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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 22 of 22. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Dinah on December 20, 2002, at 5:49:24
Suicidal urges, self injury urges. They're not plaguing me right now, but there have been times when they did, and there will probably be times when they do again.
I can accept that they aren't appropriate to talk about everywhere. My husband can't handle them, so I don't discuss them with him. I talk to my therapist about them, and that's about it. But if I keep them bottled up, they get so much worse. Talking about them releases some of their power.
I daresay that if I ever truly decide to kill myself, I won't tell anyone outside of my therapist (I've promised him that I will let him help me, even if it means hospitalization). Telling someone would be relatively counterproductive, since they could conceivable stop me.
Is this a place where I shouldn't talk about those urges? Or is there a way that I could, and ways that it wouldn't be good to do so? Is the board like my husband?
I'm asking from a pretty good place right now. I don't feel like harming myself at the moment. So I'm just gathering information for the future. I could keep these issues just to my therapist.
But what about all those people who don't presently have a therapist or who, because of the situation, can't get one? Is this considered an inappropriate safety valve to release some of the pain and pressure?
I understand that each of us individually may be too fragile to bear another's pain, but are we collectively too fragile?
Just questions thrown out while I'm feeling good, so that I won't be hurt when I'm feeling bad.
Posted by dreamerz on December 20, 2002, at 6:32:24
In reply to I get urges sometimes..., posted by Dinah on December 20, 2002, at 5:49:24
Well you are feeling good now so make the most of now...hey I don't have a therapist--good excuse for last nights boards invasion : )
Sorry about the Barry Manilow in Phils post~ you know I'm just teasing.
I cut my hair again very badly and have to go out , that's one release that I could do without.
Take care...
Posted by Miller on December 20, 2002, at 6:44:23
In reply to Re: I get urges sometimes... » Dinah, posted by dreamerz on December 20, 2002, at 6:32:24
I almost laughed out loud with your post. Not because I am humored with your pain. Just the opposite. I was thinking: "I am the LAST person to be reading this post and to consider answering!"
After the fiasco with Tina I would have no idea what is appropriate for this forum. I do, however, know the doubts and fears associated with isolation of oneself in pain. I have isolated myself pretty well the last couple of years. Now I am paying the price. I am angry that I can't honestly talk about my feelings and angry that I have the feelings. I don't think there is a forum that supports such violent (lack of better word) thoughts.
It is exhausting to have to carefully think through your thoughts in order to write/talk without offending. So, a person decides to either expend the energy, or keep it all inside. Either way, I think an explosion is inevitable.
The good news is that your therapist has made a commitment to you to help if needed. The better news is that you have promised to honor that commitment. I think that is awesome. I think your actual outlet is your therapist. After what happened to me, I am afraid to open my mouth to anybody. If I don't totally offend people, I will end up with my rights taken from me.
Talk about ranting...
Sorry if this post is more annoying than helpful. I think you are frustrated with having only one outlet. Because it is a therapist, it is a little restricted in the accessability. But, you seem to be very honest with yourself. Being honest gives you strength.
Take the strength to either create another outlet or use the strength to accept the out let you have. That's my opinion. I hope it isn't offensive.
-Miller
Posted by Phil on December 20, 2002, at 8:24:32
In reply to I get urges sometimes..., posted by Dinah on December 20, 2002, at 5:49:24
Dinah, I'm sure cutting is a powerful urge and I see why people do it but I still have trouble really understanding.
Smoking is a powerful habit and people quit every day. Is there a way to cold turkey cutting at least until one is safe?Oh, I heard James Brown will do a cover of Mandy on his next album.
Horns.ta dat dat dat dat da dat
James-hhHHeeEEYYYYYYYYY. HUH! get on up, Mandy
I'm shakin..huh!! feet slide, more horns
James-Kiss me hayyyyy, stop me-I'm shakin HIT IT!
B3 organ, horns and super baddass rythym section blow for several bars.
James-Help me welcome my main man-Barry Manilow, my potnah and cellmate, HEY!
Barry and James-Git on up.....MANDY
You kinda lovin...handy
Barry-HUH !! James-HA! Repeat 40 times.
Best of all, Barry with him step for step.
Horn break, segway into Can't live w/o you.
James-I ain't livin HUH
Barry- Witoutcha, huh!
Horns- da da dat dat dat dat da dat
Rythym section breaks it DOWN Barry and James are slidin all over the stage. Wow, Barry did the splits, came back up with no hands.
________I love! James Brown. What a show. And Barry just picked up another 20,000,000 fans.
__________sorry Dinah, got off track...HHEEYYYY!
Posted by justyourlaugh on December 20, 2002, at 8:45:31
In reply to Re: I get urges sometimes...Dinah, posted by Miller on December 20, 2002, at 6:44:23
wow
why are we always so concerned about offending each other.?
i dont post on another board because i was"offended" by a few simple words from a stranger.
i si and dont even understand it phil?
hubby said he is noticing a change in me for the better-we had sex last night(first time in 8 months)-
dont know why i put that in-i truly beleive i am getting better and i feel good about myself(and i know that is allowed)
jolly holly
jyl
Posted by Mikhail99 on December 20, 2002, at 8:56:42
In reply to I get urges sometimes..., posted by Dinah on December 20, 2002, at 5:49:24
> Suicidal urges, self injury urges. They're not plaguing me right now, but there have been times when they did, and there will probably be times when they do again.
>
> I can accept that they aren't appropriate to talk about everywhere. My husband can't handle them, so I don't discuss them with him. I talk to my therapist about them, and that's about it. But if I keep them bottled up, they get so much worse. Talking about them releases some of their power.
>
> I daresay that if I ever truly decide to kill myself, I won't tell anyone outside of my therapist (I've promised him that I will let him help me, even if it means hospitalization). Telling someone would be relatively counterproductive, since they could conceivable stop me.
>
> Is this a place where I shouldn't talk about those urges? Or is there a way that I could, and ways that it wouldn't be good to do so? Is the board like my husband?
>
> I'm asking from a pretty good place right now. I don't feel like harming myself at the moment. So I'm just gathering information for the future. I could keep these issues just to my therapist.
>
> But what about all those people who don't presently have a therapist or who, because of the situation, can't get one? Is this considered an inappropriate safety valve to release some of the pain and pressure?
>
> I understand that each of us individually may be too fragile to bear another's pain, but are we collectively too fragile?
>
> Just questions thrown out while I'm feeling good, so that I won't be hurt when I'm feeling bad.
Dinah, I believe that this IS the place to talk about those urges. With a few exceptions, I've found this site to be a very caring and supportive area to talk about those things that we can't tell our loved ones. I can't tell my husband about all my anxieties and fears, it makes him uncomfortable and he doesn't understand it at all. Of course, discussing your urges to hurt yourself is a much more serious topic. I think there are a lot of people who visit this site who share your thoughts and fears and may offer you comfort when you can't find it anywhere else. And you're right, it's a good time to ask if you're feeling good right now. I hope it continues.
Take care!
Posted by Phil on December 20, 2002, at 9:16:50
In reply to Re: I get urges sometimes, posted by justyourlaugh on December 20, 2002, at 8:45:31
I'm jealous, sex every 8 months.
Okay a joke: What do you call a man in Mississipi walking down main street with a sheep under each arm?
A pimp.
Posted by mair on December 20, 2002, at 9:34:02
In reply to Re: I get urges sometimes..., posted by Mikhail99 on December 20, 2002, at 8:56:42
Dinah
I've struggled lots with what you're talking about, not so much the SI (altho some of that too), but more periodic obsessive suicidal thinking. When it seems worst, I don't want to discuss it with my therapist - for some reason I don't want her to know how truly awful I feel, although it seems that it has to come out because I always seem to come clean with her.
I think it's important to feel you can discuss some of this here. Many I'm sure have no one else they can turn to other than perhaps a therapist. I have no friends that I would feel comfortable talking to about suicide and don't think this is something I can lay on my siblings or parents, most of whom don't even know about my history of depression. I'm pretty sure my husband would be equal parts horrified and furious.
My current therapist is great at helping me work through those feelings when I have them although it's taken a rather considerable amount of work to get to a place where I felt ok raising this as a topic without having her overreact as Miller thought her therapist did. Still, even though I see my therapist twice a week, I find that I sometimes I need some outlet other than her. This Board and some of the people I've met here have served that purpose at times, when I've been willing to reach out and ask for that support. People here have generally "been there." It's just soothing somehow that there is another human being who knows the worst of what I'm feeling.
Mair
PS: I also think that for me, it's easier to communicate by writing rather than verbally. There process of trying to explain myself here can be therapeutic.
Posted by BeardedLady on December 20, 2002, at 9:41:07
In reply to I get urges sometimes..., posted by Dinah on December 20, 2002, at 5:49:24
We can't talk you out of it and give you our fascinating reasoning and logic if you don't tell us how you're feeling. Thankfully, Tina did this, and she's still alive!
beardy
Posted by ROO on December 20, 2002, at 14:31:32
In reply to talk away » Dinah, posted by BeardedLady on December 20, 2002, at 9:41:07
My vote is yes, this is the place you can talk
about these things. We have been talking about these
things for years here now, so why stop now. I think
we've let a few posts about it get us a little paranoid...it
was a good discussion, a good conversation, and good points were
brought up...but I don't think we should let it serve to bottle
us up. That aint no good. Just let it continue as it has been--those
who are uncomfortable with it or can't deal with it for whatever reason,
won't respond, and those who can or feel they can respond or be supportive
in whatever way they can, will respond...
Posted by Tabitha on December 20, 2002, at 14:45:51
In reply to Re: I get urges sometimes-jyl, posted by Phil on December 20, 2002, at 9:16:50
Posted by Tabitha on December 20, 2002, at 15:04:23
In reply to I get urges sometimes..., posted by Dinah on December 20, 2002, at 5:49:24
to talk about such things. we know you well enough to care, but aren't so close to you as to be upset like your husband. plus so many here understand those urges. tina's posts were so distressing because she was beyond urges, she had a definite plan, then she stopped posting, leaving us to think she might be dead. you know how when you're suicidal, the therp asks the standard questions, do you have a plan, do you have the means, have you picked a date? if you're that far along, it's hard for us here, since we obviously can't intervene to stop you. then it's time to check into the hospital or call a suicide helpline. I'd be pretty mad at you if you posted that you were really going to kill yourself or seriously injure yourself, and hadn't told anyone but us. (And of course that's just me, some people might be fine with it) I don't think that's what you're talking about posting anyway is it?
I know the frustration of not being able to talk anywhere about suicidal urges. I used to be really mad that my therapist told me she had an ethical obligation to intervene if she thought I was a threat to myself. I thought, man, it isn't fair, I can't talk about this stuff anywhere. of course she had my true best interests at heart.
Posted by justyourlaugh on December 20, 2002, at 15:18:26
In reply to Re: this is the place, posted by Tabitha on December 20, 2002, at 15:04:23
i told my md about"si" urges.
he sent my strait to the er.?
the pdoc there just changed my med.(not even knowing me)sedated me and sent me on my way.
my new pdoc doesnt ask-
i dont tell-
shhhh
j
Posted by Dinah on December 20, 2002, at 17:28:26
In reply to Re: talk away, posted by ROO on December 20, 2002, at 14:31:32
That does confirm what I had always thought. I think Roo, that you had it exactly right. I was getting a bit paranoid (not uncommon for me early in the morning) about it.
Thanks for the reassurance. It's nice to have a place other than my therapist to discuss these things. They grow into monsters if they can't be expressed.
Posted by Dinah on December 20, 2002, at 17:29:54
In reply to Re: I get urges sometimes... » Dinah, posted by dreamerz on December 20, 2002, at 6:32:24
You too, Phil. :) (Now surely *that* is the hardest thing to understand.)
Posted by Dreamerz on December 21, 2002, at 3:03:33
In reply to And Dreamer, thanks for remembering about Barry., posted by Dinah on December 20, 2002, at 17:29:54
Dinah...
I have excellent memory for the strange things : )Now I have a medley of his tunes in my head again.
Posted by judy1 on December 21, 2002, at 10:47:41
In reply to I get urges sometimes..., posted by Dinah on December 20, 2002, at 5:49:24
I think that the anonymity here is the greatest part of this site- you can vent safely, get support (from people who have been where you have) and almost :-) never any judging. It was kind of you to check first, but this is what this site is for (along with your therapist's help of course). I'm glad you are feeling well now and wish you a wonderful holiday- judy
Posted by Gabbix2 on December 21, 2002, at 15:25:27
In reply to Re: I get urges sometimes... » Dinah, posted by judy1 on December 21, 2002, at 10:47:41
I hope you can talk about that here.
I realize you weren't wondering about rules but about feelings.. still, those urges are unfortunately a side effect of what we are all dealing with. If you can't talk about it here, I'd hate to think of the possible consequences.
I know for me its helped so much, I hope sincerely that I didn't bring anyone down with me.
I think it might make people feel good to know that they can help. So many of us feel like we
aren't capapble of doing anything worthwhile
Yes, its a depression delusion but its still there.
Posted by rayww on December 21, 2002, at 22:21:42
In reply to I get urges sometimes..., posted by Dinah on December 20, 2002, at 5:49:24
If only this were a safe place for all to swing and post at will. I have read many of your posts Dinah and I find all of them supportive. When a reader can tap into your words and feel them too, you are helping to lift others, even in the midst of your own pain. It doesn't take a lot to make others feel connected. Sometimes just realizing they aren't alone in their fire is all it takes to lift someone out of danger. Fire might destroy, but it also gives off light.
Posted by Dinah on December 22, 2002, at 9:25:51
In reply to Re: I get urges sometimes... » Dinah, posted by rayww on December 21, 2002, at 22:21:42
It really helps, especially since my therapist is not always available. Sometimes just knowing that I can call him, or post here, makes me feel safe enough not to spin out of control.
Happy holidays, Judy.
And gabbi gabbi, I love that expression. Can I use it?
Dinah
Posted by kath on December 22, 2002, at 18:05:13
In reply to I get urges sometimes..., posted by Dinah on December 20, 2002, at 5:49:24
Hi Dinah,I think this is a safe place to talk about such urges. I suspect that lots of us here have had them. Talking about things is really very good.
I'm sending you hugs, luv, Kath
> Suicidal urges, self injury urges. They're not plaguing me right now, but there have been times when they did, and there will probably be times when they do again.
>
> I can accept that they aren't appropriate to talk about everywhere. My husband can't handle them, so I don't discuss them with him. I talk to my therapist about them, and that's about it. But if I keep them bottled up, they get so much worse. Talking about them releases some of their power.
>
> I daresay that if I ever truly decide to kill myself, I won't tell anyone outside of my therapist (I've promised him that I will let him help me, even if it means hospitalization). Telling someone would be relatively counterproductive, since they could conceivable stop me.
>
> Is this a place where I shouldn't talk about those urges? Or is there a way that I could, and ways that it wouldn't be good to do so? Is the board like my husband?
>
> I'm asking from a pretty good place right now. I don't feel like harming myself at the moment. So I'm just gathering information for the future. I could keep these issues just to my therapist.
>
> But what about all those people who don't presently have a therapist or who, because of the situation, can't get one? Is this considered an inappropriate safety valve to release some of the pain and pressure?
>
> I understand that each of us individually may be too fragile to bear another's pain, but are we collectively too fragile?
>
> Just questions thrown out while I'm feeling good, so that I won't be hurt when I'm feeling bad.
Posted by Medusa on December 23, 2002, at 1:05:24
In reply to I get urges sometimes..., posted by Dinah on December 20, 2002, at 5:49:24
> Is this a place where I shouldn't talk about those urges? Or is there a way that I could, and ways that it wouldn't be good to do so? Is the board like my husband?
>Fine with me if you post about these urges. But I personally don't do this, because it could get me banned. When I'm in that place, I'm not about to phrase things in lovey-dovey feel-good ways. If I have a sense of humor then, which I pretty much do, it's going to be offensive to most.
The board is more of an experiment/study project than it is group therapy. I benefit from interactions with other members here, but am always aware of the purpose of the board. It ain't for our benefit, honey.
I'm someone you could e-mail about these urges when you have them - I understand needing to de-fuse them by talking about it. I might send you pre-Grimm versions of fairy tales to read. They can be healing, in unexpected ways.
This is the end of the thread.
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