Posted by Racer on September 22, 2008, at 12:58:04
In reply to Re: When do you tell someone about your diagnosis?, posted by obsidian on September 20, 2008, at 23:11:03
>Only the really close people get the details. My relatives however know the least of all.Sid, I had to laugh a little at this. It wasn't a happy laugh, of course. Isn't it sad, that we all seem to have this dynamic? And do we think maybe there might be just a little bit of an explanatory element to it? As in, "I'm working to unlearn what I learned growing up with my family, and they'd never understand, since they always said it was all my fault, because I was too sensitive and too weak." Or whatever.
Sad, isn't it? The people who are "supposed to" be closest to us are so often the farthest away?
> > Question for you all: When you do you disclose to someone (whether it's a friend, relative, or someone you're romantically involved with) that you are in therapy? When do you disclose your diagnosis?
>Jay, that's especially hard for me. For one thing, Anorexia Nervosa is the most stigmatized of all psychiatric disorders, because we're blamed for it much more directly -- pretty much everyone has heard by now that depression/anxiety/bipolar/schizophrenia/whatever are largely biochemical illnesses, which can be treated. There's still some stigma, of course, but there's much more compassion than there used to be. Anorexia, though? "Oh, for heaven's sake -- just eat a sandwich." Right. Glad it's so easy, I wonder why I never thought of that?
Plus, there are some elements of the Anorexic Brain that really make disclosure difficult at the best of times -- not just disclosure of the dx, but disclosure of anything at all.
The bottom line is this: I do disclose the depression pretty freely. For one thing, I have such severe breakthrough depressions, and anyone who is going to be anywhere near me for any length of time is going to be affected, so I try to let people about that. You know the "I suffer from severe depression, and sometimes I'm not entirely functional, but I am doing something about it." The anorexia is what I rarely disclose. Even some people I've been close to for a longish time I've never disclosed it to. I do disclose it to certain people -- usually under two circumstances, both of which relate in some way to letting someone know he/she can talk to me about difficult and personal matters.
Romantic is a different story, though. The last two relationships I've been in where my partner has known started in very different ways. The first, I was pretty deeply anorexic when we first started seeing each other, but I'd been on Paxil long enough to gain enough weight it probably wasn't entirely apparent. After seven years together, of course, it was a hell of a lot easier for me to talk about it with him, and he was the best and most supportive man in the world in so many ways that it was very healing. And during our time together, I was the freest from AN than I've been in my adult life. The second is my husband, and I told him about it fairly early on. I was at a higher weight, partly from meds, and I was still healthier from the prior relationship, so it was easy enough to talk about something I thought was in my past. Especially since he was putting pressure on me to diet. I don't think he really understood what it meant, though, until my relapse.
Now, for various reasons, one man I have an interest in does know. I'm not sure how I feel about that, and I had known him a longish time before I said anything. And when I did, it wasn't calculated -- we were out having a few drinks, I was a little over-frolicked, and my therapist and pdoc had just informed me that they wanted me to go to residential treatment. I blurted it out, because I was panicky. So, not calculated...
I don't know -- I think a lot of it depends on the person. You can get a good feel for someone sometimes, and let them know. Or sometimes I've mentioned that I saw a marriage counselor with my former fiance... That sometimes brings something up that makes it more clear whether or not to share the information. Full dx, though? Depends. Sometimes I do disclose the depression/anxiety/OCD part earlish, in a kinda aggressive way, to sorta say, "This is what you're looking at -- this is a part of me, part of the equation. You got a problem with that? Too bad, your loss."
I dunno. I guess I don't have anything to offer on the decision, but it's well worth thinking about.
poster:Racer
thread:853106
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20080920/msgs/853428.html