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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 13 of 13. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Dinah on February 5, 2002, at 8:45:15
I am touch averse. I just hate to be touched. A cuddling, non moving touch is fine shared with someone I care about. But other types of touch feel irritating and unpleasant to my skin. It's a problem right now more so than usual because I have been sleeping so badly which makes me overstimulated, but it's alway a problem to some extent. As you can imagine, it can get in the way of all types of relationships, although I almost always manage to override the aversion so that I behave well.
And no, I have never been abused. My therapist always finds that hard to believe, but it's true.
Does anyone else have this problem and is there any way other than just soldiering through to effectively deal with it?
Thanks,
Dinah
Posted by mair on February 5, 2002, at 11:43:44
In reply to Touch , posted by Dinah on February 5, 2002, at 8:45:15
Dinah
I am not touch-averse except with my father. I stiffen up whenever I am any where near him. I too was never abused although I've certainly been asked. He's in his eighties and it certainly makes me feel pretty awful that I need to keep this distance from him.
Mair
Posted by IsoM on February 5, 2002, at 12:06:45
In reply to Touch , posted by Dinah on February 5, 2002, at 8:45:15
Dinah, you say you have strong Asperger symptoms. This is a classic one. My son can shake hands with people & can give me a hug, no problem but can't abide any other touch - specially the moving touch like you mention.
The other night I went to say something to him & reached out for his hands to hold (I sometimes hold someone's hands when I'm really trying to make a point). He flinched & pulled his hands back but was willing to hug me instead.
For him, he learned hugging as a way of expressing affection with me from infancy so it feels okay. Anything else doesn't. Even if his muscles in his shoulders are stiff & sore, he won't allow me to massage them. My other sons were only to happy for me to. When I stopped nursing him at 15 months old is when he stopped cuddling. Not to say he wouldn't sit on my lap sometimes or run to hug me, but he stopped snuggling. My other two sons kept it up for a long time, tapering off as they grew older.
Temple Grandin was also very adverse to any touch, specially light touch. She devised a mechanism to give her the calming physical contact without it coming from a person. My son used to swaddle himself tightly in a quilt when younger for the calming effect too.
You'd do great in Japan. You wouldn't seem out of place at all but would be regarded as a thoughtful, considerate Westerner instead. It's our culture that you don't quite fit in. I realise how stressful touch can be, but don't worry about it. And why not pull back from that sort of touch. Personally, while I can hug & cuddle easily all the time, I think our society is too 'touchy-feely' with complete strangers or coworkers sometimes. Most is not genuine affection but show only, more an invasion of privacy than really caring.
Posted by Ritch on February 5, 2002, at 12:44:12
In reply to Touch , posted by Dinah on February 5, 2002, at 8:45:15
> I am touch averse. I just hate to be touched. A cuddling, non moving touch is fine shared with someone I care about. But other types of touch feel irritating and unpleasant to my skin. It's a problem right now more so than usual because I have been sleeping so badly which makes me overstimulated, but it's alway a problem to some extent. As you can imagine, it can get in the way of all types of relationships, although I almost always manage to override the aversion so that I behave well.
> And no, I have never been abused. My therapist always finds that hard to believe, but it's true.
> Does anyone else have this problem and is there any way other than just soldiering through to effectively deal with it?
> Thanks,
> DinahHi Dinah,
I have had social phob. problems all my life and one of them is recoiling when I am touched. It is instantaneous like I am being attacked or a poisonous insect or snake just landed on my shoulder, i.e.. I don't recall any abuse either. Strange thing-the tiny bit of Celexa I take-that almost goes away entirely. I even find myself slapping people on their back when I tell a joke now at times. Another thing I used to do as a kid was *poke* people in the arm repeatedly interrupting them, trying to get *their* attention, and driving them nuts. But, if someone touched me without me being aware of what they were about to do-I would nearly leap out of my skin!
Mitch
Posted by Dinah on February 5, 2002, at 13:31:23
In reply to Touch , posted by Dinah on February 5, 2002, at 8:45:15
Thanks you guys,
I know what you mean about casual touch and I'm always considered stand-offish about it, but I avoid it where possible. It's more of a problem at home, as I'm sure you can understand.
I guess the important thing is that I do the right things with my husband and family. I'm fortunate that it isn't such a problem with my son. Mom's are expected to cuddle, Dad's roughhouse. But sometimes it gets so discouraging to have to override the aversion. And sometimes I have trouble keeping the willpower to do it. Sometimes I fail and upset people. Sometimes I just cry on the inside while I'm smiling and doing the right thing on the outside. I guess this is all more than you need to know, but it's been an issue with me lately. Maybe things will improve when I get some regular sleep.
On a more amusing note, I was known as a child for saying "I don't like to be touched" in a very cold and decided way, just dripping with disgust. I wonder how many children are told "I don't envy your future boyfriends" as much as I was.
Dinah
Posted by medlib on February 5, 2002, at 13:56:39
In reply to Touch , posted by Dinah on February 5, 2002, at 8:45:15
Hi Dinah--
I've been touch-aversive all my life, as was my mother. I determined that I have Aspergers after learning about it from a Babble poster 21/2 years ago. Mine is an odd hypersensitivity, though; I can handle infants and small children fairly easily, although I initiate touch only in task-oriented contexts. Similarly, I had few problems touching adult patients as a nurse, although I disliked being touched and I delegated back rubs to an aide. I find touching in social settings difficult and awkward, and I like *being* touched even less, even by my adult children. Being rubbed is intolerable.
Preempting the scene by taking action first seems to work best for me; it usually allows me to establish my boundaries without directly refusing contact. In situations where touch is expected, I initiate contact by holding out my hand when I might otherwise be subject to bodily contact. I shake hands firmly, but briefly, and then move quickly back a little further than expected (though distance between conversing adults varies by culture). If someone moves closer to me, I'll retreat the same distance (as inconspicuously as possible). If someone approaches my desk, I'll swivel to face them, papers in hand, and roll my chair slightly away from them as they approach. Where touching seems optional, I'll try to have something in each hand (beverage, purse, papers), then nod and greet them before they can extend their hand. If someone approaches with arms outstretched, I'll even resort to the truth, saying, "I hope you don't mind if we don't hug; my skin is very sensitive today." If pressed for a reason, I'll attribute it to a possible reaction to a new med, whose name I can't remember. Do you experience any difference between touching and being touched?
I don't think that touch hypersensitivity always accompanies Aspergers, nor is it exclusive to that condition. My mother did not have Aspergers, but disliked touching (except my father); my brother has Aspergers and enjoys touching. I wonder occasionally if CBT might be helpful for this problem--it seems to work best for specific phobias.
Good luck on finding strategies that work for you; I hope you'll share them with us.
Well wishes---medlib
Posted by Dinah on February 5, 2002, at 22:35:59
In reply to Re: Touch » Dinah, posted by medlib on February 5, 2002, at 13:56:39
Hi medlib,
You are right. Initiating touch definitely helps. I was feeling a bit depressed and very sleep deprived this morning and forgot that one way of coping that I have learned. It all just seemed overwhelming to me. And it probably doesn't help that I'm so overstimulated right now. I really do usually have better coping skills than I do right now. Darn insomnia.
As far as CBT techniques, I have looked for them but haven't been able to find any but exposure techniques that would apply to this. And that hasn't been particularly effective.
It's funny, but I first ran across the term Asperger's in doing an internet search on touch aversion or something like that. Some of the criteria fit me, some don't, and I can't find a local neuropsychologist or child psychologist who is willing to do an assessment. So I just say I have Asperger's traits. My therapist appears to agree with that as well. But I haven't found any Asperger's literature that gives an answer on what to do about this particular problem.
If I find a solution, I'll be sure to spread the word. :)
Dinah
Posted by IsoM on February 6, 2002, at 3:26:26
In reply to Re: Touch » medlib, posted by Dinah on February 5, 2002, at 22:35:59
Hi Dihah, I'm pretty drugged on Ativan & codeine right now to numb the pain from a bad tooth, no doubt, abscessed, so will write back more about this subject tomorrow. I'll give you some pointers that both Erin & I have devised that prove helpful, but right now I'm having triouble keeping my eyes opne & will tumbnle into bed.
Take care & try tot to ge too stressed out please. I grow fond of scertainones on this forum & you're one of them
Posted by Krazy Kat on February 6, 2002, at 12:18:04
In reply to Touch , posted by Dinah on February 5, 2002, at 8:45:15
Dinah:
My husband has this problem. I'm not sure how he's dealt with it, except he often tells people he doesn't like to be touched. They usually just laugh it off, don't take it seriously. So he says "Really." Until recently, he was really bad even with me.
- KK
Posted by Dinah on February 6, 2002, at 20:02:19
In reply to Asperger Traits » Dinah, posted by IsoM on February 6, 2002, at 3:26:26
Posted by trouble on February 8, 2002, at 22:54:30
In reply to Re: Touch » Dinah, posted by Krazy Kat on February 6, 2002, at 12:18:04
> Dinah:
>
> I once went 8 months w/out touching another human being, just to see what all the fuss was about. That was 20 years ago. I'm no more settled on the issue today than then, I'm just really glad to see people talking about this.
I've beaten the crap out of men in bars for grab*ss*ng me, often to the cheers and whistles of fellow females before they pulled me off the jerk. I've been fearful of how far I could go in situations like that, but since middle-age I haven't had to beat 'em off the way I used to.
That's the main kind of touch I've experienced in my life so I'm ambivalent about the whole thing, but in my gut I think people can get real sick from lack of touch, so a couple times a year I go get a massage, cryin salty tears.
When someone I want to touch me does I become passive and brooding, look down at the ground, mumble, shrug it off, toss my hair, make a wry face, god knows what all. But I remember it, and keep going back over the memory in my head.I can't touch a person w/out first spending 15 hours in excruciating self-examination which rather queers the whole casual, spontaneous vibe I'm trying to affect. Had a therapist run and tell her supervisor in wonder that I'd touched her b/c it was the first time after seeing her over a year. I've been seeing my present male psychologist over 2 years and there's been no physical contact. It seems significant.
I have a friend who, like me was way abused as a kid but unlike me is real outgoing and gregarious, beautiful too, so people naturally
want to touch her but she reacts violently-jumps a foot in the air, throws their hand off, grimacing, meanwhile she's saying-
Forgive me, don't take it personal, it's not you at all, it's me, I just have this crazy hang-up about being touched, please accept my apology.Which makes her 10 times more adorable.
Anyway, thanks for bringing this out of the closet.
Posted by IsoM on February 8, 2002, at 23:37:18
In reply to Re: Thanks. I hope you're feeling better. (nm) » IsoM, posted by Dinah on February 6, 2002, at 20:02:19
Dinah, I'm so sorry. I have no idea what I was wanting to say that night. Maybe I just thought I had an idea that night, I was so foggy. I've taken benzos before, but perhaps with the infection, pain, & painkillers, I was so out of it - everything's a blur. I apologise. Even reading over my post that night, the spelling is so atrocious & yet I remember correcting words over & over, but it still turned out like that.
Posted by Dinah on February 10, 2002, at 12:50:56
In reply to Feeling Much Better But Can't Remember... » Dinah, posted by IsoM on February 8, 2002, at 23:37:18
No problem, IsoM. It happens to me all the time. I'm glad to hear you're in no pain and I'm in absolute awe to hear that you can watch a dental procedure being done on yourself. I've watched a mole removal with no problem, but when someone gets near my mouth....
Good luck with the root canal.
Dinah
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