![[dr. bob]](/dr-bob-sm.gif)
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 7 of 7. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by JayMac on September 20, 2008, at 14:17:01
Question for you all: When you do you disclose to someone (whether it's a friend, relative, or someone you're romantically involved with) that you are in therapy? When do you disclose your diagnosis?
I just started dating again, and I don't want to disclose too much, too fast. I'm trying to figure out when do I tell this person (or anyone that I plan to date) that I do have some underlying issues and I am in intense psychoanalysis.
I'm thinking that when I feel the relationship is/going someplace, that I will sit him down and tell him. I don't go around telling people that I have x, y, and z right away. It scares me when people tell me some serious information way too early in the relationship, any type of relationship. For the most part, I'm pretty high functioning (thanks to medication). It's not like people can meet me and automatically know I fit the criteria for blank disorder in the DSM-IV. I guess it just depends on the relationship and the person.
I'm also pretty upfront with people. If people ask me a question, I give it to them straight. I don't know if I will give my exact diagnosis right away, but I do think it's pertinent information nevertheless.
Anyhow, I'm curious about other people's experiences. Tell me abuot your thoughts, feelings, suggestions, stories, and the like.
Thanks so much!!! =)
Posted by lucie lu on September 20, 2008, at 16:28:37
In reply to When do you tell someone about your diagnosis?, posted by JayMac on September 20, 2008, at 14:17:01
Jay,
Good question. One thing I'd strongly recommend avoiding from the get-go is setting up relational dynamics in which you are "the sick one" and your partner is "the healthy one." Short-term you may gain empathy, support, and some measure of understanding. But long-term it can backfire pretty badly, because it is very hard to keep the relationship balanced when such dynamics are in play. I think Witti (and maybe others) said something similar in one of these threads.
Lucie
Posted by obsidian on September 20, 2008, at 23:11:03
In reply to When do you tell someone about your diagnosis?, posted by JayMac on September 20, 2008, at 14:17:01
> Question for you all: When you do you disclose to someone (whether it's a friend, relative, or someone you're romantically involved with) that you are in therapy? When do you disclose your diagnosis?
when I find out that they are in therapy and that they have a diagnosis ;-)
seriously though, I really have to feel pretty safe with that person, and feel like they are at least a little psychologically minded
Most of the time (I like to think anyway) it's not terribly obvious, but sometimes I really think it is obvious, that "something" is going on with me.
I give just as much info as I think they can handle. Only the really close people get the details. My relatives however know the least of all.
Posted by JayMac on September 22, 2008, at 12:47:26
In reply to Re: When do you tell someone about your diagnosis? » JayMac, posted by lucie lu on September 20, 2008, at 16:28:37
Good point! I didn't really think about that. Thanks for your insight =)
Posted by JayMac on September 22, 2008, at 12:50:18
In reply to Re: When do you tell someone about your diagnosis?, posted by obsidian on September 20, 2008, at 23:11:03
I definitely agree that I should only give them as much information that I think he can handle. I don't want to overwhelm anyone. I'm already overwhelmed with my own diagnoses. Since I have more than one diagnosis, I have found that it's best to give bits and pieces here and there.
Thanks for your suggestion! =)
Posted by Racer on September 22, 2008, at 12:58:04
In reply to Re: When do you tell someone about your diagnosis?, posted by obsidian on September 20, 2008, at 23:11:03
>Only the really close people get the details. My relatives however know the least of all.Sid, I had to laugh a little at this. It wasn't a happy laugh, of course. Isn't it sad, that we all seem to have this dynamic? And do we think maybe there might be just a little bit of an explanatory element to it? As in, "I'm working to unlearn what I learned growing up with my family, and they'd never understand, since they always said it was all my fault, because I was too sensitive and too weak." Or whatever.
Sad, isn't it? The people who are "supposed to" be closest to us are so often the farthest away?
> > Question for you all: When you do you disclose to someone (whether it's a friend, relative, or someone you're romantically involved with) that you are in therapy? When do you disclose your diagnosis?
>Jay, that's especially hard for me. For one thing, Anorexia Nervosa is the most stigmatized of all psychiatric disorders, because we're blamed for it much more directly -- pretty much everyone has heard by now that depression/anxiety/bipolar/schizophrenia/whatever are largely biochemical illnesses, which can be treated. There's still some stigma, of course, but there's much more compassion than there used to be. Anorexia, though? "Oh, for heaven's sake -- just eat a sandwich." Right. Glad it's so easy, I wonder why I never thought of that?
Plus, there are some elements of the Anorexic Brain that really make disclosure difficult at the best of times -- not just disclosure of the dx, but disclosure of anything at all.
The bottom line is this: I do disclose the depression pretty freely. For one thing, I have such severe breakthrough depressions, and anyone who is going to be anywhere near me for any length of time is going to be affected, so I try to let people about that. You know the "I suffer from severe depression, and sometimes I'm not entirely functional, but I am doing something about it." The anorexia is what I rarely disclose. Even some people I've been close to for a longish time I've never disclosed it to. I do disclose it to certain people -- usually under two circumstances, both of which relate in some way to letting someone know he/she can talk to me about difficult and personal matters.
Romantic is a different story, though. The last two relationships I've been in where my partner has known started in very different ways. The first, I was pretty deeply anorexic when we first started seeing each other, but I'd been on Paxil long enough to gain enough weight it probably wasn't entirely apparent. After seven years together, of course, it was a hell of a lot easier for me to talk about it with him, and he was the best and most supportive man in the world in so many ways that it was very healing. And during our time together, I was the freest from AN than I've been in my adult life. The second is my husband, and I told him about it fairly early on. I was at a higher weight, partly from meds, and I was still healthier from the prior relationship, so it was easy enough to talk about something I thought was in my past. Especially since he was putting pressure on me to diet. I don't think he really understood what it meant, though, until my relapse.
Now, for various reasons, one man I have an interest in does know. I'm not sure how I feel about that, and I had known him a longish time before I said anything. And when I did, it wasn't calculated -- we were out having a few drinks, I was a little over-frolicked, and my therapist and pdoc had just informed me that they wanted me to go to residential treatment. I blurted it out, because I was panicky. So, not calculated...
I don't know -- I think a lot of it depends on the person. You can get a good feel for someone sometimes, and let them know. Or sometimes I've mentioned that I saw a marriage counselor with my former fiance... That sometimes brings something up that makes it more clear whether or not to share the information. Full dx, though? Depends. Sometimes I do disclose the depression/anxiety/OCD part earlish, in a kinda aggressive way, to sorta say, "This is what you're looking at -- this is a part of me, part of the equation. You got a problem with that? Too bad, your loss."
I dunno. I guess I don't have anything to offer on the decision, but it's well worth thinking about.
Posted by JayMac on September 22, 2008, at 17:49:06
In reply to Re: When do you tell »JayMac » obsidian, posted by Racer on September 22, 2008, at 12:58:04
Yeah, I just recently told some of my family that I am in therapy because of anxiety and depression. I didn't tell them my other diagnoses, but at least they know that a. I'm hurting (and I've hurt in the past) and b. I'm getting help. It's sooooo hard to admit when I need help. And it's soooooooo hard to accept help.
You know, you are so right. There is a ton of stigma associated with anorexia as well as other eating disorders. I actually have a huge facination with all the eating disorders. Anyhow, thank you for your response. You have a lot to offer. I always enjoy reading everyone's thoughts and experiences.
This is the end of the thread.
Psycho-Babble Psychology | Extras | FAQ
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.org
Script revised: February 4, 2008
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/cgi-bin/pb/mget.pl
Copyright 2006-17 Robert Hsiung.
Owned and operated by Dr. Bob LLC and not the University of Chicago.