10, 2003, at 19:52:27
>
> whoopdee f'n doo!
>I know I will probably be PBC'd for saying this but I couldn't agree more!!!
I once commended you and others for having the courage to post pictures of themselves on PSB and it is obvious that you received a whole lot of admirers for doing so.
However I don't think it is a good thing that you keep posting pictures of yourself on the public forum.
I am all for someone posting one or two of pictures of themselves BUT I still have some reservations about the whole exercise.
Look at it from another perspective. If for instance I was female and I looked like the following very lovely lass and I posted one pic of myself on PSB as follows
http://www.christy.org/pictures/b/default.htm
I am certain that I would gain a whole set of male admirers, but the thing is the people on this board would probably see me in a completeley different light than if people didn't know what I looked like and likewise MAY (not necessarily will) interpret my future posts in a completeley different light. If I was insecure about my looks I would probably feel relieved and gratified if I got some positive comments about how I looked and some encouragement and that would be a good thing.
Being encouraged I could then start posting whole galleries of pics of myself on this board as like the following: http://www.christy.org/pictures/d/default.htm
and this is where I think a line should possibly be drawn. What would be my motivation for continuing to post pictures of myself. Would I be fishing for more positive comments? Would I be simply be feeding my ego? I don't know!!
But I am certain that there would be females on PSB who have issues and insecurities about their own looks and perhaps have issues with poor body image or weight/diet problems that might start feeling pretty insecure about themselves and perhaps even start feeling unsafe on this board!!
OK, in summary if someone wants to post a picture of themselves I have no objections and applaud that person for doing so. BUT I think that to continue posting picture after picture could become rather gratuitous.
The above thoughts are my personal opinion only and I'm sure that others will disagree with me.
I know I am only speaking from the viewpoint of my own insecurities because I suffer from social anxiety, do not consider myself at all attractive and have all my life had to deal with the fact that I have a brother who happens to be rather attractive and was always the centre of attention with the females while I was ignored.
I hope you don't take offence at my post but perhaps it is something you can think about.
You always have the choice to completely ignore what I have said but please think about it!
warm regards
bluedog
Posted by bluedog on January 10, 2003, at 23:40:30
In reply to Can you please consider stopping with the pics? » kid a, posted by bluedog on January 10, 2003, at 23:29:20
>
> Look at it from another perspective. If for instance I was female and I looked like the following very lovely lass and I posted one pic of myself on PSB as follows
>PLEASE SUBSTITUTE THIS LINK
> http://www.christy.org/pictures/b/default.htm
FOR THIS LINKhttp://www.christy.org/pictures/b/ct-122.htm
Posted by kid a on January 11, 2003, at 1:34:33
In reply to Sorry, that fist link was wrong!!!, posted by bluedog on January 10, 2003, at 23:40:30
that do want so see more pix of me...
Posted by bluedog on January 11, 2003, at 3:29:41
In reply to hey guess what! dont care, i have friends here...., posted by kid a on January 11, 2003, at 1:34:33
kid a
You are right of course. I apologise for trying to impose my own petty insecurities onto you and you didn't deserve it. I was taking a big personal risk writing what I did above and your response is perfectly justified!!!
However, like a number of other posters on this board I have seen the whole nature of this board change recently from being supportive to becoming very cliquey with sides being taken one way or the other. It was a very sudden change as far as I could tell and I don't know how it happened.
I can honestly say I was not trying to offend you with my post but was writing from the heart based on my own insecurities. It is apparent that I can no longer risk discussing my own insecurities on this board (however petty they may seem to others) and quite frankly I was shocked by your response that you don't care.
I too have friends here (I hope) and I wish to thank my friends for the support I have received but I too can no longer take the nature of this board with attitude of "DON"T CARE" that has suddenly permeated the board.
This board used too very much be one of "DO CARE" so like a number of other posters I have taken the decision to leave this board. I'm actually shaking as I write this [ just my social anxiety - nothing to worry about :) ]
kid a, it's not your fault [don't want you taking credit for me leaving :)] and I am blaming no-one in particular but I am simply blaming the sudden changed nature of PSB in general.
Warm regards to everyone and thankyou to all the support that was given to me during my short stay here
bluedog
Posted by Dr. Bob on January 11, 2003, at 4:33:31
In reply to hey guess what! dont care, i have friends here...., posted by kid a on January 11, 2003, at 1:34:33
> dont care
You don't have to care, but you don't have to say you don't, either. Dinah recently reminded you to keep the civility guidelines in mind, so I'm going to block you from posting for another 2 weeks.
Bob
PS: Follow-ups regarding posting policies (including about posting pics) should be redirected to Psycho-Babble Administration, thanks.
Posted by Dinah on January 11, 2003, at 9:15:08
In reply to Re: hey guess what! dont care, i have friends here...., posted by bluedog on January 11, 2003, at 3:29:41
You do have friends here, Bluedog. I was going to post yesterday to see if yoga class had resumed, although I hadn't participated on the thread involved since I haven't had a first date since age 17.
In the time you've been here, you've become an important part of the community. You received one reply that got a pbc. The rest of us are just a bit shell-shocked. Please don't leave. Do look at what has happened lately again, and see how few posters have actually been involved.
As far as cliques are concerned, it would be foolish to say that isn't involved, but it's "not" the basis of this board. In fact, a large part of my distress is that everyone involved was a friend. Because everyone involved is more than just their involvement in these threads. I could tell you stories of great kindnesses.
I'm pretty sure we're reaching the end of this. Not only has Dr. Bob reinforced the limits, but the community has spoken as well, reinforcing the community's idea of acceptable limits. The second is probably far more powerful than the first.
Please don't leave. Give it a chance to see if this settles down. Any dynamic that sprung up so quickly is obviously not deeply entrenched.
Now back to the important things. Has yoga class resumed?
Posted by Phil on January 11, 2003, at 9:55:39
In reply to Re:No, no, no, Bluedog., posted by Dinah on January 11, 2003, at 9:15:08
I agree with Dinah.
Also, this is a great place to learn how to set healthy boundries. If somebody hurts you or makes you mad, unlike 'real life', you have time to come up with a healthy response.
We all tend to shoot from the hip but the purpose of this board, one of them, is to learn healthy behaviors.
I doubt you have given anyone permission to lose their temper with you. Why give sombody else the power to tell you to go or stay. You decide.
Posted by mist on January 11, 2003, at 11:50:42
In reply to Re: hey guess what! dont care, i have friends here...., posted by bluedog on January 11, 2003, at 3:29:41
Bluedog, I hope you'll stay. I have enjoyed reading your posts and have benefited from them. I have social anxiety too. I'm sorry you got a hurtful response to one of your posts. Your leaving would be a loss not only to your friends here, but to site visitors who want to read thoughtful, civil posts that might be relevant and helpful to them.
Posted by Alii on January 11, 2003, at 12:09:59
In reply to Can you please consider stopping with the pics? » kid a, posted by bluedog on January 10, 2003, at 23:29:20
kid_A---> whoopdee f'n doo!
> >
~~~~~~~~~~~
bluedog---> I know I will probably be PBC'd for saying this but I couldn't agree more!!!
> I once commended you and others for having the courage to post pictures of themselves on PSB and it is obvious that you received a whole lot of admirers for doing so.
> However I don't think it is a good thing that you keep posting pictures of yourself on the public forum.
> I am all for someone posting one or two of pictures of themselves BUT I still have some reservations about the whole exercise.
> Look at it from another perspective. If for instance I was female and I looked like the following very lovely lass and I posted one pic of myself on PSB as follows
> [alii removed link]
> I am certain that I would gain a whole set of male admirers, but the thing is the people on this board would probably see me in a completeley different light than if people didn't know what I looked like and likewise MAY (not necessarily will) interpret my future posts in a completeley different light. If I was insecure about my looks I would probably feel relieved and gratified if I got some positive comments about how I looked and some encouragement and that would be a good thing.
> Being encouraged I could then start posting whole galleries of pics of myself on this board as like the following: [alii removed link]
> and this is where I think a line should possibly be drawn. What would be my motivation for continuing to post pictures of myself. Would I be fishing for more positive comments? Would I be simply be feeding my ego? I don't know!!> But I am certain that there would be females on PSB who have issues and insecurities about their own looks and perhaps have issues with poor body image or weight/diet problems that might start feeling pretty insecure about themselves and perhaps even start feeling unsafe on this board!!
Alii here-----as a female with poor body image and previous eating disorder issues I am quite capable of watching out for myself on this board, and if not then there are deputies and admin to glean through the posts to 'keep things safe'.
> OK, in summary if someone wants to post a picture of themselves I have no objections and applaud that person for doing so. BUT I think that to continue posting picture after picture could become rather gratuitous.
> The above thoughts are my personal opinion only and I'm sure that others will disagree with me.
> I know I am only speaking from the viewpoint of my own insecurities because I suffer from social anxiety, do not consider myself at all attractive and have all my life had to deal with the fact that I have a brother who happens to be rather attractive and was always the centre of attention with the females while I was ignored.
> I hope you don't take offence at my post but perhaps it is something you can think about.
> You always have the choice to completely ignore what I have said but please think about it!
> warm regards
> bluedog
~~~~~~~~~~~bluedog,
I am shocked and confused by the support you gave to kid_A above in another thread and then to bash him so in this one is mind boggling.
As a new member to this community I'm glad you are trying to foster togetherness however there are archives here that give quite a bit of history about how things have gone down here in the past and about the personal histories of the posters.
If you had read any of kid_A's posts from the past two years that he has been around you might notice that he has never written about his condition or personal appearance in any posts over that period of time. Only in the past week has he had the courage and strength to talk/post about this in such a public (which can be scary as hell!) forum.
I posted a congrats to him telling him how proud I was that he had been able to take that step and what personal progress it was for him.
Without having read the archives you could have never known that so I can see how you could post what you did above.
I found your post deeply insulting to kid_A given the difficulties he has faced due to his medical condition over his lifetime---and still to this day.
If you are writing about your own insecurities and your own situation that is one thing. But to project your own insecurities ( bluedog---> I know I am only speaking from the viewpoint of my own insecurities because I suffer from social anxiety, do not consider myself at all attractive and have all my life had to deal with the fact that I have a brother who happens to be rather attractive and was always the centre of attention with the females while I was ignored.) is another entirely.
I encourage seeking support here for your social anxiety. This board has many supportive people who understand or empathize about anxiety disorders. But you could have just written about your own life instead of what could be perceived as jumping down kid's throat with 'stop the posting of pics'.
The very fact that you start your thread with I know I will probably be PBC'd for saying this is an indication that perhaps you could have phrased what you said differently or perhaps not even posted it at all.
Perhaps give a bit more consideration to the impact of your words on someone who has been beaten down their entire life and just in the past week been strong enough to reach out in a new way only to have you shut him down.
I'm saddened by his block and by your words at him.
Welcome to PSB but please try to learn a bit more about the people you say so much about before you say so much.
This is a learning space for all of us. I don’t speak from any high horse and have been PBC’d and blocked before for my posts so I’m not coming from any holier than thou place. I’m only trying to put out there that if you’re writing about you then write about you---not about someone else.
Thanks.
~Alii
Posted by Dr. Bob on January 11, 2003, at 14:54:41
In reply to Re: Can you please consider stopping with the pics? » bluedog, posted by Alii on January 11, 2003, at 12:09:59
> to bash him so in this [thread] is mind boggling.
> I found your post deeply insulting to kid_A
It's great to support kid_A, that's the idea here, but when doing so, please be careful not to post anything that could lead others to feel accused or put down. This has come up before, so I'm going to block you from posting for another 2 weeks.
Bob
Posted by Kam on January 12, 2003, at 0:25:07
In reply to Re: blocked for 2 weeks » Alii, posted by Dr. Bob on January 11, 2003, at 14:54:41
> > to bash him so in this [thread] is mind boggling.
>
> > I found your post deeply insulting to kid_A
>
> It's great to support kid_A, that's the idea here, but when doing so, please be careful not to post anything that could lead others to feel accused or put down. This has come up before, so I'm going to block you from posting for another 2 weeks.
>
> Bob
If I may, this board reminds me of the high school click, which I was never into. And to Dr.Bob, you have a good thing going here, but I must confess the "new people" joining in feel like they have the plague! They do not feel welcome, and if you want your board to advance, quite frankly, they should feel welcome.Kathie
Posted by Dinah on January 12, 2003, at 3:22:29
In reply to Re: blocked for 2 weeks, posted by Kam on January 12, 2003, at 0:25:07
You are right. They should feel welcome. Please share any ways that we fellow babblers can help with that. Because Dr. Bob's role is limited here, and it's up to the people on the board to make others feel welcome. And I know most of us want to.
I did want to say that it certainly is not necessary for newcomers to read the years of archives to feel that they have the right to comment on anything or to contribute. I didn't want anyone to think that based on comments made in this thread. I mean, you might just as well tell us we can't make comments to you without reading your attached 15 page life history.
The fact is that some of us know each other a bit from our time here on the board. That's inevitable. And if you don't understand an allusion to something or another from our shared pasts, just ask. We don't mean to exclude by that. It's just kind of natural to refer to things in the past.
Some of us have formed friendships. That's inevitable too. But those aren't for the most part exclusive friendships. You can't have too many friends. Especially since participation here tends to be fluid. People feel better and reduce or stop their participation. Or they get their feelings hurt and move on.
Babble depends on newcomers, and I think we're all open to suggestions on how to make it a more inviting place.
Posted by Kam on January 12, 2003, at 9:41:01
In reply to Re: Newcomers » Kam, posted by Dinah on January 12, 2003, at 3:22:29
> You are right. They should feel welcome. Please share any ways that we fellow babblers can help with that. Because Dr. Bob's role is limited here, and it's up to the people on the board to make others feel welcome. And I know most of us want to.
>
> I did want to say that it certainly is not necessary for newcomers to read the years of archives to feel that they have the right to comment on anything or to contribute. I didn't want anyone to think that based on comments made in this thread. I mean, you might just as well tell us we can't make comments to you without reading your attached 15 page life history.
>
> The fact is that some of us know each other a bit from our time here on the board. That's inevitable. And if you don't understand an allusion to something or another from our shared pasts, just ask. We don't mean to exclude by that. It's just kind of natural to refer to things in the past.
>
> Some of us have formed friendships. That's inevitable too. But those aren't for the most part exclusive friendships. You can't have too many friends. Especially since participation here tends to be fluid. People feel better and reduce or stop their participation. Or they get their feelings hurt and move on.
>
> Babble depends on newcomers, and I think we're all open to suggestions on how to make it a more inviting place.
Thanks for responding,As far as suggestions to make it more inviting. When I first saw this site I saw the in the definition, the word support. I posted about abuse (too boldy) I know, and have made the decision to no longer post on that. But I also have an anxiety disorder so I have come back to the board every now and then. But for the most part what I have read has been he said she said, or name calling. I am all about having many friends or developing new friendships, but I haven't seen the opportunity very much to jump in and/or join in a topic that has had to do with any type of support. If anyone else out there would like to give me ideas on how to speak in public with out looking like I am having a seizure, I would love to have their ideas or help. I have severe panic attacks, and GAD. Anyway that was somewhat what I was expecting from this board. And from reading other posts, I have seen that friendships have been made and I think that is awesome, there seem to be a lot of very nice people here, I'm just a little confused, thats all. Thanks again Dinah!!
Posted by Kam on January 12, 2003, at 9:50:34
In reply to the board needs people like you » bluedog, posted by mist on January 11, 2003, at 11:50:42
I agree I hope you are still here bluedog. I won't repeat my message in response to Dinah, but I am hoping as in my short time on this board that I can form some friendships as there seem to be a lot of nice people here!!
Posted by NikkiT2 on January 12, 2003, at 11:23:52
In reply to Re: Newcomers, posted by Kam on January 12, 2003, at 9:41:01
Hi Kam,
I have made some good friends on this board.. only 2 or 3 that I converse with off board, but many other people that I like, and, if I wasn't so paranoid about posting my email address here, that i would happily chat with via email!!
I've been coming here about 4 years now, and I feel left out very often, as I am very wary of friendhsips, so don;t get close to the people that post most often here..
BUT.. I think the key is the just throw caution to the wind, and start a post if you want to..
So, your task for today, if you wish to accept it, is to start a whole thread about GAD etc, and how poeple have come to overcome it (I know I will rpely!)..
This tape will self destruct in 30 seconds :o)
At the end of the day, you may not always hear what you want to hear here, but out of 10 replies, if only one helps, surely thats 1 more than you had before!!!
You will get used to it here!!
Nikki xx
Posted by Noa on January 12, 2003, at 12:17:50
In reply to Re: Newcomers, posted by Kam on January 12, 2003, at 9:41:01
Kam--I'm sorry you felt unwelcomed here. The timing of the recent hullabaloo coinciding with your being new here is extremely unfortunate. I've been here on and off for about 3.5 years and what I see is that tensions like that (the 'he said, she said' stuff, for example) comes up every once in a while. Kind of in cycles. That is one of the risks of internet boards. But I wouldn't say it is a regular feature here.
Hang in and hopefully it will be better. There is lots to read beside the negative stuff, so you can focus more on the positive stuff.
For my own sanity, I try to not get into the fray when conflicts come up. I learned that the hard way a few years ago!
Posted by kath on January 12, 2003, at 14:08:25
In reply to Re: Newcomers » Kam, posted by NikkiT2 on January 12, 2003, at 11:23:52
Oh Nikki - you are SUCH a sweetie! hugs, Kath
> Hi Kam,
>
> I have made some good friends on this board.. only 2 or 3 that I converse with off board, but many other people that I like, and, if I wasn't so paranoid about posting my email address here, that i would happily chat with via email!!
>
> I've been coming here about 4 years now, and I feel left out very often, as I am very wary of friendhsips, so don;t get close to the people that post most often here..
>
> BUT.. I think the key is the just throw caution to the wind, and start a post if you want to..
>
> So, your task for today, if you wish to accept it, is to start a whole thread about GAD etc, and how poeple have come to overcome it (I know I will rpely!)..
>
> This tape will self destruct in 30 seconds :o)
>
> At the end of the day, you may not always hear what you want to hear here, but out of 10 replies, if only one helps, surely thats 1 more than you had before!!!
>
> You will get used to it here!!
>
> Nikki xx
Posted by kath on January 12, 2003, at 14:12:27
In reply to Re: Newcomers » Kam, posted by Noa on January 12, 2003, at 12:17:50
Absolute ditto to Noa's post. There are great people here & if you arrive in the middle of a 'blip' you can get the wrong idea.
As to speaking in public. I'm pretty sure you would have heard of this, but it helps me to KNOW that everyone in the audience brushes their teeth & spits in the sink....also pees & poos....also has "just woke up" hair until they do something with it. I think the one that helps me most, if I need it, is to imagine the audience all sitting there in their underwear!
Do you do public speaking alot? Is it involved in your job/occupation?
best of luck. hope you stay long enough to feel more comfortable & welcome.
hugs, Kath
Posted by kath on January 12, 2003, at 14:13:51
In reply to Re:No, no, no, Bluedog., posted by Dinah on January 11, 2003, at 9:15:08
Now I'm all paranoid that Bluedog will never come back & see all the supportive posts!!!!!!!!!!!
Kath
Posted by kath on January 12, 2003, at 14:16:03
In reply to Re:No, no, no, Bluedog. - Dr.Bob, posted by kath on January 12, 2003, at 14:13:51
I'm assuming that the way we see the photos is to click on the address that a person includes in their post.
If one doesn't want to click, then maybe that's the best thing....
I want to look at the photo: I click
I don't want to look at the photo: I don't clickKath
Posted by Kam on January 12, 2003, at 14:44:14
In reply to Re: Newcomers - Kam, posted by kath on January 12, 2003, at 14:12:27
> Absolute ditto to Noa's post. There are great people here & if you arrive in the middle of a 'blip' you can get the wrong idea.
>
> As to speaking in public. I'm pretty sure you would have heard of this, but it helps me to KNOW that everyone in the audience brushes their teeth & spits in the sink....also pees & poos....also has "just woke up" hair until they do something with it. I think the one that helps me most, if I need it, is to imagine the audience all sitting there in their underwear!
>
> Do you do public speaking alot? Is it involved in your job/occupation?
>
> best of luck. hope you stay long enough to feel more comfortable & welcome.
>
> hugs, Kath
Hi Kath,Thanks for the ideas, my favorite is the pee and poo thing !! hehehe, I will have to try it. No I don't have to speak in public much, but even small meetings at work where we are all like a second family I cringe. Yet I run around the office all day cracking everyone up! I had a meeting once about 5 years ago and totally freaked out, I think that is still with me, although my therapy did help somewhat with that also. That is my goal though to be able to speak out clearly without the shaking thing. Because there is an area that I would love to get into that requires speaking, and even though I have such a passion for the cause, I still can't get over this fear.
Thanks again and hugs to you as well! !
Posted by syringachalet on January 12, 2003, at 22:29:55
In reply to Photos or not............., posted by kath on January 12, 2003, at 14:16:03
Hello Kath,
In the short time I have been posting here at PSB, I have shared ideas and experiences that were at the time not preceived as I had entended them to be.
Each of us comes here with our own lives and stories and needs. Even though I am sometimes asked for my best medical or life experience advice in my face-to-face work/personal life, I also know that I can only truly know what worked(or didnt work) for me in a similar situation.
Attempting to show genunine caring can be viewed as put-down or Mr. Spock type behavior.
I have been both the giver and the reciever to this myself. Depending on the frame of mind I am in at the time often determines would or if I accept or even consider it.As for the photos, I think that if you feel Ok about sharing a few photos thats fine. I also think the key word would be discretion. To have have 10 or more might make you vulnerable to people who might be judgmental or unkind and wonder what your intentions were.
Again, a matter of personal choice..
click or not...
syringachalet
Posted by bluedog on January 13, 2003, at 8:10:24
In reply to Re:No, no, no, Bluedog. - Dr.Bob, posted by kath on January 12, 2003, at 14:13:51
> Now I'm all paranoid that Bluedog will never come back & see all the supportive posts!!!!!!!!!!!
>
> KathHello Kath, you can stop being paranoid now!!!!
I had been avoiding this board for a few days because I was VERY worried that I'd have more attacks against me. Anyway, after taking ten very deep breaths (and 5mg of Valium) I took the step of logging on and I am warmed by all the supportive posts directed at me.
I suppose a little time out has made me see things a little clearer and I would like to thank you all Dinah, Kam, Kath, Phil, Noa, Dreamerz etc. If I've missed anyone please get DR Bob to PBC me.
Were all so extremely human and on this board we are all a WEE bit more sensitive than those out in the general population.
TO kid a and alii in particular I hope that you will hold no grudges against me when you return from "the sandbox" [is that an ice hockey term????? Phil uses this term all the time and seems to spend quite a bit of time there. I'm from Australia so I wouldn't have a clue :) ] and that over time we will also get to understand eachother better and build up our own histories together on this board. I would really like that!!!!!.
For the rest I will be quiet on the posting front for a while.....not because I've left the board but because I've just returned to work (AGAIN) and need to spend all my energy on getting used to being at work full time again.
VERY WARM REGARDS TO YOU ALL
bluedog
Posted by NikkiT2 on January 13, 2003, at 9:25:27
In reply to To ALL including kid a and alii » kath, posted by bluedog on January 13, 2003, at 8:10:24
Hi Bluedog :o)
Its great that you've come back.. believe me when I say just about all of us have said good bye and have then come back.. no one iwll hold it against you.
I am very pleased you're back..
Nikki xx
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