Posted by IsoM on February 5, 2002, at 12:06:45
In reply to Touch , posted by Dinah on February 5, 2002, at 8:45:15
Dinah, you say you have strong Asperger symptoms. This is a classic one. My son can shake hands with people & can give me a hug, no problem but can't abide any other touch - specially the moving touch like you mention.
The other night I went to say something to him & reached out for his hands to hold (I sometimes hold someone's hands when I'm really trying to make a point). He flinched & pulled his hands back but was willing to hug me instead.
For him, he learned hugging as a way of expressing affection with me from infancy so it feels okay. Anything else doesn't. Even if his muscles in his shoulders are stiff & sore, he won't allow me to massage them. My other sons were only to happy for me to. When I stopped nursing him at 15 months old is when he stopped cuddling. Not to say he wouldn't sit on my lap sometimes or run to hug me, but he stopped snuggling. My other two sons kept it up for a long time, tapering off as they grew older.
Temple Grandin was also very adverse to any touch, specially light touch. She devised a mechanism to give her the calming physical contact without it coming from a person. My son used to swaddle himself tightly in a quilt when younger for the calming effect too.
You'd do great in Japan. You wouldn't seem out of place at all but would be regarded as a thoughtful, considerate Westerner instead. It's our culture that you don't quite fit in. I realise how stressful touch can be, but don't worry about it. And why not pull back from that sort of touch. Personally, while I can hug & cuddle easily all the time, I think our society is too 'touchy-feely' with complete strangers or coworkers sometimes. Most is not genuine affection but show only, more an invasion of privacy than really caring.
poster:IsoM
thread:17803
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20020202/msgs/17809.html