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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
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Posted by S. Howard on November 7, 2000, at 19:14:41
In reply to Re: Let us Celebrate S. Howard, posted by Angela5 on November 7, 2000, at 0:04:38
OH MY GOD STARBUCKS DELIVERS???
Posted by shar on November 7, 2000, at 19:54:46
In reply to Re: MR AMBASSADOR!!!!!, posted by coral on November 7, 2000, at 14:58:52
> Dear Mr. Ambassador,x >
> Ohhh, ye of kind heart and good soul, did you HONESTLY, actually use the term "bloat" when discussing feminine citizenry???
>
> ::::waits to see our esteemed Ambassador squiggle out of that one!!!! ::::
>
> Affectionately,
>
> Sterling CPE < VEG >
Posted by shar on November 7, 2000, at 19:59:59
In reply to Re: whispering to Mr. Ambassador, posted by coral on November 7, 2000, at 18:15:09
> Our poor, dear Mr. Ambassador,
>
> ::::whispering softly :::: Hormones is another word that'll keep you in the dog house -- surely you've heard the phrase "I have PMS and a .38"? x
>
> I, too, suffer from the malady of hoof-in-mouth disease. There are times I only open my mouth to exchange feet.
>
> We, and quite certainly I speak for other female Lumptonians, understand the true nature of males, especially ones who are stock-piling chocolate and whipped cream. And, we also understand the great sacrifice you and Greg (our esteemed HavenMaster) have made, in offering to be on-call for all single female Lumptonians. Such sacrifice should not go unrewarded and unless I am stoned for my forwardness, I encourage you to come out of the dog house. We are all so touched to know that you two would actually get off the couch . . . you know, this isn't coming out quite the way I meant it, so..... rather than risk my most pristine motives from being misunderstood, I shall hush.
>
> Sterling (somewhat tarnished) CPE
Posted by B Day on November 7, 2000, at 20:01:36
In reply to Re: whispering to Mr. Ambassador, posted by coral on November 7, 2000, at 18:15:09
> Our poor, dear Mr. Ambassador,
>
> ::::whispering softly :::: Hormones is another word that'll keep you in the dog house
>Sssshhhhhhhheeeeeewwwwwwwwwww!!! ONCE AGAIN, The Ambassador would like to apologize for his MOST RECENT poor choice of wording which he directed to the femininery of Lumptonia.
> -- surely you've heard the phrase "I have PMS and a .38"?
>(shiver) The Sterling Couch Person Extraordinaire is scaring the Ambassador. He wishes the CPE to know that he REALLY MEANS IT when he says he is sorry.
> I, too, suffer from the malady of hoof-in-mouth disease. There are times I only open my mouth to exchange feet.
>The Ambassador so enjoys the gentle way the Sterling CPE raises hell with him.
> We, and quite certainly I speak for other female Lumptonians, understand the true nature of males, especially ones who are stock-piling chocolate and whipped cream.
>The Ambassador would like to say that he feels misunderstood, but of course he can not say that.
> And, we also understand the great sacrifice you and Greg (our esteemed HavenMaster) have made, in offering to be on-call for all single female Lumptonians.
>It is the least we could do? Is it not the role of Ambassadors such as the Havenmaster and myself to be piecemakers.
> Such sacrifice should not go unrewarded and unless I am stoned for my forwardness, I encourage you to come out of the dog house.
>Even as you speak, I am sticking halfway out of it.
> We are all so touched to know that you two would actually get off the couch . . . you know, this isn't coming out quite the way I meant it, so..... rather than risk my most pristine motives from being misunderstood, I shall hush.
>
> Sterling (somewhat tarnished) CPENot ever having been particularly attracted to it and being largely unfamiliar with its needs and anatomy, the Ambassador has never attempted to get off his couch.
Perhaps though he will try with the hourglass shaped lamp on his table which seems to have an element of danger about itself is l@@kin' especially goooood at the moment.
No doubt about it. The Ambassador needs to call his Pdoc tomorrow.
Ambassador B
Posted by S. Howard on November 7, 2000, at 20:06:06
In reply to Re: We have found our Seer » shar, posted by B Day on November 7, 2000, at 14:12:14
What a grand day! As newly elected seer of the kingdom, a position I am honored to assume, I can finally quit my crappy job and devote my real talents to Lumptonia. Won't my husband be happy!My first duty as seer is to call for a vote on the official drink of the kingdom, as we have already nominated a food. I have spent a good 3 or 4 seconds mulling this over. Coffee, of course, is more like oxygen or water - a necessity of life more than a drink. Also, you have to brew it. My second nomination is for red wine. Why, do you ask? Because beer and white wine should be cold - unless you're German - and that means getting up to go to the fridge. What a hassle, I say. Mixed drinks are worse...messing with ice and limes and all that. And don't even talk about blender drinks!
Of course, I'm saving the moonshine habit for my retirement, when I move into a shack on Rocky Top.
That leaves red wine, unless I'm forgetting something. If you insist on leaving the bottle in the kitchen, instead of walking around the house swigging from it -just get yourself a really
really big wineglass... we're talking about the Clint Eastwood of wineglasses, here... and that should suit the most dedicated Lumptonian.
Yea or Nay?
Posted by B Day on November 7, 2000, at 20:11:00
In reply to weeping with joy, posted by S. Howard on November 7, 2000, at 19:14:41
>
>
> OH MY GOD STARBUCKS DELIVERS???OUT-FU.... ah-hemmmmm.
Praise be to Her!!!
Ssshhhhheeeeewwwwwww!
Posted by shar on November 7, 2000, at 20:15:33
In reply to Re: We have found our Seer, posted by S. Howard on November 7, 2000, at 20:06:06
This is an excellent choice as the major first official decision you make.
In normal, daily life I am a teetotaler, but in Lumptonia I assume things are different and my meds and alcohol will mix ok. I vote for red (I am Italian, after all) or blush (the other half of me is not Italian). Refrigeration need not be required of either, I think.
If I can't mix meds and alcohol even in Lumptonia, I vote for Dr. Pepper.
Herstorical Curator and High Priestess of Theoretical Realities
>
> What a grand day! As newly elected seer of the kingdom, a position I am honored to assume, I can finally quit my crappy job and devote my real talents to Lumptonia. Won't my husband be happy!
>
> My first duty as seer is to call for a vote on the official drink of the kingdom, as we have already nominated a food. I have spent a good 3 or 4 seconds mulling this over. Coffee, of course, is more like oxygen or water - a necessity of life more than a drink. Also, you have to brew it. My second nomination is for red wine. Why, do you ask? Because beer and white wine should be cold - unless you're German - and that means getting up to go to the fridge. What a hassle, I say. Mixed drinks are worse...messing with ice and limes and all that. And don't even talk about blender drinks!
> Of course, I'm saving the moonshine habit for my retirement, when I move into a shack on Rocky Top.
> That leaves red wine, unless I'm forgetting something. If you insist on leaving the bottle in the kitchen, instead of walking around the house swigging from it -just get yourself a really
> really big wineglass... we're talking about the Clint Eastwood of wineglasses, here... and that should suit the most dedicated Lumptonian.
> Yea or Nay?
Posted by coral on November 7, 2000, at 20:35:23
In reply to Re: We have found our Seer, posted by S. Howard on November 7, 2000, at 20:06:06
:::singing merrily::::: Rocky Top, Rocky Top, Rocky Top Tennessee:::::: My home state!!!!
Have you given any thought to the suggestion of Lumpacle?
RE: the drink.... alas and alack . . . . I do hope this confession doesn't tarnish my status as a true Lumptonian, but I don't drink coffee! However, I maintain appropriate caffeine levels via an intravenous drip of diet Coke.
CPE
Posted by B Day on November 7, 2000, at 20:41:32
In reply to Re: We have found our Seer, posted by S. Howard on November 7, 2000, at 20:06:06
>
> What a grand day! As newly elected seer of the kingdom, a position I am honored to assume,
>SGH, On behalf of the nation of Lumtonia, let me say we are thrilled that you've chosen to accept our nomination as Lumptonian Seer and Lumpacle!
> I can finally quit my crappy job and devote my real talents to Lumptonia. Won't my husband be happy!
>I suspect he'll hardly be able to contain his excitement.
> My first duty as seer is to call for a vote on the official drink of the kingdom, as we have already nominated a food. I have spent a good 3 or 4 seconds mulling this over. Coffee, of course, is more like oxygen or water - a necessity of life more than a drink. Also, you have to brew it. My second nomination is for red wine.
> Yea or Nay?Red Wine...an excellent choice and soooooo Lumptonian.
The Ambassador's personal favorite is "Wild Irish Rose" a.k.a. the most powerful over-the-counter hallucinogenic known to man. It is rather pricey though. Let's see, $2.49 plus the detox and rehab that comes to around $15,002.49 a bottle.
Trying to behave himself,
Ambassador B
Posted by Greg on November 7, 2000, at 21:31:40
In reply to Re: We have found our Seer » S. Howard, posted by B Day on November 7, 2000, at 20:41:32
All,
While lazing lackidaisically in a lounging,
laticious lump I realize that I am largely lacking in the energy to catch up on the days events.Can someone capsulize for me?
An unmotivated Havenmaster (Honorary Citizen Supreme)
Heavy SSSSSIIIIIIGGGGGGHHHHHHH.....
P.S. I stayed home from work today as lumpage sounded like a viable option...
Posted by B Day on November 7, 2000, at 22:47:15
In reply to I'm so confused......, posted by Greg on November 7, 2000, at 21:31:40
> All,
>
> While lazing lackidaisically in a lounging,
> laticious lump I realize that I am largely lacking in the energy to catch up on the days events.
>
> Can someone capsulize for me?
>
> An unmotivated Havenmaster (Honorary Citizen Supreme)
>
> Heavy SSSSSIIIIIIGGGGGGHHHHHHH.....
>
> P.S. I stayed home from work today as lumpage sounded like a viable option...
Well, SSShhhhhhhheeeeewwwwwwww!!!We have a new Prime Ministeress: Emmanuela.
We have a new Seer and Lumpacle: S. Howard.
Racer The Messiah ran off again.
The Prime Ministeress is now also the Lumptonian National Choreographer.
The Lumptonian femininery have been cackling something about "forming nubile young slaves made from ginger snaps".
Our Esteemed Historical Curator Shar is now also the High Priestess Of Theoretical Realities.
Angela5 and SGH brought us news that Starbuck's now delivers.
The Ambassador has been catchin' hell all day for murdering the Queen's English and offending the sensibilities of the fair lumpettes of our land.
The Sterling CPE Carol has been "fraternizing" with her WH on the couch.
Several more good tips for quality Lumping were brought and discussed.
Racer The Messiah showed back up spewing new words of wisdom and snuggling with her pet sloth.
It was determined that Christina is a Blob-Lump.
A cover-up was launched to strike any evidence of the Ambassador's less than stellar behavior from the New Holy Writings.
Red wine was chosen as the Lumptonian National Drink.
Noa used a bunch of big words that made the Ambassador's head heart.
My beloved Sterling CPE was discovered to be a midget from Tennessee.
Oh, did I mention that you and I have been drafted into, as nearly as I can understand, some sort of nationalized gigolo service.
So that's about all. It's been kind of a slow day. Probably due to the elections. Altogether I'd say the nation used less than three watts.
Ambassador B
Posted by Emmanuela on November 8, 2000, at 0:21:03
In reply to Re: whispering to Mr. Ambassador » coral, posted by B Day on November 7, 2000, at 20:01:36
In keeping with Lumptoniastic overlook and coverup, your Prime Ministress & National Choreographer wishes to
petition the Curator to, once again, cover up and overlook our esteemed Ambassador's (here is where the true
generosity of Ministressim (Hebrew plural)comes into linedance), "typo", as he'd like us to think of it, referring
to his and Greg's willingness to be, and I quote, "...piecemakers". Dearest Curator, being of esteemed nature and
eruditious character, our Ambassador certainly knows that the correct spelling would have "peacemakers". I think
our esteemed Ambassador needs to back into the doghouse a few more inches.
Respectfully submitted,PM & Nat'l C.
Posted by coral on November 8, 2000, at 4:38:58
In reply to Choreographic Spellcheck, posted by Emmanuela on November 8, 2000, at 0:21:03
Well, all dear Lumptonians,
We have no idea who the next President of the United States is going to be. I am so grateful that as a citizen of Lumptonia, I am accustomed to confusion, shifting realities, statements of "fact" being rather quickly retracted, and I have never understood Florida!!!
Now would be the time for Lumptonia to lead the U.S.A. Look at all we managed to accomplish yesterday while never leaving the comfort of our couches. I thank our esteemed Ambassador for his succinct recap.
CPE
Posted by Greg on November 8, 2000, at 7:51:57
In reply to Hmmmm. Maybe I will drop this train of thought., posted by shar on November 7, 2000, at 12:34:42
Ladies of Lumptonia,
I feel I must comment (while lumping before my computer of course) on Lady Shar's request.
The Havenmaster (that's me) was rescued as a small child from a pack of ravenous wolves by a wonderful woman, who for future reference shall be called The Grandma (TG). I was raised in a female dominated family environment and learned first-hand about the trials and tribulations that women face on a daily basis. TG helped to foster a respect in me for all women which stands the test of time. I am in awe of all that is female.
My promise is this, I will always stand by your side, defend you against any and all enemies, listen attentively when you need an ear, be broad shouldered when you need one to cry on. I will support your decisions even if I think you are wrong. I will love and honor your very existence.
In my eyes, whether you be a Seer, Historical Curator, Messiah, Choreographer or a High Priestess, please know that in my eyes you are Goddesses one and all.
Mi Ladies, I humbly await your needs,
The Havenmaster
> The Ambassador (and Havenmaster, I bet) MUCH appreciate the female citizenry, and the appreciation might be mutual to some of the single female citizens. There should be a custom that the Ambassador and the Havenmaster are on-call to the single females, since females are the vast majority here. (get the drift?) But, I can't print in the Archives the real reason the two (ecstatic) males are on-call (that would be scandalous!). So I need an innocent-sounding reason why the very happy males can be called upon day or night by the single female citizens.
>
> Is that more clear?
> HPR CH
>
>
> > Dear CHEPTH,
> >
> > Curator of Historical Esteem and Priestess of Theorethical Highness????
> >
> > Now, you have confused me. As a true Lumptonian, I am often confused, dazed, generally befuddled as well as mistress of computer idjitry, but I am clueless as to what reasons you're seeking.
> >
> > I wholeheartedly support the Ambassador cover-up, especially if it's a warm banky.
> >
> > CPE (STERLING!!!)
Posted by Racer on November 8, 2000, at 8:11:03
In reply to Re: Election, posted by coral on November 8, 2000, at 4:38:58
Whaddaya mean we don't know the new president? I won! I'm the president now. You have to do what I say.
And I say if you don't have enough sense to vote for the lesser of the two evils, you shouldn't vote!
As for all of us Lumptonians, it is my declaration that if your SO has not the sense to vote properly, thou must not untie him/her on election day!
Any questions?
Posted by coral on November 8, 2000, at 8:15:30
In reply to Re: Election I WON!!! » coral, posted by Racer on November 8, 2000, at 8:11:03
Dearest Messiah....
Has Thou been imbibing on the National drink this fine morn???
If not, just what are you on and where can I get some??? :)
CPE (Sterling)
Posted by S. Howard on November 8, 2000, at 8:30:51
In reply to Re: We have found our Seer, posted by coral on November 7, 2000, at 20:35:23
I guess Lumpacle would be a fitting term, especially on one of THOSE days. Also I believe a Diet Coke IV is an acceptable replacement for coffee(although I couldn't imagine it replacing a triple shot of espresso), especially in Tennessee where Jesus is Lord at Somebody's Restaurant. I always get a kick out of those signs. SGH
Posted by S. Howard on November 8, 2000, at 9:01:33
In reply to Re: We have found our Seer » S. Howard, posted by B Day on November 7, 2000, at 20:41:32
Ahh, Wild Irish Rose is an excellent wine. Of course nobody is required to imbibe, as caffeinated sodas and coffee (no decaf)and Nestles Quik (with or without milk) are all acceptable alternatives. However, here is some drink for thought:
The holidays are upon us and those who suffer from IRS (Irritating Relative Syndrome) are beginning to shift uncomfortably on our couches. I am related to people that like to sing carols and say things like, "Uh, did you keep the receipt?" and "Of course you can't go back to bed!" Now, what could be a more festive drink for these people than mulled red wine? Heat up some Wild Irish Rose with a few cinnamon sticks, a little Depakote, some cloves, a pinch of Seroquel...not enough to HURT anybody, naturally, that's only something I fantasize about...just enough for Aunt Bunny to stop talking and say, "Oh, what was I complaining about?" than quietly nod off. Good idea huh?
OF COURSE I'm joking! Of course I am. ;-)
Posted by coral on November 8, 2000, at 9:07:47
In reply to Lumpacle, posted by S. Howard on November 8, 2000, at 8:30:51
You must be talking about the Doo Drop Inn! :)
I live in Michigan now, and the signs here are equally weird. There's a sign that says:
CAUTION DECOY AREA
This is in a heavily-traveled metro area.... so, I'm guessing they're not talking about duck decoys...
And, to think, some folks think Lumptonia is weird! The nerve!
Re: expresso.... you're quite right, but I do augment the diet Coke with chocolate!!!! Speaking of drinks, I think our Madam Messiah is nipping into the national drink or one of your triple expressos!
CPE
BTW, is the Ambassador still in the dog house?
Posted by noa on November 8, 2000, at 10:49:44
In reply to Re: Election, posted by coral on November 8, 2000, at 4:38:58
One thing is for sure, we KNOW that in the Land of Lump, ALL ballots are ABSENTEE ballots, and are sent directly from the couch.
Posted by B Day on November 8, 2000, at 10:59:54
In reply to Re: Lumpacle, posted by coral on November 8, 2000, at 9:07:47
> CPE
>
> BTW, is the Ambassador still in the dog house?(scratch, scratch, sniff, sniff, lick, lick, wag, wag) ...Wooof, wooof!!
B
Posted by B Day on November 8, 2000, at 11:11:53
In reply to Re: Lumpacle, posted by coral on November 8, 2000, at 9:07:47
The Havenmaster is smooooooooooooth!
The Messiah is druuuuuuuuunnnkkk!
More great tips for the Lumping Life including triple-shot expresso and chocolate-spiked Diet Coke IV.
Another abso-almost-said-it-again-lutely outstanding pronouncement from the Lumpacle on managing relatives during IRS and the holidays!
A correction was made that our Sterling CPE is now a Michigan Hillbilly.
Ambassador B
Posted by shar on November 8, 2000, at 11:15:44
In reply to Status Clarification, posted by Greg on November 8, 2000, at 7:51:57
As it has been said, the ladies of Lumptonia (especially those who are single) may need, at times, to call on our Ambassador or Havenmaster for (ahem) help in making their lives more whole. The honorable Havenmaster has given his words to Lumptonian Ladies as follows:
"I will always stand by your side, defend you against any and all enemies, listen attentively when you need an ear, be broad shouldered when you need one to cry on. I will support your decisions even if I think you are wrong. I will love and honor your very existence."
I am sure our Esteemed Ambassador would agree with those loving words for the Ladies (especially those without a WH), and should be released from the dog house forthwith and anent.
The Right Honorable Herstorical Curator and High Priestess of Research
Posted by shar on November 8, 2000, at 11:24:21
In reply to Re: Election I WON!!!, posted by coral on November 8, 2000, at 8:15:30
Or perhaps taken a quick jaunt to the Halls of Hypomania?
TRHHCAHPOR
> Dearest Messiah....
>
> Has Thou been imbibing on the National drink this fine morn???
>
> If not, just what are you on and where can I get some??? :)
>
> CPE (Sterling)
Posted by B Day on November 8, 2000, at 12:19:13
In reply to Treatise for the Ladies of Lumptonia, posted by shar on November 8, 2000, at 11:15:44
> I am sure our Esteemed Ambassador would agree with those loving words for the Ladies (especially those without a WH), and should be released from the dog house forthwith and anent.
>
> The Right Honorable Herstorical Curator and High Priestess of Research
>Dearest Right Honorable Herstorical Curator and High Priestess of Research,
The Ambassador and the Havenmaster are very much in accordance regarding our affection for and commitment to the fair lumpettes of our land.
As such, I, the Ambassador...
...will always stand by your side, defend you against any and all enemies, listen attentively when you need an ear, be broad shouldered when you need one to cry on. I will support your decisions even if I think you are wrong. I will love and honor your very existence.
And in harmony with the wishes of The Right Honorable Herstorical Curator and High Priestess of Research, I agree to make myself available to the ladies of Lumptonia (including those who are single) if they need, at times, to call on the Ambassador to help in making their wholes more live.
Long live the Ambassador! Wooof, wooof!
From The Couch Of The Dog House Of The Office Of The Ambassador Of Lumptonia...
Your feisty servant,
Ambassador B
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