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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 7 of 7. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Cheryl H. on July 12, 2002, at 19:41:18
Hi. I am new here. I have been seeing my therapist for about a year and a half now and I can talk to him and relate to him like I have with no other person in my life. I don't know if it's transference or not, but I have had a huge crush on him from the first day I went to him and I feel that energy coming from him as well, although he has never said or done anything overtly to indicate it. I feel that if we had met in another situation, we would have fallen in love or been good friends at least. We're the same age, of similar background and have much in common. Problem is, he just told me he's giving up his practice here and moving in three months back to his hometown 1500 miles away due to family illness. I am devastated. He said he'd arrange for me to see someone else if I would like. I feel no one could ever replace him because our relationship was unique. And on top of everything, in September I am supposed to start a Master's in Social Work program which I mainly enrolled in with the thought that I would be closer to him as a fellow therapist someday and possibly we could then pursue a relationship. But I am still somewhat enthusiastic about being a therapist anyway; it would have been nicer with him in my life. I am very perplexed. Anyone out there have any experience coping with any of these issues? I would appreciate any help. Thanks.
Posted by paxvox on July 12, 2002, at 21:43:23
In reply to My therapist is leaving..., posted by Cheryl H. on July 12, 2002, at 19:41:18
My, but that IS a multi-layered situation. Ever seen the movie "Shrek"? Well, let's just say this situation seems very onion-like.
Issue 1: You are losing your therapist. That is a major problem, especially if he was the prescriber of your meds. I recently lost my GP of 9 years whom I had an EXCELLENT relationship with. I can NEVER replace that. With Pdocs, finding a new one is even more difficult, unless you are in a larger metro area. Where I live, there are really only about three practices (35,000 population too!!).
Issue 2: Sounds to me as if there are no "ifs"...you ARE in love with him. Losing that, even if it was unrequited, can also be very painful. Sorry, no easy answer for that one.
Issue 3: If you want to persue the Masters FOR YOU, then do it. If it was some roundabout way of fulfilling your romantic ideations about a relationship with your therapist,then WHY?
Summation: It is not unusual to find a Pdoc or other doc or therapist with whom you share such private thoughts and emotions w/o investing personal feelings of some sort. Unfortunately, it has been well documented that many therapists have taken advantage of that emotional lability for their own sexual predation. Some are still in jail, many more SHOULD be.....but that's another post. Find another therapist (maybe you should consider a same-sex therapist), talk out THESE feelings and issues. Give your professional thoughts a "cooling off" period, then procede with what you WANT to do.
PAX
Posted by Dinah on July 13, 2002, at 3:03:39
In reply to My therapist is leaving..., posted by Cheryl H. on July 12, 2002, at 19:41:18
Welcome to Babble Cheryl. My sympathies on your loss. And it is a loss of an important relationship. I have to confess I have nightmares over the idea.
Three months is at least a little time to work with him on termination issues. Have you ever discussed your feelings for him. They are perfectly natural, as I'm sura you know. My own transference is to see my therapist as a harbor of safety, a mother figure. And I've discussed it with him many times, along with my fears of abandonment. Three months isn't a lot of time to get into all that, but perhaps it is enough time to help some with the transition.
I would definitely take his recommendations for another therapist, if only to work through this loss.
I remember that this experience has happened to a few people over the time I've been here. Many aren't at Babble long enough to tell us how it worked out in the end. But perhaps there are some around who can give you some first hand advice.
Best wishes,
Dinah
Posted by Phil on July 13, 2002, at 7:57:22
In reply to Re: My therapist is leaving... » Cheryl H., posted by Dinah on July 13, 2002, at 3:03:39
Crush at first sight is lust. If he returned that 'energy', he isn't qualified to be a therapist and will, sooner or later, get in serious trouble. Maybe that's why he's moving.
Sorry, but I have trust issues. I would find another same sex therapist now.
Posted by Cheryl H. on July 13, 2002, at 17:11:55
In reply to My therapist is leaving..., posted by Cheryl H. on July 12, 2002, at 19:41:18
Thanks for the insights and the welcome to the board. I am grateful. I'll keep you posted on what develops.
Posted by judy1 on July 14, 2002, at 19:57:19
In reply to Re: My therapist is leaving..., posted by Cheryl H. on July 13, 2002, at 17:11:55
Hi,
I just wanted to add my experience. My pdoc did cross 'the' boundary, and 2+ years later I'm still working on trust issues. I think it's really important that you start working with someone else (and believe me I know how devastating this is) but I disagree with the same-sex issue. While my therapist is a female, my pdoc is a male with very strong boundaries which has been extremely important to me. Anyway, I'm sorry that you're going through this. Take care, judy
Posted by Cheryl H. on July 15, 2002, at 15:17:50
In reply to Re: My therapist is leaving... » Cheryl H., posted by judy1 on July 14, 2002, at 19:57:19
Thanks for your support at such a difficult time. I'm very grateful.
This is the end of the thread.
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