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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 11 of 11. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by backseatdriver on October 8, 2008, at 22:12:52
Hi All,
I need your advice.
I had a rough session on Monday. T refused to accept a short story I'd just had published. He has refused other stories; he never gives a good reason. The best is, he doesn't want a dual relationship. My feeling is, I'm a writer, but you're not letting the writer into the room, so there's not even a single relationship here.
We go round and round.
Anyway, I thought maybe this time, things would be different!
Of course, they were not. Now I am emailing him: I will pay you for your time if you will only engage with my work.
I am holding myself hostage, in a way. But I want so much for him to see me. My writing is me, evoking another person's reverie. That's what I live for! (You can tell that I could never, ever catch my mother's eye, right?)
Here's my question: I'm about to quit therapy. Is he retraumatizing me, or is he pushing me to a greater level of independence and autonomy? How can I tell the difference?
Thanks, Babblers,
BSD
Posted by Dinah on October 8, 2008, at 22:34:14
In reply to I irritated my T in session, now I'm acting out..., posted by backseatdriver on October 8, 2008, at 22:12:52
Darn. I remember reading about this. Maybe in one of Kottler's books?
Apparently it is advised that therapists avoid situations where their reactions to a client's work might have a bad effect on the therapeutic relationship. So that reading a poem that a client wrote to express her feelings about her father would be part of therapy and be fine because the focus would be about her feelings, not her writing abilities, but to read a book of poetry might place the therapist in a potentially difficult situation.
At least I think that was it. It's been a while since I read it. Perhaps he was taught that or read that at some point, and is following that guideline with all his clients.
Posted by obsidian on October 8, 2008, at 23:19:57
In reply to Re: I irritated my T in session, now I'm acting out... » backseatdriver, posted by Dinah on October 8, 2008, at 22:34:14
mmmm...yeah, I think I might understand a little of what Dinah is saying
If let's suppose that the writing is something that is so much about you and/or about some experience you've had, but not all that obvious, it would be a valuable thing to read
if there were too much emphasis on the technical aspects of writing, rather than the felt experience of the story then it wouldn't be quite the same thing
I would hope he'd see the point
the essence of the thing is that it has to be about you, if not directly (as in narrating your own story), then through a story that is some mirror reflection of you somehow
Posted by Looney Tunes on October 9, 2008, at 8:34:46
In reply to Re: I irritated my T in session, now I'm acting out..., posted by obsidian on October 8, 2008, at 23:19:57
Hmm... well, I have a different opinion.
I am an artist. And I give artwork to my therapists on different occasions. Some are after a "rupture," some are "thanks," some are "I hate you," some are "about how I feel," and finally, some are just gifts.
I would be offended if the artwork was not taken, because it is a way of expressing myself. My first therapist actually hung some of it around the office.
I think it is part of you. Sometimes T talks about the art (especially the pieces that are FU pieces or thanks or sorry etc) sometimes T accepts then as gifts and asks just about the technique or where the idea came from or the colors....
Your writing is a part of you. I am confused as to why he is denying this....even if you want to just talk about the "technique," it is part of you...
Hmm...
Just my 2 cents.
Posted by antigua3 on October 9, 2008, at 8:51:58
In reply to I irritated my T in session, now I'm acting out..., posted by backseatdriver on October 8, 2008, at 22:12:52
Wow, that's a tough one, especially since you had the story published.
Personally, I don't get it. I've never had a T/pdoc refuse what I've written. I've regretted giving it to them at times because I felt I revealed too much about my thoughts or feelings, but never have they refused. In fact, they're always impressed. My pdoc once told me that I should do written therapy since I was able to express myself so well. (Is there such a thing as written therapy?). Now my pdoc prefers me to talk rather than write, and he did cause a rupture in my writing when he called something I'd written b*llsh*t.
I don't know what you should do about this. What does acting out accomplish for you? How are you acting out?
I think most babblers would love to read what you wrote,
antigua
Posted by Nadezda on October 9, 2008, at 10:18:32
In reply to I irritated my T in session, now I'm acting out..., posted by backseatdriver on October 8, 2008, at 22:12:52
Hi, Backseat. You need a clear explanation of why he doesn't accept your stories. I really find it odd-- but maybe he has some idea that he needs to limit the content of the therapy to what you bring during sessions, and is afraid of "diluting" the therapy if he lets other things in. IMO that's pretty wrong-headed, but some Ts do have these ideas-- fewer and fewer, probably-- but maybe they still linger.
I can't imagine a T not looking at my work-- I've never experienced that-- and it strikes me as very rigid and needing an explanation-- particularly as it's so important to you. Did he show interest in the story, even though he wasn't willing to read it?
by the way, congratulations for having your story published!
Nadezda
Posted by Poet on October 9, 2008, at 16:51:01
In reply to I irritated my T in session, now I'm acting out..., posted by backseatdriver on October 8, 2008, at 22:12:52
Hi BSD,
The few poems I have let my T read have always been welcome. If I were in your situation I would ask my T what the deal is? Even if he didn't like the short story he could read it and just say he's proud it got published. Maybe he's jealous that you are a better writer and more creative than he is?
I'd be mad and would I ever act out.
Poet
Posted by WaterSapphire on October 9, 2008, at 23:22:54
In reply to Re: I irritated my T in session, now I'm acting out... » backseatdriver, posted by Poet on October 9, 2008, at 16:51:01
Perhaps it is time to find a more open therapist.
I don't remember ever learning in school that you could not allow a person to bring in something they have written in ethics. I did not finish grad school after only attending for one year, but I had ethics in my undergraduate studies. When I had the blessing to have a few good therapists, they seemed all for me pursuing creative interests and I do not believe they would have completely just rejected reading a story. But, each therapist is different and may have their own idea of what is getting too close to a patient. Therapists are not supposed to accept gifts. I don't think that applies to reading a peace of writing by a client however. If a therapist were to go out and purchase a book written by their client, how would that be wrong so long as nothing bad happened because of it? In fact, it may give the therapist more insight on the person they were treating and give them a whole new perspective. Just another thought...
Perhaps a holistic therapist would be a good thought ;)
Posted by backseatdriver on October 10, 2008, at 13:40:57
In reply to I irritated my T in session, now I'm acting out..., posted by backseatdriver on October 8, 2008, at 22:12:52
Hey Babblers,
I bit the bullet and deep-sixed the guy.
I feel sad and free.
Your support has meant and continues to mean so very much. Everyone who responded made great points, and I have lots to think about. The main thing, I think, is that his rejection of my work is not my fault.
Not my fault! This is a huge realization. I have to keep it in mind.
Thank you!BSD
Posted by FindingMyDesire on October 10, 2008, at 14:02:16
In reply to update: I fired him, posted by backseatdriver on October 10, 2008, at 13:40:57
Wow, that's big Backseat. Both the firing and the 'not my fault' part! It sure isn't!
I'm with Looney Tunes on this one - your writing is a huge part of you and you want to be able to bring all of you into the room!
Please post if things come up around making this decision and let us know if there is any particular kind of support you need.
FMD
Posted by WaterSapphire on October 17, 2008, at 0:24:30
In reply to Re: update: I fired him, posted by FindingMyDesire on October 10, 2008, at 14:02:16
:)
You go...
I am proud of you
This is the end of the thread.
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