![[dr. bob]](/dr-bob-sm.gif)
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 15 of 15. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by susan C on November 14, 2001, at 13:26:52
Hello,
What do you do with your mother when she comes to visit (she is staying in a nearby motel that has shuttle service)?
And you, as daughter, do not go out, do not drive, have a routine of having quiet alone days.
That she knows you deal with Bipolar 2, is a retired psych nurse administrator (82) and wanted to go to pdoc appt to 'learn more' about illness. (i sent her a book)
When, as daughter you are worried she will do what she had done before, which is judge, or, try to come up with shoulds, coulds, and ask questions or talk or talk about siblings.
any suggestions would be appreciated.
a mouse wanting to go hide
susan C
Posted by Krazy Kat on November 14, 2001, at 14:53:23
In reply to Suggestions Requested: What To Do With Your Mother, posted by susan C on November 14, 2001, at 13:26:52
Susan:
Well, you must stand up for yourself, if only for fifteen minutes! ;)
She must be quite a go-getter to do all these things! My folks would just sit around the house with me and eat dip.
I'm in a different situation b/c I'm younger and have no children - my parents still see me as the baby and, until this year, did not treat me at all as a grown up. So I still defer to them a great deal, though with this illness I took a firm stand. When my dad suggested the meds working were just a placebo effect, I looked him straight in the eye and said "no." Somehow I was able to stay calm, and it all came out quite well.
What would you want your children to do? Although I know you're not judgemental. :) A large part of it is probably ignoring jibes and quips and staying on track. My mom used to make me very angry, b/c she knew how to get to me. But now, I let it go, and she eventually reigns in.
Does that help?
Good luck.
- K.
Posted by susan C on November 14, 2001, at 16:52:17
In reply to Re: Suggestions Requested: What To Do With Your Mother » susan C, posted by Krazy Kat on November 14, 2001, at 14:53:23
Posted by Willow on November 14, 2001, at 18:07:13
In reply to Suggestions Requested: What To Do With Your Mother, posted by susan C on November 14, 2001, at 13:26:52
"Aw Mom!" have you ever said that?
This past week I had asked my mother why she was always giving advice and instructions to me. Her answer was that she was just being a mother, if she didn't she claimed that I would ask why she didn't tell me. Sometimes she can actually be quite right!
I have friends who's mothers haven't been so free with their opinions. They haven't had that person to lean on for advice when needed. I think it would be a great loss not to have Mom's opinion because we always have the luxury of saying, "Aw Mom, you are so out of touch!"
Watch a movie with her, ("I recommend drop dead Fred" or "Crazy in Alabama.")
Can you tell I'm a mother too now?
Whistling Willow
(with black teeth) : )
Posted by dreamer on November 14, 2001, at 20:05:16
In reply to Yes, that helps, dr katz, thanks8:o) (nm) » Krazy Kat , posted by susan C on November 14, 2001, at 16:52:17
Dear Doctor K,
Sorry I haven't kept intouch on all things medical but I've been busy fixing my slide projector for the Grand Rounds .
I found some rather disturbing slides taken somewhere in -london? with Dr B dressed in ladies attire doing rather perculiar things with test tubes and hard boiled eggs.Dr.Eamer Phdreamer.
Posted by Mair on November 14, 2001, at 21:30:35
In reply to Suggestions Requested: What To Do With Your Mother, posted by susan C on November 14, 2001, at 13:26:52
Susan - i point my Mom in the direction of any new mystery books I might have gotten and I show her around my yard. She loves talking about plants and gardens. Actually she's willing to work in mine, which keeps her happy and out of my hair. It's never perfect, but if i can connect with her nurturing side and filter out the rest, it's ok.
Mair
Posted by susan C on November 14, 2001, at 22:12:15
In reply to Re: Suggestions Requested: What To Do With Your Mother » susan C, posted by Mair on November 14, 2001, at 21:30:35
So if i send her to the garden, i will need to provide boots rain slicker and have her only come through the 'mudroom' door...
plus on her way in she will have fun on the plane...40mph wind gusts, wooohhhoooohhhhoooo. Ridem cowboy. But being the world traveler she is, should be a piece of cake...
Thank you for the support. I really need it.
mouse scanning the bookshelves (hub has 1000 books)
susan C> Susan - i point my Mom in the direction of any new mystery books I might have gotten and I show her around my yard. She loves talking about plants and gardens. Actually she's willing to work in mine, which keeps her happy and out of my hair. It's never perfect, but if i can connect with her nurturing side and filter out the rest, it's ok.
>
> Mair
Posted by kiddo on November 14, 2001, at 23:21:49
In reply to Suggestions Requested: What To Do With Your Mother, posted by susan C on November 14, 2001, at 13:26:52
Hi there-
I don't know when she's coming, and if I'm too late to respond but I've had success pretending like I'm listening (even if it's going in one ear and out the other) and afterwards say something like "hmmm, that doesn't sound like a bad idea, I'll have to check it out with my doctor." She gets to offer her advise, doing the motherly thing, and feels like she's offering something helpful. You are the good daughter, considering her moms input, making her feel better, and hopefully she'll let it go.
Of course it could backfire, thinking she could only do better by keeping up the good work she's started :-)
Kiddo
> Hello,
>
> What do you do with your mother when she comes to visit (she is staying in a nearby motel that has shuttle service)?
>
> And you, as daughter, do not go out, do not drive, have a routine of having quiet alone days.
>
> That she knows you deal with Bipolar 2, is a retired psych nurse administrator (82) and wanted to go to pdoc appt to 'learn more' about illness. (i sent her a book)
>
> When, as daughter you are worried she will do what she had done before, which is judge, or, try to come up with shoulds, coulds, and ask questions or talk or talk about siblings.
>
> any suggestions would be appreciated.
>
> a mouse wanting to go hide
> susan C
Posted by Mitch on November 14, 2001, at 23:37:31
In reply to Suggestions Requested: What To Do With Your Mother, posted by susan C on November 14, 2001, at 13:26:52
> Hello,
>
> What do you do with your mother when she comes to visit (she is staying in a nearby motel that has shuttle service)?
>
> And you, as daughter, do not go out, do not drive, have a routine of having quiet alone days.
>
> That she knows you deal with Bipolar 2, is a retired psych nurse administrator (82) and wanted to go to pdoc appt to 'learn more' about illness. (i sent her a book)
>
> When, as daughter you are worried she will do what she had done before, which is judge, or, try to come up with shoulds, coulds, and ask questions or talk or talk about siblings.
>
> any suggestions would be appreciated.
>
> a mouse wanting to go hide
> susan C
Hi Susan,I wouldn't Let It Get You Down (Neil Young pun intended!). The thing that helps me overcome all of the emotional reactivities that accompany parental criticality, etc. was to just say to yourself something like this: "This other human being *happens* to be my parent, and has had an existence experience about as common as mine as this planet is to Pluto. Listen to and comfort this human and make them feel better if possible, but DISENGAGE from the emotional baiting. Sometimes your parents just want to fight to feel alive! It gets their adrenaline going, distracts them from their own headaches, and gives them a sense of purpose. Just acknowledge what they say, but don't let it tear you all up. When you stop engaging and taking the bait, they tend to stop fishing for a fight.
Good luck,Mitch
Posted by sar on November 15, 2001, at 5:56:10
In reply to Re: Suggestions Requested: What To Do With Your Mother » susan C, posted by Mitch on November 14, 2001, at 23:37:31
dear mouse,
i think it's great (annoying as it may be ) that your mother wanrs to learn about your psychological state. i find that refreshing, especially for someone aged 82 (like my mean grammma).
i've no suggestions on how to handle this (expt to answer as briefly as possible), i just wanted you to know that i think you're fortunate. my parents ( 58 and 62) think that i've become aimless and discontent due to my (hippie dirty druggie) lifestyle. not the case.
i think you are lucky to have a mother who wants to learn more about your illness; my parents, for the most part, couldn't give a flying fuck.
do you think it could be helpful to talk about sublings re: their coping mechanisms (in in not-so-technical terms)? sometimes metaphors and hypothetical situations are the best ways to solve disputes.
good luck ms mouse...
sar
Posted by Krazy Kat on November 15, 2001, at 8:14:10
In reply to Re: ......... dr katz , posted by dreamer on November 14, 2001, at 20:05:16
Dr. Eamer:
Ah, this is good news! Now we have some proof that things are awry - my guess is that the Quiz did him in. ;)
Have you reconsidered your own testing, on yourself I mean? I still think it's a great loss to society.
I have been testing some interesting theories lately:
1. Don't run to another (significant other) while manic.
2. Calling your mom from Penn Station while bawling, at thirty, is O.K.
3. Meds aren't all that great afterall.
- Dr. Katz
Posted by Krazy Kat on November 15, 2001, at 8:16:30
In reply to mmm, interesting winds tomorrow will be 40mph » Mair, posted by susan C on November 14, 2001, at 22:12:15
LOL - I have the funniest vision of your mother in her slickers, holding onto the house for dear life as the wind tries to blow her away, yelling "Susan, Susan" and you are watching out a window, nibbling on a cracker.
;)
Posted by susan C on November 15, 2001, at 14:24:29
In reply to Suggestions Requested: What To Do With Your Mother, posted by susan C on November 14, 2001, at 13:26:52
> Hello,
>
> What do you do with your mother when she comes to visit (she is staying in a nearby motel that has shuttle service)?
>
> And you, as daughter, do not go out, do not drive, have a routine of having quiet alone days.
>
> That she knows you deal with Bipolar 2, is a retired psych nurse administrator (82) and wanted to go to pdoc appt to 'learn more' about illness. (i sent her a book)
>
> When, as daughter you are worried she will do what she had done before, which is judge, or, try to come up with shoulds, coulds, and ask questions or talk or talk about siblings.
>
> any suggestions would be appreciated.
>
> a mouse wanting to go hide
> susan C
Posted by dreamer on November 15, 2001, at 21:42:26
In reply to Re: mmm, interesting winds tomorrow will be 40mph » susan C, posted by Krazy Kat on November 15, 2001, at 8:16:30
Californians have best veiw, lots of shootin stars.dreamer- working hard.
Posted by Glenn Fagelson on November 16, 2001, at 19:02:40
In reply to Suggestions Requested: What To Do With Your Mother, posted by susan C on November 14, 2001, at 13:26:52
> Hello,
>
> What do you do with your mother when she comes to visit (she is staying in a nearby motel that has shuttle service)?
>
> And you, as daughter, do not go out, do not drive, have a routine of having quiet alone days.
>
> That she knows you deal with Bipolar 2, is a retired psych nurse administrator (82) and wanted to go to pdoc appt to 'learn more' about illness. (i sent her a book)
>
> When, as daughter you are worried she will do what she had done before, which is judge, or, try to come up with shoulds, coulds, and ask questions or talk or talk about siblings.
>
> any suggestions would be appreciated.
>
> a mouse wanting to go hide
> susan CDear Susan,
I agree with Mair; connect with your mother's nurturing side. Also remember to keep your sense of humor...
Glenn
This is the end of the thread.
Psycho-Babble Social | Extras | FAQ
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.org
Script revised: February 4, 2008
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/cgi-bin/pb/mget.pl
Copyright 2006-17 Robert Hsiung.
Owned and operated by Dr. Bob LLC and not the University of Chicago.