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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 12 of 12. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by seldomseen on September 13, 2009, at 18:01:58
I've been crushed lately under a load of violent events. I grew up in it and it's all so triggering.
I want an end to violence, or even the threat of it.
I want to put my feet on ground that has never known bloodshed.
I want to sleep without having to turn my house into Fort Knox.
I want it all to have never happened.
I just so want to be free.
Seldom
Posted by seldomseen on September 13, 2009, at 21:53:26
In reply to Sometimes I wish someone else could carry this., posted by seldomseen on September 13, 2009, at 18:01:58
Posted by Dinah on September 14, 2009, at 7:13:35
In reply to Sometimes I wish someone else could carry this., posted by seldomseen on September 13, 2009, at 18:01:58
Events from now, or vivid memories from then?
In either case, I wish you didn't need to carry this. I wish no one did.
For what comfort it may be, at least you don't have to carry it without support. Maybe no one else can carry it for you, but your therapist is there to help support you, and so are your friends. If there's anything I can do, let me know.
Posted by Phillipa on September 14, 2009, at 12:25:41
In reply to Re: Sometimes I wish someone else could carry this. » seldomseen, posted by Dinah on September 14, 2009, at 7:13:35
Seldom not to sound crase but sounds like Utopia to me as I wish the same but recently someone said to me there is no perfect place ever. Phillipa
Posted by Sigismund on September 14, 2009, at 14:49:42
In reply to Sometimes I wish someone else could carry this., posted by seldomseen on September 13, 2009, at 18:01:58
>I want to put my feet on ground that has never known bloodshed.
Me too. You've got to stop thinking like this. Me too. Don't come here, anyway. 1.6 billion people can live here over 60,000 years and then they are pushed aside or treated as vermin.
I want out. 20 years more max.
Posted by seldomseen on September 14, 2009, at 18:09:52
In reply to Sometimes I wish someone else could carry this., posted by seldomseen on September 13, 2009, at 18:01:58
We've had some recent violence in our family, by a family member. It hit me like a shockwave, as violence often does.
Plus a friend's ex has got a hold of my number. He's also violent and a drunk and knows where I live. Thanks friend.
I've been to the sheriff about this matter, but evidentally my view of what constitutes an imminent threat and their view differs by a wide margin.It's all been upsetting, but, sadly, none of this is altogether surprising. It's churning up such feelings of sadness and fear. These are best left alone.
It's like I can feel it welling up from the ground and into my feet. If I could just get somewhere peaceful, I think I could stabilize myself.
I'm tired.
I missed my therapy appt last week because I had to travel and help clean up the family mess.
It feels like forever until Wednesday when I know I can leave some of this at his doorstep.
I called, but he is utterly dreadful on the phone. (shudder)
It definately affecting me.
Seldom.
Posted by 10derHeart on September 14, 2009, at 18:21:57
In reply to Re: Sometimes I wish someone else could carry this., posted by seldomseen on September 14, 2009, at 18:09:52
Posted by antigua3 on September 15, 2009, at 7:01:43
In reply to Re: Sometimes I wish someone else could carry this., posted by seldomseen on September 14, 2009, at 18:09:52
I don't have anything to say that might make you feel better, except to say I'm sorry you're going through this and I hope you can hold on. We've had extreme violence in our family and I know how it can destroy safety. Again, I'm sorry. I don't know how I got through it, and it really devastated our family, but we finally got justice and that helped, but our family was never the same.
I didn't have therapy resources at the time, and I wish I did because this still haunts me, so please take advantage of what your T has to offer. I can relate to having a T (my psychiatrist in this case) who just doesn't do well on the phone, and I always have to wait to feel better.
As to the stalker, it boggles my mind when the police refuse to help in these situations. The whole point is that you're trying to prevent something from happening, and their view is that they can't protect you until something does happen. What???
You're facing a lot and it's natural to be triggered, but even understanding it sometimes doesn't fix it, right? You've been doing so well with your T so hang in there and demand support when you need it. You've earned it.
Otherwise, there's always Camp Comfort. We'll take care of you, listen to you and just sit with you or let you talk. Whatever you want. So post if it helps.
pls take care of yourself, you're really important to us here.
antigua
Posted by Dinah on September 15, 2009, at 8:23:21
In reply to Re: Sometimes I wish someone else could carry this., posted by seldomseen on September 14, 2009, at 18:09:52
I'm so sorry, Seldom. You're right. You shouldn't have to carry this.
((((seldom))))
I'm glad you'll be seeing your therapist Wednesday.
Is there anything you can do to concretely increase your safety until things calm down? Home security? Showing neighbors the man's photo?
Posted by seldomseen on September 15, 2009, at 19:07:07
In reply to Re: Sometimes I wish someone else could carry this. » seldomseen, posted by antigua3 on September 15, 2009, at 7:01:43
Thanks antigua, that was a very kind post. Yeah, I know about the police. Sigh. But legally, I do not have anything actionable to bring to them.
My home used to be my cave. I used to feel very safe here, but just a few (well, several -in fact lots of severals) calls can undermine that safety. Right now I know that I am not the focus of this man's rage, my friend is. As long as I can keep the focus off of me, and give him no reason to focus on *me*, then even without the police this has a chance to resolve. I don't answer or engage him in anyway. I may have to move however. Safety is a hard thing to recapture once it's gone.
We had a really good run in my family without any violence, but, to be honest, this is largely because we didn't see much of each other. I was not involved in this particular incident, but sigh. It still affects me.
Your post meant a lot to me.
Seldom
Posted by seldomseen on September 15, 2009, at 19:17:11
In reply to Re: Sometimes I wish someone else could carry this. » seldomseen, posted by Dinah on September 15, 2009, at 8:23:21
One huge thing that helps is that I live a block from the sheriff's department. One of my neighbors is an ATF agent and a sheriff's deputy lives a bit down the street.
I have a dog that barks at any human that get within 200 feet of the house and that is the best security system I know of.
However, if this man should gain access to my house, I am also prepared and well trained for such an occurrence.
But more than anything, I just want to avoid the whole situation. Just want it to go away.
Amid all the sadness and fear, there is a intensifying undercurrent of outrage at the whole situation with this man, my friend (who gave him my number!) and my family.
I just want to live a peaceful life, free of violence, with minimal trauma. I'm tired of this and tired of the vigilence.
I see my therapist tomorrow and I so just want to leave all this with him.
Seldom.
Posted by Dinah on September 15, 2009, at 22:04:58
In reply to Re: Sometimes I wish someone else could carry this. » Dinah, posted by seldomseen on September 15, 2009, at 19:17:11
> I just want to live a peaceful life, free of violence, with minimal trauma. I'm tired of this and tired of the vigilence.
That really shouldn't be too much to ask. :(
I'm glad you've taken steps to stay safe. I wish you didn't have to.
This is the end of the thread.
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