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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 6 of 6. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by MadelynRose on September 28, 2009, at 12:24:36
I was in long term therapy which really never really helped me much. I went out of habit, but it was psychoanalysis and for me (suffering from ptsd and depression)it just made things worse. I asked for cbt after a while, but the T took it personally and thought I was just resisting his methods. I guess I was, afterall, I was making no progress. I kept telling him I was depressed and he just kept focusing on the issues from early childhood that led to the ptsd. Well, after years, I realized I wasn't going to heal this way, and little fiascos developed in our relationship, they turned to big ones. I had invested so much time that I felt I couldn't quit. Well, I quit over a year ago. But....since then I have not been able to get over the negative fallout from the relationship ending badly. I also haven't been able to forgive myself for staying on in a treatment that made me worse, when I knew better. I just didn't know what to do or how to get out of it, I felt ashamed and guilty for my lack of progress. So now I feel I wasted years on this kind of therapy. One year, I came across the book Feeling Good by David Burns. Just reading it made me feel better, I felt hope for the first time that I could maybe heal. I mentioned it to my T, and all he said was "that will help other people, but not you with your problems". I felt so hopeless. I know it was the right decision to leave, but my issues are that I feel like a therapy failure. I can't afford therapy anymore. I did make an effort a few months back to try to find a therapist within my insurance plan that practices CBT, but when I called, there wasn't one that mainly did it. I don't think I was a 'resistant' patient. I think my T theories didn't fit for me. I have come to believe that a couple of my bad memories were not 'fresh froze' in time as I was told. Spending years trying to remember something that the T says is clearly in my mind was damaging to me. I know now from my own insight that a particular memory was not formed well because at the time I was so stressed out, I didn't even form the dang thing! I know this is long, I'm not looking for a new therapist, I'm looking for some input about how to move on emotionally after such a bad therapy experience. I dream about it and ruminate about it, when I just want to move on and not beat myself up over it anymore. Thanks for listening whoever all of you are.
Posted by Daisym on September 28, 2009, at 19:36:37
In reply to Don't know how to heal from bad psychotherapy, posted by MadelynRose on September 28, 2009, at 12:24:36
Hi Maddie,
Here's the thing - we all beat ourselves up after the fact. I stayed in a bad marriage for 26 years - and I developed an exit plan for this marriage after 10 years. But I couldn't do it, for all the reasons you couldn't leave therapy. It takes a certain amount of support and growth to reach the place where you can yank yourself away.
But eventually, you did leave. You made a decision that was beneficial to yourself. That shows progress, especially from someone who suffers from PTSD. Leaving a therapy relationship filled with angst is akin to getting a divorce. You will need to grieve this for awhile.
From the sound of your post, you are still looking for "magic" answers - and perhaps CBT will be that magic. But in the meantime, I'd suggest reading the Feel Good book again. And treating yourself well - give yourself rewards and nurturing. Healing comes in so many forms, not just from insight. It helps when people are kind to us. But it also helps when we are kind to ourselves and can find joy and peace in everyday things.
I know how hard that is. But I think you are carrying a heavy burden that might not be all yours to carry. It is OK to set it down and rest.
Take care,
Daisy
Posted by Dinah on September 29, 2009, at 7:53:21
In reply to Don't know how to heal from bad psychotherapy, posted by MadelynRose on September 28, 2009, at 12:24:36
I always tell my son not to beat himself up over what's past, but to see those things as an opportunity to learn and grow. I know it's easier to tell him than to do it myself, but somehow telling him - and believing it - helps me to apply it to myself. What's done is done, and nothing can change it. What you can change is the future.
So, you've learned that you don't find psychoanalysis helpful, and you feel that CBT might be helpful. You've learned that if you've given a therapist a chance, and are convinced that he doesn't offer what you need, that it is ok to thank him and move on. I think people tend to think they need to stay with whatever therapist they start with, but they really don't. It's a matter of chance what kind of therapist you find when you start. Now you know what you find helpful, you'll be able to try again. But again, if the therapist isn't a good match you aren't obliged to stay. So much of a good therapist match is chemistry, even if you find one offering the sort of therapy you are looking for.
I'm surprised that you can't find a therapist who primarily practices CBT since so many do. There are some good CBT workbooks out there, depending on your particular challenges, but for many people having a therapist in person is more effective.
This can be another sort of opportunity. Does "Feeling Good" give you any guidance on what to do when you're feeling the sort of feelings you're feeling now?
Posted by Kath on September 29, 2009, at 21:02:03
In reply to Don't know how to heal from bad psychotherapy, posted by MadelynRose on September 28, 2009, at 12:24:36
I am so sorry for the years of pain & what sounds to me like not being respected.
Puleeez forgive yourself for staying in therapy.
People with PTSD can find it hard to be assertive & act in our own best interests sometimes, especially with 'authority figures'.
Maybe for some people, digging & reliving trauma works. Obviously for you it didn't. It sounds to me like your T took this personally & I am really upset at the comment about the book helping others but not YOU.....especially when you felt better after reading it!
It is a great book in my opinion. I have 2 things to offer you:
First, this is a link to a FREE online CBT course....a very good one sponsored by I think the Univerisity of Scotland:
www.livinglifetothefull.com
Also, this book on CBT is quite simple & straightforward & you can easily experience CBT yourself through it. I have! I posted higher up on the page - I think I titled the post something about "a good tool - buddy's anyone" or something like that...maybe it's not that post, but in that 'thread'.
Here's the book:
I hope you see this post. Please feel free to ask me any questions or to "Babblemail" me.
sincerely, Kath
Posted by MadelynRose on October 5, 2009, at 22:08:35
In reply to FREE online CBT course that worked for me » MadelynRose, posted by Kath on September 29, 2009, at 21:02:03
Thanks all for your help. I know I still need to forgive myself for staying in therapy, if I would have left sooner, I could have started something more helpful and not had the pain of the relationship getting worse and worse. I'll look into the CBT site mentioned.
Posted by Kath on October 6, 2009, at 12:30:18
In reply to Re: FREE online CBT course that worked for me, posted by MadelynRose on October 5, 2009, at 22:08:35
Thx for checking in.
Let us know how you're doing if it feels comfortable to do so.
:-))) Kath
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