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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 25 of 47. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by babyBella on July 14, 2002, at 16:20:28
Lately I've been feeling really down. I take my meds reguarly but I feel like my life is falling apart. And I'm only 19! LOL I'm pretty sure that everyone at my new job hates me and further more I'm pretty bad at it. I have to call people on the phone everyday and try to get them to run ads with us. And it's really hard for me to do so I don't make much money for the company. And I feel like if I quit (even if I find a new job first) everyone will be really angry with me. Does anyone have any ideas on what I could do?
Posted by Lou Pilder on July 14, 2002, at 17:53:56
In reply to Is it just me?, posted by babyBella on July 14, 2002, at 16:20:28
Babybella,
Welcome to this board. My name is Lou and I have been here for about 7 months.
I read your post about your job and I want you to know that I know a lot about what your job entails and I have experianced, perhaps,some of what you are experianceing in your job and ,possibly, I may be of some help to you.
Lou
Posted by babyBella on July 14, 2002, at 17:58:23
In reply to Lou's response to babybella's post » babyBella, posted by Lou Pilder on July 14, 2002, at 17:53:56
Lou,
Any advice that you may have I would more than welcome. I know that people aren't their jobs but not doing well at mine is really kind of consuming me!
Posted by Lou Pilder on July 14, 2002, at 18:00:18
In reply to Lou's response to babybella's post » babyBella, posted by Lou Pilder on July 14, 2002, at 17:53:56
Babybella,
I worked for an insurance company and set two world records in sales for them. This involved making appointments on the phone a lot of the time. The people that I was attempting to make an appointment with , I had never had any contact with previously. So they were called "cold calls".
Now the stress of this has to be managed appropriatly or you will feel like quiting, like what you said in your post. But don't quit yet!
Lou
Posted by babyBella on July 14, 2002, at 18:06:02
In reply to Re: Lou's response to babybella's post-part 2, posted by Lou Pilder on July 14, 2002, at 18:00:18
Lou,
It's not so much the stress really, it's just that I am so nervous to call them. I go through other papers and find their ads. Then call and I am supposed to talk to them about their business. It's so awkward. I actually get very happy when I get an answering machine. And I know that if I were doing better in sales the people in my office would like me. So I know that not only would I be better liked but better paid if I just made more calls. Do you have any tips on how to be less nervous when calling? 99% of my calls are cold calls. And as you know, people never want to spend money.
Posted by Lou Pilder on July 14, 2002, at 18:14:16
In reply to Re: Lou's response to babybella's post-part 2, posted by babyBella on July 14, 2002, at 18:06:02
Babybella,
You are beginning in the salles world and there is exactly what you describe in that world. I also sold automobiles one summer and set a dealership record in sales with the largest dealer in Cincinnati. You see, I have found a way to overcome all the issues that you describe so that the things that are against us in that business do not affect you amd you can succeed in your endevor and , actually have fun!
Lou
Lou
Posted by Lou Pilder on July 14, 2002, at 18:18:10
In reply to Re: Lou's response to babybella's post-part 2, posted by babyBella on July 14, 2002, at 18:06:02
Babybella,
One of the things that you are describing in your post is REJECTION. Now that has to be overcome, and let's face it, you have an awful lot of REJECTION in what you are doing. I am willing to say that in your calls, 95% of the people that you get to answer say, "I'M NOT INTERESTED"
Or is it more?
Lou
Posted by babyBella on July 14, 2002, at 18:18:29
In reply to Lou's response to babybella's post-part 3 » babyBella, posted by Lou Pilder on July 14, 2002, at 18:14:16
Lou,
What have you found to help overcome all of this? When I have sold in person I do great but over the phone I seem to get tounge tied and stupid. And it's very depressing
Posted by babyBella on July 14, 2002, at 18:20:05
In reply to Lou's response to babybella's post-part 4, posted by Lou Pilder on July 14, 2002, at 18:18:10
LOL, well considering that if I'm lucky I get ahold of 3 people a day let's see it's just about that. I mostly get answering machines and I feel awful saying this but I am actually relieved when that happens
Posted by Lou Pilder on July 14, 2002, at 18:25:31
In reply to Re: Lou's response to babybella's post-part 4, posted by babyBella on July 14, 2002, at 18:20:05
Babybella,
Your relief that you have when you get an answering machine is indicative that you could have a fear of the person that answers REJECTING your proposal to them to , I presume, consent to using your company for advertising . They will tell you NO! Am I correct ?
Lou
Posted by babyBella on July 14, 2002, at 18:28:09
In reply to Lou's response to babybella's post-part 5, posted by Lou Pilder on July 14, 2002, at 18:25:31
Yes I suppose that is a main part of my fear of calling. Such a simple answer that I never thought of. The problem still remains however how to overcome this..any ideas?
Posted by Lou Pilder on July 14, 2002, at 18:38:45
In reply to Re: Lou's response to babybella's post-part 5, posted by babyBella on July 14, 2002, at 18:28:09
Banbybella,
I have taken the failures in sales and made them into sucessfull people in their field. You see, I have found a way that enables you to overcome the things that make people fail in sales. Yes, I can tell you how to overcome and be a success. There is a way that your company has trained you. My way is not their way. But you do not have to tell them that , for my way is not my way. I will tell you how to become a whole new salesperson. You will have a whole new way and you will have fun!. But first you must overcome 7 fears in sales. I will tell you the 7 fears that you must overcome to be a success. I will be back on the board tonight.
Lou
Posted by babyBella on July 14, 2002, at 18:44:05
In reply to Re: Lou's response to babybella's post-part 5, posted by Lou Pilder on July 14, 2002, at 18:38:45
Great, I look forward to hearing..um reading lol what you have to say
Posted by Lou Pilder on July 14, 2002, at 21:37:49
In reply to Re: Lou's response to babybella's post-part 5, posted by babyBella on July 14, 2002, at 18:44:05
Babybella,
I will have to stop with this thread. The reason being is that the purpose of the board would be comprimised. What I would tell about sales really is not for this board. Now the psychological and emotional aspects of your job would be appropriare conversation here, but ,I believe, getting into how to sell is something else. I would take up too much time and space here if I was to continue. We would be on the board all night!
Then there is the fact that my faith can not be separated from what I would tell you about sales. So it would have to be on the faith board. But the sales would have to be on the social board, if possible, and I do not see it even belonging there. So I will just answer the psychological and emotional problems that you are asking all the posters here about.
Best regards,
Lou
Posted by bookgurl99 on July 14, 2002, at 22:56:26
In reply to Is it just me?, posted by babyBella on July 14, 2002, at 16:20:28
Hi babyb, welcome to the board
Hey, I remember being 19. I'm 26 now. I can say that in a number of ways, 19 is good but 26 is better. Being a little wet around the ears, you're just making your first strides into adult life. That's a lot to deal with, on top of feeling depressed.
Here's the thing about depression and self-esteem: when you're already feeling down on yourself, you'll tend to interpret the experiences around you in a negative fashion. I've heard of it described as a 'negative filter.' Mix that with a sensitive personality -- which it sounds like you have -- and you end up feeling like you're responsible for making everyone and everything happy. Because this is impossible, you end up beating yourself up for being unable to do so. So basically, in depression, you end up finding things in the world to reinforce the (untrue) belief that you're stupid, worthless, or overall pathetic. Does any of this sound familiar?
When you're in this state, it takes conscious effort to start noticing the good in yourself and in the world. I started by writing down 3 things I was grateful for from that day in the morning, afternoon, and evening. That way I sort of had to pay attention to the good in life.
The other thing it takes a while to do is trust yourself to make the best choices for yourself and your happiness. Keep in mind that you are not personally responsible for anyone else's happiness. So, if you don't like your job, and can find other work, then it is in your best interest to quit it for you. You don't need to force yourself to stay in it for anyone else. After all, no one else needs to live your life for you.
Back when I was 19, I had a similar situation. I stayed at a college that I couldn't stand, mostly to keep my parents and my boyfriend happy. It took several years for me to have the guts to leave that city and attend the college I wanted. And it's not that I have serious regrets about it, but I'm sure that I would have been more successful in school if I hadn't had to spend so much energy on forcing myself to stay in a situation that didn't work for me.
Anyways, these are the ramblings of a slightly older woman --
Good luck, write if you want,
bookgurl99
Posted by babyBella on July 14, 2002, at 23:02:12
In reply to Re: Is it just me?, posted by bookgurl99 on July 14, 2002, at 22:56:26
BookGurl,
Thank you for the helpful advice. That does all sound familar...kinda scary..hehe
I really do wanna do good at my job and be successful, not just for other people but for myself as well. And yes I do think I have a sensitve personality. I guess that is something that I have to work on. I think that I will try comming up with 3 things that I'm gratful for as you mentioned.
Posted by Lini on July 15, 2002, at 8:54:02
In reply to Is it just me?, posted by babyBella on July 14, 2002, at 16:20:28
The great thing about quitting is that you don't have to worry about those you left behind. Yea! (I know, you're a good person, but if they're mad that you left for a job that suited you better, than they're not concerned enough about you!)When I was in highschool (I'm 25 now) I had to call people and do surveys for the Housing and Urban Development Board. Most people hated to hear my voice on the other end! But, I kinda turned it into a game, using different voices or trying to imagine what it was they were doing the moment before the phone rang. (I loved answering machines as well) Anyway, it made the rejection less, since I was just playing around. (healthy? I don't know, but it was helpful!)
Are there ways that you can promote ad space without having to use the phone? Designing billboards, flyers, visiting businesses in person? Maybe you could write out a script for yourself if you do have to use the phone? Anyway, some ideas. Best of luck!
-L
Posted by shar on July 15, 2002, at 12:30:57
In reply to I will have to stop with this thread » babyBella, posted by Lou Pilder on July 14, 2002, at 21:37:49
After leading B on for 4 or 5 posts, saying that you were excellent in an area where she had trouble, implying that you had advice to give, and then just bowing out... Pretty uncaring it seems; not supportive, imo. If you have advice to give to someone in pain, and your goal is to help that person, then you will give it--even if it takes 5 posts and has to end up on the faith board.
If you choose another "path" of action like bowing out, it is hard to believe you really planned to help at all. People do what they want. If you wanted to help, you would.
This distresses me, that you or anybody would do that to a poster here. It doesn't feel honest or ethical to me; it feels like game-playing.
I apologize to you, B, for this occurrence.
Shar
Posted by shar on July 15, 2002, at 12:51:59
In reply to Is it just me?, posted by babyBella on July 14, 2002, at 16:20:28
I used to hate calling people on the phone when I was setting up surveys and things like that. I did a bit of cold-calling for ad sales for my sister's newspaper. It was very tough. The thing I learned from that was training is really crucial if you want to sell for a living. I do part-time retail now, my first foray into that area, and there's quite a bit about it that feels unethical to me, so I modify it to fit my values. I don't win awards, but I can live with myself.
If you can find another job that would feel better to you, I encourage you to do that.
About people not liking you. This is very dangerous territory to get into, assuming that people don't like you or are angry with you and that it is because of you. Age 19 is a great age to learn (1) that you can't read people's minds so you can't really know what they are thinking about you; (2) there will always be people around who are happy to rain on your parade, or be unfriendly, etc.--and who knows why? (3) the people who apparently dislike you simply don't "get" how valuable you are and what you have to offer, they are poor simpletons; and (4) for those who are unfriendly, a great big smile and a warm hello is good revenge.
I'm 50, and it took me well into my 40's to learn there is just no accounting for taste, and people can be fickle with their approval, and the MOST important thing is living in a way that is acceptable to YOU. Living by your values and what is important to you. Then, if people don't approve of your choices, so be it. You aren't there to live in the way THEY want you to, or in a way that makes THEM more comfortable.
If you try to please people, turning this way and that, ending up like a pretzel--there will be someone else who doesn't like your new style. It's a no win situation.
My second tidbit for living is, it's not so much about you being understood or understanding others, as it is about you being accepted and accepting others. That includes accepting yourself.
That's all for me.
Shar
> Lately I've been feeling really down. I take my meds reguarly but I feel like my life is falling apart. And I'm only 19! LOL I'm pretty sure that everyone at my new job hates me and further more I'm pretty bad at it. I have to call people on the phone everyday and try to get them to run ads with us. And it's really hard for me to do so I don't make much money for the company. And I feel like if I quit (even if I find a new job first) everyone will be really angry with me. Does anyone have any ideas on what I could do?
Posted by Lou Pilder on July 15, 2002, at 13:59:19
In reply to Pretty cold, Lou, posted by shar on July 15, 2002, at 12:30:57
Shar,
Thank you for your response to my posts to Babybella. I would like to establish a thread here on this topic, but there were many reasons why I made a decision, right away, to not continue the thread. One reason is that I have reason to believe that the thread could be inappropriate because it is about a topic that is not essential to the goals of the board. I asked myself if it would be proper on this board to give a course on writing poetry, and I thought that that would be something that would not fall into the purpose of the board. And there were other reasons , also. But I will post the rest if you can tell me why it WOULD be proper on this board to do so. Do you mean that anyone can use this board to , let's say, tell others how to overhaul an automatic transmission?
Lou
Posted by Gabbi on July 15, 2002, at 14:32:58
In reply to Pretty cold, Lou, posted by shar on July 15, 2002, at 12:30:57
I'm sure it was well meant, but when someone is desperate, I feel, its better to not respond at all or just say, 'Sorry I can't help, but I'm thinking of you, and will check in (if its genuine) Than perhaps unintentionally lead someone on.
Most people can handle disappointments on a good day, but I know for me on a bad day, something normally insignificant,like an unreturned phone call! can be devastating.
Posted by Gabbi on July 15, 2002, at 14:40:35
In reply to Lou' respnse to Shar's post, posted by Lou Pilder on July 15, 2002, at 13:59:19
Still not sure I understand, but it doesn't involve me, but I apologize for my hasty reaction.
Posted by Lou Pilder on July 15, 2002, at 14:51:19
In reply to Lou, didn't see your response to shar, , posted by Gabbi on July 15, 2002, at 14:40:35
Shar and Gabbi,
Another reason that I stopped the thread was that the length of the thread would be extensive. Now I would like to continue with the thread, but how could I justify the thread on the social board at all,for it involves my faith that I can not separate from the topic, which means that it would have to be on the faith board.
Could you give me a suggestion as to how I could post the thread?
Lou
Posted by Lou Pilder on July 15, 2002, at 15:00:41
In reply to Lou's response to Shar and Gabbi- part 2, posted by Lou Pilder on July 15, 2002, at 14:51:19
Shar and Gabbi,
Another reason that I stopped the thread was because I thought it might be considered "business" instead of support. Could ask Dr. Bob to make a determination on that and if he OKs it, I will continue.
Lou
Posted by Mark H. on July 15, 2002, at 15:12:21
In reply to Lou's response to Shar and Gabbi- part 3, posted by Lou Pilder on July 15, 2002, at 15:00:41
Hi Lou,
What makes of cars did you sell that summer in Cincinnati? My dad worked as business manager of a Chevrolet dealership for 21 years.
Best wishes,
Mark H.
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