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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 16 of 16. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Dinah on March 19, 2009, at 0:06:58
Because the last time I was really feeling like I maybe didn't need my therapist, Katrina hit and I lost him. I never could quite get past feeling like it was all my fault. And yes, I do know that that is a ridiculous thought. But in some primitive part of my brain the thought goes "I thought I didn't need my therapist, then Katrina made sure I didn't have him, ergo I caused Katrina." Primitive parts of my brain don't respond well to logic.
I've been feeling pretty good lately, although certainly I still have my issues. I've been thinking that I could better spend my time and money than going to therapy. My therapist was gone for a week in late February (I think), and a half week this week, and I'm perfectly ok with it. On all levels.
When I do go, I struggle to find something to say other than to chatter on.
I've talked to him about cutting back to once a week. I have a number of concerns about it, both silly (I'll lose my coveted appointment times - well duh, if I'm not there of course I won't have my time.) to the reasonable (Seeing him keeps me in touch with my emotional side. Cutting down on seeing him allows my rational side to kind of take over. He'll be less helpful to me when I do need him if I lose the connection.)
He points out that I feel this way now and again. Which may be true, but it feels different somehow this time. I suppose I don't need to make any decisions right away...
Of course, now I worry that I'll bring on another hurricane, or his plane will crash, so let me try to appease the fates by saying that my therapist is very important to me and I am not in any way minimizing that or saying that I could do nicely without him.
Posted by Phillipa on March 19, 2009, at 0:27:28
In reply to I'm a little afraid to post this, posted by Dinah on March 19, 2009, at 0:06:58
Dinah do you have superstitions like I do? Sounds a bit like my oh if I wear this shirt something good or bad will happen? Maybe you're ready to cut down to once a week. You will figure it out. Love Phillipa
Posted by DAisym on March 19, 2009, at 0:57:17
In reply to I'm a little afraid to post this, posted by Dinah on March 19, 2009, at 0:06:58
One of the best things about your self awareness is that you catch yourself before you do rash things. (most of the time!)
I think you could try an experiment - maybe three times in two weeks. That way it isn't just once a week but you get a break too.
I have to say i'm excited for you. It is OK to enjoy feeling this well for however long it lasts. I like to think of it as issues in remission.
Posted by SLS on March 19, 2009, at 8:49:35
In reply to I'm a little afraid to post this, posted by Dinah on March 19, 2009, at 0:06:58
It must be a welcome realization that you are stronger than you had given yourself credit for being. It is interesting that this discovery was more serendipitous than deliberated. Perhaps your therapist has been delinquent in his reevaluating your case with regard to session frequency. It might be time to experiment.
- Scott
Posted by Kath on March 19, 2009, at 8:52:03
In reply to I'm a little afraid to post this, posted by Dinah on March 19, 2009, at 0:06:58
Dear Dinah,
I can understand how you'd feel ALL those things.
I'm glad you're so in touch with all those feelings & thoughts.
And sorry about the discomfort they must cause.
(((you))) luv, Kath
Posted by lucie lu on March 19, 2009, at 12:52:47
In reply to I'm a little afraid to post this, posted by Dinah on March 19, 2009, at 0:06:58
Dinah, I am toying with similar ideas and feelings.
We may not know yet where these fledgling feelings of independence will lead us - backward, forward, sideways? But I suspect that independence won't come without us first having experienced these feelings. So congrats :)
Posted by Dinah on March 19, 2009, at 15:19:37
In reply to Re: I'm a little afraid to post this » Dinah, posted by Phillipa on March 19, 2009, at 0:27:28
Definitely! My therapist calls it magical thinking. But on a deep primitive level it's perfectly logical.
(My lucky test shirt never did let me down.)
Posted by Dinah on March 19, 2009, at 15:22:58
In reply to Re: I'm a little afraid to post this, posted by DAisym on March 19, 2009, at 0:57:17
It seems a bit silly, but I'm afraid of losing my spot by changing times! It took me forever to wriggle my way into times that suit me, and a bit longer to teach my therapist to keep those times for me on a consistent basis. He's so busy now that it's hard to squeeze time in with him anywhere and I worry that I'll be stuck coming in at 8 am or something.
Oddly enough, or perhaps not so oddly, I woke up this morning wishing I were dead. I haven't felt that way for a while, at least not that I recall. I'm not sure if I'm reflexively trying to be worse to hang on to him. Or if I'm not listening carefully enough to how all of me feels. Or it may just be a coincidence.
Posted by Dinah on March 19, 2009, at 15:31:34
In reply to Re: I'm a little afraid to post this » Dinah, posted by SLS on March 19, 2009, at 8:49:35
> It must be a welcome realization that you are stronger than you had given yourself credit for being. It is interesting that this discovery was more serendipitous than deliberated. Perhaps your therapist has been delinquent in his reevaluating your case with regard to session frequency. It might be time to experiment.
It's funny you should put it that way. While I have a hard time describing how I've been feeling lately, a feeling of self efficacy is clearly a large part of it. I think it's really helped, oddly enough, for me to do some of the home repairs and also the stained glass. I've always been a bit passive about those things, and reluctant to do anything that might mess things up. In taking those chances and not screwing things up too badly, I might be feeling more capable overall. Although some feelings of helplessness may be creeping in with soldering. :)
Or maybe it's purely chemical.
My poor therapist can't be blamed for not evaluating my case for session frequency. He's learned the hard way that nothing makes me more frantic and clingy than suggesting that I might be able to see him less. Even now he acknowledges that talking with me about this is very difficult for him, because he feels like any support he gives me towards independence will backfire. And he's likely right.
Posted by Dinah on March 19, 2009, at 15:33:53
In reply to Re: I'm a little afraid to post this » Dinah, posted by Kath on March 19, 2009, at 8:52:03
I think that fourteen years of therapy (in a couple of weeks) definitely leads to a lot of self awareness. Part of why I feel ready to venture forth in this is that I do a lot of therapy in my head now.
My therapist teases me that the him in my head is better at therapy than the him in person. :)
Posted by Dinah on March 19, 2009, at 15:35:57
In reply to Re: I'm a little afraid to post this » Dinah, posted by lucie lu on March 19, 2009, at 12:52:47
Yeah, that's how I'm seeing it.
Unfortunately growing seems to be something that gets started and keeps rolling no matter how we feel about it. Will I or nill I, I think I'm growing. :(
So you're doing well? I *think* I'm doing well. But my husband is really crabby lately, so either I'm not doing as well as I think, or there is only so much good mood to go around in this house and I'm using it all up.
Posted by lucie lu on March 19, 2009, at 20:31:15
In reply to Re: I'm a little afraid to post this » lucie lu, posted by Dinah on March 19, 2009, at 15:35:57
> Yeah, that's how I'm seeing it.
>
> Unfortunately growing seems to be something that gets started and keeps rolling no matter how we feel about it. Will I or nill I, I think I'm growing. :(
>
> So you're doing well? I *think* I'm doing well. But my husband is really crabby lately, so either I'm not doing as well as I think, or there is only so much good mood to go around in this house and I'm using it all up.Yeah, I *think* I might be doing OK too, Dinah. Work is really rough right now. I feel tremendously pressured and (within myself)insecure. Because of a heavy schedule, I have had to cut back on my regular T meetings. At the same time, I can't help but think that yes, I can handle this better than before. Things *are* changing. No matter how much I might want to deny it sometimes, I am growing. Funny how that's so hard to deal with. I am growing up. It is happening.
Posted by SLS on March 20, 2009, at 7:52:53
In reply to Re: I'm a little afraid to post this » SLS, posted by Dinah on March 19, 2009, at 15:31:34
> > It must be a welcome realization that you are stronger than you had given yourself credit for being. It is interesting that this discovery was more serendipitous than deliberated. Perhaps your therapist has been delinquent in his reevaluating your case with regard to session frequency. It might be time to experiment.
>
> It's funny you should put it that way. While I have a hard time describing how I've been feeling lately, a feeling of self efficacy is clearly a large part of it. I think it's really helped, oddly enough, for me to do some of the home repairs and also the stained glass. I've always been a bit passive about those things, and reluctant to do anything that might mess things up. In taking those chances and not screwing things up too badly, I might be feeling more capable overall. Although some feelings of helplessness may be creeping in with soldering. :)
>
> Or maybe it's purely chemical.
>
> My poor therapist can't be blamed for not evaluating my case for session frequency. He's learned the hard way that nothing makes me more frantic and clingy than suggesting that I might be able to see him less. Even now he acknowledges that talking with me about this is very difficult for him, because he feels like any support he gives me towards independence will backfire. And he's likely right.((((Dinah))))
From you, I have learned that there is a dynamic difference in having multiple therapeutic sessions per week when compared to once per week. Although I can't personally identify with this current need of yours, I do appreciate it, and believe that you have a good understanding as to the urgency and desirability of the type of therapy you are now receiving.
Often, I wish I could telepathically impart to someone some of those things that I believe I am strong in. I'm sure that I'm not the only one who wants to see you grow and prosper. I understand that it is a process, though.
I'll hold you in my prayers today for your health and happiness. At least I can do that.
- Scott
Posted by Kath on March 20, 2009, at 15:00:17
In reply to Re: I'm a little afraid to post this » Kath, posted by Dinah on March 19, 2009, at 15:33:53
> I think that fourteen years of therapy (in a couple of weeks) definitely leads to a lot of self awareness. Part of why I feel ready to venture forth in this is that I do a lot of therapy in my head now.
>
> My therapist teases me that the him in my head is better at therapy than the him in person. :)
~ ~ ~ I LOVE it when I hear my T's words in my head, or when I am able to shift my thinking in ways she's taught me etc. I think we should be very proud of ourselves that we are good learners!(((you))) luv, Kath
Posted by Dinah on March 22, 2009, at 20:14:20
In reply to Re: I'm a little afraid to post this » Dinah, posted by Kath on March 20, 2009, at 15:00:17
Not related to therapy, but it's been a while since I got that wound up. I think my subconscious might be pitching fits.
Posted by Kath on March 25, 2009, at 19:21:14
In reply to Darn it. Had a panic attack this weekend., posted by Dinah on March 22, 2009, at 20:14:20
> Not related to therapy, but it's been a while since I got that wound up. I think my subconscious might be pitching fits.
~ ~ It might! Maybe for a part of you, even the merest Hint of thinking of cutting back on frequency of therapy is just TOO much to even consider.Sorry you had a panic attack Dinah.
luv, Kath
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