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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 14 of 14. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by bluedog on December 31, 2002, at 13:07:15
Jyl
You wrote the following:-
"i dontfeel like i belong in the"dr bob"
world.i made no friends.
everyone seemsto be so clever.
i never say the right things.
this will be my last post here.
good luck to you all...
watch out for those evil temtations tonight!
peace
jyl"I think you are the perfect canditate for Dr Bob's world. I have never directed a post directly at you but from the posts you have made over the last month or so I have sensed that you are having a VERY, VERY difficult time of things. You should keep posting. I just read a study that reported that people who write down their problems via email or message boards etc etc actually recover faster from problems than those that bottle everything up inside.
I noticed over the last couple of months that you have made some posts that have received no responses. Believe me I notice these things and you know what I thought...... I thought "I'll bet jyl thinks no one cares about her" Is this what you mean when you say you feel you've made no friends?
I get exactly the same feeling of rejection when I post and know one responds. It HURTS. It really feels at that moment like you have no friends here. It's just that sometimes people honestly don't know what to say. It doesn't mean you have no friends here.
I also say lots of things that are not very clever. AND then I AGONISE over what others will think of my post. I will respond to a post and suddenly Dinah or Dreamerz or Robin David John or Tabitha or Phil etc etc etc will post something that is much cleverer or more supportive or insightful than what I wrote. My immediate reaction is that I usually will want to crawl under the nearest rock curled up in the foetal position in embarrassment at what I have written.
I constantly worry that I am not accepted here in Dr Bob's world and that I have no or very few friends here. I worry all the time that I say things from a male perspective that will make the girls here feel uncomfortable or unsafe!
Then suddenly, I will get a post from out of the blue from an unexpected source that will lift my spirits again. Just look at the responses you received regarding your intention to stop posting!!!!!!!
I think it's all boils down to the over-sensitive nature of the people that post here. But I've discovered that it's alot more supportive here than out in the real world so I keep coming back in an attempt to be accepted by this community even when I may feel I'm an outcast or being rejected.
I'll bet there are lots of posters out there that have similar feelings. AM I RIGHT PEOPLE?????
WARM regards in the hope that you won't desert us!
bluedog
Posted by mikhail99 on December 31, 2002, at 13:16:14
In reply to jyl -justyourlaugh (or should I say justyourluck)!, posted by bluedog on December 31, 2002, at 13:07:15
> Jyl
>
> You wrote the following:-
>
> "i dontfeel like i belong in the"dr bob"
> world.i made no friends.
> everyone seemsto be so clever.
> i never say the right things.
> this will be my last post here.
> good luck to you all...
> watch out for those evil temtations tonight!
> peace
> jyl"
>
> I think you are the perfect canditate for Dr Bob's world. I have never directed a post directly at you but from the posts you have made over the last month or so I have sensed that you are having a VERY, VERY difficult time of things. You should keep posting. I just read a study that reported that people who write down their problems via email or message boards etc etc actually recover faster from problems than those that bottle everything up inside.
>
> I noticed over the last couple of months that you have made some posts that have received no responses. Believe me I notice these things and you know what I thought...... I thought "I'll bet jyl thinks no one cares about her" Is this what you mean when you say you feel you've made no friends?
>
> I get exactly the same feeling of rejection when I post and know one responds. It HURTS. It really feels at that moment like you have no friends here. It's just that sometimes people honestly don't know what to say. It doesn't mean you have no friends here.
>
> I also say lots of things that are not very clever. AND then I AGONISE over what others will think of my post. I will respond to a post and suddenly Dinah or Dreamerz or Robin David John or Tabitha or Phil etc etc etc will post something that is much cleverer or more supportive or insightful than what I wrote. My immediate reaction is that I usually will want to crawl under the nearest rock curled up in the foetal position in embarrassment at what I have written.
>
> I constantly worry that I am not accepted here in Dr Bob's world and that I have no or very few friends here. I worry all the time that I say things from a male perspective that will make the girls here feel uncomfortable or unsafe!
>
> Then suddenly, I will get a post from out of the blue from an unexpected source that will lift my spirits again. Just look at the responses you received regarding your intention to stop posting!!!!!!!
>
> I think it's all boils down to the over-sensitive nature of the people that post here. But I've discovered that it's alot more supportive here than out in the real world so I keep coming back in an attempt to be accepted by this community even when I may feel I'm an outcast or being rejected.
>
> I'll bet there are lots of posters out there that have similar feelings. AM I RIGHT PEOPLE?????
>
> WARM regards in the hope that you won't desert us!
>
> bluedog
>
>
>
>
>Bluedog, thanks for addressing JYL's post, it's important that we know how JYL feels. It is hard to post and it's painful when no one responds but I'm betting most of the time it's because some people don't know how to respond. I know that's the case for me at times. JYL...please don't give up, of course you belong here, we all do and it isn't important how clever you are, this is a place to let others know how you're feeling, to check in and get some empathy and understanding. (Is that redundant?)
Anyway, JYL, please don't go anywhere, we're here for you!! Take care!
Mik
Posted by syringachalet on December 31, 2002, at 13:22:57
In reply to jyl -justyourlaugh (or should I say justyourluck)!, posted by bluedog on December 31, 2002, at 13:07:15
bluedog,
I was touched by your response to mikkl99 and her shared feelings of feeling alone.
All of us need 'a soft place to land' sometimes when we are coping the best we can at the moment and the world seems to be rude or critical at a time when we need acceptance.. or at least tolerance most.
I think letting people 'blow off' occassionally is not such a bad thing... I DO think that if you feel you need to blow that you include the word trigger: sex, violence, etc in your subject line..so that those who might see your post and it might negative impact them that they would be forewarned and know that reading it might stir up some feelings that they might or might not be ready or able to handle...
I hope, bluedog, that the new year helps us all find that kindness that lives inside us all.
The kindness that might have been stepped on really hard a few times in the past and is now only gingerly given, and that this place..Dr. BOBs world..continue to be " a soft place to land'...syringachalet
Posted by dreamerz on December 31, 2002, at 14:29:45
In reply to Re: jyl -justyourlaugh (or should I say justyourluck)!, posted by syringachalet on December 31, 2002, at 13:22:57
jyl..
I'm still checking to see if you are OK.
Posted by dreamerz on December 31, 2002, at 14:36:56
In reply to Re: jyl -justyourlaugh (or should I say justyourluck)!, posted by dreamerz on December 31, 2002, at 14:29:45
Greedy pig me just scoffed a box of chocolate liquours (sp?)
Posted by Miller on December 31, 2002, at 16:12:48
In reply to jyl -justyourlaugh (or should I say justyourluck)!, posted by bluedog on December 31, 2002, at 13:07:15
Jyl,
Oh, please reconsider. You have made some great contributions to my posts. You know what a "stir" I created because I am not able to correspond very easily. I felt as if you were a supporter of mine.
I know we seem very isolated on this site. It's like we are visitors to a community which had been functioning just fine without us. Now we step in and are feeling awkward and tolerated instead of warmed and comforted.
You aren't alone in your lonliness. If you want to correspond directly, please email me and I will respond as openly and honestly as I know how. I really don't want to see you go. Please reconsider.
-Miller
Posted by Dinah on December 31, 2002, at 16:29:55
In reply to jyl -justyourlaugh (or should I say justyourluck)!, posted by bluedog on December 31, 2002, at 13:07:15
This thread plus Phil's post on Admin is making me feel rotten. :( I hope PSB doesn't come across as a club where new members don't feel comfortable. That would be awful. It's true that I have some good friends here, but I look on new people as potential good friends, and you can't have too many of those. That's why I always opposed the 2001 and 2000 boards on principle. Some of my best friends here arrived in 2002.
But so many people are saying it that I have to think that the board seems somehow clannish. Is there anything that can be done to make it more inviting? Mikhail, Bluedog, Miller, Jyl, Syringa (and all those others I've accidentally forgotten) your presence has been a blessing to the board. And so could the presence of all those who might be afraid to post. Everyone brings something unique to the board that enriches it.
It is true that people respond best where they feel they can be of help or have something to add or feel a special kinship. That's why I've been dogging poor Miller (who reminds me of me) and talking a lot with Mikhail (who seems to share my love of discussing therapy). I don't usually get involved in things I know nothing about, like romantic relationships (I've been with the same guy 23 years now and met him in high school). I'm sure everyone else is the same. It's certainly nothing personal.
A somewhat chastened,
Dinah
Posted by Miller on December 31, 2002, at 16:41:50
In reply to Re: Aaaack. , posted by Dinah on December 31, 2002, at 16:29:55
Dinah,
Maybe I should apologixe to you. I did not intend to make anyone feel bad. In fact, I have appreciated the fact that you answer my posts. It makes me feel ...
... it makes me feel.I guess what is important is that being new sucks. It is the same for going into a new school, a new job, a new group, etc. It is very hard to feel secure. So, when a post isn't responded to, or when someone says "I received no responses" when, in fact, there was a response, it just enforces the feeling of insecurity.
I honestly don't think anyone means to encourage the feelings, but it happens. So, don't worry that you have done something wrong. Quite the opposite. You are quick to share your knowledge and feelings. You are articulate and insightful. Most of all, you show us all that there is true caring in this board. Us "newbies" are trying to be patient, but our own insecurities seem to get in the way.
-Miller
Posted by Dinah on December 31, 2002, at 16:54:24
In reply to Re: Aaaack. » Dinah, posted by Miller on December 31, 2002, at 16:41:50
You certainly have nothing to apologize for, and I'm sorry if my post implied that. Oh dear, we're beginning to sound like the eggshell family. (grin)
I was just trying to find out if there really was that impression being given and if so how it could best be corrected.
Posted by Miller on December 31, 2002, at 17:20:45
In reply to Re: Oops... » Miller, posted by Dinah on December 31, 2002, at 16:54:24
Dinah,
I am sure there can be improvements to everything. However, the good news is that Pscho boards have created very strong friendships and support for each other.
The evidence of such is when I made that post to Tina, how everybody came to her "rescue". I did not take is offensively, ,but understood people thought their friend was being harmed.
The moral of the story is this: if we try to continually change to improve what is now, would we mess up the good this forum provides? "You have to take the good with the bad"
-Miller
P.S.
I wish Tina would check in again. I feel very responsible for her departure. I am sure others on the board also blame me for her continued unhappiness. Is there a way someone could contact her to make sure she is alright? Do you know her personal email? Could you contact her? I am very worried. I know when I am suicidal, I push people who care about me away. I feel that is what she is doing. Is there some way to help?
Posted by OddipusRex on December 31, 2002, at 17:34:24
In reply to jyl -justyourlaugh (or should I say justyourluck)!, posted by bluedog on December 31, 2002, at 13:07:15
> Jyl
>
> You wrote the following:-
>
> "i dontfeel like i belong in the"dr bob"
> world.i made no friends.
> everyone seemsto be so clever.
> i never say the right things.
> this will be my last post here.
> good luck to you all...
> watch out for those evil temtations tonight!
> peace
> jyl"
>
I feel that way too.......but then I feel that way in the "real world" too. I hope you change your mind:)
Posted by Tabitha on December 31, 2002, at 17:34:49
In reply to jyl -justyourlaugh (or should I say justyourluck)!, posted by bluedog on December 31, 2002, at 13:07:15
Bluedog, sheesh, I can't believe you feel worried about your posts which are invariably articulate, insightful compassionate and funny. Well, OK, I guess I can, since I was a newbie just a few months ago and remember feeling worried I'd never be accepted by the veteran posters from that time. But you'd better ignore those worries and just keep posting, because if you don't, the ELVES will come TipPyToeInG up behind you in the night and they'll, well, punish you in some unspeakably horrible way. Or something.
Posted by Tabitha on December 31, 2002, at 17:52:57
In reply to Re: jyl -justyourlaugh (or should I say justyourluck)!, posted by OddipusRex on December 31, 2002, at 17:34:24
Jyl, I never quite know what to say when people share their hurt over not feeling accepted here. I like your posts and hope you'll keep posting. I really think the key to getting responses is just longevity, and posting a lot. It does take time to make friends. People also get more comfortable replying once your name is familiar and they feel like they know your story. Remember most people are just afraid they have nothing helpful to say, they're not thinking they don't like you.
I just hope you'll stay.
Posted by bluedog on January 1, 2003, at 11:06:47
In reply to Re: jyl -justyourlaugh (or should I say justyourluck)! » bluedog, posted by Tabitha on December 31, 2002, at 17:34:49
Tabitha you elfin-devil girl
I thought that glint in your eye in your photo was devilish. It is now apparent to me that the glint in your eye is actually elvish.
The Elves actually told me in my dreams last night that they put you up to this post to me but it made me feel really good :)))). But just in case you are serious about the horrible and unspeakable punishment I promise that I will continue to post here.
Did you realise that being elfin means that you will live forever and your beauty will never fade?
I hope that Jyl also feels good about the support she is receiving from everyone here!!!
warm regards and thankyou
bluedog
This is the end of the thread.
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