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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 8 of 8. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by raisinb on October 20, 2008, at 20:36:54
Sorry for being absent for so long, all. I've been sliding into depression again (my pdoc recommended a med switch, and evidently it was a bad idea. It's so hard to tell what's transition and what's simply not working.) Anyway, in the last week or so, it's gotten really bad.
I had a terrible depression that lasted for months earlier this year. My therapist didn't help. She just sat there and asked the same inane questions (from my perspective).
Today I went in and suddenly felt so depressed I could barely talk. She kept asking me what I felt and I just didn't have the energy to explain and explain how it was, to someone who just wouldn't understand. (I really do think that if you haven't been severely depressed, you just aren't going to get it). So she just sat there in silence for awhile and then asked, "so, do you know how you want to use this time?" Like I'm not working in therapy or something. So I said, "no. See you Thursday." And got up and walked out while she was formulating her reply.
Phew, I'm not feeling well at all. I don't know what they teach them in therapist school, but it certainly seems like I should be able to rely on her expertise for one d**mn day.
Posted by rskontos on October 20, 2008, at 21:09:37
In reply to I walked out of therapy today, posted by raisinb on October 20, 2008, at 20:36:54
oh raisinb,
I am so sorry you feel so bad and she helped nada. yeah you'd think she could do something. I am probably in the same boat as you except no med change. I told my p-doc/t that I was melancholy and he got me babbling. Was that good I don't know. But at least he took the reins when it was obvious my answers consisted of I don't know.
Do you know if your T has not been in therapy. I finally found out that my pdoc/t has been. He thinks all good therapists need to go through it to be good at it and to believe in it.
I am with you, when you are depressed time management is out the window. I hope you don't plan on paying her for this session.
(((((((((((((((((raisinb)))))))))))))
take carersk
Posted by Phillipa on October 21, 2008, at 0:23:29
In reply to Re: I walked out of therapy today » raisinb, posted by rskontos on October 20, 2008, at 21:09:37
Seems a lot of other folks are depressed also change of seasons ick to the cold. Love Phillipa
Posted by lucie lu on October 21, 2008, at 13:16:10
In reply to I walked out of therapy today, posted by raisinb on October 20, 2008, at 20:36:54
Raisin,
I was thinking of you the other day, so I'm glad you posted. I'm really sorry though that you have been feeling so terrible. As Phillipa says, depression has been "going around" - I can just see TV commercials for A/Ds, telling us that "the cold, flu and depression season" is just around the corner, so buy blah, blah. I'm joking about it -- gallows humor -- because I've been depressed too lately. I know that for anyone who is depressed, especially for any length of time, it feels simply horrible.
What really leapt out at me from your post is how ineffective your pdoc and T have been at treating your depression. This is especially disheartening since you say you've had severe bouts of it. Did your pdoc just try a reasonable option and it didn't work, but otherwise has a good track record prescribing meds for you? It's hard to tell about your pdoc how much help you might be able to get from that direction, but your T is entirely another story. IMHO, whether she is a good T or not, she sounds like a really bad fit for you. Yes, I do think your T should be able to support you and keep a strong connection to you anytime but certainly when you are feeling so down. She reminds me of that T in the Geico commercial, you know the one where the caveman is in therapy because Geico is "so easy a caveman can do it?" Jeez, I must be watching too much TV if I'm starting to quote commercials.
How would you feel about changing to a new T? I know it's hard to get up the umph to do much when you're depressed; on the other hand, sometimes it can be easier to start with a new person because it's pretty clear what needs to be worked on in the short term!
Anyway, Raisin, it's good to hear from you although I'm sorry that you've been feeling so down. Maybe posting on babble might help just a little, especially while it seems you're not getting helped much by your clinicians.
Posted by Poet on October 21, 2008, at 16:53:36
In reply to I walked out of therapy today, posted by raisinb on October 20, 2008, at 20:36:54
Hi Raisinb,
My T used to say, "it's your therapy, you're in charge, what do you want to talk about?"
I have a tough time formulating thoughts when I'm depressed, add in wanting to be left alone and my response was "nothing you would understand."
I'm sorry your T just asks inane questions and can't get that you are depressed and your thinking is not straight. One hard cyber slap to her head coming her way.
Take care and I'm sorry you're depressed. Unlike your T, I know what it feels like and I wish none of us did.
Poet
Posted by antigua3 on October 22, 2008, at 11:12:26
In reply to I walked out of therapy today, posted by raisinb on October 20, 2008, at 20:36:54
And you had to pay for that session? If you did, it seems so wrong to pay when THEY don't get it.
I drew a picture for my pdoc recently because I couldn't use words. Otherwise we would have sat there for the entire hour!! An expensive hour, too. (sorry about the harping on finances; I lost my job and don't know how I can keep justifying my pdoc).
I'm sending a cyber slap along with Poet. That should really knock some sense into your t.
Seriously, though, Ts can't read our minds, and when we don't talk, they reinforce whatever they believe about us, wrongly or rightly. So your T headed off in the wrong direction.
Scream at her (I've been recommending ranting and raving lately; it's my new strategy for everyone else!), draw her a picture, bring her some music, write something down. It's your therapy and until they get to know us well enough, it's hard for them to help unless we reach out. I know, seems like they should reach out, but they're not smart enough until we give them something work with.
just my 2 cents,
antigua
Posted by Dinah on October 22, 2008, at 12:15:53
In reply to I walked out of therapy today, posted by raisinb on October 20, 2008, at 20:36:54
Walking out of therapy can be a way of explaining how you feel. I wonder if she heard you properly.
My therapist is often at a loss as well. He's not anywhere near a mindreader, and sometimes he doesn't quite know what to do. Actually mindreading wouldn't help overmuch since I don't necessarily know what I want him to do.
I tend to fall back on that old reliable talking about not being able to talk. Talking about his inability to help. Talking about what I see as his inane comments. At first it's hard, but generally some anger surfaces somewhere along the way. Anger at him for not being able to fix anything, anger at the feelings. And from him generally comes the frustration of feeling like he can't get through to me. That I reject everything he says.
And after all that sometimes the best we end up with is a sense of companionship. Of sitting through something we both find frustrating, but doing it together.
I don't know if it would work as well for you, or if your therapist is as willing to be open as mine is.
I'm sorry you're feeling so bad. I hope some medication tweaking helps. Hold on tight.
Posted by raisinb on October 22, 2008, at 13:02:25
In reply to Re: I walked out of therapy today » raisinb, posted by Dinah on October 22, 2008, at 12:15:53
Thanks so much for the support! I hope my therapist felt those cyber slaps!:) It enrages me that when I'm feeling the worst is when my therapist is most at sea.
I thought long and hard about whether walking out represented progress. I think it does. I spent a lot of months--years--berating my therapist and trying to get her to change everything. I was taking too much on, though. I was trying to fix *her* when I was feeling way too bad to focus on anybody but myself. So I am glad I am at a place where I can say, "this is simple. I come here for help; you're the expert who's supposed to be able to help me. If this isn't helping, I'm leaving. The goal is for me to feel better. Maybe I don't know what will help me, but I'm the client. That's what I come to you for. That's your job, not mine. Trying to shift the responsibility onto my shoulders when I can barely make it through the next hour, let alone the day, is unacceptable. You can either take charge and be the authority figure, the therapist, or I'm leaving."
I'll say as much to her tomorrow in words, I guess. I *was* trying to say that with walking out (good call on that one.)
I'm feeling much better today. I switched my meds back (cyber slap to the pdoc, too) and luckily they seem to be working quickly. I wanted to go off Zoloft because of sexual side effects. But I guess I'll trade sex drive for lack of suicidality. It's not ideal, but for me, it's still an okay deal.
This is the end of the thread.
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