![[dr. bob]](/dr-bob-sm.gif)
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 15 of 15. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by jzp on September 30, 2000, at 15:38:32
After almost two years of severe depression-- by far the longest and darkest that I have ever experienced-- I have finally found "the" medicine (for me, Serzone), and am feeling better. This is wonderful and such a relief, but it's also incredibly weird. I also have a lot of messes to clean up.
How have you all dealt with the aftermath of something like this? How do you make sense of it mentally and emotionally? And how do you solve the practical issues (ruined credit, very few friends)?
I'm working and have moved back to the city where I went to college, where I have a few friends and acquaintances. But when I run into people I know, they're like "What have you been up to since we graduated?" and I never know what to say. "I've been laying in bed moping for the past two years, while you've been in law school/the Peace Corps/getting married/publishing your first novel."
I would appreciate any input you guys have.
Thanks,
Jannette
Posted by stjames on September 30, 2000, at 16:41:32
In reply to How to resume normal life?, posted by jzp on September 30, 2000, at 15:38:32
But when I run into people I know, they're like "What have you been up to since we graduated?" and I never know what to say. "I've been laying in bed moping for the past two years, I would appreciate any input you guys have.
>
> Thanks,
> JannetteJames here....
I just tell them I was depressed but "I was ill but now am recovered" works, too. I find if you want to tell them you are/were depressed you need
to be ready with the facts of depression and it also helps to let others know how they can help.
If you don't do this you will get lectured about nice walks, ect !james
Posted by shellie on September 30, 2000, at 19:49:55
In reply to How to resume normal life?, posted by jzp on September 30, 2000, at 15:38:32
Jannette--Two years is a long time for a horrible depression, but in terms of life, it is a very short time. (You are probably too young to really have a perspective on this). I don't think you owe "someone you run into" any real explanation, either in terms of illness or depression. I would stay very light, answer something like "going in circles" or "trying to figure out what I want to do." or just have another meaningless phrase that you feel comfortable with. Then either move into talking about your new job, or turn the conversation back to what they are doing.I'm not saying this because I feel that depression is shameful or should be a secret. But these people sound like aquaintances, and generally one does not right off go any deeper than superficial in these type of conversations. With people that you trust and are your friends, when the topic comes up about the last two years, you'll probably share more and more with them as you become more comfortable with them, and with your experience of those years.
As for practical issues, you build your credit back up and fix your messes. Do things that you enjoy doing and you will find people who will become new friends, or become closer to some old aquaintances.
As to making sense of having gone through a depression, I don't think one can really make sense of it, unless it is tied to a event (divorce, death, etc.). But all illnesses are like that. My sister "lost" eight months of an otherwise "regular" life because she had breast cancer and went through chemotherapy, being sick and always being tired. Now it's over, she "is back". It's not something she can make sense of; its something she was able to get through; I think much more gracefully than I would have imagined. And you got through a horrible depression. You didn't chose it, but you had the strength you needed to to get through it. Make sense of that part.
Be gentle with yourself. Pace your "reentry" where it is comfortable for you. Good luck, Shellie
Posted by Racer on September 30, 2000, at 22:13:30
In reply to How to resume normal life?, posted by jzp on September 30, 2000, at 15:38:32
Hm, what to say? I know that I'm in a similar position, as far as credit and messes to clean up go, but I don't have a job yet, so you're one up on me!
I've done this before, with long depressions, so I know it's possible to recover. The first rule is to break it down so that no chunk is overwhelming. At least, that's my first rule. I'll make a little list of creditors, and either call or write and say that I'll be paying them off as I can. Then I work out what is left over after all the regular bills are paid, rent, telephone, electric, etc. Out of what's left, I'll take put some in savings, put a little towards a toy for me (books, cds, something to help me feel like less of a screwed up slave to my depression), and the rest toward the creditors. Since they usually contact me to say that I'm not sending enough, that they want more, I just tell them part of the truth: I have outstanding bills from a bunch of places, that after paying rent I have this many dollars left, and I'm splitting them between the creditors. I tell them outright that they're my first tier of creditors to be paid, and that I'm paying them as fast as I can. Then I go on and tell them that their choice is to be paid as fast as I can, or to write it off as bad debt. If they're still calling me, I speak to a manager, explain the whole thing again, and just move up the ladder until someone says OK.
That's a heck of a thing to have to face when you've been so depressed, but eventually, if you remind yourself that you really are paying off as fast as you can and that they can't get blood from a stone, you'll get through the outstanding bills and begin to build up credit again.
As for people you know, it depends on who they are and how strong you feel. If you tell people that you were depressed, you will find a lot of people saying things like, "I was depressed for a while, but I did [x] and it went away..." Or you'll find someone who says, "Just pull yourself out of it. You must be lazy and selfish to let depression effect you." (My mother is one of those!) I either explain to them that they're idiots and don't know what depression is, or I avoid the subject by glossing over it. "Gee, I had a chance to do some other things, just, you know, this and that, that I wanted to do. Nothing that's gonna help my career, but I got it out of my system." Or, another favorite, "I was sick for almost two years." If they ask, I just say, "It was a painful, frightening experience, and I just want to forget it happened." If they STILL ask, I tell them that they're getting too personal, and need to respect my limits.
It's hard, but the good part is that a drug is helping now and the depression is gone for now. It will get easier, and if you stay where you are, eventually people will get used to seeing you, and stop asking!
Good luck to you, and may your depression be gone for good!
Posted by chdurie2 on October 1, 2000, at 18:34:29
In reply to How to resume normal life?, posted by jzp on September 30, 2000, at 15:38:32
> After almost two years of severe depression-- by far the longest and darkest that I have ever experienced-- I have finally found "the" medicine (for me, Serzone), and am feeling better. This is wonderful and such a relief, but it's also incredibly weird. I also have a lot of messes to clean up.
>
> How have you all dealt with the aftermath of something like this? How do you make sense of it mentally and emotionally? And how do you solve the practical issues (ruined credit, very few friends)?
>
> I'm working and have moved back to the city where I went to college, where I have a few friends and acquaintances. But when I run into people I know, they're like "What have you been up to since we graduated?" and I never know what to say. "I've been laying in bed moping for the past two years, while you've been in law school/the Peace Corps/getting married/publishing your first novel."
>
> I would appreciate any input you guys have.
>
> Thanks,
> JannetteJannette--Gee, I thought that was my question...
To people I feel I need to provide a reasonable explanation to, I say, "Actually, I'm just beginning a life re-launch," which focuses the attention on what you're doing or hoping to do instead of on what you've been doing in the past. Or, I say very fliply, "I've been in hiding." (One of my best friends who knows the truth thought of that line.) "Up to no good. How about you?" is a similar thought. You can always say, "I've been ill," and when they ask what with, or more politely, can they ask the nature of your illness, you can say, "I'd rather not talk about it. I had to talk about it enuf with doctors and such while I was sick, so I'm pretty tired of talking about it." But fortunately, on the illness front, many people will not ask the nature of your illness, because they still regard it, like the size of your bank account, as one of the few things in this world still considered private. A lot of times they'll just say, "I'm sorry to hear that" and move on, recognizing that you probably don't want to talk about it.
I'd talk about Serzone before I'd ever talk about a two-year depression to anyone except close friends, immediate family, and my p-doc. Most people are just not ready to hear it.(including, and maybe, PARTICULARLY, most "below-the-head" docs.) Later, when you get to know people real well, if it seems relevant, you can talk about it if you want - but i still think there's risk. One can argue that if your future close friends can't accept your past-life depression, who wants them, anyway? But I'm not sure that's true, especially among 20-somethings who are eager to make their marks on the world.
More importantly, how do you justify it to yourself? Two answers: I was ill (a two-year depression is a bona-fide illness); you forgive yourself for the waste, the losses, and move on, like some of the other respondents have said. Most importantly, YOU DO NOT BEAT YOURSELF UP FOR IT. THIS IS THE TIME TO BE EXTREMELY KIND TO YOURSELF. It's the hardest trick I've ever had to learn, and my p-doc taught me that beating myself up over my past/current depression does no good-- it does not help you get better and probably will make you feel worse. Like, does spanking a child make her do better?
On creditors, there are books on how to restore your credit. Or my friend in Florida went to a credit restorer (not a debt consolidator-similar but different) and she's in her 50's, and had 20 years of explaining to do. She paid the guy $400 to write the right things in the appropriate letters, get her credit history, make her creditors justify every penny they said she owed, etc. Did you know that if your creditors can't justify every penny, they have to take it off your credit record, and in some cases, you're absolved of the debt? And you'd be surprised, many can't justify it. I got rid of a $1,500 hospital bill that way. In some states (NY&NJ, for example) medical people (docs, labs, hospitals, whatever, cannot touch you if you pay them $1 a month - it's called good-faith effort. Medical bills are not like furniture bills-medical stuff is considered by the courts to be necessary expenses. Also, medical stuff is not allowed to be part of your credit history- if it's on yout TRW or the like, it has to come off. But state laws on this may vary.
I also make it a policy not to talk to creditors I don't have to or want to --some are just gonna hassle you cuz it's never enuf til it's all paid. and they'll call you every name in the book. so i screen my calls via answering machine, or if i pick up and an unfamiliar voice is on the other end, i make them identify themselves just as a secretary would. if it's a creditor i don't want to talk to, i tell them i'm not in, and that i'm a friend housesitting while Caroline (me) is away. No, I don't know when she'll be back, and no, I can't take a message cuz I'm just running out the door myself. A close friend of my brother's who owns a collection agency taught me those tricks. If a creditor (from a collection agency) can't talk to you, there's nothing they can do to you except put it on your credit record. I'm not saying, don't pay these people; i'm just saying don't talk to them. And banks, utilities and medical people should be only too willing to work out reasonable payment plans when you tell them you've had an extended illness.hope this helps. i'm in the same boat myself. caroline
Posted by jzp on October 2, 2000, at 2:53:15
In reply to Re: How to resume normal life?, posted by chdurie2 on October 1, 2000, at 18:34:29
Wow, thank you all for the supportive responses.
I think that a lot of my anxiety over "what do I tell people?" has a lot more to do with my own issues than with people. That is to say, I keep thinking what I could have done with the past two years if I hadn't been sick. I keep comparing my "before" self to my current self, and it's a real bummer. I know it isn't realistic or even possible, but I wish I could just erase everything that happened in the past two years and pick up where I left off. So everyone's advice to try to go easy on myself is right on. It's totally irrational, but I still blame myself. I mean, it's a fact that I have Bipolar II, that I need to always take medicine, that it isn't going to go away completely, and that it isn't something I chose, but somehow I can't get that to ring true emotionally.
It seems like the recovery process is often ignored. I know that I want it to be as simple as taking a pill and having all my problems solved, but I know that it isn't. I think if people realized this, there wouldn't be so much popular mistrust of psychiatric medications.
Thanks again for all your insights.
-Jannette
Posted by noa on October 2, 2000, at 18:45:10
In reply to Re: How to resume normal life?, posted by chdurie2 on October 1, 2000, at 18:34:29
Good questions.
I am trudging through the mess that is the debris left by what William Styron refers to as the "brain storm" of depression. It is very hard and very discouraging sometimes. The humiliation of financial problems threatens to send me back down the hole. The mess is both literal and figurative, from the chaotic, debris filled apartment (I stopped caring about everything, including proper trash disposal, etc.) to the overdue taxes, to the delinquent student loans, to the lost friendships that withered away from neglect......shall I go on?
It is depressing me right now, these past few days, all of this muck I have to deal with.
You are right--the recovery process is hard, almost as hard as the depressive episodes themselves.
How do you rebuild a life if you feel like you'll never climb out of the hole you have dug for yourself?
Posted by Racer on October 2, 2000, at 19:20:08
In reply to Re: How to resume normal life?, posted by noa on October 2, 2000, at 18:45:10
> I am trudging through the mess that is The mess is both literal and figurative, from the chaotic, debris filled apartment
I've got a theory about this: the messy living space is an outward sign of our inner turmoil. Look at it as equalizing the pressure we're suffering internally. It doesn't help you find the ice cream scoop, but at least you can deal with it as a symptom of disease, rather than a character flaw. (Helped me, at least)
Or you could do what I did: MOVE!!! I had a buddy in college who said that he'd move whenever his dishes all needed washing. I thought he was nuts, but it worked for him...
Seriously, noa, you're so great, I love reading your posts, and I hope you find yourself getting up one morning and saying, 'wow! the apartment is clean, my credit is clean, and I've climbed out of my hole.'
It's difficult to rebuild your life. No answers here, except that it's hard after any sort of illness, physical or mental. At the start of my most recent depression, I also had mononucleosis. I was in the hospital, had to stay with my ex-boyfriend for several weeks, since I couldn't even get out of bed. He had to feed me tomato soup, because I couldn't feed myself, and one can lasted for three or four meals because I didn't have the strength to swallow any more than that. This was a physical illness, devastating, and yet there were people who wanted to know why I didn't just get out of bed and DO SOMETHING. Mind you, it was getting out of bed that landed me in the hospital in the first place: I thought I had a bad cold, got out of bed and started trying to do things, and collapsed. Woke up in the emergency room, in a feverish panic, and was admitted for several days. Joyous. To come out of that and find 'friends' wanting me to 'pull myself up by my bootstraps', etc, was not very uplifting.
Now the wolves are a little farther from my door, I'm feeling a little stronger, a little more competant, and certainly more hopeful. C'mon, noa, grab my hand! We CAN do this, and we can do it better together!
Posted by shellie on October 2, 2000, at 21:16:32
In reply to Re: How to resume normal life?, posted by jzp on October 2, 2000, at 2:53:15
> Wow, thank you all for the supportive responses.
>
> I think that a lot of my anxiety over "what do I tell people?" has a lot more to do with my own issues than with people. That is to say, I keep thinking what I could have done with the past two years if I hadn't been sick. I keep comparing my "before" self to my current self, and it's a real bummer. I know it isn't realistic or even possible, but I wish I could just erase everything that happened in the past two years and pick up where I left off. So everyone's advice to try to go easy on myself is right on. It's totally irrational, but I still blame myself. I mean, it's a fact that I have Bipolar II, that I need to always take medicine, that it isn't going to go away completely, and that it isn't something I chose, but somehow I can't get that to ring true emotionally.
>
> It seems like the recovery process is often ignored. I know that I want it to be as simple as taking a pill and having all my problems solved, but I know that it isn't. I think if people realized this, there wouldn't be so much popular mistrust of psychiatric medications.
>
> Thanks again for all your insights.
>
> -JannetteJannette, I had another thought when I read your last response. It's been pointed out several times to me, by different therapists, that I've never really grieved over what I have lost in childhood--due to abuse, and in my adult years, as a consequence of that abuse. And that was necessary for me to move on -- to grow up. This a a major focus of mine in therapy, and it has been really difficult for me to feel the sadness and nearly impossible for me to feel the anger until recently.
When I read your response, I thought right away, maybe you need to grieve for those two years that you lost to depression. Two years may seem to be a very small percentage of a whole life, but that is from my view, not yours. Grieving involves letting yourself feel really sad and really angry about losing something. Perhaps if you allow yourself those feelings, it may help you clear through the feelings that get stuck on self blame. It IS very sad to lose two years, and along with creating your new life, maybe you need to continue to process the feelings about that. If not to make sense of them, at least to continue to acknowlege them as a loss to you.
Just another thought. Shellie
Posted by chdurie2 on October 2, 2000, at 22:10:54
In reply to Re: How to resume normal life? » jzp, posted by shellie on October 2, 2000, at 21:16:32
> > Wow, thank you all for the supportive responses.
> >
> > I think that a lot of my anxiety over "what do I tell people?" has a lot more to do with my own issues than with people. That is to say, I keep thinking what I could have done with the past two years if I hadn't been sick. I keep comparing my "before" self to my current self, and it's a real bummer. I know it isn't realistic or even possible, but I wish I could just erase everything that happened in the past two years and pick up where I left off. So everyone's advice to try to go easy on myself is right on. It's totally irrational, but I still blame myself. I mean, it's a fact that I have Bipolar II, that I need to always take medicine, that it isn't going to go away completely, and that it isn't something I chose, but somehow I can't get that to ring true emotionally.
> >
> > It seems like the recovery process is often ignored. I know that I want it to be as simple as taking a pill and having all my problems solved, but I know that it isn't. I think if people realized this, there wouldn't be so much popular mistrust of psychiatric medications.
> >
> > Thanks again for all your insights.
> >
> > -Jannette
>
> Jannette, I had another thought when I read your last response. It's been pointed out several times to me, by different therapists, that I've never really grieved over what I have lost in childhood--due to abuse, and in my adult years, as a consequence of that abuse. And that was necessary for me to move on -- to grow up. This a a major focus of mine in therapy, and it has been really difficult for me to feel the sadness and nearly impossible for me to feel the anger until recently.
>
> When I read your response, I thought right away, maybe you need to grieve for those two years that you lost to depression. Two years may seem to be a very small percentage of a whole life, but that is from my view, not yours. Grieving involves letting yourself feel really sad and really angry about losing something. Perhaps if you allow yourself those feelings, it may help you clear through the feelings that get stuck on self blame. It IS very sad to lose two years, and along with creating your new life, maybe you need to continue to process the feelings about that. If not to make sense of them, at least to continue to acknowlege them as a loss to you.
>
> Just another thought. Shellienoa...it really helps me to know there are others like me. i have all the stuff (garbage, both literal and figurative.)you have (financial stuff, living stuff, junk stuff, work stuff - you name it.) in fact, the few people i allow to come to my house make jokes that could be out of The Lucy Show or somesuch, and i can be pretty funny about it myself. but it ain't funny, and it is overwhelming. i have spent endless hours talking to my p-doc about it. hearing your stuff as well as others gives me the courage to start facing it and tackling it bit by bit. care to join me? (seriously, we could give each other a lot of support.) if not, the best of luck to you (also seriously-sounds phony, but i mean it. caroline
Posted by noa on October 4, 2000, at 12:34:18
In reply to Re: How to resume normal life? for noa..., posted by chdurie2 on October 2, 2000, at 22:10:54
I had posted a response a couple of days ago, and have no idea what happened to it......
essentially, I said "thank you" because your responses helped me a lot. It does help to connect to others who understand this strange experience.
Caroline, maybe it would help to pair up and encourage each other along in cleaning up the messes, literal and figurative. Perhaps by email?
Posted by Cindy W on October 4, 2000, at 22:03:47
In reply to Re: How to resume normal life?, posted by noa on October 2, 2000, at 18:45:10
> Good questions.
>
> I am trudging through the mess that is the debris left by what William Styron refers to as the "brain storm" of depression. It is very hard and very discouraging sometimes. The humiliation of financial problems threatens to send me back down the hole. The mess is both literal and figurative, from the chaotic, debris filled apartment (I stopped caring about everything, including proper trash disposal, etc.) to the overdue taxes, to the delinquent student loans, to the lost friendships that withered away from neglect......shall I go on?
>
> It is depressing me right now, these past few days, all of this muck I have to deal with.
>
> You are right--the recovery process is hard, almost as hard as the depressive episodes themselves.
>
> How do you rebuild a life if you feel like you'll never climb out of the hole you have dug for yourself?Noa, you've expressed the rebuilding process eloquently! I can really relate to what you wrote...sometimes the recovery process seems so hard, I just want to hunker back down in the hole and just hide.--Cindy W
Posted by chdurie2 on October 9, 2000, at 23:34:05
In reply to Re: How to resume normal life? for noa..., posted by noa on October 4, 2000, at 12:34:18
> I had posted a response a couple of days ago, and have no idea what happened to it......
>
> essentially, I said "thank you" because your responses helped me a lot. It does help to connect to others who understand this strange experience.
>
> Caroline, maybe it would help to pair up and noencourage each other along in cleaning up the messes, literal and figurative. Perhaps by email?Noa-an e-mail support pairing would be great! this is really tough stuff for me, as i'm sure it is for you, too.
i haven't responded earlier cuz i've been busy studying for an exam i was supposed to take on saturday that i'll end up taking in december when it's given again. but...
on saturday, i boxed up one big box and one medium box of gifts i've bought for an ex-long-distance boyfriend over the years and never sent.
(b-day, xmas, etc. - he always sends me something.) i'm always saying i'll send them but never do. for some reasonj, i find the u.s. mail very intimidating. well, that got some stuff out of the house. when i brought them tp post office, funny thing was, the clerk, who knows me by face, said: "good job, kiddo." i don't know what he was referring to, but i thought he was right. there's a nice hole where all that stuff was. but that's like one millionth of the job.
then, today, i uncovered stashes of old styrofoam noodles and bubble wrap that i had been saving to wrap those presents with, and that's one garbage bag worth of stuff. sort of a joke, cuz a friend confessed to me that she cannot let go of old noodles and bubble wrap, that for some reason, she hoards it like she'll never be able to buy more. so it felt good tossing that. then i took all the boxes that i had scattered all over the living room to box up excess stuff for storage and put them inside each other and then made a tall pile of the condensed boxes in one corner. figured that was better than seeing them all over. then i went through one box of stuff i pulled from my car at least a year ago and actually threw some of it out. then i went through a pile of stuff on a chair and organized it.
these little, itty-bitty steps...my p-doc said i have to think of it in baby steps, cuz when i think of the whole thing, it becomes mind-bogglingly terrifying. but the thing is, i know i'm pretty close to being out of easy stuff, and most of the rest is hard stuff.
i'm just a stuff monster, and i love my stuff. there's just too damn much of it. i'm an antiques dealer, and i collect just about everything. some choices have to be made here, and i don't like doing that.
i just had to laugh at myself last nite cuz i couldn't find a cheese grater, and i must own at least 25 of them since i collect old kitchen implements, among other things. i ended up using the back of a strainer, but tonite i walked into the kitchen, and there was a cheese grater staring at me. i didn't see it cuz there's so much stuff around it - and it also was in a place i didn't expect.
i walk around here, and i just shake my head looking cuz there's 50 of everything each slightly different, and i want them all!
anyway, noa, my e-mail address is chdurie2@aol.com. i'll look forward to hearing your trevails.caroline
Posted by Cindy W on October 10, 2000, at 8:55:12
In reply to Re: How to resume normal life? for noa.#2.., posted by chdurie2 on October 9, 2000, at 23:34:05
> > I had posted a response a couple of days ago, and have no idea what happened to it......
> >
> > essentially, I said "thank you" because your responses helped me a lot. It does help to connect to others who understand this strange experience.
> >
> > Caroline, maybe it would help to pair up and noencourage each other along in cleaning up the messes, literal and figurative. Perhaps by email?
>
> Noa-an e-mail support pairing would be great! this is really tough stuff for me, as i'm sure it is for you, too.
>
> i haven't responded earlier cuz i've been busy studying for an exam i was supposed to take on saturday that i'll end up taking in december when it's given again. but...
>
> on saturday, i boxed up one big box and one medium box of gifts i've bought for an ex-long-distance boyfriend over the years and never sent.
> (b-day, xmas, etc. - he always sends me something.) i'm always saying i'll send them but never do. for some reasonj, i find the u.s. mail very intimidating. well, that got some stuff out of the house. when i brought them tp post office, funny thing was, the clerk, who knows me by face, said: "good job, kiddo." i don't know what he was referring to, but i thought he was right. there's a nice hole where all that stuff was. but that's like one millionth of the job.
> then, today, i uncovered stashes of old styrofoam noodles and bubble wrap that i had been saving to wrap those presents with, and that's one garbage bag worth of stuff. sort of a joke, cuz a friend confessed to me that she cannot let go of old noodles and bubble wrap, that for some reason, she hoards it like she'll never be able to buy more. so it felt good tossing that. then i took all the boxes that i had scattered all over the living room to box up excess stuff for storage and put them inside each other and then made a tall pile of the condensed boxes in one corner. figured that was better than seeing them all over. then i went through one box of stuff i pulled from my car at least a year ago and actually threw some of it out. then i went through a pile of stuff on a chair and organized it.
> these little, itty-bitty steps...my p-doc said i have to think of it in baby steps, cuz when i think of the whole thing, it becomes mind-bogglingly terrifying. but the thing is, i know i'm pretty close to being out of easy stuff, and most of the rest is hard stuff.
> i'm just a stuff monster, and i love my stuff. there's just too damn much of it. i'm an antiques dealer, and i collect just about everything. some choices have to be made here, and i don't like doing that.
> i just had to laugh at myself last nite cuz i couldn't find a cheese grater, and i must own at least 25 of them since i collect old kitchen implements, among other things. i ended up using the back of a strainer, but tonite i walked into the kitchen, and there was a cheese grater staring at me. i didn't see it cuz there's so much stuff around it - and it also was in a place i didn't expect.
> i walk around here, and i just shake my head looking cuz there's 50 of everything each slightly different, and i want them all!
> anyway, noa, my e-mail address is chdurie2@aol.com. i'll look forward to hearing your trevails.
>
> carolineCaroline, I really enjoyed your post! I'm a "stuff monster" too and also have multiples of everything and am doing "baby steps" to stp acquiring things and to throw things away.--Cindy W
Posted by chdurie2 on October 10, 2000, at 19:09:18
In reply to Re: How to resume normal life? for noa.#2.., posted by Cindy W on October 10, 2000, at 8:55:12
> > > I had posted a response a couple of days ago, and have no idea what happened to it......
> > >
> > > essentially, I said "thank you" because your responses helped me a lot. It does help to connect to others who understand this strange experience.
> > >
> > > Caroline, maybe it would help to pair up and noencourage each other along in cleaning up the messes, literal and figurative. Perhaps by email?
> >
> > Noa-an e-mail support pairing would be great! this is really tough stuff for me, as i'm sure it is for you, too.
> >
> > i haven't responded earlier cuz i've been busy studying for an exam i was supposed to take on saturday that i'll end up taking in december when it's given again. but...
> >
> > on saturday, i boxed up one big box and one medium box of gifts i've bought for an ex-long-distance boyfriend over the years and never sent.
> > (b-day, xmas, etc. - he always sends me something.) i'm always saying i'll send them but never do. for some reasonj, i find the u.s. mail very intimidating. well, that got some stuff out of the house. when i brought them tp post office, funny thing was, the clerk, who knows me by face, said: "good job, kiddo." i don't know what he was referring to, but i thought he was right. there's a nice hole where all that stuff was. but that's like one millionth of the job.
> > then, today, i uncovered stashes of old styrofoam noodles and bubble wrap that i had been saving to wrap those presents with, and that's one garbage bag worth of stuff. sort of a joke, cuz a friend confessed to me that she cannot let go of old noodles and bubble wrap, that for some reason, she hoards it like she'll never be able to buy more. so it felt good tossing that. then i took all the boxes that i had scattered all over the living room to box up excess stuff for storage and put them inside each other and then made a tall pile of the condensed boxes in one corner. figured that was better than seeing them all over. then i went through one box of stuff i pulled from my car at least a year ago and actually threw some of it out. then i went through a pile of stuff on a chair and organized it.
> > these little, itty-bitty steps...my p-doc said i have to think of it in baby steps, cuz when i think of the whole thing, it becomes mind-bogglingly terrifying. but the thing is, i know i'm pretty close to being out of easy stuff, and most of the rest is hard stuff.
> > i'm just a stuff monster, and i love my stuff. there's just too damn much of it. i'm an antiques dealer, and i collect just about everything. some choices have to be made here, and i don't like doing that.
> > i just had to laugh at myself last nite cuz i couldn't find a cheese grater, and i must own at least 25 of them since i collect old kitchen implements, among other things. i ended up using the back of a strainer, but tonite i walked into the kitchen, and there was a cheese grater staring at me. i didn't see it cuz there's so much stuff around it - and it also was in a place i didn't expect.
> > i walk around here, and i just shake my head looking cuz there's 50 of everything each slightly different, and i want them all!
> > anyway, noa, my e-mail address is chdurie2@aol.com. i'll look forward to hearing your trevails.
> >
> > caroline
>
> Caroline, I really enjoyed your post! I'm a "stuff monster" too and also have multiples of everything and am doing "baby steps" to stp acquiring things and to throw things away.--Cindy Wcindy- i didn't mean to not include you in this support thing by e-mail that noa and i are talking about doing. once i suggested it to you, and you didn't respond-probably too caught up in your mom's illness to respond. but i'd love to have you "in," either by regular e-mail or by posting here. (we'd need our own board: call it psycho-social-stuff babble!)
today, cuz stuff was a litttle re-arranged, i think, i kept bumping into things and dropping things. A toolbox fell on my toe (ouch!) and didn't get much done other than mostly fixing a very leaky faucet (it still leaks, but much less) and the beginning of fixing a table i want to keep, that i broke by putting too much stuff on the legs (don't ask how i did that!) the break is bad- i don't know if it will fix or not.
anyway, went to p-doc and talked about this stuff and it was PAINFUL! I don't know if you're borderline or not (by the way, thanks for the linehan stuff - i see my post thanking you for that never made it on.) but we talked about my needing my stuff in the same way as my neediness with other people. the cost is tremendous!
while i can say that and know it and feel it, it's still very painful, and it's really hard to let go. one book you might want to get - i may have mentioned it before - organizing from the inside out by julie morganstern is a little more psychologically oriented than most.
anyway, keeping all this crap is very painful, and getting rid of it is very painful. i know the journey of 1,000 miles starts with a single step, but this is gut-wrenching.
if you figure out anything that makes it any easier, please let me know! (by the way, i saw your meds on another posting - don't mean to make you feel bad, but 100 mgs. of seroquel? i thought i was hard to knock out! (i take 50 - 75 makes me sleep half the day away) but i'm small. so maybe a normal-sized person needs more. also, fyi - a little (like 12.5 mgs twice a day) helps calm me down. enuf about meds. any progress on the stuff front? caroline
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