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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 3 of 3. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by 1love on May 1, 2001, at 20:28:47
I have long been aware of my obsessive behavior. I worry about things constantly. I sometimes have urges to do things like drive my car off an embankment and I conciously wonder what that would be like. Then I tell myself to snap out of it "that's nuts!" I have a compulsive urge to pick at things like zits, dead skin, my scalp (I even pick at my husband and children who treat it like a joke). I always say I got the "picker" gene but I was really kidding, only now I don't find it so funny. That's the only physical manifestation that I have and I am able to control it fairly well, like I don't do it in public. If I think back I can remember as a kid I used to shove toothpicks in my gums until they would bleed. I also used to play this game constantly in my head, if I did something (like finish closing the door for example) before a car drove by something good would happen, if I failed in my task something bad would happen.
My anxiety ridden thoughts are what concern me the most. My Mom is a checker. It took forever to get out of the house in the morning because she had to check everything so the house wouldn't burn down.
In some ways my obssessiveness with perfection has helped me in my career and in my artwork. In other ways it has prevented me from making decisions, AKA "analysis paralysis." I really am not interested in medicating for fear that it will alter my personality and my creativity, ironic huh. I have good self-esteem, I'm confident and generally fun to be around. People accept me the way I am probably because my behaviors are largely internalized. I just want to know if this sounds familiar to anyone. Thanks for tolerating my meanderings!
Posted by mila on May 7, 2001, at 21:37:31
In reply to What is my major malfunction?, posted by 1love on May 1, 2001, at 20:28:47
== I just want to know if this sounds familiar to anyone. Thanks for tolerating my meanderings!
sounds familiar to me. I've been that way. Grew out of it by now. Now I have more choices. I haven't forgotten how to be a perfectionist, but I do have control over it and unleash neatpicking and obsession with perfection only where it belongs, carreer and artwork.
appreciate what you have. and move beyond it, into the wonderland of imperfection. many a mistakes had turned out to be blessings upon further development. Leave drive for perfection in EVERYTHING to god, teens, and stupids. Being human demands a huge capacity for error.
best
mila
Posted by shelliR on May 7, 2001, at 22:24:03
In reply to What is my major malfunction?, posted by 1love on May 1, 2001, at 20:28:47
Giving up compulsive behavior is generally not a a rational decision. Even though you say you have high self esteem and that it doesn't affect your relationship with others, it still seems it is something that does get it your way. I am an artist also, and a total perfectionist in my work, but it doesn't pertain to other areas of my life. (For instance my house is quite messy--too messy)
I think you can try to treat your compulsive behavior without giving up your perfectionism and creativity in your art. I have taken an anti-depressant my whole adult life (for major depression; I don't have OCD) and it has not affected my work in any negative sense. But it has to be the right medication. I have tried medications that have made me not feel basically like me, and I gave up on them quite quickly.
Also, there is cognitive therapy, where you can work on specific thoughts and actions you want to give up.
So, I guess in my long-winded way, I am saying that you should not be afraid of seeking help, either by meds or therapy, because they could make your life a whole lot easier without giving up what is important to you.
shelli
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