Posted by mair on December 20, 2002, at 9:34:02
In reply to Re: I get urges sometimes..., posted by Mikhail99 on December 20, 2002, at 8:56:42
Dinah
I've struggled lots with what you're talking about, not so much the SI (altho some of that too), but more periodic obsessive suicidal thinking. When it seems worst, I don't want to discuss it with my therapist - for some reason I don't want her to know how truly awful I feel, although it seems that it has to come out because I always seem to come clean with her.
I think it's important to feel you can discuss some of this here. Many I'm sure have no one else they can turn to other than perhaps a therapist. I have no friends that I would feel comfortable talking to about suicide and don't think this is something I can lay on my siblings or parents, most of whom don't even know about my history of depression. I'm pretty sure my husband would be equal parts horrified and furious.
My current therapist is great at helping me work through those feelings when I have them although it's taken a rather considerable amount of work to get to a place where I felt ok raising this as a topic without having her overreact as Miller thought her therapist did. Still, even though I see my therapist twice a week, I find that I sometimes I need some outlet other than her. This Board and some of the people I've met here have served that purpose at times, when I've been willing to reach out and ask for that support. People here have generally "been there." It's just soothing somehow that there is another human being who knows the worst of what I'm feeling.
Mair
PS: I also think that for me, it's easier to communicate by writing rather than verbally. There process of trying to explain myself here can be therapeutic.
poster:mair
thread:33676
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20021218/msgs/33686.html