Posted by Dinah on March 19, 2009, at 0:06:58
Because the last time I was really feeling like I maybe didn't need my therapist, Katrina hit and I lost him. I never could quite get past feeling like it was all my fault. And yes, I do know that that is a ridiculous thought. But in some primitive part of my brain the thought goes "I thought I didn't need my therapist, then Katrina made sure I didn't have him, ergo I caused Katrina." Primitive parts of my brain don't respond well to logic.
I've been feeling pretty good lately, although certainly I still have my issues. I've been thinking that I could better spend my time and money than going to therapy. My therapist was gone for a week in late February (I think), and a half week this week, and I'm perfectly ok with it. On all levels.
When I do go, I struggle to find something to say other than to chatter on.
I've talked to him about cutting back to once a week. I have a number of concerns about it, both silly (I'll lose my coveted appointment times - well duh, if I'm not there of course I won't have my time.) to the reasonable (Seeing him keeps me in touch with my emotional side. Cutting down on seeing him allows my rational side to kind of take over. He'll be less helpful to me when I do need him if I lose the connection.)
He points out that I feel this way now and again. Which may be true, but it feels different somehow this time. I suppose I don't need to make any decisions right away...
Of course, now I worry that I'll bring on another hurricane, or his plane will crash, so let me try to appease the fates by saying that my therapist is very important to me and I am not in any way minimizing that or saying that I could do nicely without him.
poster:Dinah
thread:886000
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20090227/msgs/886000.html