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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 12 of 12. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by rskontos on October 20, 2008, at 16:41:18
I guess I should email him about how I feel. I think I released a flood gate. Why now I wonder. When I am in therapy sessions, I refused to let myself cry. So afterwards, that is when I sometimes will lose it.
I wish I could just plug my t into my head sometimes so he could just hear the conversations I have with him directly. They go so much better than the real ones. I say what I need to say in my head but not IRL.
I guess he and I just need years more of me babbling on and on before I can open up. I hope I last that long. Him too. He is already retired.
I think part of me worries he will get tired of waiting. I would. I am tired of waiting on me to get it.
I told him I can't get past a certain point. I think he thinks I know how therapy works. But knowing how it works and being able to cooperate in it is two different things. Or why would therapists need other therapists. Yes I understand how it works and the dynamics. But that is the intellectual side. My emotional side is a child in comparison. Rather a baby. Stunted in my growth. So I am either on emotional and crying or off completely. No grays or levels there.
Well sorry again, for my ramble. thanks for listening.
rsk
i will go back to lurking soon i promise
Posted by Suedehead on October 20, 2008, at 19:15:13
In reply to Now I started the water works......., posted by rskontos on October 20, 2008, at 16:41:18
What you said about wanting to plug your T into your head really struck me. I often have the same thought. He's very patient, very gentle, but I worry that I frustrate him, and feel like I'm failing him every time I evade his questions or refuse to tell him what I'm thinking. Lately he has been encouraging me to write to him. I've not been very good about it, but I did write him one fairly long note a few weeks ago and found that I was able to tell him some things that I'm not sure I'd have been able to tell him otherwise. I'm actually in the middle of writing a second note right now, to give to him on Thursday. Maybe you could send him an email, or give him a letter next time you see him? Try to hang in there. I'm sure that your T understands that opening up is hard work. If he's good, he will be happy to wait for you.
Posted by Annierose on October 20, 2008, at 19:45:52
In reply to Now I started the water works......., posted by rskontos on October 20, 2008, at 16:41:18
I often have a hard time of talking in therapy sessions. I'm afraid that she will reject me, even though she reassures me all the time. She reminds me that what I'm afraid of (the rejection) happened a long time ago. And that our relationship is different.
It's difficult to trust someone but opening up to your t is part of the healing ... as painful as that can be.
Baby steps ... that's how I approach my sessions.
Posted by rskontos on October 20, 2008, at 20:52:04
In reply to Re: Now I started the water works......., posted by Suedehead on October 20, 2008, at 19:15:13
Thanks Suedehead,
Wouldn't be easier if they could plug into our heads like an ipod or something. To just get it direct but we could unplug them when we needed to.
I am trying. thanks for your encouragement. Maybe one day I will figure out what I am trying to say. Instead I ate candy.
I also gave myself one heck of a headache crying.
take care and again thanks.
rsk
Posted by rskontos on October 20, 2008, at 20:53:27
In reply to Re: Now I started the water works......., posted by Annierose on October 20, 2008, at 19:45:52
Yeah Annierose,
I guess I can call my babbling baby steps yet it still feels like babbling.
I know he won't reject me. I know he will listen. It is me I am afraid of listening to it. Does that make sense?
rsk
Posted by Phillipa on October 21, 2008, at 0:21:01
In reply to Re: Now I started the water works....... » Annierose, posted by rskontos on October 20, 2008, at 20:53:27
Crying is healing hence wish I could. Maybe you could get a tape recorder and record your thoughts? Why would you not want to post and lurk instead. I learn from you. Love Phillipa
Posted by nfc on October 21, 2008, at 6:35:09
In reply to Now I started the water works......., posted by rskontos on October 20, 2008, at 16:41:18
hey rk,
don't go lurking if venting here helps. its definitely helped me and speaking to people IRL bits and pieces of my story has allowed some of that burden of keeping it in bottled up inside to lift off me a bit. sometimes i wonder if I'm disclosing too much. before i didn't wanna speak of anything at all. I don't speak of the illness part just some of the experiences and say my feelings and actions were due to just being naive and young and inexperienced at the time.
Your T sounds really genuine and even if u have difficulty with him because of the trust issues and other stuff you mentioned in past times, i think u should try and bear through it even if its hard. there's good coming out of it like w/ the realization that he's trying to help you and the steps you take in helping yourself. whatever size steps they may be, they're progressive nonetheless. perhaps some drawbacks but keep trying. we'll all be here when you need to vent and we'll be here to support you as well.
take care RK, i'd give you a real hug if i could, this will do for now (((RK))) and keep at it, T sessions and all, and look forward to future posts from ya.
nfc
Posted by rskontos on October 21, 2008, at 10:23:06
In reply to Re: Now I started the water works....... » rskontos, posted by Phillipa on October 21, 2008, at 0:21:01
Thanks Phillipa, it is just sometimes I can't muster the energy to write or I can't make myself clear enough in my head to feel like I could post it. That is why it took me so long to post a thread about how I feel. And this blah feeling I did not want to spread around.
But thanks for saying you learn from me:)
rsk
Posted by rskontos on October 21, 2008, at 10:25:48
In reply to Re: Now I started the water works....... » rskontos, posted by nfc on October 21, 2008, at 6:35:09
Thanks nfc, that was a nice post and very supportive. It does help to vent. I just did not want to spread my funky mood I guess. I worried about being so blah and being a downer. You know when you feel bad you worry about the most bizarre stuff. I am trying hard to focus today just on doing stuff I need to do.
Thanks for the pep talk. It means a lot for the hug any way I can get one! Although being huggy isn't always my thing.
rsk
Posted by Kath on October 22, 2008, at 19:26:38
In reply to Now I started the water works......., posted by rskontos on October 20, 2008, at 16:41:18
((((((((((((you))))))))))
Who would want you to just lurk? Goodness - I hope you can let go of this - sounds like 'guilt' or feeling badly about posting about a problem.
Please try not to feel badly for talking about your problems.
xoxo Kath
Posted by rskontos on October 22, 2008, at 21:06:59
In reply to Re: Now I started the water works....... » rskontos, posted by Kath on October 22, 2008, at 19:26:38
Kath,
Thanks so much. It is guilt. Guilt over feeling so badly both mentally and physically. Today is a rough day. And I needed to post but then felt bad about that too. How bad is that?
Right now I feel like a visitor in my own body. I will be happy when this is over.
I would email my p-doc but he would only wait to discuss it Monday and I would keep checking my email so why add that worry.
Is Camp Comfort open yet?
rsk
Thanks for saying you don't want me to lurk. I am needy right now. I hate being needy.
Posted by Kath on October 22, 2008, at 21:14:27
In reply to Re: Now I started the water works....... » Kath, posted by rskontos on October 22, 2008, at 21:06:59
Ya know - I think when one of us comes out & says something like:
I'm needy or I'm whiney or I need support, or I need hugs or I feel down etc
that we support others in reaching out from their pain also.
I'm so glad you're posting. You'll get through this rough place.
Camp Comfort sounds good! Never heard of it, but sounds good.
luv, Kath
This is the end of the thread.
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