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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 7 of 7. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by ELA on January 23, 2002, at 3:37:15
Oh dear,
After the traumas of Saturday I thought that I was getting on pretty well considering. Until last night.
I am seriously considering leaving university and starting afresh with something completely different. I am doing a teaching course and have been disillusioned with it for some time now, even before my illness in November. Unfortunately, my parents are not being very supportive of this at all and are putting an enormous amount of pressure on me to stay, saying that I am in "no condition" to make "life changing decisions".
After a very heated discussion last night I went to bed in floods of tears and remained that way most of the night. Consequently, I am feeling awful this morning. My mind is completely blank, I don't know what to think about anything and I'm worried as that is how I felt on Saturday prior to what I tried to do to myself. Am going to see the doc later on today but have no idea what to say to her.
NIGHTMARE...I HATE ALL THIS
Posted by Dinah on January 23, 2002, at 8:32:56
In reply to post-suicide attempt..., posted by ELA on January 23, 2002, at 3:37:15
ELA,
I'm sorry you're feeling down again.
I think what you have said above is the best thing to say to your doctor. If you don't think you can say it, print it out and give it to him/her. Your doctor needs to know.
Does your university offer medical leaves? I know it is not at all uncommon here in the states and our colleges usually are very good about it. University is a stressful time for everyone, even without the health concerns you have had. Intense psychotherapy and experimenting with meds while you wait out a semester or two would help you to concentrate on getting better. Then you could make a decision about where to go from there. And your parents will be able to see that you are giving the matter careful consideration. The important thing right now is concentrating on getting well.
Dinah
Posted by Krazy Kat on January 23, 2002, at 11:10:13
In reply to post-suicide attempt..., posted by ELA on January 23, 2002, at 3:37:15
ELA:
I agree with your parents. My husband had to point out the same thing to me last week when I was having "a breakdown". You just can't make coherent decisions during that time.
Can you take a break from University, from everything for awhile?
- KK
Posted by IsoM on January 23, 2002, at 17:35:54
In reply to post-suicide attempt..., posted by ELA on January 23, 2002, at 3:37:15
I wasn't there, of course, to hear the conversation with your parents, but is it possible that they're more concerned about you making such a major decision now when you're not feeling at your best, rather than them being upset with you wanting to stop university?
Perhaps if both you & your parents pull back from the career choice right now, & worry about improving your health instead, this major decision can be tackled later. If later on, you still prefer to stop university & choose another avenue instead, your parents will understand it's no spur-of-the-moment decision. Also, even if they do disagree, you'll be strong & ready to stand for your decision.
It's unbelievably draining on a parent when a child (even grown) gets very ill & they're supporting & doing all they can. I've helped two sons through hospital stays for different reasons - three of the times were for serious depression & another an attempted sucicide, plus two major illnesses. It can leave the parent feeling so totally helpless & weak, wanting to do everything possible to make things better but there's only so much we can do. The big blow-up (& argument?) you had may have been the result of very drained emotions on both sides. It's so hard to show self-control when one's that weak & empty.
> Oh dear,
>
> After the traumas of Saturday I thought that I was getting on pretty well considering. Until last night.
>
> I am seriously considering leaving university and starting afresh with something completely different. I am doing a teaching course and have been disillusioned with it for some time now, even before my illness in November. Unfortunately, my parents are not being very supportive of this at all and are putting an enormous amount of pressure on me to stay, saying that I am in "no condition" to make "life changing decisions".
>
> After a very heated discussion last night I went to bed in floods of tears and remained that way most of the night. Consequently, I am feeling awful this morning. My mind is completely blank, I don't know what to think about anything and I'm worried as that is how I felt on Saturday prior to what I tried to do to myself. Am going to see the doc later on today but have no idea what to say to her.
>
> NIGHTMARE...I HATE ALL THIS
Posted by crinn on January 24, 2002, at 6:56:22
In reply to Being Patient - Both Sides » ELA, posted by IsoM on January 23, 2002, at 17:35:54
This may not get to you in time, and you may not want to try this, but perhaps if one (or both) of your parents could sit in on your pdoc appt. I did this with my husband. It terrified me (I'm very good at keeping my feelings bottled up inside, and didn't want him to see how sick I am, as if he didn't already know from living with me:)). Anyway, it was very helpful for him, and for him to be somewhat more supportive of me to hear it from a doctor--more authority, more credibility, whatever. Just because we're sick, we still have minds and feelings. (Sorry, I'm very grouchy today!)
Hang in there--it is very hard and you are being very strong. You have a lot of people pulling for you!! Warmly, Crinn
> I wasn't there, of course, to hear the conversation with your parents, but is it possible that they're more concerned about you making such a major decision now when you're not feeling at your best, rather than them being upset with you wanting to stop university?
>
> Perhaps if both you & your parents pull back from the career choice right now, & worry about improving your health instead, this major decision can be tackled later. If later on, you still prefer to stop university & choose another avenue instead, your parents will understand it's no spur-of-the-moment decision. Also, even if they do disagree, you'll be strong & ready to stand for your decision.
>
> It's unbelievably draining on a parent when a child (even grown) gets very ill & they're supporting & doing all they can. I've helped two sons through hospital stays for different reasons - three of the times were for serious depression & another an attempted sucicide, plus two major illnesses. It can leave the parent feeling so totally helpless & weak, wanting to do everything possible to make things better but there's only so much we can do. The big blow-up (& argument?) you had may have been the result of very drained emotions on both sides. It's so hard to show self-control when one's that weak & empty.
>
>
> > Oh dear,
> >
> > After the traumas of Saturday I thought that I was getting on pretty well considering. Until last night.
> >
> > I am seriously considering leaving university and starting afresh with something completely different. I am doing a teaching course and have been disillusioned with it for some time now, even before my illness in November. Unfortunately, my parents are not being very supportive of this at all and are putting an enormous amount of pressure on me to stay, saying that I am in "no condition" to make "life changing decisions".
> >
> > After a very heated discussion last night I went to bed in floods of tears and remained that way most of the night. Consequently, I am feeling awful this morning. My mind is completely blank, I don't know what to think about anything and I'm worried as that is how I felt on Saturday prior to what I tried to do to myself. Am going to see the doc later on today but have no idea what to say to her.
> >
> > NIGHTMARE...I HATE ALL THIS
Posted by finelinebob on January 25, 2002, at 1:58:25
In reply to post-suicide attempt..., posted by ELA on January 23, 2002, at 3:37:15
> ... Unfortunately, my parents are not being very supportive of this at all and are putting an enormous amount of pressure on me to stay, saying that I am in "no condition" to make "life changing decisions".
Well, I guess that rules out another suicide attempt ... take their advice on that, at least. Okay? I think that might be a good call. ;^) As for getting away from teaching ... well, I'm not one to ask since I just posted about how great I felt once I decided to give it up. Bit of a bias there.
Taking a leave, as others have suggested, sounds like a very good choice. NOT because you're not in any sort of condition to make such decisions ... sometimes these sorts of stresses bring the crux of the matter to light.
Take the leave because you need to regroup. You need to recover. The possibility that, after your condition has improved, you might be in a frame of mind more, ahem, "appropriate" for making such decisions is a by-product. A side effect. Getting healthy is more important than anything else.
be well,
flb
Posted by fi on January 25, 2002, at 6:59:06
In reply to post-suicide attempt..., posted by ELA on January 23, 2002, at 3:37:15
Even if following your parents line of reasoning, its not a major decision to take a break from university. As has been said before, its possible to take a break and go back **If** that's what you decide to do, after you have had some time to recover and consider what you want to do.
Its worth taking whatever steps you need to insulate yourself from your parents pressure, if they cant see that all they are doing is upsetting you further. They obviously have some issues (whether its thinking your current situation is not linked to the course, or having some beliefs that teaching is the only secure job around- who knows..), but its not up to you to sort these out. That's far too exhausting, and you need to focus all your resources on you.
If it can be arranged for someone to talk to them (sibling, CPN, therapist, whatever) who they will listen to, fine. The therapy/counselling is very much for *you* tho, so discuss it there but dont feel obliged to involve them unless you and the therapist agree its what you need.
There's been a lot of wise comments in the other replies- hang on in there with us!
Your parents and GP deserve to be put in your situation and see how *they* get on, but I wont dwell on such pleasant but unhelpful revenge fantasies!!
Fi
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